Welcome to the December IME Parent Coaching Coffee Talk where I coach parents on all the happenings in IME Community. This is jam-packed with helpful goodness. I just know, since I’m a mom of three amazing humans, that we have good intentions as parents. The problem is, even though we have good intentions, it doesn’t always translate to showing up as a loving and supportive parent. So, what gets in the way? Why do we show up as emotionally reactive instead of with compassion for our teen? First, hand over heart and with lots of grace and compassion for ourselves as parents, we live in a society and culture that puts a lot of pressure on us as parents. TBH (to be honest, in case you’re not as cool as I am), we go about parenting with a lot of fear and lack. It’s really unfun or what I call a “nufnu” (unfun backwards). From a place of fear and lack, we get into our teen’s lane and try to fix and solve. It’s called over-functioning and I’m the absolute Queen of it. Ugh! It’s seriously embarrassing. I know what you’re thinking, “If I don’t get in my teen’s lane and stay on top of it, he/she/they will do nothing, and will stay on their screen all day.” Believe me, I get it. I’m not talking about having standards and expectations for your teen and supporting with boundaries and consequences. It’s just when we are trying to catch our teen and come from a judging and shaming place, we just continue the pattern that builds more friction, we feel crappy, and our teens never get the opportunity to create self-trust which is what allows them to create their big magic life. I’m seeing a trend in our teens, the ones I coach, on social media and my own, and that is that the same fear and lack is spilling over into their lives. Can you start to recognize when you are coming from a place of fear and lack and have an urge to fix and solve your teen? Next, create a pause and then, what if you show up with self-love superpower for yourself as a parent? Put your self-love superpower oxygen mask on first. Your teen doesn’t need you to put their oxygen mask on for them, like when they were little. Believe me, they need you to show them by putting it on yourself first. Then, your teen will start to show up with self-love superpower and create the results of their dreams! Check out imecommunity.com and Join IME Community, if you’re a teen, 12 to 18, or parent of a teen to get my awesome coaching! Self-love superpower, Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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Hello, I’m so excited to launch the IME Community Solutions for Children’s Health Podcast and YouTube series focusing on local solutions, highlighting the impactful work of visionary champions like my first guest, Jessie Coffey, MS, RDN! Want to hear about the time Jessie was working in the School Nutrition Department and one of the middle schools boycotted school lunch? Then, when she worked with the students to ask for their input, specifically, what they wanted for lunch, they demanded, “Lobster, ice cream, and soda!” By the way, I’m dedicating this series to my former non-profit, Teach a Kid to Fish, and the many community partners who aligned with the mission and vision to create community solutions for children’s health. IME Community (imecommunity.com) is the new Teach a Kid to Fish with my updated vision to create community with compassionate connection! If you’ve listened to any of my IME Community podcasts or watched any of my YouTube videos (get on it if you haven’t and remember to like and subscribe), you know that I fully believe in the power of community. With the ongoing COVID pandemic, I can’t think of anything more important than connecting on a community level with compassion. Before we get into it, make sure, after you listen, check out imecommunity.com, Join IME Community if you’re a teen, 12 to 18, or parent of a teen, or email me at [email protected] with any questions! For my first IME Community Solutions for Children’s Health visionary champion interview, I asked Jessie Coffey, MS, RDN, to share her work over two decades working on every level in the community. I have worked with Jessie for nearly 15 years and I can’t think of anyone who is more of a massive action-taker and impactful community visionary than Jessie. Jessie Coffey, MS, RDN has 20 years of experience in public health and is a registered dietitian by training and has a master's degree in Family Services Administration and is currently pursuing her PhD in Health Communication studies. Jessie has worked in multiple sectors, including state & federal nutrition programs, K-12 education and with non-profits to co-create wellbeing opportunities that support the equitable promotion of health for ALL Nebraskans. Jessie works to be a human connector, a life -long learner and strives to embrace the messiness of life that is at the heart of public health work. Key Takeaways (Absolute Gems for your stack of Post-It Notes): • “Co-construct solutions with the community.” • “I became a R.D. because I loved finding everyday solutions to help people with their complex medical problems.” • “If you’re going to do community work, be prepared for the messiness.” • “Focus on relationships and systems change to drive impact.” • “Let your participants, the end user, share their story to learn about the challenges and successes.” • “Talk less. Listen more.” • “Schools know their students best. Parents know their children and teens best.” • “Let’s get rid of the judgment and shame put on parents and move forward together as a team.” • “Always be willing to shift.” • “Don’t be afraid to take action. Go out and do that thing. You will learn more from what goes wrong than from what goes right.” • “Just think of all the knowledge and skills the child, teen and family takes with them when they participate in a community program.” Abbreviations, Resources and Links: LPS- Lincoln Public Schools NDE- Nebraska Department of Education R.D.- Registered Dietitian ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences)- Adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs, are potentially traumatic events that occur in childhood (0-17 years)(https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/fastfact.html) Alliance for a Healthier Generation- (www.healthiergeneration.org) BodyWorks- A Toolkit for Healthy Teens & Strong Families. Office on Women’s Health, U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (no longer available) FFVP- Funding for the Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Program, USDA Food and Nutrition, is available for the 2021-2022 school year through the Food, Conservation and Energy Act of 2008. FFVP is designed to help create healthier school environments and combat childhood obesity. (https://www.fns.usda.gov/ffvp/fresh-fruit-and-vegetable-program) Full-Service Community Schools Program (FSCS) encourages coordination of academic, social and health services through partnerships among public elementary and secondary schools; the schools’ local educational agencies; and community-based organizations to improve educational outcomes in children. (www2.ed.gov/programs/communityschools) WIC – Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (www.fns.usda.gov/wic) Next up is my interview with Alynn Sampson, MSW, VP Operations, Food Bank of Lincoln! This will be another powerful interview! Self-love superpower, Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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Welcome to another hot mess TikTok Live Coaching session! I have fun coaching wherever I have the opportunity. Unedited rapid question coaching is the best coaching. Are you stuck in fear of failure and lack of self-worth? Maybe you don’t even know you’re stuck in fear and lack with your parenting. It’s super tough to find a balance with our teens. It’s tough to know when to push and when to stay back. It’s really hard to let them fail and not feel like a neglectful parent. If you start doing some thought work to unveil some of your beliefs about your teen or you as a parent, that will create powerful awareness of where your actions are coming from. Fear and lack come from our thoughts and not from our teens or their actions. When you start to recognize when you’re triggered to get into your teen’s lane, you can acknowledge and then create a pause and shift to more helpful thoughts like:

“I don’t cause and I don’t control.”

___(say teen’s name)__________ is ___(say teen’s name)____________ i.e., Katherine is Katherine. Audrey is Audrey. Andrew is Andrew.

“I don’t want my teen to suffer. I can’t prevent suffering for myself or my teen. It’s part of being a human.”

“I trust my teen to figure it out and I will be here to support with unconditional love.” “I fully love and accept my teen no matter what.” “My teen’s actions don’t mean anything about me as a parent.” “I don’t have to make anything my teen says or does mean anything about me as a parent.” “There’s no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect teen.” “My only job is to listen with compassion to my teen.” “My goal is to create trust by showing up as a loving and compassionate parent.” “My teen isn’t broken. I don’t need to fix or solve my teen.” “I will seek the support and help my teen needs.” “It’s healthy to set boundaries with my teen and to follow through.” Write these down on a post-it note and keep them handy. Choose the mantras that resonate the most with you. Create your own and add to them. You are creating powerful self-awareness and moving toward becoming the authentic compassionate parent your teen needs. Don’t forget to check out imecommunity.com and Join IME Community to get my amazing coaching on zoom. It’s time to Level Up! Self-love superpower, Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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TikTok Trolls are gonna hate, I guess. We can't control that or the first comment they post on our videos. Oh wait. Yes, we can. Report. Delete. Block and then Lather. Rinse. Repeat. That's my strategy. I was coached by the IME Community member teens to only reply and to do so with a video to the outright misinformation that trolls try to spread. Otherwise, ignore. I'm lucky, I suppose, that I usually only have a few haters respond to my videos. They're basement dwelling keyboard screamers, if you will. Cyberbullies looking for a quick power and control hit as they hide behind their screen and eat a steady diet of hot pockets. But, enough about the hot pockets of all varieties eating hate spewers, let's talk about us for a minute. As a teen or parent of a teen, how do you find balance with social media? First of all, you don't have to show up on social media at all and if you do, there is no right way to show up. See above for the wrong way to show up. I know that anyone who reads my blogs is the kind of human who is a kind human. So, if you're reading this, you're good. If you decide to show up on social media, do so with intentionality. What does that mean? It's just like with food, school, friends, stuff we have to do, simply make a decision ahead of time. We don't have power over other people. Remember, I've coached you on this like a thousand times. I've already coached myself on this about a thousand times already today. It sure is a hard human concept for us humans. I'm so glad we are powerless over others because, "Powerless over others means powerless over me!" That's a Dr. Karla original quote to be used however is helpful. I was calling out celebrity thin privilege I saw in People Magazine on TikTok the other day and caught some hate from a keyboard screamer who said, "Celebrities are devil you should know that from the get go. You're a sucker for buying it. And stop using the word privilege." I created a quick reply video where I said the word "privilege" about 20 times, even sang the word, which is hard to say over and over, and then ended with, "today is sponsored by the word privilege". That was kind of petty, or a lot petty. Every once in a while I got to speak up and if I am feeling sarcastic, watch out. My vision is to show up to create community with compassionate connection and be helpful. So far, IME Community has almost 58k TikTok followers. Our message is getting out and it's making a big difference in people's lives who are transforming their health and sharing their real life health wins of reversing their diabetes trend and have normalized their blood sugars and are losing weight. It's thrilling, actually. If you want to contribute to fun, to inform, or connect on social media, you should do it. Just remember to be intentional and decide how you want to show up and where you put your attentional focus. Recognize you don't cause or control much, but can always: Report. Delete. Block. Then, Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Don't forget to check out imecommunity.com and if you are a teen, 12 to 18 or parent of a teen struggling with weight and body image and want to create a fun and healthy way forward that is devoid of deprivation and hot pockets, Join IME Community today!

Self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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Parents, Don't be Stupid! In other words, stop sweating the small stuff with your teen. As a teen life and healthy weight coach and parent coach, but most importantly as a parent of three, who are 20, 18 and 15, believe me I have been stupid a lot and on many occasions. It's okay. We're creating a more helpful approach moving forward. First, does your teen struggle with their weight or body image or have you noticed increased anxiety in your teen? We are still in the COVID pandemic and data shows that not only are our teens struggling with pandemic weight gain, they're struggling with increased anxiety. Teens with Anxiety need a compassionate approach. Anxiety in teens is common, especially with the pressures from us Gen X hyper competitive, people pleasing, overachiever parents, and what has been our non-compassionate approach to ourselves and our teens. Anxiety in teens will be increased if we continue our rigid, fix and solve approach to the small things that come up in life. The reality is the stakes aren't that high among the everyday things in life. This morning, my daughter, Audrey who is 18, has a car and a job, asked me right before she needed to leave for school, while I'm still in my pajamas and hadn't had any coffee, to take her to school because her car is out of gas. My old reactive self who hadn't worked on self-love superpower or on any life coaching, would have reacted and said something like, "Audrey, why would your car be out of gas? You had tons of time over the weekend to fill up the car with gas. We could have filled up the car with gas for you. If you would just let us know then we can avoid these last minute crises." But, it's really no big deal. Of course, I recognized that I was triggered and these thoughts came up, but I'm intentionally a more responsive compassionate parent these days and got dressed, took her to school and it was zero problem. Because, it isn't! With so many teens experiencing anxiety these days, the last thing we want to do is create more anxiety for our teens over small things. So, on the way there we heard "Don't be Stupid" by Shania Twain, who I'm a huge fan of. Talk about the gift of a song. Lyrics are a gift in the world. I laughed because my old parenting self would have used that opportunity to say, "Hey, don't be stupid. Put gas in the car." But, instead, of increasing anxiety in my teen and creating more of a divide between us, I chose to turn those "Don't be Stupid" lyrics back on myself and I did a U-turn, and said, not out loud, for God's sake, "Hey, don't sweat the small stuff. Don't be stupid!" I said, "Have a great day. Liebe dich." She said, "Love you", and she was off. Remember, Parents of teens, to get my amazing coaching, check out imecommunity.com and Join IME Community. I will coach you to not sweat the small stuff and create a compassionate and fun relationship with your teen. When you change, your teen changes. Liebe dich!

Self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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Listen up, Parents, Teens and Doctors! Sometimes, I crack myself up. Do you do that? I hope so. Take your work seriously, but not yourself is my philosophy. Life is meant to be fun. Is easeful a word? It should be if it isn’t. I'm helping you take something that is very difficult, meaning having a conversation with your teen about weight, and create a more easeful approach. It will never be easy, but you can start to reject diet culture and thinking and getting out trying to fix or solve your teen and making your teen's weight mean anything about their success or happiness or anything about you as a parent.

I'm coaching you to go from the "how" or compliance coaching to the "why" or compassion coaching. Believe me, I have intentionally, worked on my relationship with my teens, as a massive action goal in my life. I've created a softer, kinder, and more compassionate relational approach by pausing before I go down the well-trodded, fix and solve, control, transactional approach I was stuck in. Once my life and well-being coach, helped me realize I don't cause and I don't control much, and how to set boundaries, I started to change. When you change, your teen changes. It's very cool, is completely imperfect, takes daily intentional practice and habit building, and is more worth it than any goal I have ever achieved. Weight loss, schmeight loss. Who cares if I got to my weight loss goal, if my daughter didn't trust me to show up as a loving supportive Mom who stayed out of emotional reactivity and control?

I know. I know. You have really good intentions and just want what's best for your teen. Me too. It's just that we don't always know what's best for our teen and when we stay in fix and control mode, our teens don't build the necessary skills to create self-trust and figure it out on their own. We really believe we can prevent our teens from suffering in life and that when things are going well for our teen, that's because of us and our parenting. Again, not true. It's almost laughable.

I decided instead of being one of those doctors and I’ve been this doctor in the past, who just doles out bullet point recommendations focused on the how, I will actually be super helpful.

Things have changed with the pandemic and by changing, I mean things have gotten worse, our health, and all areas of our health is what I’m talking about.

So, let’s have a conversation with our teens about healthy weight. I recently had a parent commenter on my TikTok post where I was super vulnerable about how doctors have gotten much of this wrong when it comes to addressing the childhood obesity epidemic. Mom said she feels stuck and worried about her 12 year-old daughter who is really struggling with her weight and body image. “I’m worried if I bring it up I will cause harm and if I don’t do anything to help her, it will get worse and she will suffer in silence.”

To me, this sounds like she is thinking in two extremes and the answer for how to be helpful is my whole philosophy “Let’s meet in the middle”. It is possible to reject diet culture, cultivate body positivity and help our teens find self-love superpower to reach their health and life goals. Mom, you are never stuck.

Our first task, is to recognize our teens are unbroken. There is nothing to fix or solve. Their weight is not a problem and is not a reflection on us as parents. Breathe. It’s okay.

Next, let’s reject diet culture’s big fat lie that happiness is outside of us, that happiness, success or superiority is a measure on a scale. I was just coaching one of the IME Community teen members on this. Andrea said, she watches TikTok’s of young women who have lost a lot of weight and they show the before and they are happy with friends and having fun and now, after losing weight, have a lot of loose skin, and feel duped by diet culture because they don’t feel different. I coached on why this is happening and why IME Community is so important, now more than ever. The problem is not the TikToker. The problem is diet culture’s big fat lie that conditions us to put our happiness on the external, that a measure on the scale will make us feel a certain way.

This is where my trifecta for transformation comes in and why and how I created IME Community. I coach teens to fully reject diet culture, starting with recognizing its harms and how it’s a failure. Sure, diets work in the short term. We believe that once we get to that point or weight, then our pain is relieved. That’s not true.

So, listen up to this, sometimes cringey acting I'm doing in this video and podcast. I hope it's helpful. If you're a teen or parent of a teen, age 12 to 18, don't forget to go to imecommunity.com and Join the IME member Community where self-love is your superpower to achieve your life and weight goals and make your mark in the world!

Self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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Dr. Karla Parent Coaching Coffee Talk Teens and Weight Bullying

First, playlist for the week is "We're not gonna take it" by Twisted Sister, a real get you pumped up to set some powerful boundaries 80's rock song. Video is hilarious too in case you want to transport yourself back to my teen era.

Good morning or whatever time of day it is for you. I've been talking about teens and bullying this week and thought I would share the coffee talk parent coaching. Hey, this is truly unedited.

By the way, if you are a teen who is ready to Level Up your health and achieve your weight and life goals starting with me coaching you to create self-love superpower, then go to imecommunity.com and Join IME Community. You'll get Dr. Karla coaching on zoom and I love being a teen life coach and creating IME Community, but I also love coaching parents to help support your teen's health independence.

This YouTube video and IME Community podcast is a very important topic. We're talking about weight-based victimization, teens and bullying and what we can do as parents to help stop the bullying for our teens. I use a coaching approach, and I always coach with compassion, to build skills like boundary setting and connecting with a trusted adult, to address bullying.

When it comes to setting boundaries, are you an avoidant or compliant or are you an aggressive or manipulative controller? I doubt you're a controller if you are watching this YouTube video, and most likely are an avoidant or compliant who doesn't want to deal with conflict or hasn't been the taught the skill of setting a boundary. I get you. That's where I've been most of my life, especially when it comes to setting boundaries for myself.

You are worthy of setting boundaries. Did you know we were created to set boundaries?

Setting boundaries is a part of living a healthy life and I'm not talking about food boundaries or being strict and rigid with boundaries. How do you decide when and in what situations to set boundaries? What are the different kinds of boundaries you can set?

I guarantee you are setting boundaries even when you don't think you are. Let's take a boundary setting approach to stop bullying for ourselves.

Remember, you can always walk away and that is setting a physical boundary and is not giving up. Walking away is a powerful boundary and without words can send a powerful message.

Remember, our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings drive our actions or inactions. If you are feeling stuck and powerless in a bullying situation, try to write down your thoughts and beliefs about the situation. If you keep believing that thought without challenging it or realizing your brain is attached to it because of fear (is a human response and makes sense), then you will stay stuck with that belief, the fear and the inaction.

How do you want to show up for yourself? One powerful decision creates powerful clarity for your next step. Make sure you connect with a trusted adult to help create a plan so the bullying stops for you.

I've got your back. I only care about helping you and we are going to stay in your lane and not in the business of the bully trying to convince or thinking they shouldn't be bullying or why they are bullying. We believe them when they have shown us who they are. Let them be who they are and let them be wrong about you.

Self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey,

First, I want you to know that I'm talking about a sensitive topic in this YouTube video. I'm talking about bullying and its harmful effects, how common it is, who's at risk, the different types of bullying, but, most importantly, what you can do about it. Make sure you work with your pediatrician or family doctor and/or seek help from a licensed medical health provider to address your individual situation and potential mental health effects. You are not alone. There are trusted adults who want to help you and will create a plan to stop the bullying.

I also coach on setting some boundaries for yourself so you are able to show up with clarity for yourself. We were just talking about boundaries and relationships last week, so that is coming in handy in our everyday lives. In this video I talk about some amazing teen life coaching I got from my amazing IME Community members on a bullying situation one of my former patients had.

Whether you are a teen, parent, physician, healthcare provider, teacher or school administrator, listen up! I would love for you to go to stopbullying.gov to check out the resources to help you.

First, bullying is not acceptable and must be recognized and called out as unacceptable. Next, let's step up as trusted adults and work with the school (teacher and/or counselor) if that's where the bullying is happening, and create a plan to stop the bullying so school is a safe place.

Have you been bullied based on your weight? Or, for any reason? Studies show that it's more common than we like to think. Unfortunately, some people still believe enduring bullying is a rite of passage into adulthood. Nothing could be further from the truth. Bullying is a preventative health issue. It's important to recognize and address or it can cause long-term harm.

In this YouTube video and IME Community podcast I talk about what's needed to help stop bullying: Support/Build Skills/Connect to resources/School Involvement/Referral to mental health provider/Follow-up to check in.

How to support the "bully/victim" is important too. A harsh approach does not work.

For pediatricians, our role is: Identification/Gather more information/Intervention/Advocacy, education, and research.

Make sure you check out stop bullying.gov and make sure you Join IME Community to get even more support!

Self-love superpower,

Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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• IME/UBU MONDAY

o We are talking Relationships and boundaries for Week 12 of the IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge o What do relationships and boundaries have to do with reversing your insulin resistance, reaching your health goals and losing weight? I’ve told you before and I’m gonna tell you again this week that taking action on a goal you are setting for yourself is all about your relationship with yourself. You know putting on your oxygen mask first? We have to learn to do that and when we believe or stay attached to fixed and limited beliefs that it’s selfish to put our oxygen mask on first, then we aren’t helpful to anyone. o Your relationship with food is your relationship with yourself. That’s the most important thing I can coach you on is that self-worth is not related to achieving your goal or producing or anything external. You are worthy and 100% lovable now and always. We’ve coached on fully loving and accepting ourselves and how self-acceptance is like a warm self-acceptance blanket that is always readily available to you. No action needed ever. Then, we talked about self-love superpower and now we are digging deeper and talking about our relationship with ourselves and others. o What is a relationship? How we feel about another person is created by our thoughts about them and same with ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is based on our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves. It also has to do with our expectations we have for other people and ourselves too and if other people meet our expectations we have for them or we have for ourselves. Sounds like lots of judging doesn’t it? Remember, when we are judging others we are often judging ourselves. o Here’s your playlist for the week “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift “Brave” by Sara Bareilles “New Rules” by Dua Lipa “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson “Feeling Myself” by Nicki Minaj feat. Beyonce You are 100% lovable, always and forever. Self-love superpower, Dr. Karla

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Stress Less Sleep More: It’s Week 11 of the IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge!

• Welcome to Week 11 of the IME Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge on TikTok, IG, YouTube and the IME Community podcast on Apple and Spotify. Check them all out and share with your friends! • Learning how to Stress Less Sleep More is a very important part of your overall health and health transformation and life goals. In fact, diet culture keeps us fixated on just one area and that’s focusing on the number of calories, but, what is really effective is focusing on all of our health, including Stress Less Sleep More. Plus, these two go together, so let’s get started! This week we are talking about stress reduction and sleep hygiene, which I will talk more about later. • Cortisol is our body’s stress hormone and the problem is our bodies are not meant to constantly be exposed to stress hormones, like in the case of chronic toxic stress that we will talk about on Thursday of the week as it relates to ACES or the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study. • Cortisol raises insulin levels and we are now week 11 of the Reverse Your Insulin Resistance Challenge, so we know that constantly elevated levels of insulin usually translates to weight gain and poor health consequences. Remember, you are worthy of your healthy life! I’ve coached you on taking massive action and starting with one goal at a time. Starting with taking action on a goal to Stress Less Sleep More means you are taking massive action on your health goals! You have the power to choose where to start. • There is a healthy amount of stress, but when we are continually exposed to cortisol, studies show that we become at risk to suffer from chronic diseases. • Remember, you are never stuck. I always believe in your unlimited potential to live your magical healthy life! Make sure if you are a teen, 12 to 18, or parent of a teen, that you go to imecommunity.com, sign up for my email list and get my Make It Fun to Get It Done 3 day email challenge! Make sure you Join IME Community where you will find it easy and fun to start creating results right away and get me coaching you on zoom! Get ready for the week! self-love superpower, Dr. Karla, ActivistMD

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