hard night of hardness

just wanted document what I feel like. cuz I don't feel very hopeful about survival and that's definitely eating my brain on top of Christmas is coming and my birthday is coming in both of those are shaping up to be alone for me

I hate to be so gloomy but it's what's happening. I don't know if anybody will care but I figure I should document it. I feel a bit like when I first started doing what I referred to as the maid recordings and let Ash (reporter who did the first five episodes) listen to them and then she recommended doing the podcast

fear has me anxious and miserable and dark brained