If It Swims - A multi species angling podcast.

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In this episode, Bret, Gary, and Dave — aka the If It Swims crew — discuss stuff. Fish stuff, mostly. Other stuff inevitably sneaks in.

We talk fatty livers, wonder whether we might actually be cookie cutter sharks, and head to Colorado for this month’s installment of Fish of the States. Which means trout. Lots of trout. Seriously, Colorado, we get it. You have trout.

We also discover that pikeminnow is a pretty damn cool fish name, talk fishing trips, and wander through carp, cats, bass, and whatever other fish happen to swim through the conversation.

And yes, we’re mentioning the November 12 YouTube livestream again. We’re going to keep mentioning it. Really. Be there. At this point you’ve been given plenty of notice.

All that, assorted tangents, questionable facts, questionable-er opinions, and three guys talking about fish for longer than reasonable people probably should.

If it swims, we’ll probably talk about it.

Make the Colorado segment more specific

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If It Swims Podcast — Episode 32

Bret, Dave, and Gary are back to catch up on some recent fishing trips, virtually visit California, and dig into a few of the stranger stories from the world of fish.

This episode has a little bit of everything: smelt stink, vats of fish sauce stink, we stink, hidden crabs, dinosaur tracks, surprise marlin, and whatever else we manage to wander into along the way.

But most importantly, mark your calendar for November 12 at 8:00 PM Central.

We’ll be LIVE on YouTube with a HUGE announcement about If It Swims. We’re not giving it away yet, but trust us—you really don’t want to miss this one.

Subscribe now so you’re ready when we go live:

https://www.youtube.com/@the_ifitswims_podcast

We will see you out there

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This month on IFITSWIMS:

• Banking vs. falling. Both hurt. 
• Lobster poaching gets its own segment, because apparently that's a whole thing.
• Sex-changing fish come back up. Again. It keeps happening.
• Lungfish go without food for stretches that make everyone uncomfortable.
• Fish of the States lands in Arkansas. Somebody's got strong feelings about it.

As always, We will see you out there:

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This month on IFITSWIMS:

• Bret blanks. Gary and Dave catch bass. The natural order holds.
• Dave somehow ends up with a little DNA on him. We don't dwell.
• Bret takes a grass carp to the nutsack. He recovers. Mostly.
• Dave's back with fish factoids pulled straight from the news.
• The cloaca gets another mention on the pod. It keeps finding its way in.
• Fish doorbells. Yes, they're real. Yes, you can ring one.
• We mangle a few scientific names, as is tradition.
• A sea lion pulls off a tuna heist. Somebody calls it a big blubbery bully.
• Somebody says "that's so metal.".
• Gary gets into Minnesota native fish — quillback (Carpiodes cyprinus), buffaloes (Ictiobus), assorted suckers, freshwater drum (Aplodinotus grunniens) — plus a native fish day worth marking down.
• We talk Arizona. Arizona fishing, Arizona fish. Two genuinely cool trouts (Oncorhynchus apache and Oncorhynchus gilae).
• We go fully nerdy on the genus Elops.
• Once again, someone says "regular bream."
• There's some slipper talk. The footwear kind. It gets weird. We're not sure how either.

Go ring a doorbell for a fish that needs to get somewhere:
The Fish Doorbell – Utrecht, Netherlands

As always, We will see you out there:

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"I Like Rotten Things"

This month on IFITSWIMS:

• 9-Finger Gary shares a story about giant freshwater rays.
• Dave brings a remora story... or maybe it's a cloaca story. The distinction gets blurry.
• Bret spends some time hanging out with Snuffleupagus.
• The crew talks about the waters, fish, and fishing opportunities of Alaska.
• Dave catches a whole lot of Steves.
• Gary and Bret get into some carp and buffalo action.

Check out the story (and more importantly, the photo of) Solenostomus snuffleupagus:

Popular Science – The Snuffleupagus Fish

As always,We will see you out there:

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Weekday bass runs, bad ideas with carbonation, and salmon acting like they just slammed pre-workout straight to the gills… Ep. 28 is a ride.

Bret (@13.13.photography), Dave (@davespeerart), and Gary (@ghoule1111) break down recent trips chasing Micropterus spp. with zero restraint, then crack open Fishing Dews — where two dumbasses, questionable decisions, and fishy outcomes collide.

Then we launch a new segment: Fish of the States 🇺🇸
First stop: Alabama — and yeah… nobody was ready for that level of biodiversity. Absolute giants, weirdos, and a species list that spirals fast. By the end, it’s less “discussion” and more “we should probably just go.”

Alabama, consider this a warning.

🎧 Listen now: ifitswims.com
📮 Feedback, fish pics, and mild harassment: https://ifitswims.buzzsprout.com

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Episode 27

 This ep just crash-landed into your earholes and it smells like Everglades mud, jet fuel, and bad decisions.

Bret, Dave, and Gary took their talents south and proceeded to wring 15 species out of the Florida swamp like a bunch of sleep-deprived, sunburnt maniacs. New species for everyone—because nothing bonds a crew faster than collectively not knowing what just ate your lure.

There were Miami dinners (some classy, some… less so), jokes that should never see daylight, and a respectable pile of sacrificed tackle now decorating the bottom of the Everglades. Pour one out.

A guide was hired—and yeah, absolute hammer. 

call 

Captain Skip at 561.255.1268

Airplanes were sat in. Hotel breakfasts were aggressively consumed. And somewhere in the chaos, the legend of the Grand Wagoneer grew three sizes that day. 

We’re wrapping up the Carp Ladder —Cyprinus carpio, you beautiful trash panda of the freshwater world—and sharpening hooks for next month’s descent into Fish of the States. It’s about to get weird. Alabama, you're on the clock.

Hit play. Tell a friend. Go fish.
Not necessarily in that order.

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Episode 26
February. Love. Fish. In no particular order and absolutely no supervision.

We’re back. It’s cold. It’s romantic (allegedly). And somehow we’re talking about fish again instead of buying flowers.

Bret and Dave roll through recent trips—questionable weather decisions included—and dive headfirst into the latest fishing news spiral:

🐟 Swedish Fish (and not even about the Carp Ladder. We contain multitudes.)
🎣 Stolen tarpon. Yes. Someone really boosted a silver king. Humanity remains undefeated in weirdness.
🪼 Jellyfish with a unique anus. Evolution is wild and apparently has a sense of humor.
🛸 UFOs. Because if it swims… or hovers ominously over water… we’re probably talking about it.

Then we descend into the final four baits of the Carp Ladder—the strangest, most diabolical offerings yet. If you thought it couldn’t get weirder, congratulations. You were wrong. These baits are less “match the hatch” and more “question your life choices.”

Somewhere in there, we laugh at ourselves. Repeatedly. It’s therapeutic.

🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts or dive in at ifitswims.com

📸 Follow the chaos on Instagram: @the_ifitswims_podcast

📩 Got feedback? Love notes? Mild threats? Weird fish photos?
Send it to: [email protected]

We like feedback as much as the next podcast. 

See you out there.

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Episode 25:
The crew's back and barely thawed out—Bret, Gary, and Dave huddle up to swap fish tales from frozen tents, chase the first fish of the year, and unpack some truly cursed crab trap contents (shoutout to the mystery shark head that started 2026 off so right).

We talk:

• ❄️ Camping where your toothpaste freezes
• 🐟 The “Carp Ladder” contest chaos (yes, it's real. yes, it’s glorious.)
• 🎉 NYE fish celebrations 
• 🦈 Great whites going full snowbird—hello Florida
• 🪤 sharks  in crab traps??
• 🚨 Fish Off the State is coming in hot

No one is safe. Not the fish. Not us. Definitely not the listeners.

🎧 Listen wherever you get your podcasts or at ifitswims.com

📸 Carp Ladder sign-ups live under Contests on the site
📩 Hate mail, love letters, or weird fish photos? Send ‘em to [email protected]

Follow the madness:
@the_ifitswims_podcast

👉 Tag the crew if you must:
@13.13.photography | @ghoule1111⁠ | @davespeerart

—

Stay weird. Catch fish. Everything swims.

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We’re back from the field and straight into the fish-adjacent madness — with just enough structure to call this a podcast episode and not a group text gone rogue.

First up: a few recent trips where the fish showed up, the weather didn’t behave, and nobody remembered sunscreen (again).

Then we dive headfirst into some fishing-flavored news that may or may not have happened in the same universe:

• Drones being used in ways we’re not legally qualified to comment on
• Invasive green crabs doing what invasive green crabs do (eat, ruin, repeat)
• And yes, an actual royal king doing royal king things — somehow fishing-related, somehow real

We’ve also got:

• A quiet carp ladder update that somehow made things weirder
• Weather mood swings of course.
• Dave  and Bret laughing at their own jokes so much we stopped editing them out
• And a mysterious little peek at the future that may involve fins, fire, or both

If it swims, we’re talking about it. If it doesn’t, we probably still tried to put a hook in it.

Instagram: @the_ifitswims_podcast

Full episode at ifitswims.com
or wherever your questionable life choices lead you for podcasts.

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