Imperfect Speech

Even clones have standards.

Even clones have standards.

My friend Ilias Shepherd Marrow has been in the hospital. We all know that he is an amazing, positive, supportive human being. I cannot say enough good about him. He made me feel at home on Substack. It was the first time since joining that I had a true sense of community. The words are his, through and through, all I did was give them some music. But they were already a song. Ilias, this is for you, and for the way you’ve made me and many other smile.

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This book about anti-gravity, I can’t put it down.Rebellious peppercorns live underground.Wanna have a space party? I’ll planet.Sardine factories are quiet ’cause they can it.

I only remember twenty-five letters, don’t know why.Mama will make it to the hair salon, do or dye.Scarecrows are experts, outstanding in their fields.Corn gets traffic tickets for refusing to yield.

These are just jokes, yeah I know they’re bad,But they came straight from somebody’s dad.He’s not hilarious; he’s just trying to be fun,Even if all he did was memorize a book of puns.

The restaurant on the moon has no atmosphere.To make a strawberry shake, give it something to fear.I don’t love my facial hair, but it’s growing on me.That sushi is suspect, yeah it’s a little fishy.

I have a joke about paper but it’s tear-able.The tiger exhibit down at the zoo is unbearable.Beavers give a dam, and rams like big butts.Skeletons are wimps because they have no guts.

These are just jokes, yeah I know they’re bad,But they came straight from somebody’s dad.He’s not hilarious; he’s just trying to be fun,Even if all he did was memorize a book of puns.

Don’t touch that fromage, it’s nacho cheese.I mist when I tried to catch my sneeze.I thought it was something, but it’s snot.I wanted to be a sniper, but never gave it a shot.

I play piano by ear and sometimes use my hands.Bit of a stretch, but I have a pun about rubber bands.My bicycle can’t stand alone, it’s too tired.The marshmallow went and got himself fired.

These are just jokes, yeah I know they’re bad,But they came straight from somebody’s dad.He’s not hilarious; he’s just trying to be fun,Even if all he did was memorize a book of puns.

Math books are sad, they’re full of problems.Take them to a priest so he can ab-solve them.I used to make shoddy products at a satisfactory.If you log on to the internet, do you turn into a tree?

Golf pants come in pairs in case you get a hole in one.And coffee went to the cops because it got mugged.I love my seafood diet ’cause I see food and I eat it.The inventor of Altoids, he made himself quite a mint.

These are just jokes, yeah I know they’re bad,But they came straight from somebody’s dad.He’s not hilarious; he’s just trying to be fun,Even if all he did was memorize a book of puns.

Remember this if the world looks mighty mean,These jokes so simple, so sweet, and so lean.Tuna in bow ties are quite sofishticated, you see.Pterodactyls soundlessly relieve themselves—silent P.Eggs don’t joke, for fear of cracking themselves up.And a pony with a sore throat is a little hoarse, my son.

In the gloaming time of lavender and orange, in the garden center of Ultramart, hidden inside a bucket, the gnomes waited and plotted.

Stefan Pasek started a positivity chain that is circling round and round, an ouroboros of kindness. I’m trying to think of all the ways we as artists can keep it positive. I originally posted this on YouTube and wasn’t going to put it here. If this song finds your ears, I hope it makes you smile.

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Thank you Andrea 🌄, Matthew Holvey, Sam’s Spaghetti, Tangled Words, and Stefan Pasek for tuning into my live video! Part Two of the reading coming soon.

This goes out to everyone who stepped up and helped me through something very scary. This was my first experience with DKA, and writing music is part of my recovery. I know a hospital is the worst place to loop tracks, but here we are. I’m home and chilling right now. Still waiting for the insulin to be in stock, but I’m hopeful. You all gave me that hope.

Special shout out to my very good friends, Mike, the one and only PancakeSushi, and my very good friend Tangled Words. He called to check up on me but paramedics had just arrived. She talked to me for almost the full seven hours. Love and gratitude to the Poetry Posse, as well. You know who you are and tagging is being a monster right now.