Lets face it; there isn't a template for getting through a breakup. But if there was, it has nothing to do with stalking your ex on socials. Gather round, sit criss cross apple sauce, and take in the absolute dumpster fire of wisdom Rocky instills this week. Cuffing season is still among us, and your insta feed is one bad break up from being a motivational nightmare. Hold onto your tits, your hats, and your self worth as we dive into the messy subject of maneuvering through heartbreak.

Plain and simple: if you haven't mouth farted at a stranger, you might still have your sanity left. Rocky recounts the beginning of her 8 year NYE blunder, and reminds you that $2 isn't a deal if you're throwing it up on someone's shoe later. NYE has a 3 tier drama system, and if you've checked all the boxes your night is probably in shambles. Who's ready for the 2020 snapchat throwbacks of us sitting on the couch and cheersing ourselves into our phone cameras?

The holiday season has arrived, and Rocky is leaning into the fact that she's the drunk aunt who steals all the cheese before dinner. Cuffing season is STILL a thing and for all you turds who decided to start dating a month before Santa arrives...good luck choosing between no gift and ruining everything. Different gals have different appreciation levels, so just remember: if she has horns, your christmas gesture can eat her ass. Navigating the holidays can be tough with family and loved ones, so buckle up and grab a bottle of wine and let's f**k this season together. Happy Holidays bitches.

Fancy a picnic? Bring your heartiest meatloaf and find out why watermelon etiquette is just as important as pussycat etiquette. This week, Rocky reveals why nutter butters are addicting in all the best and toxic ways, and explains why closure after a breakup is just as common as a third titty. Slap on your diving masks as we dive 10,000 leagues into an intimate nightmare.

Convinced she is the very own error to her ways, Rocky shamefully recalls her drunken bacon fiesta with an old fling while reminiscing on the time her class was infested with gonorrhea. If you've ever been in a pickle and you need to dodge a dickarooni, here are the following steps you SHOULD take instead of telling them you're gay (2020 Rocky approved):

1. Your vagina has one single tooth and it hasn't been brushed in a while

2. You don't like to wipe

3. The last time you had a peen, it fell off it's member and turned to slime.

*Please use with discretion as these tactics are super duper FuLl pRoOf.

xoxo Momma Rocky.

This may be the most educational episode YET. Episode 11 is a learning experience as Rocky talks about her heart and vaginas first female encounter. How can you tell if a girl is into you? HOW DO YOU APPROACH-  RED aLERt RED ALeRT. It feels damn near impossible to find out if a girl is feeling your putty tat vibes, so why not take her ice skating and let her eat shit? Romance is in the air as cuffing season tips are exposed, and rocks are thrown at girls with freckles. 

DOUBLE DIGIT EPISODE. Welcome back bean heads. This week, Rocky is here to tell you that there is A SIGNIFICANT difference between a gal that keeps you on your toes and a gal that wants the worst things for you. Is she a cute little nutter, or are you dating satan? Following your gut, listening to your intuition, and dirty little hickeys are all ways you can avoid experiencing the bottom of the dating barrel. Strap on your studded belt, Von Dutch hat and chunky sunglasses, because Flirting Do's and Dont's have resurfaced, and you're gunna wanna take notes. Don't forget to sip your friends.