June 21, 2021

Imagine a World Where There are No Haters… Listen on | David T.S. Wood

19 minutes

David has always struggled to understand what people are talking about when they refer to their “haters.” He has an extreme dislike for the word “hate.” He even avoids using the word in everyday life. In the middle of a conversation with Zach Slobin, David had a realization. So, in this episode of My Extra Mile, David discusses his realization about the “haters” you may encounter—and what to do about it.

You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in…

How to address angry people
Miscommunication is often the root of hate
Why “haters” don’t exist
Why you should take a look in the mirror

“Haters” may just be hurting

David recently posted a photo of himself on social media with a mask on that wasn’t completely covering his nose. One woman took it upon herself to comment “Wear your F*ing mask.” His initial response was to delete the message. He could tell she hadn’t read the post because he had stated he was standing in his garden when the photo was taken.

Instead of deleting the comment, David responded and asked her not to swear on his posts. He also pointed out that she probably didn’t read the post and encouraged her to read posts in the future before leaving a crude or angry comment. That’s when David realized what a hater is: someone with a contrary view that they express in an angry manner.

David grew up in a home where beatings were a regular sport. When kids only get attention through anger, they interpret that as love. They grow up and their learned behavior is to get attention through anger. David chose to believe that this woman was simply incredibly lonely. Instead of seeing her as a hater, he chose to see someone that was hurting.

She could’ve seen the post where David wasn’t wearing his mask properly and instead say “Hey Dave—just to be safe—you should wear your mask properly.” It’s a completely different energy.

It all stems from miscommunication

David points out that it’s hard to communicate over text or via social media posts because you can’t read body language and tone. People easily read something the wrong way. Because of this, David realizes that “haters” may not understand him or what he was trying to say.

A guy posted an angry comment on one of David’s posts. So, he took the time to reply and express appreciation for this man’s opinion. He took a moment to explain his intentions to help him understand a comment. This person commented back almost immediately, apologized, and said he was having a bad day. When people are angry and vomiting words, they project their own hurt, anger, and frustrations onto other people.

Address your “haters” to turn things around

Do you have the option of deleting angry comments? Absolutely. Do you want to? No. Because they’ll just do the same thing to someone else. David emphasizes that you have the chance to address it and encourage better behavior. If they continue the rude or crude behavior after a conversation, you can certainly block or delete them. Give them an opportunity to change. You don’t need to block someone because they have an opinion that’s different from yours. If you’re posting something in a public domain, people will have contrasting opinions.

Look in the mirror: Either someone else is projecting—or you are

What are you projecting out to get negativity back? Are you taking responsibility for your actions? Are you making assumptions? What will someone feel when they read your posts? If you’re going to make your thoughts public, put up with the people that don’t agree with them. Accept that it comes with the territory.

David doesn’t believe there’s such a thing as haters. People don’t hate you. Reach out to them and ask questions. Ask why they’re commenting negatively. Don’t be afraid to have a conversation and address the issue. Do you have the capacity, strength, and courage to be bigger than the anger? Can you learn not to react, but to respond?

Connect with David T. S. Wood