Intelligent Masculinity

“The strongest men I know aren’t loud, reactive, or constantly proving something. They’re calm. And that calm creates safety. People watch what you tolerate, how you handle pressure, how you respond when you’re tired or frustrated. That’s the real mentorship. Masculinity that lasts isn’t built in moments of intensity—it’s built in repetition, consistency, and the willingness to be accountable even when no one is applauding.”

~ Frederic Poag ~

Masculinity In Review

In this seventh discussion of Intelligent Masculinity, Frederic Poag and I explore masculinity through the lens of stewardship rather than self-expression. Through reflections on emotional regulation, community responsibility, mentorship, and generational continuity, the conversation builds on the overall theme that masculinity is something sustained over time — not proven in singular moments. Fred argued that intelligent masculinity is calm, accountable, and oriented toward leaving people and systems better than you found them.

One of the most important contributions from today’s discussion is Fred’s rejection of masculinity as a project of self-expression — centering his view of masculinity through a lens of stoicism — while breaking down the myths of identity performance, emotional release, and public signaling. Fred frames masculinity as stewardship — the obligation to care for people, spaces, and systems that will outlast you. Quietly dismantling a modern masculine trap: the idea that being “authentic” means unfiltered expression. Frederic argues instead that maturity requires containment, not repression — knowing what to express, when, and for what purpose.

A major through-line of our discussion is Fred’s emphasis on emotional regulation. Not emotional suppression, not emotional dumping — regulation. Fred is very explicit when reminding us that unchecked emotion — especially anger — does not make men honest, it makes them unreliable. Intelligent masculinity demands that men learn to process and evaluate our emotions internally before it is externalized onto partners, coworkers, or communities. Fred’s assessment builds directly on the prior conversations — Dr. Eric Lullove teaches patience and Evan Fields offers direction — adding a sense of containment and calibration where emotion becomes information, not instruction.

Frederic repeatedly returns to the idea of calm — not as temperament, but as earned stability. In this framing, calm is not passivity or disengagement; instead, it is the ability to remain present under pressure, to de-escalate rather than dominate, and to create safety instead of spectacle. This is masculinity that does not need to announce itself — calm men do not need to prove strength because they produce stability around them.

Another defining aspect of our discussion is Fred’s focus on mentorship as the responsibility to model behavior worth copying. Men cannot demand emotional maturity, accountability, or discipline from others if they refuse to embody it themselves. This aligns perfectly with the series’ recurring emphasis on modeling over messaging. The knowledge that masculinity is contagious — for better or worse.

Fred offers direct, harsh critiques on reaction-based masculinity. When men define themselves primarily in opposition —to politics, culture, other men — they become reactive rather than principled. Fred advocates for masculinity rooted in values that do not require an enemy, a masculinity that does not feed on conflict, does not require constant validation, and does not collapse when attention fades. It is built to last because it is not built against something, it is built for something.

One of the more sobering insights of the conversation is Fred’s insistence that accountability is not seasonal and being a good man in moments of clarity is easy. Intelligent masculinity is proven in repetition, in fatigue, in boredom, and often through long stretches without recognition. This whole conversation with Fred reinforces the series’ long-view approach: masculinity is not a breakthrough — it is a maintenance discipline.

~Nick Paro

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Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

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One of the most reliable ways fragile masculinity avoids accountability is by refusing to be given a definition. When masculinity is left vague — purposely reduced to feelings, instincts, dominance, or traditions — it becomes impossible to challenge. Harm hides inside these vague abstractions while men are allowed to mindlessly gesticulate toward strength without ever naming what that strength actually requires of them. Vagueness does not then soften masculinity — it protects the worst expressions of it.

Across the first six Intelligent Masculinity conversations, a clear understanding has emerged — when masculinity is left undefined, it always defaults to power without responsibility. It is clear that providing definition to masculinity is not merely a semantic exercise — it is a moral obligation. As Shane Yirak put it early in the series, masculinity cannot be allowed to float above consequence:

“If masculinity can’t be tied directly to consequences, then it’s not worth talking about.”

His insistence sets the terms for a clear understanding — a masculinity that cannot be named precisely cannot be practiced intentionally — and a masculinity that cannot be practiced intentionally will always be an unprepared performance instead. This performance is where true harm hides — it is a mask accepted by these men as they allow others to assume the responsibility for consequences of their actions and values.

Sharad Swaney articulated this risk from a younger vantage point, naming how easily men adopt an identity before earning it:

“It’s easy to say the right things and still avoid the hard ones.”

That gap — between language and behavior — is where fragile masculinity thrives by allowing confidence and false bravado to replace coherent values, a false identity in the shape of a mask to replace discipline, and unwavering certainty replaces mindful reflection.

Lawrence Winnerman pushed our understanding further by rejecting the idea that masculinity needs rigid boundaries at all — without abandoning principles. His understanding is not anchored in false certainty — rather in anchored honesty:

“Authenticity isn’t about knowing exactly who you are. It’s about staying honest while you’re still figuring it out.”

This is an important distinction when discussing the truth of intelligent masculinity — it is not rigid, and it certainly is not vague. It allows for uncertainty of thought without abandoning accountability. What intelligent masculinity refuses is mythology — the idea that we must always be defended, the victims, rather than something which needs to be examined. Walter Rhein named the cost of that mythology directly:

“Masculinity collapses when it requires other people to abandon reality on your behalf.”

When masculinity depends on constant denials — denial of harm, denial of truth, denial of others’ experiences, denial of consequence — it becomes as brittle as early spring’s ice, filled with cracks just below the surface. Any simple challenge to our perceived authority becomes an attack while accountability feels like humiliation and violent escalation replaces thoughtful reflection.

This is why Walter places such emphasis on a definition grounded in repair rather than burdened by defensiveness. His model of masculinity is one of clarity, not ego.

“An unqualified ‘I’m sorry’ is one of the strongest things a man can say.”

That statement only makes sense if masculinity has been redefined away from dominance and instead aimed toward responsibility. In a vague, fragile masculine framework, an apology is made to feel like a weakness — whereas, in a defined masculinity that apology becomes an unqualified ownership for the consequences of our actions and values.

Dr. Eric Lullove further pins down our definition to its most practical concept: regulation and reflection:

“Power without restraint is destruction.”

Eric consistently resists flashy, loud, or absolute definitions of masculinity. Instead, he frames it as integration — patient intellect over reactive impulse and presence with purpose over performance.

“Strength is measured. It’s not loud.”

This reframing matters because much of modern masculinity confuses intensity for authenticity. Rage is treated as honesty — speed is treated as decisiveness — control is treated as leadership — pinning down a definition disrupts those substitutions.

This is where Evan Fields came in to complete the defining arc — forcing masculinity out of the internal and into the public. His contribution is a decisive one: masculinity is not proven by what you believe; rather, by what you participate in. Evan rejects masculinity as a private identity project altogether — instead, he sees masculinity as civic:

“Values create obligations, not identities.”

Evan’s reframing removes the final escape hatch — if masculinity is something you are, it can easily remain untested. Whereas, if masculinity is something you do, it must survive friction — community, disagreement, risk, and consequence. Evan is explicit about the danger of intellectual detachment masquerading as wisdom:

“Cynicism is avoidance dressed as intelligence.”

Definition without participation is performance — participation without accountability is chaos. Intelligent masculinity required both — and our communities are where that balance is tested. This is taken a step further to include one of the most common ‘masculine’ emotions — anger — and Evan made sure we understood the stakes around it:

“Anger can clarify injustice, but anger without direction becomes destructive.”

Contained, focused anger becomes a fuel for our moral energy. Uncontrolled, wild anger becomes an identity — and this identity becomes a mask, a flash point where accountability dissolves.

Across all six conversations, a shared definition of intelligent masculinity begins to crystallize — not as a slogan, but as a set of commitments: accountability over excuse, reflection over reflex, discipline over posture, relationship over hierarchy, and growth over myth. Or, as Shane Yirak framed it more bluntly:

“If you don’t stop and examine what you believe, you’ll just become a vessel for whatever shaped you.”

That is the danger of vagueness. Undefined masculinity does not stay neutral — it absorbs whatever incentives surround it — power, fear, ideology, and grievance rush in to fill the void.

Adding clear definition, by contrast, creates friction which forces men to ask not whether they feel strong, but how that strength is expressed and who bears the cost. This is why intelligent masculinity insists on language. Words matter because they set boundaries. They determine what is permitted, what is challenged, and what is owned.

Masculinity that cannot be clearly named will always default to domination.

Masculinity that can be clearly named must answer for itself — it is something we own.

~Nick Paro

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Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

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~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]

“Challenge yourself to do better and be more”

~ Evan Fields

Masculinity In Review

In this sixth discussion of Intelligent Masculinity, Evan Fields and I examine masculinity as more than a private identity, it is a civic obligation. Building on earlier conversations about ego, discipline, authenticity, accountability, and patience — this discussion reframes masculinity as the willingness to participate — ethically, consistently, and visibly — in community life. Intelligent masculinity, as Evan argues, is not loud virtue signaling or detached self-improvement, but moral courage expressed through sustained action.

Masculinity as Participation, Not Posture

One of Evan’s most important contributions is his rejection of masculinity as a purely internal project — he challenges the idea that being a “good man” is just something you feel or identify as. Instead, masculinity is an action word — it is something you do — especially when participation is inconvenient, uncomfortable, or risky. Evan reframes masculinity as showing up to community spaces; engaging in the local (and national) civic process; and being held accountable in public, not just in private. The type of masculinity Evan describes is a reliable presence, not a peacock performing.

Morality With the Risks

A defining strength of Evan is his insistence that courage is not a self-destructive act. He clearly distinguishes between two types of masculinity: a reckless masculinity that seeks conflict for identity and an intelligent masculinity that accepts risk without mythologizing it. In Evan’s framing, courage is about being responsible with our fears while emphasizing self-reflection as a way to reject the escape-hatch of shifting consequences from ourselves to others — he argues that masculinity refuses to outsource morality.

Anger, Direction, and Containment

The conversation does not shy away from anger — and it refuses to sanctify it. Evan provides us with a critical distinction: anger can clarify injustice, but anger without direction becomes destructive. Intelligent masculinity does not suppress anger — it contains and aims it.

Community as the Testing Ground

A recurring theme in our discussion is that masculinity is best measured in groups and relationships. Evan emphasizes that community exposes: whether your values hold under pressure, whether personal accountability is consistent, and whether men correct each other — or stay silent. Private virtue is easy — public consistency is not. This echoes and expands on earlier episodes where Shane dismantles the ego, Sharad builds our discipline, Lawrence lives through authenticity, Walter enforces and models accountability, Eric regulates power with patience, and Evan tests all of it in the open.

Reflection On Purpose

The conversation also brings out a key focus point for Evan — self-reflection and self-examination — which is becoming his superpower. It’s a key point in how he approaches daily growth. He purposely provides space for evaluating and understanding what his actions were during the day, what the consequences are of the actions — good, bad, neutral — and how he can learn from those different outcomes to be a better man.

Evan argues that masculinity matures when men stop asking:

“Am I good?”

And start asking:

“Am I useful?”

This question pulls masculinity out of self-absorption, self-pity, and self-destruction — and into service, responsibility, and continuity.

Where Evan Takes Us In Our Understanding of Intelligent Masculinity

This sixth discussion with Evan Fields shows us reflective masculinity in practice, building on the lessons we’ve learned from Shane Yirak, Sharad Swaney, Lawrence Winnerman, Walter Rhein, and Dr. Eric Lullove — adding to our discussion that:

* Masculinity is measured in participation

* Values create obligations, not identities

* Cynicism is avoidance dressed as intelligence

* Courage requires strategy, not spectacle

* Community is where masculinity is tested

Evan models a masculinity that is ethically serious, civically engaged, and unwilling to hide behind detachment.

~Nick Paro

Actions You Can Take

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Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:

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Thank you Rachel @ This Woman Votes, Sushipheliac 🍣🍥🍣, Cat Wilson RN, Ms.Yuse, RuleofLawRules, and many others for tuning into my live video with Evan Fields and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective

Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you

* Forever at 50% off

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A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All

~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]

One of the most durable, yet destructive, myths in modern masculinity is the idea of the ruggedly individual, self-made man—the belief that a man’s character is forged alone, that his strength emerges when he is in self-imposed isolation, and that his masculinity and dominance is something he is due rather than something he must first inherit, then constantly work at. This myth of being owed something is appealing for many because it removes responsibility for where we come from. It is also very dangerous—it allows men to reproduce and inflict harm without ever examining its source, themself.

Across the first five Intelligent Masculinity conversations, one reality has surfaced clearly again and again—masculinity does not begin with ideology, dominance, or certainty. It begins with influence—sometimes nurturing, sometimes absent, sometimes harmful, sometimes contradictory—the work of masculinity is not denying that inheritance, but refusing to outsource our accountability once we recognize it.

Shane Yirak described his father not as an idealized figure, but as a man who changed—and that distinction and understanding towards growth mattered more than a mythologized perfection. As Shane recounted,

“Our fathers weren’t perfect. They learned. They softened. They modeled accountability and partnership.”

This framing from Shane immediately disrupts the heroic, self-made mythology often attached to masculinity. In Shane and our experiences, true strength is not about being right the first time—it is about being willing to grow, through acceptance and learning from both our successes and failures.

For Sharad Swaney, this story of inheritance looks drastically different. His father’s absence—shaped by addiction and instability—did not eliminate masculine formation; instead, it intensified it. Sharad told us:

“I had to figure out how to be my own father.”

There is no romanticism in Sharad’s statement—it is a raw acknowledgment of necessity. Sharad did not inherit a stable model of masculinity—he inherited a vacuum. Yet, what matters most in Sharad’s story is not that this absence existed; rather, that he refused to let it become an excuse for avoidance or cruelty. Sharad names the cost of unexamined inheritance directly:

“Finding myself meant rejecting the idea that masculinity was about hiding emotions. That model didn’t survive reality.”

Lawrence Winnerman’s personal reflections further complicate this picture—while expanding on the lessons learned from Sharad—by rejecting certainty itself as a masculine anchor. Rather than pointing to a singular role model, Lawrence emphasized living without rigid gender roles or policing—and without pretending that clarity arrives fully formed. In Lawrence’s own words:

“Authenticity isn’t something you figure out once. It’s a daily practice.”

Fragile masculinity often clings to this false sense of certainty as a protective shield—while Lawrence’s posture rejects that notion as a failing impulse. Masculinity, in his framing, is not about knowing who you are at all times—it is about remaining accountable while you are still becoming—a masculinity focused on a reflective growth.

Walter Rhein then took these threads and tied them together into a hard boundary:

“Masculinity collapses when it requires other people to abandon [their] reality for you.”

Walter’s understanding is critical in our larger discussion because it exposes how this ego-driven masculinity maintains itself—not through strength, but through escalation and domination. When accountability threatens the self-myth, fragile masculinity responds with denial, gaslighting, and coercion. Repair and growth become impossible because truth itself is treated as an enemy. Against that, Walter offers a radically simple, daily practice of voluntary accountability:

“An apology isn’t weakness. ‘I’m sorry’ only becomes powerful when it’s honest and unqualified.”

That simple, yet powerful practice—identifying and accepting one’s own share of harm, then naming it without any escape clauses—becomes an important sorting mechanism for where we focus our emotional energy. Those capable of accountability reciprocate with empathy and understand, while those invested in domination reveal themselves as they demand you apologize only ever on their behalf.

Finally, Dr. Eric Lullove brings the longest view—speaking as a physician, father, and partner—he reframes masculinity away from urgency and towards intentional, measured presence. Eric said:

“Power without restraint is destruction.”

The masculinity Eric described is not a reactive one—it is patient and proactive. He rejects the idea that speed equals strength, arguing instead that maturity is the ability to pause, regulate, and choose deliberately. Eric tied it all together when he spoke an important truth:

“Leadership begins with self-regulation.”

What emerges across these first five conversations is not a single masculine archetype—instead, we see a shared refusal to outsource responsibility where fathers matter, absence matters, women matter, mentors matter, people matter, and failures matter—and that inheritance, no matter how formative, is not destiny. It requires constant vigilance and daily practice—accountability begins where explanation ends. Shane framed it plainly:

“If you don’t stop and reflect, you just become a vessel for whatever shaped you—and that’s not strength.”

This powerful statement is the hinge point of intelligent masculinity—you do not choose what has shaped you—but you are fully responsible for what you carry forward. Masculinity is not proven by suffering, absence, or hardship—it is proven by what a man refuses to excuse once he understands those forces—it is proven through the discipline to live with the consequences of his actions and values.

The self-made man is a myth—the self-governed man is not.

Inheritance becomes just the starting line—not the finish.

~Nick Paro

Actions You Can Take

Submit questions and artwork for Nick and Walter to respond to and showcase:

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* Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification

Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:

* B. Cognition Labs

Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective

Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you

* Forever at 50% off

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A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All

~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]

Masculinity in Review

“Power without restraint is destruction.”

~ Dr. Eric Lullove

In this fifth interview of Intelligent Masculinity, I (Nick Paro) and Dr. Eric Lullove explore masculinity from a slightly different angle than before — as patience in action. Through reflections on Eric’s own experiences with fatherhood, medicine, loss, partnership, and self-regulation, we reframe strength as restraint, leadership as modeling, and accountability as an internal discipline rather than a performance for the public. Eric provides another dimension to intelligent masculinity — not through urgency or dominance; rather, a consistent, measured presence over time.

Masculinity as Measured Response, Not Reflex

One of Eric’s core ideas is his insistence that the best decision is sometimes no decision at all. Drawing from decades of life experience — and reinforced by his medical training — Eric reframes masculinity away from impulsivity and toward practiced patience. The ability to pause, process, and wait is not weakness — it is maturity.

Eric stands in direct opposition to fragile, reaction-based masculinity, which treats speed as strength and hesitation as failure. His masculinity is slower, calmer, and far more reliable.

From Aggressive Authority to Nurturing Leadership

Eric’s reflections on his father — and later on becoming his own role model after his father’s death — mark a significant evolution away from the old male authority structures. He names a realization many men reach too late: you do not need to be aggressive to be respected.

In his roles as physician, husband, stepfather, and father — Eric consciously chose to move away from the “aggressive male” archetype and toward the supportive, stabilizing presence. Patients don’t need domination — children don’t need fear — families don’t need volatility. This reframing positions masculinity as nourishing without being permissive — firm without being threatening.

Partnership as Emotional Grounding, Not Emotional Dumping

A recurring strength of our conversation is the clarity around partnership. Eric describes his wife not as an emotional crutch, but as an equal grounding force—someone he reflects with, not unloads onto. This is a subtle, yet important distinction which helps relationships evolve into partnerships.

It’s the difference between “you make me happy” and “you add to my happiness”.

Intelligent masculinity does not outsource emotional regulation onto others. It builds mutual containment, where both partners are responsible for their own emotional processing while supporting one another’s stability. This is masculinity that respects intimacy without dependency.

Patience as a Learned Skill

One of the most important lessons Eric demonstrates to us is that patience did not come naturally — it came late. Only after getting into his fifties has he begun to fully understand patience as: internal calm, strategic restraint, and emotional bandwidth management.

Rather than reacting to every stimulus — social media, politics, family conflict — Eric practices deliberate delay. A pause before the text. A breath before the response. A moment of wellness before judgment. This reinforces one of the critical themes for the overall series: impulse is not authenticity and regulation is not repression.

Men, Community, and Emotional Literacy

Building on some of the themes introduced by Sharad Swaney during his interview, Eric strongly emphasizes the idea of men needing other men. He reminds us of the necessity for male spaces where vulnerability is allowed — where men can cry, process, and be held accountable without ridicule. Eric argues that emotional isolation is one of the core failures of modern masculinity; whereas, intelligent masculinity is communal, not solitary.

Family, Time, and the Long View

The discussion of multigenerational family — spanning children to centenarians —adds another dimension to our discussion. Eric and my’s reflections make one thing clear: masculinity is not about optimizing youth. It is about stewarding continuity. A man’s legacy is not one of wealth or dominance — it is presence, memory, and values carried forward. Eric presents a lasting masculinity which counters the hyper-accelerated, consumption-driven masculinity pushed by our modern culture.

Intelligence as Integration, Not Suppression

When Eric defines intelligent masculinity, he resists a single sentence — and that resistance is instructive. For him, intelligent masculinity is: integration of yin and yang, use of intellect over impulse, strength without cruelty, and compassion without collapse. He rejects the false binary that empathy weakens masculinity. Instead, he argues that wholeness strengthens and completes it.

Modeling Over Messaging

As a physician, Eric delivers one of his most practical insights: you cannot tell people how to live if you refuse to live that way yourself. This applies to medicine, fatherhood, masculinity, and leadership alike. Intelligent masculinity is demonstrated, not declared. A man knows how to: own their decisions, own their failures, remove toxic influences, and accept consequences without resentment.

His clarity is uncompromising: adulthood begins when men stop blaming the world and start governing themselves.

“It’s nobody else’s life to live but yours.”

Where Dr. Eric Takes Us In Our Understanding of Intelligent Masculinity

This fifth discussion with Dr. Eric Lullove adds his unique layer of understanding to the previous discussions with Shane Yirak, Sharad Swaney, Lawrence Winnerman, and Walter Rhein — adding that:

* Patience is a masculine discipline

* Strength is measured, not loud

* Leadership begins with self-regulation

* Partnership requires mutual grounding

* Accountability must be lived, not preached

Eric embodies a masculinity that is calm, deliberate, emotionally literate, and durable over time.

~Nick Paro

Actions You Can Take

Submit questions and artwork for Nick and Walter to respond to and showcase:

* Sick of this Shit Community Comment Form

Support Ukraine:

* Donate towards generators

Call your public servants on important issues:

* 5calls.org

Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement:

* safedc.info

Sign the Move-On Petitions:

* Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions

* Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification

Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:

* B. Cognition Labs

Thank you Evan Fields, Stephanie G Wilson, PhD, Noble Blend, Cris, Assemblywoman Debra Mazzarelli, and many others for tuning into my live video with Eric Lullove and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective

Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you

* Forever at 50% off

* Forever at 60% off

A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All

~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]

Masculinity in Review

You can be loved even as a flawed person.

~ Walter Rhein

In this 4th interview for the Intelligent Masculinity series, I (Nick Paro) and Walter Rhein dive into a raw conversation about abuse, accountability, fatherhood, and the moral courage required to break generational trauma cycles. Through Walter’s personal storytelling and our reflective analysis, we further clarify that intelligent masculinity is not about perfection or dominance — it is about refusing to outsource accountability, setting immovable boundaries, and choosing not to pass harm forward.

This re-enforces the root concept of what we are finding intelligent masculinity to be, it is:

The refusal to outsource personal accountability onto others — and the discipline to live with the consequences of your values and actions.

Abuse, Denial, and the Cost of “Benefit of the Doubt”

Walter begins our discussion with a recounting of childhood abuse at the hands of his father — through a series of incidents framed as “accidents,” Walter highlights the failing of fragile masculinity: harm followed by denial, justification, and the demand that others collude in the lie.

The recurring excuse — “I didn’t intend to hurt you” — becomes a recurring moral failure. The excuse of intent is used as a shield against accountability; which becomes a shield for protecting a system of abuse. Walter raises an important challenge to the reflexive impulse — “give the benefit of the doubt” — even when there is no doubt or benefit to give.

He names this instinct plainly: when applied uncritically, it enables abuse, reinforces hierarchy, and protects power rather than people. Intelligent masculinity refuses that bargain.

Accountability Without Escape Clauses

A defining moment of the conversation is the shared rejection of intent-based morality.

My framing, thanks to Yoda — “Do or do not. There is no try” — is a simple ethical standard. If harm occurs, accountability follows. Period. Full stop.

I see this interview as an expansion of a foundational theme within these discussions:

You are responsible for the consequences of your actions, not just the story you tell yourself about them.

Walter’s refusal to accept a narrative based on a lie from his father is not from a place of bitterness — it is from moral clarity and self-worth. Healing cannot begin until truth is acknowledged — where apologies are the entry point to repair.

Breaking the Cycle: Fatherhood as Moral Choice

Walter’s experiences have allowed him to make the conscious decision to parent differently — to never draw blood, to never excuse recklessness, to never hide behind denial — is one of the clearest examples of intelligent masculinity in action. This is a masculinity defined not by our sufferings, but by what we refuse to pass on to ourselves or the next generation.

Walter makes a subtle, but very important point: children remember. They internalize more than just our actions — they internalize how we, as adults, respond to our own mistakes. Walter’s willingness to apologize to his children, to name wrongdoing plainly, is a conscious choice to living as the counter-example to the model he was given.

Masculinity Without Mythology

Walter then gives us a sharp analysis of ego-driven masculinity. He describes and breaks down the constructs around fragile, heroic self-myths — the demand that others deny reality to preserve our own.

When accountability threatens the myth, the response is escalation: gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and coercion.

Walter and I land on a clear conclusion: Masculinity collapses when it requires other people to abandon reality on your behalf. True strength — of character, of morals, of values — by contrast, survives exposure and consequences.

Reflection, Repair, and the Practice of Saying “I’m Sorry”

One of the most constructive sections of the conversation is Walter’s practical model for self-reflection and conflict repair.

By identifying his own share of wrongdoing — no matter how small — and apologizing without qualification, Walter discovered a powerful sorting mechanism: there are people capable of accountability reciprocate — an apology that leads to mutual growth — while the people invested in domination reveal themselves for who they are.

This practice transforms an apology from submission into opening the door to mutual clarity — “I’m sorry” becomes an act of strength, not weakness — because it is voluntary, honest, and grounded in self-respect.

Where Walter Takes Us In Our Understanding of Masculinity

This fourth discussion with Walter Rhein adds another layer to the previous discussions with Shane Yirak, Sharad Swaney, and Lawrence Winnerman — building on the powerful ideas that:

* Accountability matters more than intent

* Truth is the foundation for healing

* An apology opens the door to mutual clarity

* Breaking generation traumas is a masculine responsibility

Walter embodies an accountable masculinity based on reflection, emotional liberation, and being unafraid of truth.

~Nick Paro

Actions You Can Take

Submit questions and artwork for Nick and Walter to respond to and showcase:

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Call your public servants on important issues:

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* Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification

Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:

* B. Cognition Labs

Thank you Evan Fields, Beth Cruz, Jed, Cheryl Beck-Ruff, Kathy Smith, and many others for tuning into my live video with Walter Rhein and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective

Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you

* Forever at 50% off

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A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All

~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]

Masculinity in Review

In this third discussion of Intelligent Masculinity, I (Nick Paro) sit down with my friend Lawrence Winnerman for a deeply reflective conversation about authenticity, fear, self-doubt, and moral courage. I build on the two previous discussions to dismantle the old, ego-based, fragile masculinity while replacing it with intentional daily discipline and integrity. Using this central thesis we reframe masculinity as:

The refusal to outsource personal accountability onto others — and the discipline to live with the consequences of your values and actions.

Masculinity Without Gender Policing

One of Lawrence Winnerman’s most important contributions is his refusal to anchor masculinity to any of the old, fragile, rigid gender norms. As a gay man who grew up learning to code-switch for safety, Lawrence exposes how much this is actually performance under threat. In the end, his definition does not reject masculinity — it liberates it. Masculinity, through Lawrence’s framing, is not stoicism for its own sake, dominance over others, and conformity to expectations. Instead, he shows us it is: self-knowledge, authentic presence, and accountability without disguise.

What many see simply as “masculine confidence,” Lawrence argues, is actually something much deeper, and more important: a person showing up fully in their own skin.

Accountability With Uncertainty

A central emotional truth from our discussion is Lawrence’s radical honesty about hist own daily struggles with self-doubt — a self-identified imposter syndrome.

He rejects the myth of the unshakeable man — the man who outwardly strides into the world thinking they know exactly what to do. Instead, Lawrence describes a masculinity filled with doubt, fear, constant self-questioning, and yet… there is a sense of action.

This is where my central thesis comes alive. Lawrence does not outsource responsibility for his choices to fate, society, or ideology.

He makes decisions, acts on them, and accepts the consequences — good or bad — which belong to him.

He owns his own accountability.

Intelligent masculinity here is not confidence without fear — it is courage with fear fully acknowledged.

Authenticity as a Daily Practice

One of the most resonant insights from the conversation is Lawrence’s comparison between coming out and living authentically:

You don’t come out once. You come out every day.

This becomes a powerful metaphor for intelligent masculinity itself. Like authenticity, it is not an identity you claim once — it is a series of small, often daily, repeated choices:

* How you treat strangers

* How you respond to criticism

* How you show up in your community

* How you handle your power over others

Masculinity is not proven during crisis alone — it is revealed in the mundane tasks of everyday life.

Leadership Without Ownership

Lawrence also reflects on leadership and fatherhood — despite not being a parent himself — which defines good leadership (and good masculinity) as the ability to: take pride in others’ success, celebrate growth that surpasses your own, and refuse to claim credit for what does not belong to you.

This stands in direct contrast to ego-driven masculinity, which seeks to dominate, possess, and extract value. Lawrence names this clearly: toxic, frail masculinity is colonial — it must take and consume everything around it.

Intelligent masculinity, by contrast, is a generative process rather than extractive one.

Fear, Fascism, and Moral Clarity

We also acknowledge the weight of masculinity in this hyper political moment. Lawrence openly acknowledges his fears— of authoritarianism, of cultural regression, of the violence ahead. What makes this conversation so powerful is that fear Lawrence describes is not used to justify cruelty or withdrawal — instead, fear becomes: a reason to build community, a reason to speak honestly, a reason to refuse silence.

Lawrence’s deconstruction of masculinity aligns perfectly with one of the core messages from the overall Intelligent Masculinity discussion:

Men do not become dangerous because they are afraid. They become dangerous when they deny fear and outsource the responsibility for those fears onto others.

Where Does Lawrence Take Us In Our Understanding of Masculinity

This third discussion with Lawrence Winnerman adds another layer of depth to the previous two with Shane Yirak and Sharad Swaney — intelligent masculinity is the product of emotional honesty, moral accountability, and self-acceptance.

* Authenticity is not comfort — it is courage.

* Doubt does not lessen one’s strength — denial does.

* Masculinity is not proven by absolute certainty — it is through accountability.

* Leadership is judged not on the success of the individual — it is through the uplifting of others.

Lawrence embodies these traits — he represents a quieter, yet more profound version of masculinity.

~Nick Paro

Thank you Rachel @ This Woman Votes, Cris, Karen Brownfield, LeftieProf, Jack, and many others for tuning into my live video with Lawrence Winnerman and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Actions You Can Take

Support Ukraine:

* Donate towards generators

Call your public servants on important issues:

* 5calls.org

Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement:

* safedc.info

Sign the Move-On Petitions:

* Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions

* Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification

Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:

* B. Cognition Labs

Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective

Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you

* Forever at 50% off

* Forever at 60% off

A special thank you to those who are a part of the Sickest of Them All

~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | Terry mitchell | Carollynn | Julie Robuck ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]

Masculinity in Review

This second discussion of Intelligent Masculinity we move inward. In a grounded, reflective conversation, I (Nick Paro) and Sharad Swaney dive into intentionally intelligent masculinity as an active discipline built on self-regulation, integrity, and internal alignment. Where my first discussion — Intelligent Masculinity with Shane Yirak — focuses on external violence and authoritarian powers, this conversation drills down into what masculinity must actively practice.

Sharad Swaney, 19-years-old, does not enter the conversation as a person who just “arrived at masculinity;” rather, as someone who treats masculinity as an interactive process which includes other men within his sphere of influence — shaped by a growth mindset, feedback, friction, mentorship, and failure. This is a foundational ideal of Intelligent Masculinity, shared by Shane Yirak and Sharad Swaney: growth is communal, and strength is forged alongside others.

Sharad Swaney models a strong masculinity that is:

* Deliberate rather than reactive

* Grounded rather than performative

* Open to growth without being unmoored from truth

What Sharad Is For: Discipline as a Form of Respect

One of Sharad Swaney’s clearest positions is his reframing of discipline — not as rigidity, punishment, or control; rather, as respect made visible. Discipline, in his framing, is:

* Respect for one’s own body

* Respect for commitments made to others

* Respect for time, energy, and consequence

This is an intentionally relational masculinity. By showing up consistently, regulating impulses, managing emotions, and honoring obligations — Sharad presents discipline as a way of reducing harm — to one’s self and to others.

This represents a meaningful departure from old, fragile masculine narratives that equate discipline with emotional denial or dominance — self-reflection, self-evaluation, and discipline allow empathy, trust, and reliability to exist.

Integrity as Alignment, Not Image

Sharad Swaney consistently returns to the idea that integrity is not about appearing principled — it is about intentional, consistent alignment between values, actions, and internal reality.

What makes this contribution powerful is that Sharad Swaney openly acknowledges how easy it is for men to drift:

* To say the right things while avoiding the hard ones

* To adopt an identity before earning it

* To confuse confidence with coherence

Sharad Swaney prefers the slow, unglamorous work of closing those gaps.

This positions masculinity as a practice of reducing contradiction over time. Integrity is not purity — it is honesty paired with effort.

Masculinity Shaped Through Interaction, Not Isolation

A subtle but important through-line in Sharad Swaney’s perspective is the role of personal interactions in masculine development. Growth is not portrayed as self-generated — it is shaped by:

* Conversations that challenge his assumptions

* Relationships that require accountability

* Feedback that forces recalibration

This stands in quiet opposition to the hyper-individualistic and fragile masculinity myths. Sharad Swaney demonstrates that men do not become strong by retreating inward — they become strong by remaining engaged while being willing to change.

This is Intelligent Masculinity in practice.

Responsibility Without Shame

Another positive lesson Sharad Swaney models is responsibility without self-loathing.

He acknowledges mistakes, blind spots, and areas of ongoing work without collapsing into guilt or defensiveness. This is critical, because fragile, shame-based masculinity often leads to:

* Withdrawal

* Anger

* Projection onto others

Sharad Swaney’e posture offers an alternative: responsibility as a neutral, empowering stance. You own what’s yours — not to punish yourself, but to gain agency.

This reinforces a key series theme: Accountability is the foundation — it is an invitation to grow.

Avoidance as the Enemy — Engagement as the Solution

Sharad provides the counter-strategy to avoidance-based masculinity: engagement. He is for:

* Facing discomfort early rather than letting it calcify

* Naming internal resistance instead of rationalizing it

* Staying present even when ego wants to retreat

This is masculinity rooted not through bravado, but through staying power.

Sharad’s version of courage is quiet: it’s the willingness to remain in the work after novelty fades and validation disappears.

Advancing the Series Narrative

If my first discussion with Shane Yirak establishes the moral stakes on an ego-free discipline and integrity, this second discussion with Sharad Swaney re-enforces the ideas of:

* How men actually lean into those values

* What growth looks like at ground the level

* Why masculinity must be trained, not declared

Sharad Swaney’s contribution builds on the previous discussion where Intelligent Masculinity constructive, not critical — offering other men a path forward, focused on growth and intentionality.

~Nick Paro

Actions You Can Take

Support Ukraine:

* Donate towards generators

Call your public servants on important issues:

* 5calls.org

Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement:

* safedc.info

Sign the Move-On Petitions:

* Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions

* Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification

Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:

* B. Cognition Labs

Thank you Evan Fields, Soso's World, Cris, Jill B., Mike Harkreader, and many others for tuning into my live video with Centered America, Sharad Swaney, and Banner & Backbone Media! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective

Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you

* Forever at 50% off

* Forever at 60% off

Special thanks to the Sickest of Them All

Become one of the Sickest of Them All with an annual founding pledge of $200, or more!

~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | C. McGuire ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]

Masculinity in Review

In this first conversation of Intelligent Masculinity — I (Nick Paro) welcome on guest and friend, Shane Yirak, as we set a necessary contrast between true masculinity and performative domination. Our conversation is rooted in current violence, moral accountability, and lived experience — we define masculinity not as power over others — but as responsibility, growth, emotional literacy, and intellectual courage. We establish the scholar-warrior ethic as the path towards value-driven masculinity and as the antidote to this fear-driven masculinity and authoritarian violence.

Where We Begin

We open our conversation by directly acknowledging the extrajudicial killing of Renee Nicole Good by ICE agent, Jonathan Ross — not as an isolated incident, but as a symptom of institutionalized, hate-centered, fear-driven masculinity — one that purposely confuses authority with virtue and violence with strength. As George Orwell says in his dystopian future novel, 1984:

War is Peace.

Freedom is Slavery.

Ignorance is Strength.

This choice and distinction matters.

I like to say — “words matter.”

Rather than easing ourselves into our conversation, we immediately establish a moral baseline: If masculinity cannot be discussed honestly in the presence of state violence, then it isn’t worth discussing at all.

I explicitly name the quality of men responsible — men devoid of intentional, intelligent masculinity — arguing that fragile egos, anonymity, and unaccountable power are the breeding grounds for abuse and domination. We establish this framing as the baseline for the rest of our discussion:

* Refusing to let masculinity be abstract

* Tying masculinity directly to consequences

* Making accountability non-negotiable — accountability is the foundation

Defining the Enemy: Fragile Masculinity vs Intelligent Masculinity

A common and central idea emerges early and repeats throughout our discussion:

Masculinity is not domination.Masculinity is not fear.Masculinity is not obedience without conscience.

Shane Yirak and I argue that a purposeful, cultural push towards White Supremacist and Christian Nationalist ideologies has resulted in a fragile masculinity — one that offers men, and boys, the easy path — an illusion of power without consequences — an illusion of power that doesn’t require reflection, empathy, or moral responsibility.

Shane’s framing is particularly sharp: these systems attract men who feel powerless elsewhere, offering uniforms, weapons, and masks as substitutes for self-worth. This is a masculinity without growth — a masculinity of stagnation — a masculinity of ease.

In contrast, Intelligent Masculinity is presented as:

* Reflective rather than reactive

* Grounded rather than performative

* Rooted in accountability rather than hierarchy

We establish that fragile masculinity is rooted in self-loathing, while true strength is rooted in self-reflection and self-evaluation.

The Scholar-Warrior: Knowledge as a Moral Discipline

I introduce the idea of the scholar-warrior mentality not as some romanticized archetype, but as a practiced discipline.

This is where we really dive into Shane’s personal story — moving through his journey into learning science, philosophy, business, labor, and now media — illustrates a masculinity which deeply values:

* Intellectual curiosity over certainty

* Ethics over obedience

* Mind over posture

Shane Yirak’s intentional embrace of Socratic thinking is especially important: questioning and challenging one’s own beliefs becomes a masculine act rather than a weakness. Reframing masculinity away from rigidity and toward intellectual humility — a core idea that is fundamental to this discussion, and all of the other discussions moving forward.

Fathers, Growth, and Masculinity as a Practice

One of the most powerful through-lines of our conversation is the shared discussion of fatherhood — not as idealistic perfection, but as growth in motion.

Shane Yirak and I both identify our fathers as their most influential male figures in our lives, not because our fathers were flawless, but because they changed: they learned — they softened — they modeled accountability and partnership.

This model of accountability and growth are central pillars in both Shane and my experiences. Masculinity here is not an identity you achieve — it’s an intentional practice you commit to for a lifetime. Growth and understanding are the proof of masculinity, not dominance or emotional suppression.

Shane Yirak expands from my original question by naming the important role that influential women — particularly his grandmother and mother — have played in shaping his moral framework. This reinforces a key idea: masculinity that does not respect women cannot become intelligent.

Language, Power, and Everyday Violence

Our discussion around language — especially the rejection of misogynistic slurs — might seem casual, but it’s philosophically precise.

Shane Yirak articulates how language functions as the infrastructure, and catalyst, for dehumanization: when women’s bodies become insults, women themselves become subconsciously devalued.

This reinforces one of our conversation’s most important assertions: Intelligent masculinity requires vigilance — not just over actions, but over words. Masculinity is not only what men, like Shane Yirak and I, do in moments of crisis — it’s what we normalize (and intentionally de-normalize) as everyday speech — it’s the little things we do not allow others to get away with — it’s intentionally demanding that we personally and collectively grow.

What Does Our Discussion Mean for the Overall Discussion

My conversation with Shane Yirak sets the stage for the rest of the Intelligent Masculinity series with foundational ideas that we actively practice, and encourage others to grow with:

* We anchor masculinity in ethics, not aesthetics

* We outright reject authoritarian masculinity

* We frame masculinity as accountable, relational, and intellectual

* We establish the scholar-warrior as a modern necessity, not a metaphor

Most importantly, we make clear that this series is not about defending men — it’s about demanding better from them.

~Nick Paro

Actions You Can Take

Support Ukraine:

* Donate towards generators

Call your public servants on important issues:

* 5calls.org

Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement:

* safedc.info

Sign the Move-On Petitions:

* Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions

* Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification

Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:

* B. Cognition Labs

Thank you Centered America, Mandy Ohman, Beth Cruz, Noble Blend, Courtney 🇨🇦, and many others for tuning into my live video with Shane Yirak! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Nick’s Notes

I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!

~Nick Paro

Join the uncensored media at the 1A Collective

Support as a paid subscriber however you can — to help get you started, here are a few discounted options for you

* Forever at 50% off

* Forever at 60% off

Special thanks to the Sickest of Them All

Become one of the Sickest of Them All with an annual founding pledge of $200, or more!

~ Soso | Millicent | Courtney 🇨🇦 | Eric Lullove | C. McGuire ~

For support, contact us at: [email protected]