Money and marriage—two things God designed to bless us, but they can also be two of the greatest sources of stress. What if we turned financial conflict into connection?
Dr. Shane Enete joins us today to share six creative ways couples can build stronger relationships by having intentional financial conversations—what he calls “money dates.”
Dr. Shane Enete is an Associate Professor of Finance at Biola University and founded the Biola Center for Financial Planning. He is also the author of the book Whole Heart Finances: A Jesus-Centered Guide to Managing Your Money with Joy.
Why You Need to Talk About Money—Intentionally
Many couples avoid conversations about money out of fear. A study of 2,000 couples found that half of them were uncomfortable discussing money because they worried it would lead to conflict. The irony is that by avoiding those talks, the conflict only deepens.
On average, couples argue about money 58 times a year. But what if, instead of waiting for issues to flare up, you set aside regular time to talk about your finances together—proactively and prayerfully?
That’s the heart behind the idea of money dates. You might have to rip off the bandage at first, but we want to help couples make these conversations not just necessary—but enjoyable.
Turning Financial Talks Into Dates
These aren’t meant for finger-pointing but for course correction—a time to realign your financial goals with your values.
But also, why not make it a date? Dating can be a lot of fun if you’re intentional. So why not combine something enjoyable with something that’s often uncomfortable? When you connect in a fun environment, even money talk becomes more meaningful.
The key is consistency. Whether it’s over dinner, coffee, or a quiet walk, having a regular rhythm of financial connection helps you stay on the same page as a couple—and deepens your trust.
Money Date #1: Share Your Money Story
Every person brings a financial backstory into marriage—habits, fears, and attitudes shaped by family and early experiences.
Think of it as your money autobiography. Reflect on what you learned about money growing up, what messages you received from your parents, and how those experiences influence your decisions today.
Take your spouse out for dinner and share those stories. You’ll gain empathy and understanding for each other’s perspectives. When you know your partner’s money story, their spending or saving habits make a lot more sense.
Try this: Ask each other, “What’s your earliest memory of money?” The answers may surprise you—and bring you closer.
Money Date #2: Give Together
Generosity is one of the most unifying acts a couple can experience. Here are a few ways to make generosity a shared journey:
- Set a giving goal. Track your progress as a family and celebrate milestones together.
- Join a giving circle. Partner with friends or your small group to pool resources for a cause you all care about.
- Create a stretch goal. As your income grows, commit to increasing your giving percentage over time.
These conversations shift the focus from money as a source of stress to money as a means of Kingdom impact.
Money Date #3: Cook the Books
This one’s both literal and figurative! Instead of going out, stay home and cook
