"I had a strange dream, Paris. All my dreams are strange."

"Maybe I’ll still walk in the rain alone, occasionally, for feeling misunderstood. But that’s alright – a falling star would fly back up in a hurry if anyone wished to understand me fully. It’s good to be understood by someone, albeit not fully, and it’s great to never be misunderstood by oneself."

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"You seem so far away with all the paperwork required for my long stay visa. And when there’s any delay in getting any document, you feel even further. But not forgotten – yet. I guess I’m just living in the present more these days – because when there’s still enough water in the tank to flush the toilet, I’m reminded of my existence: I can flush, thus I exist. That, and my casual meditations...."

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"I’m here, Paris; staring at a blank page with a fatigue after moving from my Wimbledon flat onto a 2-bed boat in Chelsea recently – yeah, really, what did the universe see in me?... "

"On the boat I have created a tiny corner with a desk, a red Anglepoise lamp, a few cherished books (three of them my own) and a Freewrite Traveler, where the poet feels so at home for the first time in a very long time and has typed 22 poems in Indonesian and English within three days in preparation for the republishing of my second book published 20 years ago...."

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"Bonjour, Paris!

"I’m doing everything I can to be with you. I’m doing everything I can to be with you without losing myself. In fact, I’m doing everything I can to be with myself, which I found in you, through you. You of all people know how important myself – I meant this journey – is!"

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"Bonjour! Today is not about you."

"... I have also come to realise that there’s no use in forcing you, or anyone, into my life either. That truth, that freedom, that freedom that comes from everything that’s true and that truth that is achieved in freedom: that is the pursuit."

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WARNING: contains one forbidden 'F' word.

"Three days until I’m with you again, Paris."

"I want to talk to you about waves. Not only the ones that came and went rocking the boat my friends let me use on the Thames for a few days last week, and test, or rather train, my balance, which I got used to rather fast. I want to talk to you about the other waves too, and how at times I am soothed by them like a baby, other times they turn my stomach upside down and make me feel dizzy. So dizzy beyond my determination, though my determination could keep me standing – at times."

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"Coucou, Paris – I’m at home!"

"For the not so very first time, this Libra is going to decide and take actions before thinking instead of weighing all options for eternity minus a day. I’m done thinking, I’m done being on the fence and I’m done being slapped by the universe for resisting what resonates with my heart in the name of anything. Time to come home to myself, in the place where I feel most belong."

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"I’m not home, Paris. Or at least that’s how I feel. I accepted some time ago that love is my dining table and it could be anywhere. I guess I’m mostly ridden by guilt and fear instead of love at the moment and so I feel rather homeless."

"I feel like I’m not doing anything. And if writing is the only craft I know, or so I keep bragging, I know I’m not doing my craft well, if at all. Rain has been raining, single leaves have been falling, hearts have been breaking and I’ve had to focus on other matters and that drives me away from being one with myself. And that drives me crazy."

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"I’m supposed to write, I say. I’m supposed to say something, Paris."

"I’m being quiet, or trying to be. I’ve been trying to separate anger, and frustration, from pain and I’m prepared to surrender. No more theories, however impractical my mind could be. No more worries, hopefully. What about nightmares and memories – how to deal with them gracefully? I said no more theories – sorry."

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"I feel like I’m fading, Paris. So much to do. I don’t want to do. And I miss you. A little. Too much. Too."

"It’s like that. But it’s not that. Is this the price? You pay. For not choosing. To walk. In a previous scenario. Where the weather was rough. The road was dark. But the distance was short. Potentially short. And you said yes. To a fast drive. That took you. To this transit. In the first place..."

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