In the Mood for Chaos: A Riverdale Roasting and Recap Podcast

In part 2 of Miranda and Evelyn's examination of Riverdale's aired pilot (2017) vs. an earlier draft of that pilot (2015), considering what might have been gets even more bizarre.

How did they think they could get away with inserting such a shameless rip-off of a beloved movie? Why are all the moms on drugs? How is Reggie the best thing about this? What are Smithers and Hermione getting up to in the alley?

Evelyn says one of the most cursed things ever uttered, but balances it out by finding a way to give Kevin some depth; and Miranda is forced to come to terms with the fact that in the 2015 version, Jughead is more tolerable. Actually, she likes 2015 Jughead. What is the world coming to?

Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter:

Content Warnings:

• Addiction

Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

Before the latest hiatus, Miranda and Evelyn managed to record a bonus with a bit of a twist - i.e. endure a different kind of torture. Going all the way back to the first episode, they deep dive into the differences between the aired pilot (2017), and an older draft (2015).

Let's return to a simpler time without black hoods, and motorcycle gangs, or Jingle Jangle. An alternate time where every scene is a bit longer, and everyone's a bit meaner. 

Where did Sheriff Dad go? How could the dynamic in the Cooper house get any more strained? That can't possibly be how you use the word "glance". And does Jughead just...live at the Chocklit Shoppe?

Meanwhile, Miranda struggles with Roberto's insufferable meta-comments, and Evelyn? Well, she's feeling pretty freakin' epic. If anyone can get them in touch with the elusive jockbud92, do let them know.

Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter:

Content Warnings:

• Addiction

Music: 'Imps' by Mark Revell

In the final riverdiary for this batch, FP weighs in on the madness that has the town in its clutches.

Freshly released from his most recent stay behind bars, poor old FP is not exactly coming back to an ideal home life. Not that he was doing that before he got arrested, but things have - in true Riverdale fashion - gotten worse. 

Why is he so miffed with his son? How does he feel about Alice's hypocrisy? Would he honestly rather be back in jail? Can't say we'd blame him if he would...

Written and recorded by: Evelyn

Content Warnings:

• Gangs/gang violence

Music:

Football's cancelled, and it's getting dangerous out there for those in the Jingle-Jangle business; what's our poor Reggie to do? Apart from making dick jokes, there doesn't seem to be much...then again, that's about all he was doing before so it's not that bad of a downgrade.

What does he think about Weatherbee's football betrayal? Why is he listening to Archie in any way even at all? Has he had a change of heart about nerds? Probably not, but we should check his dairy, just to be sure. 

Written and Recorded by: Miranda

Content Warnings:

• Guns (brief mention)

Music:

Wishy-washy Waldo is back, and ready to vent. It's hard being a principal at the best of times...and now is not exactly those times. He's losing teachers and students both at an alarming rate, and even worse: his star football boy is out of commission!

Just how low is his patience for Archie? What's he got against Sheriff Dad? And who actually attends school anyway? Good thing he's put his thoughts on paper so we can see.

Written and recorded by: Evelyn

Content Warnings:

• Gangs (brief mention)

Music:

Cheryl's been suspiciously quiet for the past little while - except when she's exploited by more unnecessary trauma. That doesn't mean she's not listening, though. Far from it. In fact, it's amazing what you overhear when people don't notice you're there...

What's her take on the growing townie tensions? Does she have any thoughts on The Sugar Man? And are there any updates on the DILF situation?

The writers might be intent on wasting the gift that is Cheryl, but if there's one place she's going to have a starring role, it's her diary.

Written and recorded by: Miranda

Content Warnings:

• Classism

Music:

Happy Father's Day! In celebration (and definitely not a total coincidence) we're hearing from your friendly neighbourhood cuck again - Hal!

Polly's slipped away again, Betty's sticking her nose in all sort of places, and it looks like Alice hasn't shed the last of her serpent skin - what's a father to do? How does one manipulate one's way out of such a situation? If anyone can tell us, it's certainly Hal.

Written & Recorded by: Evelyn

Content Warnings:

• Emotional abuse/manipulation

Music:

Tensions are mounting between...well, pretty much everyone and Alice knows exactly who to blame. And she definitely doesn't have any sort of attraction to him whatsoever. No, sir. Not Alice. 

How does she feel about the mayor's inaction? What does she think of Jughead's induction into the gang she belonged to once upon a time? Just how far in denial is she about wanting FP to absolutely rail her? Only her diary knows.

Written and recorded by: Miranda

Content Warnings:

• Alcoholism (brief mention)

Music:

How nice of the Best Detective Ever (apparently) to give us more of her insights! She hasn't made a ton of progress but her spirits are okay for the most part so that's something.

How does she manage school, journalism, detecting, code-cracking, and deciding what's best for the people around her all at the same time? Sheer will-power? A positive attitude? Or maybe a darker corner of her psyche takes over for a while to give her a break.

Written and recorded by: Evelyn

Content Warnings:

• Blackmail/extortion (implied)

Music:

Poor Veronica: set upon on all sides by her idiot boyfriend, an inconsistent BFF, a douche from her past; and not one, but two criminal parents. She's treading on dangerous ground but, fortunately, she's adaptable. What The Terminator might even call "a learning computer".

How does she feel changed? And what remains the same? What would her meanie friends bak in NY think of her? Why are her fantasies so macabre? Let's have a listen...

Written and recorded by: Miranda

Screencaps & other fun stuff can be found on our Twitter:

Content Warnings:

• Car crash (brief mention)

Music:

Sounds effects via Fesliyan Studios