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In this week's tour of the world's Crooks, F*ckwits and Morons:

1. The Honk returns from London, needs 10 days to recover!: "One was tired!" 
2. US Def Sec Pete Hegseth shoots two defenceless feet dead in open ocean: “I thought my legs were armed, your Honour!”
3. ICE rounds up more Black Admirals, Generals: "Zey Ver Owr Orderz!"
4. World's worst team Wests Tigers finds 50 more ways to lose their fans, matches, lovers 

Plus so much more from the worst week ever (until Sun Dec 14, Bondi Beach):

• 'Instant Experts' huge in Dagestan - Thanks to listener Donitrumpinov Magamoronov!
• FIFA awards inaugural “Bunga Bunga Prize In Memory Jeffrey Epstein” to Donald J Trump, Esq - Congratulations Mr President! (of FIFA)
• Sen. Mark Kelly wears his 2487 combat medals in wrong order, Pete Hegseth arrays his 2 medals right! Who's the war hero now? (Still Mark Kelly) 
• Actually wait a second, is “Cheating” better than “Stealing”? Where’s my “Drinking” Medal? Did it come off in the fight? I don’t remember too much about last night, Officer, to be honest with you...
• Marco Rubio declares war on woke fonts Calibri, Arial, Galadriel - “If you can read it, I don’t want it!" All correspondence must now be in 'Fuhrer' on pure white paper in pure white ink
• Congress worries US drug boat attacks breach international law - Donald Trump Jr. worries US drug boat attacks really f*ck next weekend in Moscow
• Henry hits Mead Tent at Royal Melbourne - "Rory McIroy can't drink for shit!"
• Honk narrowly misses Wests Tigers Chairmanship - Power panel Dumbo the Elephant, Bozo the Clown felt King Wizard the Lizard Gizzard offered more 
• New Epstein Files release reveal super cool Spotify Wrap Listening Age of 9!  
• And in our first ever Instant Experts 'Brainteaser' - There are exactly 27 C*nts in this week's episode. Can you find them all? Grab a King & Wood summer clerk for help. CCP's good at this stuff! (Hint: start in 'C*nt of the Week'. Too many to mention but heaps of regulars like Donald, ICE, and Diddy; Jeffrey coming soon!)

In the comedy podcast with all the latest news, explained by idiots - The Honk & Henry Lee! (Arnie the Dog STILL a regretful apology. Owner recovering from ex-gf's impro dick surgery) 

Saying hi? Email: [email protected]

Or Leave Us a Voicemail to play on the show, right from our home page: www.instantexperts.com.au 

All complaints to: [email protected]

Produced, mixed, compiled and edited by Junior

Additional Editing by The Honk. Ably assisted by 54 hrs of Warren Zevon, Briny Cocaine

Digital design & social media by Guantanamo Babe

'Keith' by Playlunch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PTvxw4fc9M&feature=youtu.be

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