Wow this movie is a doozy doozy doozy and it's Hungarian and it's very artistic and black and white and poetic and follows this guy living in this unnamed town and everyone becomes very frazzled upon learning that a traveling circus is coming to town and there will be a large whale like obviously it's large it's a whale for crying out loud OK sorry that was mean but there's a whale and people want to protest and there's chaos and very long-duration shots and haunting music and what does it all mean and why does it mean what's trying to mean and how is it meaning what and why it's meaning the meaning of its meaning and the whale is so cool-looking.

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/-tJVdq_G_Go

Whattttt this movie is like so weird and whimsical and absurdly out there and nuts and beautiful and it stars Tilda Swinton and she plays a nobleman named Orlando in Elizabethan England and he is immortal and lives for centuries and no I'm not kidding and you see Orlando go to war and fall in love and be funny and weird and awkward and indifferent to so much and the whole film is based on a book by Virginia Woolf and the costumes are to die for and Tilda Swinton is a literal goddess from God world and her accentttttttt I LOVE IT.

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/MorOaD61KUI

So veteran actor Tony Leung and a bunch of other actors who I don't recognize star in this big epic family drama set in Taiwan after Japan surrendered and it follows how the new government came in which was called the KMT was very nasty and mean to the Taiwanese people and we follow mainly these two brothers of the family and Leung plays one of them and he's adorable and deaf and runs around writing down what he wants to say to people and the camera stays very still the entire film and it's filmed almost like an opera and it's artsy and two and a half hours long...

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/q6m_7eleZXw

Ahhhhhh OK so this is a film by one of my favorite directors and his name is Pedro Almodóvar and he's Spanish and like he's the reason I love the language so much even though I am dreadful at it and sound so disgustingly American when I speak it but anyway like he's one of a kind and ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER is just one of his super complex yet understandable and intricate melodramas but like "funny" melodramas or like "screwball" melodramas and it follows this lovable mother who reconnects with an old friend after her son is killed in a car accident and like eeeee I don't want to give anything away but Penélope Cruz is in it so that should be reason enough that it's going to be incredible because anything she's in is incredible except for Zoolander 2 I guess but like who cares about that and that movie's not even in Spanish nor is it a melodrama or a screwball melodrama and SPANISHSHSHSHSHSHH. (Spanish, I love it.)

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/5Va7Z7O-LMc

So there's this sweet adorable cherubic delightfully kind little boy living in Iran and like all the adults around him are so strict and stern and miserable and unhappy and one day he accidentally takes his classmate's school notebook home with him and then for the whole movie he makes it his mission to return it to him because if he doesn't then his teacher would expel the boy and like it's sad but so sweet and we all need to be kinder on this planet and sweet and return each other's everything unless the thing the someone has was stolen then no no that's not good go and return it to the authorities.

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/run-u_2zAdA

OMG I am STILL in Italy this week and this is ANOTHER Italian movie IT IS FATE like how is this fate IDK guys I'm just being silly and annoying and weird hi welcome so this is a movie by this very famous but kinda controversial and iconoclastic director named Pier Paolo Pasolini and the title gives it away in that it's all about Jesus and it's totally faithful and traditional yet different in ways I mean it's set in Italy instead of Israel which is a huge example but like it's very different and Jesus does a bunch of stuff and he walks around in that cool outfit with his disciples like they're The Plastics but they're much nicer sort of Jesus is all like be kind and do as I say or else I won't help you and he's handsome of course but also kinda super very intimidating and.....Jesus.

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/xEs4g9A9HGc

OMG I'm still in Italy at the moment and this is a film by an ITALIAN director wow this is fate so this is a super long gangster epic like at least almost sort of four hours long and it's by Sergio Leone who was the cool guy who did THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY but this one is all set in 1930s New York and oh good lord how do I explain this really it's basically just a big epic crime saga about this guy named Noodles who is super shady because he's a gangster duh and it follows his life and his relationship with his childhood friends and this girl he's always loved and he gets involved in a lot of shady stuff and surprise Joe Pesci is in it too and a little Jennifer Connelly and the music's really good.

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/wvYhgc8dMeg

OMG how serendipitous that I just happen to be in ITALIAAA the exact same time this episode premieres and like meaning that this is also an ITALIANNN movie and yes I obviously love Italian and Italy Italy Italy anyway sorry so this is a very lauded film by the incredible and one-and-only Federico Fellini who made some of the best films ever and this one is pretty much just a coming-of-age comedy/drama but there is so much chaos and insanity and deliciously entertaining and over-the-top and crazy and wild moments and the main character's name is Titta and he's growing up in Fascist Italy and the film is considered to be semi-autobiographical and get lost in the circus/carnival feel of it all and get ready...

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/BtG9ZM-ZHnY

So this is a Jean-Luc Godard film and he was like super famous and lived to be 91 and he's considered by many to be the pioneer of French New Wave cinema and this is one of his films and it stars his real-life wife at the time and it's so tragic and sad and poetic and artsy and experimental and follows this young woman who long story short ends up going into prostitution to get money because like her life is a mess and she has a baby and a husband who doesn't want her and it's all in black and white and super bleak and the lead character's name is Nana Kleinfrankenheim.

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/ZAZGR5O33jw

So Robert Mitchum was this super famous actor and he was best known for playing villains in two very spooky films but it turns out I was wrong and he's actually better known for playing leads in film noirs that I had never heard of and in this one he's this guy who's trying to start a new life and escape from his shady past where he fell for this woman who was involved with this shady guy and the shady guy is Kirk Douglas in one of his very early roles and like a bunch of stuff happens and there's betrayal and you can't tell who's lying or not and film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir film noir.

TRAILER: https://youtu.be/qiIB8Y8PBe8