Why do you still need reassurance even when someone tells you they love you?

In Episode 49 of In The Messy, Jan explores reassurance seeking, anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, low self-esteem, and self-worth. If you've ever wondered why other people's love, encouragement, or validation doesn't seem to “stick,” this episode explores what may be happening underneath the surface.

Reassurance seeking isn't automatically unhealthy. Human beings need connection, comfort, encouragement, and support. The problem begins when reassurance becomes the only way you can feel safe, worthy, lovable, or certain about yourself and when no amount of reassurance seems to be enough.

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You may be stuck in a situationship where the connection feels intense, the chemistry is strong, and the good moments make you believe commitment could be just around the corner. But whenever you ask where the relationship is going, you receive another vague answer: “I'm not ready,” “I don't like labels,” or “Why can't we just enjoy what we have?”

Then, just when you're ready to leave, everything changes. They become affectionate, attentive, reassuring, and emotionally available. You feel hopeful again—and the cycle starts over.

In Episode 48 of In The Messy, Jan explores why uncertain relationships can be so difficult to leave, especially when anxious attachment is involved. This episode looks at the push-pull dynamic of inconsistent relationships and why moments of intense affection can feel like commitment even when the underlying relationship hasn't actually changed.

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In Episode 47 of In The Messy, Jan explores what happens when people-pleasing becomes an entire way of relating to others. Through the lens of insecure attachment, this episode explores why you may have learned to hide your needs, suppress your emotions, avoid disagreement, and become “easy to love” in order to protect connection.

Jan also explains why being authentic doesn't mean telling everyone everything or removing every mask overnight. Healthy authenticity includes boundaries, privacy, discernment, and learning how to express yourself in ways that are clear, kind, and true.

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Have you ever looked at someone else’s relationship on Instagram and suddenly wondered, “Why doesn’t my relationship look like that?”

Jan explores relationship comparison, anxious attachment, gratitude, resentment, unmet needs, and what it really means to have a healthy relationship.

Seeing someone else’s highlight reel can make you compare your relationship’s lowest moments to someone else’s best moments. But comparison can also reveal something important: sometimes what you're longing for isn't the other person's relationship—it’s a deeper value or need that matters to you.

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In Episode 45 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan reflects on gratitude, love, relationships, loss, and the importance of telling people what they mean to you while you still have the opportunity. Inspired by her fourth wedding anniversary, Jan shares personal reflections on marriage, heartbreak, grief, meaningful relationships, and the people who have shaped who she has become.

This episode explores why we sometimes take the people we love for granted, how unresolved hurt and anxious attachment can make us focus on what might go wrong, and how becoming more secure can help us hold the whole story — both the pain and the goodness.

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Have you ever been told to “just calm down” when your mind is spiraling and your body feels like something needs to be fixed right now? In this episode of In The Messy, Jan introduces the SLOW Journaling Method, a simple four-step practice for anxiety, overthinking, emotional overwhelm, and anxious attachment.

You’ll learn how to Settle your body, Let the noise out, Observe and name your emotions, and listen to your Wise Self to choose one small next step. Jan also shares how journaling supported her through miscarriage, stillbirth, grief, and some of the darkest moments of her life.

This episode explores how to use journaling without turning it into rumination, how to recognize your inner critic, separate facts from the stories your anxious mind creates, and reconnect with your secure self.

SLOW Journaling cheat sheet: https://gift.janettechu.ca/slow

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What if you were the one who cheated? In Episode 43 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating, anxious attachment, guilt, shame, betrayal, and relationship repair—without using attachment as an excuse for infidelity.

Learn why people cheat, how loneliness and validation can contribute to infidelity, the warning signs that often come before cheating, and what to do afterward. Jan discusses taking responsibility, telling the truth, rebuilding trust, setting boundaries, and creating healthier patterns.

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In Episode 42 of In The Messy Podcast, Jan explores cheating anxiety, anxious attachment, trust, intuition, and self-trust. She breaks down how to distinguish emotional fear from present-day evidence, recognize hypervigilance and reassurance-seeking, and regulate your nervous system before confronting your partner.

You'll also learn how to communicate concerns using the Clear, Kind, and True framework, set healthy boundaries, rebuild trust after betrayal, and make relationship decisions without abandoning yourself.

Because security isn't about guaranteeing that you will never be betrayed. It's knowing that you can trust yourself to face the truth, whatever it is, and choose what comes next.

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Why do you want your ex back even when you know the relationship wasn't right for you? In Episode 41 of In The Messy, Jan explores why breakups can trigger anxious attachment, why familiarity can feel safer than being alone, and why missing your ex doesn't necessarily mean you should get back together.

Learn how to manage the urge to text or call your ex, regulate your nervous system after a breakup, navigate dating again, and distinguish attachment panic from a genuine desire for reconciliation. Jan also explores what needs to change before getting back together can become a secure choice: including accountability, consistent behavioral change, emotional responsiveness, and genuine relationship repair.

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In this episode of In The Messy, Jan explores the kind of grief that often goes unseen—the grief that comes when someone you love is still alive, but the relationship no longer feels the same. Whether you're navigating betrayal, broken trust, infidelity, repeated disappointment, financial dishonesty, or a partner who continually lets you down, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding your pain without abandoning yourself.

If you're grieving the version of someone you thought you knew, struggling to rebuild trust after betrayal, or wondering whether your relationship can heal, this episode will help you approach your next steps with greater clarity, self-respect, and compassion.

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