In The Midst

Frank and Jenifer discuss how authentic parenting does not mean perfect parenting, and how humble parenting is heroic parenting. They also discuss a Dear Abby column and the need for heroic friendship and grief education. 

A brief introduction to our daughter Maggie.

Prepare for death as you may, you can never prepare for your child’s death. I could never have imagined that Maggie would be leading us to the Altar of the Lord to say her eternal vows. I wasn’t ready to walk down that aisle and give her away. But there she was, at her funeral Mass, surrounded by the Stations of the Cross, where she had followed Jesus.

https://joyfullikemaggie.com/

Everyone gathers at the hospital to say good-bye to Maggie. Upon her departure, circled around her body, we sing the chorus to Matt Maher’s Lord, I Need You, and then we chant “Holy, Holy, Holy” in recognition of God’s presence and glory.

What happens when your daughter dies of a brain tumor? What happens when miracles don’t happen? Everyone Jesus healed still died. There must be something more to faith than miracles. Indeed there is, Maggie’s death offers to us a witness that death genuflects before the Easter proclamation, “Christ is risen!” and responds, “He is risen indeed.”

Having received the news about our daughter's fate, I now have to go home and tell my wife and kids and everyone else. We go back to the hospital with family and friends to say good-bye to Maggie. Our daughter Nicaea declares that the devil has no power over us, which we demonstrate at the hospital when we gather around Maggie to praise God in the recitation of the Gloria in excelsis Deo. 

In this episode, I talk about the wait after Maggie’s surgery. We wait in the eye of the storm as the doctors try throughout the night and twilight hours to get Maggie stabilized. It became clear that night that Maggie’s condition was far worse than we had realized.

Here, in the eye of the storm, Easter is alive. I say to my wife, “We are an Easter people. We rejoice differently, and we mourn differently.” In the twilight of the night, Maggie receives the Sacrament of Confirmation.  

In the morning, the neurosurgeons tell me there is nothing that can be done to help Maggie. She is going to die. As our daughter prepares to leave us, she does so in the context of the greatest act of worship of God by His people – the Easter season.

In this episode I talk about how, as our daughter laid in her hospital bed, sedated and hooked up to machines and a tube in her mouth, my wife sings to her the chorus to Matt Maher’s “Lord, I need you.” In her last two weeks of life, Maggie would sing this chorus and even hum it to herself because she said it comforted her in her suffering.

I also talk about Maggie's life-saving surgery and the doctors' plan of action. 

Maggie's death has been the greatest challenge to my fundamental belief in the real presence of God in the world and in my life. I've been painfully reminded that the reality of the Gospel does not remove the crucifixion; rather, it hangs on it with you.

I have to be born again - again. But how? What is it that will rebirth you in your darkest hour, in your brokenness? 

In this episode I narrate the beginning of Maggie’s death. She wakes up from a nap crying with a severe headache. My wife takes Maggie to a different hospital this time. On the way, Maggie blacks out and then, at the hospital, has a seizure. As I’m speeding to the hospital, I sense the darkness of the evil one and declare in the Holy Spirit, “I will never surrender my faith!”

I talk about why this happened to our daughter and why she couldn’t grow up and be a nun, or baker, or singer. Maggie was planted in the midst of a fallen creation to be the littlest flower and witness to supernatural goodness, beauty, truth and joy.

In this episode I talk about the three weeks leading up to Maggie’s passing. During this time, my wife and five kids got sick. They all got better except Maggie. We took her to what would be her first ER visit, where she was examined and released in good condition. Only, Maggie wasn’t in good condition. She ended up missing her last First Holy Communion class and it began to look as though her lifelong preparation for Holy Communion was becoming something very different.

In the background, I’m working long hours, helping to lead a men’s ministry, taking Maggie to Holy Communion class on Mondays, leading our family in celebrating the saints’ feast days, and interceding for Maggie’s well-being.