The old dear rings me and asks me to meet her for Sunday lunch in some, I don’t know, random Italian restaurant in Ranelagh. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m 43. Andy Farrell would want to be pretty focking desperate for a 10 to pick me

The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Comedy

So I’m driving along Vico Road – one of the bits of the road where two cors can barely pass – when I notice a black SUV coming towards me at speed... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘Ross, someone has put up a poster of Honor on Foster Avenue.’ Apporently kompromat is the solution?

“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “what is she doing?” Yeah, no, she’s talking about Honor, who’s smiling so hord that it looks like someone has jammed a coat hanger in her mouth sideways. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

‘What if she wins, Ross? I’ve already heard some of the other moms refer to her as the Trump candidate’

So it’s, like, Friday night and I’m having the usual pints with the goys in The Bridge. Dave Kearney asks how we’re getting on with a big smirk on his face. We’re all, like, crowded around my phone. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can’t a father and son go for a pint without there being some, I don’t know, anterior motive?

The old man steps into the kitchen with a Montecristo the size of a rolled-up yoga mat burning between his fat fingers. Sorcha storts coughing – her passive-aggressive way of telling him that we don’t allow smoking in this house – but he just ignores her, like he did when she tried to introduce a similar rule about shoes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Honor is only running for Mount Anville head girl to downgrade her old dear’s greatest life achievement

How quickly the years go by. That’s what I’m thinking as I’m taking the right turn at Donnybrook Bus Depot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I’m 43. Andy Farrell would want to be pretty focking desperate for a 10 to pick me

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