In The Messy Relationship Podcast

Do you have anxious attachment, or are you just experiencing relationship anxiety?

In Episode 56 of In The Messy, Jan explores anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, reassurance seeking, fear of rejection, and insecurity in relationships and why an attachment label doesn't define you.

Learn how to recognize recurring attachment patterns, separate anxiety from genuine relationship concerns, ground yourself when your mind starts spiraling, and respond from your secure self instead of reacting from fear.

You are not broken, and anxious attachment isn't a life sentence. Your patterns can change, and healing is possible.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook

Why do you crave closeness but push it away when you finally receive it?

In Episode 55 of In The Messy, Jan explores fearful-avoidant (disorganized) attachment and the confusing push-pull between wanting love and feeling unsafe with intimacy. Learn how past experiences can shape your attachment alarm, how to regulate before reacting, communicate your needs, and build more secure relationships.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook

Why are you so afraid of being alone? You can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, unseen, or like you’re the only person who doesn’t belong.

In Episode 54 of In The Messy, Jan explores fear of being alone, loneliness, anxious attachment, relational loneliness, and the fear of never finding your person. Learn why loneliness can make you settle for unhealthy connections, people-please, rush intimacy, or abandon yourself just to feel chosen.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow

Are you still experiencing anxiety and wondering if you’re actually healing? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the signs of healing from anxious attachment and relationship anxiety and why progress doesn’t mean never feeling anxious again.

Learn how to recognize real healing through better emotional regulation, pausing before reacting, questioning anxious thoughts, recovering faster, trusting yourself, and making more secure choices. Jan also explores neuroscience, exposure therapy, EMDR, nervous system regulation, and how anxiety can become information rather than an instruction.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Can anxious attachment really change? If you've done the therapy, read the books, and understand your triggers but still get anxious, you're not failing.

In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, earned secure attachment, and healing—and why getting triggered doesn't mean you're back at square one.

Learn how to recognize real progress, regulate before reacting, build your secure self, and respond differently when anxiety shows up.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter
Day 2 of the Free Self-Help Workbook: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5Hv6gf3JT6JbmUM5AQnMLE?si=gUnoUmdhQY-yJfhLz0_oJg

Why can one delayed text, a change in tone, or a disagreement suddenly make you feel like your entire relationship is falling apart?

Your partner takes longer to respond, someone you're dating suddenly goes quiet, or a conflict leaves you feeling disconnected and within minutes, the thought changes from “They haven't replied” to “They've lost interest. I did something wrong. I'm unlovable. I'm going to be alone forever.”

In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores what really triggers relationship anxiety, including the deeper beliefs and old wounds that can become activated by present-day relationship experiences.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Relationship anxiety can follow you through every stage of love—from being single, to dating, to building a committed relationship. It can make frightening possibilities feel like facts and leave you wondering whether you should soothe your anxiety or listen to what it's trying to tell you.

In Episode 50 of In the Messy, Jan brings together many of the themes we've explored throughout the podcast to talk about relationship anxiety, anxious attachment, emotional regulation, compatibility, and becoming your secure self.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

Why do you still need reassurance even when someone tells you they love you?

In Episode 49 of In The Messy, Jan explores reassurance seeking, anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-worth. If you've ever wondered why other people's love, encouragement, or validation doesn't seem to “stick,” this episode explores what may be happening underneath the surface.

Reassurance seeking isn't automatically unhealthy. Human beings need connection, comfort, encouragement, and support. The problem begins when reassurance becomes the only way you can feel safe, worthy, lovable, or certain about yourself and when no amount of reassurance seems to be enough.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

You may be stuck in a situationship where the connection feels intense, the chemistry is strong, and the good moments make you believe commitment could be just around the corner. But whenever you ask where the relationship is going, you receive another vague answer: “I'm not ready,” “I don't like labels,” or “Why can't we just enjoy what we have?”

Then, just when you're ready to leave, everything changes. They become affectionate, attentive, reassuring, and emotionally available. You feel hopeful again—and the cycle starts over.

In Episode 48 of In The Messy, Jan explores why uncertain relationships can be so difficult to leave, especially when anxious attachment is involved. This episode looks at the push-pull dynamic of inconsistent relationships and why moments of intense affection can feel like commitment even when the underlying relationship hasn't actually changed.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
Hope Vs Evidence cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/hopevsevidence
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter

In Episode 47 of In The Messy, Jan explores what happens when people-pleasing becomes an entire way of relating to others. Through the lens of insecure attachment, this episode explores why you may have learned to hide your needs, suppress your emotions, avoid disagreement, and become “easy to love” in order to protect connection.

Jan also explains why being authentic doesn't mean telling everyone everything or removing every mask overnight. Healthy authenticity includes boundaries, privacy, discernment, and learning how to express yourself in ways that are clear, kind, and true.

Visit: Janettechu.ca
Email: jan[at]janettechu.ca
Free Self-Help Workbook: https://gift.janettechu.ca/workbook
SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow
Newsletter: https://www.janettechu.ca/newsletter