In Search of the New Compassionate Male

Some about Nic Tovey’s journey: At 22 I experienced what was to be my first great initiation into life. On a regular drunken night out with my brother and a friend, acting like a fool, I was forcibly removed from a night club whilst being punched and kicked.

 

A few hours later I was in hospital after collapsing with massive internal injuries being told I might die. Thankfully my injuries weren’t as severe as initially thought and after a week in hospital I was discharged with a nice big scar from sternum to pubic bone but without a spleen.

While my physical body miraculously adjusted to its spleenlessness, what started to become apparent was some dramatic internal changes that had occurred. I did not see and relate to the world in the same way I was used to; My self-confidence was shattered, I could not handle any hint of conflict or violence even on TV, I was unable to cope with the slightest stress, and I couldn’t sleep. My previously solid self-identity had crumbled in a heap. I was confused, angry and really scared… Complete story: http://www.nictovey.com/about-nic/

Nic Tovey is a Relationship, Intimacy and Sexuality Coach, who wants to help people experience a rich, joyful and authentic experience of life through their relationships, their love life and their life’s work. Nic has a background in psychotherapy and has done a lot of work with youth and men to help them develop their emotional intelligence and relationship skills. He now focuses on his work as a Relationship Coach where he offers a range of programs to help individuals and couples develop and reignite the passion, intimacy and love in their relationships.

What it means to be a man today is a very different thing than it was for our fathers, and especially for their fathers. We are living in a monumental chapter in the human evolutionary story, where the realms of gender, sexuality and relationships are in a state of massive reinvention…

Nic Tovey is a compassionate man. His book, The [R]evolutionary Man: The modern man’s guide to life, love and enlightenment, was released this past December.

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Become your own unique version of an awesome man, free from the old bullshit ideas of what that means.

“Man up”, “be a man”, “grow a pair” we’ve heard it all a million times, and we’ve probably said it too, but what does it mean? What is it to “be a man”? This is a question men have been pondering for eons, and in the process, have been setting up some imaginary, barely achievable bar that we’ve been measuring ourselves up against, and failing.

 

What it means to be a man today is a very different thing than it was for our fathers, and especially for their fathers. We are living in a monumental chapter in the human evolutionary story, where the realms of gender, sexuality and relationships are in a state of massive reinvention. Many of us are waking up to a new way of being, sensing that there’s more to life as a man, free from the old and outdated cage of manhood. But there are few examples of how to do what the world today is calling for and we are left trying to work it out for ourselves.

This has been a question that Nic Tovey has been deeply pondering since boyhood, chasing the elusive “manhood” in all the obvious places; sports, gangs and the military, and coming up short. Until after a life threatening assault and subsequent battle with PTSD and depression, when the man he thought he was fell apart. Nic was faced with a choice; die or rebuild himself from the ground up. This book is an expedition through Nic’s story and the discoveries he made on his journey of reinvention to becoming the man he is today.

Nic went on to become a psychotherapist and coach helping other men become their own versions of great men. With powerful and practical wisdom, this book guides you through Nic’s vision of modern manhood – The (R)Evolutionary Man.

Nic Tovey is a Relationship, Intimacy and Sexuality Coach, who wants to help people experience a rich, joyful and authentic experience of life through their relationships, their love life and their life’s work. Nic has a background in psychotherapy and has done a lot of work with youth and men to help them develop their emotional intelligence and relationship skills. He now focuses on his work as a Relationship Coach where he offers a range of programs to help individuals and couples develop and reignite the passion, intimacy and love in their relationships.

In our search I run across some wonderfully compassionate men. Julien Oomen is one such man. It was a pleasure to have him on my podcast. Julien Oomen is an Amsterdam-based musician who draws inspiration from spiritual ceremonies.

 

The larger part of his songs is triggered by the trainings and ceremonies of Ralph Nelissen of The Potential School who invites him to assist musically. While being a witness to the transformational process of many men and women, Julien moves closer to his own center of stillness. From that stillness, words and music come like waves.

In July 2018, Julien released “Oase Sessions I “, followed by “Oase Sessions II ”  in April 2019.

A new full-length album, Both Sides Of The River, was released in December 2020.

For this record Julien saved up the songs in the past two years that were specifically triggered by trainings, workshops and ceremonies within the realm of men’s work. The songs touch on beautiful movements that are already happening: men coming alive in their fatherhood, or in brotherhood through men’s circles; in self-realisation and in knowing that there’s an alchemy in each human being that goes beyond binary notions of the “feminine” or “masculine”.

For live shows Julien often teams up with his partner Lenneke van Staalen, a master​ of (northern) Indian classical music on violin, who comps him in his songs as well as playing mesmerising improvisations. Other collaborations include Pernilla Kannapinn and Diego Nicolás Rodriguez.

Julien lives with his partner and daughter.

Next to music and family life, he devotes his time to Refugee Company and Stichting de Vrolijkheid, two organisations that further the socio-economic well-being of refugees through art, network, traineeships and soft-skill trainings.

With his longtime buddy Robin Block, Julien hosts a monthly Men’s Circle.

The men’s circle is about brotherhood: the realization that every man is a brother – and human being first – who roams around in the very same field that we call life, often with similar questions, goals and challenges. What can we learn from each other? How can we tap into our shared wisdom and support each other, even as complete strangers only meeting for the duration of one single men’s circle?

Together we create a space for each man to take his place and share his experiences; from a genuine desire to grow and inspire one another. Sometimes we work with a specific theme, but more often just with topics that come alive in the group during the circle. The circle helps you to step out of your daily routine, and to explore your views and choices in connection with others, sometimes in depth, sometimes humorously and playful.

Sharing experiences and listening to others already amounts to a lot. But besides sharings we will also do meditative and physical exercises to further integrate some of the insights attained in the circle, and to connect the head to the heart and body.

You’re most welcome to participate! Apply by sending an e-mail to men’s circle: [email protected]

Site: www.julienoomen.com

Streaming / digital purchase: https://ffm.to/rg29wel

www.julienoomen.com/men-s-circle CD/VINYL: www.julienoomen.com/merch

Instagram: www.instagram.com/oomenjulien/ bandcamp: www.julienoomen.bandcamp.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/julien.oomen/

Vanessa Valdéz is the radio host for the show Transforming Consciousness on KPFK 90.7 FM in Southern Cali & nationwide on kpfk.org. She holds a Master’s Degree in Spiritual Psychology and is currently a PhD student in Depth Psychology with a specialization in Integrative Therapy and Healing. Her interest and dissertation research is focused on transforming consciousness through the integration of the masculine and feminine in partnership. As an Intuitive Life Coach, Vanessa is known for guiding her clients at a deeper level physically, mentally and emotionally in ways that are healing.

 

VOYAGE MAGAZINE INTERVIEW: Meet Vanessa Valdéz, Soul-Centered Life Coach and Journalist

 

 

Friday night my dear friend, John Fleming, along with my producer, Dennis Tardan, and I recorded a deep, passionate and meaningful conversation about the murder of George Floyd and racism in America. I consider John to be an example of the New Compassionate Male standing in his truth with an open heart. His message is powerful and needs to be heard. A word of caution, you may be triggered by some of what is shared. I invite you to listen to this excerpt in its entirety. Additional excerpts will follow in the coming days.

 

 

John Fleming is a Prayer Chaplain and a true servant leader and volunteer at Unity Church of the Hills in Austin Texas. He is on the music team, is a Prayer Chaplain, and he is part of the Pastoral Care Team. John is Director, Advocacy and Partner Relations – Survive2Thrive Foundation | Staff Staff Services Officer at the Texas DSHS/Vital Statistics Unit.

 

 

 

 

Message: “Celebration Sings the Lords Prayer”

The other day I shared a clip from this conversation. Here is the full episode.

“There is a revolution taking place, right now, and it is time for us all, who have been interested in these ideas, to get to work at making the world better for us and those around us.” – Christopher Howell

 

Guest – Christopher Howell – [email protected]

Creator – Clay Boykin – http://clayboykin.com

Producer – Dennis Tardan – https://dennistardan.com

In light of recent events, four compassionate men came together to begin a dialog related to the collective crisis in the U.S. This is the beginning of a journey we will be taking together. We do not know how long we will be on this journey or where it will lead us, but we do know, as two black men and two white men, it is a journey we must take together. Regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation, we are all wounded by Patriarchy. This is our common ground, and we are searching to find our collective path forward. We invite you to join the conversation. Your comments below are welcome.

 

This mind-map is very much a work in progress. It will change radically, but I wanted to share it in case people look deeper into our conversation.

 

Elaine Grohman joins Host, Clay Boykin, and Producer, Dennis Tardan, and talks about men and compassion, and healing.

As host of her show, Earth Wisdom Circles on Empower Radio, Elaine M. Grohman has been working in the field of Energy Medicine for nearly 20 years. The experiences of her own Life brought her to delve into the Mystery of our Spirit, Body, Emotions and Mind, and through that search she has sought to help others appreciate their own Life in a greater way. She works with people in the medical fields, as well as having a private practice.

She is the author of two books, “The Angels and Me – Experiences of Receiving and Sharing Divine Communication,” and “Spirit Awakening – Wisdom for Life and Living.”

As an Intuitive, Elaine helps others to look beyond the wounds they use to define themselves, so that new and perhaps greater understanding can become known. Through this, we can begin to Heal our World – And Ourselves.

 

Touching hearts; freeing souls and transforming lives – its what Aliza does. Rev. Aliza Bloom Robinson, transformational catalyst, author, speaker and ordained Unity Minister is the Voice for New Humanity Now.  She is committed to ushering in a new consciousness of Universal All-ness. She facilitates spiritual awakening through all of her programs, courses, retreats and books. [email protected]      AlizaBloomRobinson.com

Prosperity Plus III Workshop

A brand-new, cutting edge program for transformation in your capacity to receive abundance. All Virtual – from the comfort of your home!

In this 8-week tithing experiment in abundant living, you will learn:

• The art and science of true transformation

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• How giving of your time, talent and treasure unleashes the flow of your highest good and abundance

There is no greater time than right now to have a break-through! You are deserving of abundance in all areas of your life simply because you are breathing and you will learn how to take your vision and bring it into the results you see in your life!

 

To Register: https://unityhills.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/665933

Gray Henry-Blakemore is the founder and director of the interfaith publishing houses, Fons Vitae and Quinta Essentia, in Louisville, Kentucky, devoted to world spirituality. She is a writer and film producer under contract with the Book Foundation, and co-founder and trustee of the Islamic Texts Society of Cambridge, England. She has served as a contributing editor for Parabola magazine for over a decade. Besides having taught filmmaking at Dalton and Fordham University and world religions and art history at the Cairo American College, Cambridge University, Centre College and the Abbey of Gethsemane, she regularly lectures at such noteworthy venues as the 1995 Conference of World Spiritual Art in Tehran and most recently the September 2006 Congress on Islamic Spirituality in Singapore. In 1994 she arranged for His Holiness the Dalai Lama to speak in Louisville, and has in April 2006 organized the Dalai Lama interfaith congress in San Francisco in which the his main focus was to meet with Muslim dignitaries from the world over. Fons Vitae is now helping to arrange His Holiness’s visit December 2006 to Senegal and Ghana, which will continue the Buddhist-Muslim dialogue begun in San Francisco.

Gray is a founding member of the Thomas Merton Center Foundation and has organized a number of conferences focused on the work of Thomas Merton at Bellarmine University. She worked in Bosnian refugee camps in 1993, and subsequently published texts for their school system. Fons Vitae plays a key role in the annual interfaith festivals and programs sponsored by the Center for Interfaith Relations and Interfaith Paths to Peace Institute.

 

As a filmmaker, she produced Beads of Faith: The Universal Use of the Rosary, which is available both as a book and a video, Islam: A Pictorial Essay; Cairo: 1,001 Years of Art and Architecture; Ornaments of Lhasa: Islam in Tibet; and The Sacred Unconscious (Huston Smith). As an author she has written the classic, Understanding Islam and the Muslims, The Life of the Prophet Muhammad, articles for the “Fons Vitae Thomas Merton Series” (Merton & Sufism, Merton & Hesychasm, and Merton & Buddhism), as well as for Parabola and other journals.

Mrs. Henry received her B.A. at Sarah Lawrence College (Joseph Campbell was her don 1965, studied at the American and al-Azhar University in Cairo (1969-79), earned her M.A. in Education at the University of Michigan, was a research fellow at Cambridge University from 1983-1990, and is scheduled to receive her Ph.D. from the Faculty of Divinity at Canterbury, Kent in 2008.