I Should Say That Out Loud

What a coincidence that tomorrow is Valentine's Day, as this episode is all about a high school crush, my super secret high school crush!  

High school crushes can be filled with all sorts of emotions and memories. 

My HS crush, which started back in middle school band, was certainly not short on emotions and embarrassing moments, for me!  

Looking back, now that I've been diagnosed with autism, I can see many of the ways I went wrong in my crush, mainly in schemes that I kept to myself in my head instead of sharing with a trusted adult to gain some much needed wisdom.   

Thankfully I found that much needed wisdom a few years later through some wonderful mentors, but at the time, I stumbled through high school in some pretty comical ways. 

Again, thankfully, no major damage was done, and I only benefitted from my far-reaching ideas and schemes.   

Still, I would recommend getting advice whenever possible, especially as a teenager, autism or not!

Living life with autism is like living life as an underdog.   

This week I share a few excerpts from Malcolm Gladwell's book, "David and Goliath," and a couple of the underdog strategies he's noticed throughout history.  

Working in an environment with neurotypically brained co-workers is also a difficult experience day after day. 

So I also share a few excerpts from a book entitled, "Rising Above a Toxic Workplace," which I found helpful for me to rise above working with people who don't understand how the autistic brain can cause workplace difficulties.   

Now that I see my life in hindsight as an underdog, I can see how it's made me strong and enabled me to thrive in difficult situations, so much so that I seek them out! 

I love a challenge and learning new skills.

After almost 5 years of sharing my late autism diagnosis with close family and friends and more recently sharing it with a wider audience of old friends, new friends, acquaintances, and strangers, I've heard a wide variety of reactions from people.  

There seems to be 5 general categories of reactions that I've noticed. Some are great, some are not so great, and one is pretty sad. But I can't say that I've reacted the best to the news of others' autism diagnosis's in the past myself. 

I've done some of these very same things, unfortunately, before I started learning about it for myself.  

I think it's because of the tiny amount of information that's known about autism yet in the world, and especially about how differently it shows up for women and girls.   

That's why I'm so passionate about sharing my experiences to help change that, to help broaden the worlds' view of autism, and improve the support of anyone who receives the diagnosis, or who even learns for themselves that they may be on the spectrum, whether they're professionally diagnosed or not.  

Hopefully someday, when we talk about things like...can you believe doctors used to encourage pregnant women to smoke or drink to relax and reduce stress?...we'll also say something like, can you believe that doctors used to think that girls weren't autistic...along with many other unbelievable myths that will have been corrected...

The more I learn about autism, the more empowered I feel about living a more authentic life and letting people know about my struggles as well as the unique and different and beautiful way that my brain functions.  

In this week's episode I go through the emotions I felt when I was officially diagnosed, as well as the ways I cope with and feel about sharing or not sharing my diagnosis on a regular basis.    

I also share a fascinating viewpoint and excerpt from Temple Grandin's book "The Autistic Brain" about how autism can allow a person to be more creative by seeing the world so differently.

How comfortable are you with small talk? 

Me, not so much. I've always struggled with small talk, and that's why I had this book on my bookshelf, "The Fine Art of Small Talk" by Debra Fine. 

I've always been trying to improve this vital skill for my social awkwardness, for job strength, and for all-around improvement in meeting and getting along with people. But I have never been able to master it. 

Once I became aware of my autism and received a late diagnosis of being on the spectrum, this struggle began to make sense. 

But it doesn't mean that I don't want to keep trying. I've definitely improved over the years, although I have to purposefully think about it to make any small talk happen. It doesn't flow naturally for me. I don't even want to say how many years it took me to ask someone how they're doing after I answer their question to me of how I'm doing. That was a huge step forward, but then I lost momentum after that...ugh. Baby steps...

This was a great and comical review for me, and I hope helpful for many of you out there too. Please let me know if this was helpful, and any other thoughts I can share that are of interest to you as well!! 

Thanks for your support!

Being diagnosed with autism as an adult, even though I knew I was different all along, I never received professional help or therapies. Reading a book called "I Have Been Buried Under Years of Dust" by Valerie Gilpeer & Emily Grodin, has helped me realize that my dad teaching me to water ski when I was 11 years old was one of the best things he could have ever done for me, physically, emotionally, and autistically. And he was just trying to keep my sister and me busy and happy after our mom died when we were 10. 

Thanks to my dad, I did have fun in childhood despite the trauma of losing my mom coupled with undiagnosed autism and all the social awkwardness that brought. And it helped me develop a foundational love and special interest for physical fitness as well, which has also stayed with me and benefited me greatly. 

It's never too late to be diagnosed with autism, whether through self-diagnosis or with a qualified professional. The more knowledge you can gain, the more understanding you'll have to advocate for yourself and/or your loved ones and bring a greater joy and sweetness to daily life, amidst the struggles inherent in the life of anyone with autism. 

Together, we can support each other and bring a greater awareness to the world.

After a time of recovery and overcoming adversity, my mom wanted me, wanted us (my twin and I) back in her life. She brought us back into her home and gave me some of the most precious moments and memories before she was lost in a house fire. Trigger warning - this episode is very emotional.

Although I lost her physical presence in my life at the very young age of 10, my mom's spirit and legacy have lived on in my heart with vivid recollection. Being a woman is hard in this world, but my mom taught me how to persevere, never give up, be brave, take risks, pursue your dreams, and help others along the way.

After my mentors all mentioned the loss of my mom in the last two episodes, I realized I needed to tell her story. The story of my mom, a woman who portrays the history of women in the 20th century. She endured struggles, she pursued her dreams, she asked for help from another strong woman when she needed time to recover and overcome her circumstances. It was hard and sad to witness my mom go through so much, but it's made me the strong fighter I am as well as the proponent for other women that I am today. 

And along with the help of my mentors, I've been able to see all the good in my mom and take those parts of her and deliberately incorporate along the way into the mom that I've become. 

As I learn about myself from my mentors, I hope this episode helps you too! We cover 20 years of life's seasons in under an hour, and I've realized that so much can happen when you learn to ask for help! Last week I spoke with my mentor Barbara who first taught me how to ask for help. And then I was off and seeking help to become a better mom and a better speaker from these two strong women. And wow, was I blessed with so much more than I even asked for or imagined! 

Join me as I interview my mentors Jami English and Nancy Henry for the first time since my autism diagnosis. Hear from their perspective what it's been like watching me transform before their eyes over the 20 years of our friendship. I am certainly the mom, speaker and woman I am today because of these two wonderful women of God (as well as Barbara from last week as well)!

What a humbling, tender and funny experience to hear the love and continued insights from these ladies as we reminisce across the decades about young motherhood, watching our children grow into adults, battling cancer, family struggles, difficult people, a glimpse toward menopause and now autism diagnosis, as well as our faith interwoven through it all. I'm beyond blessed to call these women my mentors, thank you God for bringing us all together!