What happens when the version of strength you've been taught stops working — and being a "strong man" makes you a terrible father?

Olaolu Ogunyemi is a leadership speaker, author, and U.S. Marine Officer who became a dad at 19. He thought leadership meant being the hammer. Then he yelled at his three-year-old daughter and watched her break. That moment changed everything — and put him face-to-face with the gap between who he'd been taught to be and who he actually wanted to become.

This is a conversation about navigating major life changes in how you think about masculinity, emotions, and what it means to lead. About the messy middle between military toughness and emotional presence. For anyone trying to break cycles they didn't even know they were in — whether you're a parent, a leader, or just someone realizing the person you've created isn't who you actually are.

Olaolu shares the moment he knew he had to change, how The Lion King vs. Frozen explains generational shifts in leadership, why vulnerability isn't weakness (it's protecting the injured offensive lineman), and the mood meter tool he uses with his kids to name 50 emotions when he was only taught to name four.

In this episode:

-Why yelling at his daughter broke Olaolu's idea of masculinity

- The Marine Corps mentor who said empathy isn't weakness

- How to stop overthinking your emotions and start naming them

- The both/and of leading and following, controlling and letting go

- Why being uncomfortable isn't the problem — avoiding it is

- How to set boundaries between who you were raised to be and who you want to become

- What "Lead Last" actually means (it starts with leading yourself)

Get Connected & Support the Show:

- Listen to the companion podcast: It's Both- Guided Meditations for Anxiety, Emotional Regulation, & Real Life Transitions

- Follow Olaolu on Instagram & visit his website or his LinkedIn

- Subscribe, rate, & review It's Both on Apple Podcasts