Today's decision is something I've been noodling on for the past month. I've decided to take a break from running this podcast. But I didn't want to do so without taking you behind the scenes of my decision, because while in this instance the decision to take a break centers around a creative project — my method and means of reflection could be applied to so much else. It's got me thinking about all sorts of priorities and projects in my life.... do I still want to engage with them? Are they for right now? How does one decide?

If you find yourself in any space of stuck-ness, I'll be sharing:

• How I started to hear the whispers of this decision, like maybe it was something I should do, and how I went about determining if it was the right decision
• Why I decided to label it as a break versus end the podcast
• Wrestling with our own limitations around time, money, creative capacity
• How to hold two things — the disappointment of having to let something go, but also the desire to do so
• My desire to lean more into living life versus just accomplishing life
• Where you can enjoy new content from me, including in audio and video form

While the podcast is going on pause, my work with clients, my online courses, and most importantly, my Substack is not!

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Eight years ago, I landed myself in the office of a nurse practitioner/functional medicine specialist who specialized in gut health. I had been inexplicably bloated and exhausted for months and didn't know why. Little did I know that woman would go on to not only remedy my body, but change the overall trajectory of my life and career.

Flash forward to today, while she's still an expert when it comes to our bodies, our nervous systems, and how the two speak to one another, her work is primarily focused on helping folks rid themselves of codependent, people-pleasing tendencies. And candidly, all the physical issues I suffered from back in 2017 were really just a manifestation of mental and emotional turmoil. Namely, living a life that was more based on external approval than internal fulfillment.

She brings a really fresh perspective to codependency, and what she refers to as "emotional outsourcing."

Beatriz (Béa) Victoria Albina, NP, MPH, SEP (she/her) is a UCSF-trained Family Nurse Practitioner, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, Master Certified Somatic Life Coach, author of the forthcoming "End Emotional Outsourcing: a Guide to Overcoming Codependent, Perfectionist and People Pleasing Habits" (expected Sept 30, Hachette Balance) and Breathwork Meditation Guide with a passion for helping humans socialized as women to reconnect with their bodies, regulate their nervous systems and rewire their minds, so they can break free from codependency, perfectionism and people pleasing and reclaim their joy.

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March was a rough month for me. I found myself fighting the tail end of sleep training with Jude, my son. I was in a constant state of frustration around all I "wasn't" getting done. My husband and I were bickering like mad. 

I felt like everyday I was on a treadmill headed nowhere— and not advancing anywhere— but I was still sprinting. Constantly. I couldn't shut down.

I was lucky to have my dear friend and wise sage Catherine Zack by my side. Her heartfelt guidance was so good, I decided to turn it into a podcast episode.

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In a recent Instagram post, I spoke about how many of my clients hold a fear that a relationship will swallow them whole. This isn't a misconception, as many of them have completely lost themselves in prior relationships. Also identifying as people pleasers, they've historically had a hard time operating authentically in their relationships, be they romantic, platonic, professional or (most of all) familial.

Because of this, it's crucial, when it comes to dating, that we double down on their ability to authentically express themselves. One of the first and most common areas that can be worked on is in the act of swiping. And with that, I'm a proponent of leaning into swiping...left. Yep, left. Listen to find out why I find it to be so empowering and how to differentiate between an authentic "I don't want to swipe right on this person," versus the ever elusive "being too picky."

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There was a moment about five years ago, around age 34, where I thought to myself: Maybe I just don't want a relationship.

Clients will say a similar thing to me, often using language like: I'm not even sure I want to be in a relationship.

In today's episode I'm exploring what rests beneath those words (what they meant for me, what they mean for others) and what it means to intellectualize our pain. I specifically discuss:

• How a debilitating breakup made me never want to try to have a relationship again
• How I very much wanted a partner and a family but struggled so deeply to believe I'd ever have those things, that it made it easier to tell myself I didn't want them
• How and why we intellectualizing our pain
• How focusing on being grateful can serve as a mask to what we want to change in our lives
• What's involved in letting our deep longings and desires breathe

Read My Substack

Dani Beinstein Episode Referenced

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Private coaching spaces are open.

Here's something I hear from clients all the time:

I'm never going to meet someone.

There's no one left.

All the good men are gone.

Therapist and coach Julia Zwerin is back to dig into this subject with me. In this episode we discuss:

• What's behind the fear that you'll never meet someone
• How your scarcity mindset has more to do with your past than it does the reality of the potential partners available to you
• How holding this belief can serve as a form of protection from intimacy
• Practical ways to shift your mindset around your potential for meeting someone
• Why it's totally normal to see the same people on a dating app
• The difference between a relationship meeting our ego's needs versus being emotionally available

And so much more. This is a JUICY one.

 Julia first came on the show a few weeks back to discuss why sex with toxic people feels so good.

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Private coaching spaces are open.

When we want to acquire something new, be it a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new life experience, we tend to think of it as additive. We add items to our to do list, write down goals, consider how we want to do things differently.

But I find considering what we need to let go of —  be that a person, a way of being, a pattern, a way we VIEW ourselves, a desired outcome — to make space for the new thing even more crucial. It's in the letting go and shedding that we're forced to get *most* uncomfortable. 

"Your new life is going to cost you your old one. It's going to cost you your comfort zone and your sense of direction." Brianna Wiest

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The other week a friend sent me a clip from Instagram, and despite not being the biggest Logan Ury fan, I really got down with what she was saying here.

"Great relationships are built, they're not discovered."

This concept is top of mind as my husband and I work through a new phase in our marriage with the addition of a child. But it's also top of mind as I connect with clients at the forefront of the year and reflect on the inner work that's really calling to them in 2025.

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Here's where I meet most of my clients: They've been in therapy for years, they have a tremendous amount of awareness around their stuff — their mom issues, their dad issues, their attachment style, their insecurities, how they attract the wrong men, etc etc. They know it all like the back of their hand! But their dating and relationship life remains the same. What gives?

Why can we have all the self awareness with zero change in our circumstances?

That's what we're digging into in today's podcast. I'm specifically covering:

• Why we can do therapy for years but remain perpetually single or stuck in the same dating patterns
• How awareness of "our stuff" isn't enough
• Why the action and efforts needed to change our patterns is so hard and how we can tackle things slowly
• The importance of bringing compassion and curiosity to our stuck-ness
• A simple exercise to start to actually shift both your understanding of yourself, your dating patterns, your resistance to dating, and this overall conundrum.

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January tends to be a month rife with a lot of "I'm going to do this and that and goals goals goals!" And if that feels good to you, then great. But I find most of us stack ourselves with a litany of to dos, only to feel massively let down a few weeks later. Dating tends to be one of those areas. Early in my single years I often began January with a lot of goals/plans around how many dates I was going to go on that year, largely stemming from a fear of never meeting someone.

In today's podcast episode I'm breaking down:

• Why solely focusing on going on dates won't actually bring you closer to developing rich partnership
• Why it's so crucial to pair action around dating with our inner work
• How the inner work makes up 90% of our ability to meet and connect deeply with someone, and the actual dates themselves are far less important
• Why we face so much resistance to dating and how to reframe your perspective, as well as give yourself more grace
• How the areas of work, family and friendship impact your ability to meet someone and how to gently tend to those areas (i.e. in a way that makes you feel good!)
• Examples of this inner work from clients so you can implement your own

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