brain, thinking, mania, bipolar, energy, reality, funny, unconditional love, consciousness, feel

It's less than six hours away from the New Year. And I'm sitting here by myself, of course. Lately, I've somewhat lost my appetite because of stress or whatever, and I've been eating a lot of pickles. And I have a favorite brand. There, the Bobby's pickles, because they're not pasteurized. So they have the cloudy brine. And today I picked a pickle. And it's a double pickle actually joined, it's one pickle, see, but it's too. And. And I think that's lucky. I think that means that I'm going to have the best year ever. Next year starting in six hours. I'm going to get off my medication. And I'm going to be an example of that. I watched a TED talk by David Asprey. And he's the bulletproof exact guy. And he mentioned that if something can be disproved once, then the assumptions of the model are not fully correct. It's a good model, but it's not always correct. And I feel I won't be the first person to break it. But I'll definitely be talking to myself along the way to see how it goes. Because I am a little bit scared. But maybe if this process of talking to myself about it, and and maybe sharing it one day when when I've accomplished something, maybe that'll help other people to do the same. Because there's a lot of people who do share their story of success, but maybe don't necessarily talk to themselves along the way about it. They share it later on, and it's not as visible. I have no idea. I definitely think the double pickle is good luck. This year has been pretty interesting. I started making videos in late June. So just six months ago, ish. And I definitely feel stronger and weaker at the same time too. I feel like things are coming up for me, but maybe I can handle them. And it makes me feel weaker, because I don't just crumble automatically I ride it out. And it's somewhat painful. But I feel like I really don't want to go back to the psych ward. And maybe that's another reason why I'm able to manage it more because I really don't want to go back. And tomorrow, it will officially be that I haven't been back in eight months, because I was out of the hospital in early May, I think. So I still might need a few days to actually make it officially eight months but and then through this process of talking to myself for the last six months. I feel like I just don't resonate with the paradigm anymore. I resonate with transcending the paradigm. And that's what I experienced in April. And I think that was the lesson that I was supposed to learn was that a lot of people that go in for help in the psych ward are given medication that actually make them worse. And when the meds make somebody worse, like it did for me is just attributed to worsening of mental illness. Yet if the meds seem to make something better, while it must have been the meds that made it better, so it's never the meds that make it worse, but it's the meds that make it better. And I'm wondering if if it does much of anything either way, or if it just mainly makes it worse. And then when it gets better, it seems like the meds made it better. I have no idea. All I know is that I think after having two hospitalizations where I was in and out really easily. With third one showed me that it can just as easily be made a lot worse by the paradigm that's trying to help. And I felt so powerless to try to escape it. And since that happened, I don't want anything to do with that at all. I just have so many other thoughts and ideas about what's really going on. And how we really need to find out what it is the brain is trying to do, or the mind is trying to do. Like Dr. Daniel Siegel says the mind uses the brain to create itself well, the mind is using the brain and turning brains into bipolar brains to create itself too. But it's not working. It's not being able to create itself, it's not being able to create this heaven on earth. And we experienced that heaven on earth temporarily in mania. And then we come back to this reality. And nobody's trying to level up to that reality that people experience in mania. They're just calling the whole thing. pathological when really, the tail end of the bipolar process that gets pathologized is just the hangover from coming back from heaven. And then I feel like people that have gone there, we need to actually help people level up to that level, because so many people are experiencing anxiety and depression. And this is a reality we've created where that is a normal occurrence. But that's not really supposed to be how life is. And I feel that's the way life is because we've been caught in habit. And then we're adapted to everything around us, we don't even notice it, because we're caught in our own brains. Or we're caught in our own mind stuff or on thought forms. And we're not actually learning and exploring reality, but we have been trained out of doing that. And then when we get restored to learning, again, through the bipolar process. I feel too, like at some point, we eventually learn too much about reality and how it's been designed. And then we get tripped up by that. Because we're not able to design a new one. In one process. We need more than just one of us working together at the same time to get that wave of life felt by everyone. And in an earlier video today, I asked why would the lithium or whatever it was on my hands come out in my hands. I think it's because that's one of the places where the skin is replaced fast as it sheds. One of the fastest areas in the body that the skin sheds is on the hands. Plus, the brain has a lot of neurons devoted to the hands. And so if it wanted to shoot lithium out of the brain, definitely send it down the nerves to the hands because there's so much for that represented in the brain. So there's a lot of neural pathways plus a lot of skin shedding from the hands and it didn't take long, maybe half an hour or so before all the white was gone. And I said I'll probably take a break from taking the EMP but I don't think I will. I think I'll take it again and see what happens. I'm curious to see if my hands turn white again. And I started to make an account on micronutrient support calm but is 35 bucks a month American and I will pay that I just think I'll wait a few days before I set it up. And this question that I asked what would a manic do is sort of stuck in my head a little bit. I feel like a manic person is celebrating life is one with life and is a celebration of life with life. But in terms of what would a manic do a manic would definitely eat this double pickle even though I feel kind of pickled out for the day. And also, I remembered I have one session I have colon hydrotherapy. And I was thinking about how it would be funny if I could ask my colon hydrotherapist. If I could record this session, and I was thinking, it'd be funny to say, this is my colon, and actually therapists who I've shot on how on many occasions, because I bought a six pack of poop cleaning sessions, and I still have one left that I was saving for a rainy day. And since I've been eating a lot less lately, I'm thinking that the chances that I'll actually poop on her are less, because I have less poop in my system, I would think. And generally, people don't poop on their colon hydrotherapist is just one of my specialties. And, and today, and yesterday, I actually felt a little bit giggly and giddy. I really feel like I have felt less so called anxiety today. And I've taken the EMP three days in a row. And today, and yesterday, I've just felt a little bit giggly. Like I was watching something, somebody that was with me when I was in really bad psychosis one time recorded me and I was watching the video. And, and there was one part where I was like, I'm just going to go wash him in this bag, because I was too afraid to go to the bathroom because I was afraid. If I went in there in my life or something, I ended up not going in the bag, I went in the washroom. But I just it just seems so funny. Because I remember actually, how much inner agony I was in complete agony. But just watching the video, in retrospect is funny. The stuff that I said. So I've just been finding things kind of funny. And I don't know if that's because I'm on an upswing, or because of the EMP. But it's good to talk to myself daily and just sort of figure out what's what. And I was thinking about how the worlds sort of manifest from our inner from how we're feeling inside, and that comes outside, or how the inside is the outside feels too. And I was thinking about escape velocity, I was thinking about how this whole world we have is sort of the structure of thought and everything that we collectively believe together. And in mania, we often think a lot faster. And we think new thoughts. It almost feels like there's this jump in orbitals of processing. Like we're in this sort of mundane circular loop of our own regular thinking. And also, we escaped that through faster thinking it's like, we need this faster process to actually override the regular thinking process, because that's almost a certain mental speed that we're used to. And that's our habit. But then when we're actually learning, it's faster, because we have to process a lot more information from the outside and the inside. And the outside by perceiving it. It's feeding us different thoughts. And I think that goes with the clear mind screen. And I read through some of this book, save your brain, by Dr. Michael Colgan. And the last chapter is quiet mind. And he talks about how it's important to have a quiet mind because these emotions of fear and anger actually damaged the brain. And he goes into how that works. And he talks a bit in this book about how nitric oxide damages the brain. And I don't know that much about nitric oxide, but it's definitely something to do with relaxation. And there are some places in the body that it's important. But ever since I heard that talk from Dr. mercola. With that doctor, I forget his name, about how the heart isn't really a pump. It can't really pump the blood. There's some other thing going on, and how it's really important for the charge of the blood vessels to be negative through sunlight contact with the earth and human touch. And these are all things that we're actually starved of right now. And so I was Thinking about how it could be possible that the circulation in the brain isn't happening as well as it should in terms of the good pillories. And so, nitric oxide and some of these other things he talks about in this book, and somebody else was talking about something in another talk I was listening to, I think it might actually be I don't know enough about it, but I'm just guessing that some of it might actually be a desperate attempt to get the oxygen to that part of the brain, or to facilitate that, you know, in some way, because it's not happening naturally. And I feel like, part of the reason why areas of our brains aren't working properly in terms of Alzheimer's and dementia, and Parkinson's is that our brains aren't getting the proper blood supply, because we're not connected to the earth. And I was watching a talk by some other guy, but it was a TED talk at UC Berkeley. And he was talking about neuroplasticity, because I've been looking at that a little bit. And, and he was talking about, and he was talking about how there's new treatment for depression, for some people who don't respond to the medications, and they're using magnets on their brains to stimulate neuroplasticity. And if we think about it, the earth has a magnet to and we're not connected to that magnet. So I actually think that so much of this stuff could actually be nature Deficit Disorder. And and I've talked about in other videos, how does nature exist if we're not looking? Or do we exist if we're not looking at nature, because imagine if a lot of it has to do with lack of electrons from, from having electromagnetic fields from from electronics and things and not actually being in touch with the natural magnetism of the earth, the electrons that we get through our skin by actually putting contact on the earth. And I actually even came across in this magazine called the new a Gora, I think that's where the article was talking about something that I've suspected. And it was talking about how we actually get energy from the sunlight through our skin, as an actual energy that we can use. It actually feeds us. So they were saying that we're not just I can't remember the terminology, but it's something to do with the mitochondria. But we also have a bit of not photosynthesis, because we don't have chlorophyll. But we have some kind of photo heterotrophic process or camera or what it was, but we actually, if we get energy from the sun that way. And it could actually be partly, not necessarily that we're getting food energy that way. But if we're getting electrons, and they're charging our blood vessels, and then our blood vessels have more and more charge, so the oxygen can get every single part of our body that needs it. Because one thing I was watching this other TED talk, and David Asprey was talking about how our human brain is the last to get fed. First, it's our reptilian brain, then our sort of distracted brain like, like a dog or something, and our body and our machinery, and then our human brain gets fed. And I was thinking about how even in terms of the oxygen supply, these higher processes wouldn't be fed. First, they'd be fed last. And I actually think that some of this higher processing is what happens to a person when they go into mania. It's a high energy state and energy has a lot to do with electrons and electricity. And that could have something to do with the oxygen flow. And it would make a lot of sense in what I've experienced how in that state, I'm a lot stronger, and I have a lot more energy, I can think a lot faster. I can process a lot faster. And this might actually be some of our natural human capability. So I actually, I think there's a lot to this whole earth magnetism thing being out in nature. And it's not just about charging our bodies nature. But when we're in nature, we're part of nature. And we're, we're observing nature, and we're acknowledging nature. Nature might need us to acknowledge it as well. Just to be with nature. And this book, save your brain talks about talks about flee the city, talks about how important it is to not live in the city where it's super polluted. And that's another thing is that there's not that much oxygen in the air, not as much as we actually need it to be to actually get enough oxygen in our bodies. So we're kind of oxygen starved. And if we're oxygen starved, plus our blood vessels aren't charged properly through contact with the earth and other humans, and, and less toxins and everything makes sense that some of the areas of our brain are going to die and break down. And it talks in this book about Parkinson's and, and it talks about dopamine, and how there's this particular part of the brain called the substantia nigra. And I think it's talking about some of these like blood vessels here. And how that's what gets damaged. And it has to do with dopamine as well. And I'm thinking too, it's in a way evolutionary, if I think about what David Asprey said how the human brain is sort of the last part to get fed, the actual part that makes us uniquely human. It makes sense, because that was the last part to develop in terms of evolution, in that we're sort of the top of the food chain of the species. So it's the last to get bed, it was the last to be graded, it's the last to get fed. Well, in terms of dopamine, a lot of our dopamine circuitry is around reward and, and punishment and things and, and pleasure seeking. And that sort of, in a way, it's this extra bit that we have that is nice. But if anything was going to shrink first, in terms of things to disappear in a human being it would be that because it's not really necessary. And then we ended up if we develop dementia, or some kind of really bad Parkinson's, we go back to just being consumers of food and, and poopers and, and needing to be taken care of again. So we're not really able to self actualize. Or it could be that we're self actualizing separately, that this part of the brain is being destroyed. And it talks about how Ginger's anti inflammatory tumeric true cinnamon. And it talks about drinking a cup of coffee a day is good for you. It even talks about taking aspirin is good for you. But I was actually thinking that that's a blood thinner and an anti inflammatory. But basically, you don't necessarily need to thin your blood if the blood can get pumped through the system easily through the proper action of having enough negative charge in the blood vessels. And I think actually, that could have something to do with with mania is just this extra charge that comes from the universe. And it's its energy and it's like how do we have so much energy without eating? Why is it that we don't even need to sleep it's because we have all this extra oxygen going through our system because we have this extra charge. So I think there's a lot of clues in what I've been looking into recently. And it's interesting because where I'll be going is is outside of the city and and should be lots of nature things so it'll be in alignment with the stuff that I'm reading about. Actually, I'm a little bit concerned about when I come back I need to still be in a quiet area away from all this pollution. I wonder too, if Because a person in mania is in this really high metabolic state, at least in terms of consuming oxygen, one would need a lot of nutrients. Or it could be that the body is sort of using up a lot of its nutrients and then it runs out of nutrients. But another thing could be that if one is in the presence of so much toxins in the environment, in the air, and if one of the main things is that one is really utilizing a lot of oxygen, if one is in a place where there's not that much air, it could be not as good for the body. So yeah, earthing sunlight and human touch

So I think this will be my last video of 2016 2016 included one psych wards day, whereas 2015 had to. But the number of days are pretty much the same. Because I was in there a lot longer this year because I was made worse by the medication. And I was lucky to escape. One other thing this book, save your brain by Dr. Michael Cogan, said was that we're made up of light and gas, mostly light, and gas. And I just want to remember that he said something that is interesting, especially because I talk about the adjacent light body, we can almost have a body that is just light, and then sort of a material body as well. And they overlap. I don't know. Another thing that guy at the UC Berkeley, TED talk on neuroplasticity said was that he was talking about biofeedback at the right time. So stimulating people to have a craving for something, and then them practicing, bringing themselves out of that craving. And I just thought of, that could be useful for me to think about, in terms of, if I do get into a state where I'm kind of scared to almost bring myself back and think of it as biofeedback. Think of it as consciously bringing myself back because my consciousness wandered somewhere else, while I can still consciously bring myself back. And we don't generally think of that we think that just like a person who has an addiction might have a craving for something, and then they, they go and have it and they can't stop themselves. Well, he was doing some research where they're doing biofeedback to get the person to practice, not going for that craving, actually bringing themselves back. And I feel like there could be some application for that, in my own practice of, if my consciousness goes off somewhere like it. Almost like my consciousness is addicted to wandering off into terror, or addicted to wandering off somewhere else. I can think of it as I can bring myself back, instead of thinking that I'm completely a victim to that. There is some element of me who that can bring it back. And I don't know if that's true. But I just thought of that when he said that, because I like to relate things to my own experience, no matter what it is. He talked about something called sensory substitution. And I actually think that that's something that's going on in bipolar is that there's certain areas of the brain that are, are sort of atrophying and being substituted for something else that we can't yet really recognize what that is, what that function is. And there's no real place for that in society. And I think that that's partly what's happening is certain areas are shutting down. And other areas are amping up, since we're so attached to those areas that that shut down and diminish. We think that it's some kind of problem when I actually see it as a solution. And he also said, use What does work to get the results you want. So if there's certain parts of my brain that aren't working as well, well, I can use the parts that are working well and some of them might even be working better. And the Dave Asprey TED Talk, he talked about how he's a human performance consultant, and I was like thinking to myself, I want to be a bipolar performance consultant. Maybe if I can master it. Then I can be and he talked about something interesting about how reflexes are interesting because it shows us that we don't have control over a body. So if we touch a hot stove, our arm pulls away before we even realized what happened, that it was a hot stove. And I actually I might have talked about this before how bipolar is almost like a reflex. It's so sensitive, and it's sensing other things. And it reflexively pulls away from certain things or attacks certain things or gets mad at certain things. It's, it's more of an automatic, there's not so much prefrontal cortex, planning and scheming going on, it's very much more an emotional state. And it's sort of like a reflex, because we're not really in control. But how much are we really in control of anything. And the way, so called normal people are in control is getting kind of boring, people are getting bored with it, and they're getting depressed and anxious and everything. And he also talked about how gratitude is the most important bio hack. And I thought that was cool to hear from him, because I know he's done a lot of research. And just to remind myself about gratitude. Sometimes I really feel in the state of gratitude. And I also feel like being in the manic state, gratitude is just automatically there without having to think I'm grateful. It's just being one with everything, and one with gratitude, even, there's no one there to think I'm grateful, because it's just innate, it's just inherent in the state. So being grateful is important, of course, I just feel like a lot of these concepts and abstractions just disappear when one is actually in that state. And it would be great to have it as a stage, not just a state, so actually have the stage of mania. And that's just joy beyond reason. not needing a reason to be joyful. We're all looking for reasons. But imagine, we were just joyful without needing reasons. And mania, part of that reflex in bipolars, is hyper intuition. And part of intuition is the hypofrontality, the de activation of the prefrontal cortex. And I wonder what we would create out of joy for no reason, versus all this planning and preconception that happens right now. I feel like I could develop my own exercises for myself, to actually see if I can get some of these other circuits in my brain to come online, the ones that we're trying to fire up. And another thing about mania is there's no fear. And that's why we test reality. And the voice in our head, a lot of times, it's implicitly fearful. And fears are a waste of energy. So there's definitely a fearlessness in the state, or a love more ness. And I don't think we learn how reality actually works because of our fear. So we allow our fear to keep us in this fear of comfort. And so when we lose that fear in mania, we start to test the limits of reality because we don't have any fear. And we do learn a lot. And there are certain limits of reality that are definitely there still. Like in Shawn Blackwell's videos, he talked about how somebody tried to walk through a wall. And they didn't. But because of the fearlessness, we test reality in that way. And even though we can't walk through walls, there could be certain things that we learn that we can do. And those are the things that I feel we need to re harvest and, and reconsider. One of mine, I was able to get people to shift automatically into their life. Body self, a more beautiful flamboyant version of the same person in an instant. Now, I might be able to go out there and see if I can make that happen. And I also feel like people who haven't been diagnosed bipolar don't learn about bipolar because of fear. And then what they do learn about it is just mostly fearful stuff for work don't stigmatize people like just sort of talking stuff. And then a lot of people with bipolar don't actually learn about themselves and their own capabilities because of fear, because they're taught to fear themselves. So after all of this happening of bipolar, or map consciousness, or manic consciousness, it's never again, really tested. It's it's feared. And fearing bipolar is just like fearing learning. It's fearing the capabilities of the brain. It's fearing our own gifts and our own greatness. I wrote down gesture yourself to joy and get people to notice that they're alive. Most people are stuck in their head. So whenever I can sort of Oh, my God, oh. And I think actually, maybe something that charges the blood vessels to is looking in each other's eyes. Because if the sunlight can do that, soak in the light from another person's eyes. And that could actually be part of the placebo. Generally, if somebody is receiving some kind of placebo study, they're going to make eye contact with somebody. And they're going to be in contact with that person's energy as well. Maybe even shake hands. And all these things are charging up the being of somebody. Last night, before I went to bed, I was writing a few things down. And I wrote that whatever you notice, here, one with you're related to, and that there's an importance in noticing nature and having relationship with it. Versus always being related to thought forms, energy going into thought forms. Because those thought forms aren't life. And then I wrote, you are the one life You are the relationship. You are the unconditional love. You are the unconditional love that looks from these eyes. And I remember last night, when I wrote that I, I got a little bit freaked out. Because sometimes before in the past when I've written some sort of higher insight, whatever that means. Sometimes I get this fear response. Because sometimes I get to the point where I feel like I know the rest of the story. And then I feel sort of alone. And I got that sensation a little bit. Or I felt like that was gonna happen soon. Because it's one thing to sort of talk about the brain and context and make up words and things. But then sometimes I start typing up stuff that is just very blatant. Like you are the unconditional love looking from his eyes or something. Like, okay. Because the thing of it is, is that that one life, that one life energy, that is all of life, there's no separate life. That's unconditional love because it allows everything to exist, and it loves it unconditionally, no matter what. We might judge things as human But there's unconditional love underneath all of it. And it also resonated in terms of how I was talking about people in distress needing to be received with unconditional love. And me thinking, well, if I'm in distress, I need to be received with unconditional love. But when I wrote that thing about being unconditional love myself, and everything is and all is that no matter what, even if it appears not to be unconditional love, there's still the light of unconditional love looking on to everything all the time. And even behind each human beings eyes, even if they are judging, there is unconditional love of their judging eyes. And of that, which they think that they're judging. So it was just all so that realization was just like, oh, whoa, my eyes have that unconditional love. And, and that's kind of what I'm looking for. But can I unconditionally love all of my distress that I've had so far, and sort of look back and heal it without needing somebody else to do that. And I'm not sure if that's true. Because I've had experiences in my life that have been bad, but at the same time, I feel that they've helped me to be pretty unconditionally loving. Not 100%, but and I even wrote down. This is the first time I didn't scare myself when I told myself that. Because it's pretty high level of consciousness to feel unconditional love. And at times in the past, I feel like I've gotten to a higher level of consciousness and then that's when I actually go back down to the bottom. And I think that's what might be a little bit of the scary part is that when I have the sense of being in this level, like getting up to getting back up to a higher level, it's kind of part of the whole bipolar process to go down to the bottom again. So being at a good level of consciousness doesn't necessarily feel safe. Get realizing that and not freaking out. Because when I wrote that I felt the silence I felt it so deeply and it felt like okay, well now it's time to go to bed and and I think it's important to not have eyes clouded by thought forms because thought forms are oftentimes judgments

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