This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/04/in-order-to-get-away-from-the-missus-adult-child-joins-orphanage-after-parents-die-of-old-age/

CHICAGO, IL—Feeling suffocated by the expectations of his family, local adult child Jason Kline announced Wednesday that he had left his home in order to get away from his wife and children.

“I’ve been feeling so trapped lately, and I just knew if I didn’t get out of that house, I’d never be able to live my own life,” said Kline, explaining that he had packed a bag and hopped on a bus to an orphanage after discovering that his parents had died of old age.

“It was so nice to just get away from everything. I mean, it wasn’t the Ritz-Carlton or anything, but at least they didn’t bother me there. It was nice to just be left alone with my thoughts and not have to worry about all those annoying responsibilities like eating or bathing.”

At press time, sources confirmed Kline had been placed in a group home after being found wandering the streets in nothing but a dirty bathrobe.