He dropped his album and made me feel as if everything I had done was absolutely nothing at all.

It was nothing, actually— and that's when I realized I'd been in New York for two years with no actual progress.

Sure, I had my own apartment and a makeshift studio that either was or wasn't suitable for making music on any given day or at any given time—

But I was still broke, lugging around my groceries in a cheap backpack, and out of all the clothes in my closet, maybe 3 articles were wearable.

I kept oversized t shirts in piles by the bed unwilling to sort through my laundry on most days; the closet was overstuffed with boxes— I was sure I would have to move. The traffic noise and motorcycles made me sick, a congested and irritating nausea and anxiety crawling in to my stomach in the waking daylight hours. There was only peace at night, and that was only lately.

The last year had been a parade of politics and political stunts; I was caught in the gentrification process by far and not only I had suffered from it, but my music. I stopped singing— stopped talking, for long periods at a time, even, and stopped being human. Eventually, I started making music, but it was nothing. 20 listeners and an average of three streams a day would almost make me proud, until out of nowhere and thinking it was some kind of hoax, another Skrillex album appeared — just days or maybe even on the day I had turned the corner where I had first listened to the last Skrillex album— or, the last palpable one. The second one sounded like it was made for kids— and it wasn't hard at all to consider this was the kind of music he was making spending his time around rich brats and only fans girls— it sucked, but it didn't matter, because nothing sucked worse than being homeless in New York, which is how I spent the following year after the long awaited return of Skrillex just so happened to coincide with my arrival to a city I never wanted to live in, ever. A city I was stuck in, but almost with the false promise of becoming greater— finally proud of the fact I was making music and expecting whatever Skrillex was to dissappear into a lull of lollipop DJs and brainwashed fan culture— his music was good, if probably not the best and people loved him for whatever he did; as for the rest of us? It was a struggle to even be noticed.

Tales of a Superstar DJ.