Have you ever caught yourself fighting a habit, a reaction, a way of showing up that you've been trying to fix for years? There's something worth sitting with in that. What if the behaviour you want to change isn't actually broken? What if it's doing exactly what it was designed to do, but it’s now just well past the point where it's still useful?

In this episode, Dr. Amy Silver and I explore the idea that the patterns we run, like people-pleasing, over-controlling, avoiding the hard conversation, aren't character flaws but protective strategies. They made sense at some point. The work isn't to fight them. It's to see them clearly, meet them with self-compassion, and then get deliberate about what happens next. I wonder what becomes possible for you and the people you lead when that reframe lands.

Dr. Amy Silver is a clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience studying how fear and habit shape human behaviour. She began her career at Oxford University, where she worked as a tutor and researcher before making a bold leap to drama school and then into the corporate world. She is the author of the award-winning book The Loudest Guest: How to Change and Control Your Relationship with Fear, and works with organisations, leadership teams, and executives across Australia to build cultures of courageous collaboration. Amy brings rare depth to this space: the rigour of clinical psychology combined with the humanity of someone who lives what she teaches.

You'll learn:

• How to recognise a protective pattern for what it is, without making it mean something about who you are
• Why self-compassion isn't a nice-to-have idea but the prerequisite for any real behaviour change
• How fear operates in teams and why so much of what looks like dysfunction is actually people trying to stay safe
• Why the question isn't "what's wrong with this pattern?" but "how flexible can I be with it?"
• How to identify your personal choice points and build experiments for what to do differently
• Why changing your environment, even in small ways, can shift the pattern before you've said a word
• How the difference between self-awareness and deliberate action is where real leadership lives
• Why the most useful thing you can do with your fear is stop fighting it and start using it as a guide

Other References

• The Loudest Guest | Dr. Amy Silver
• Conversations Create Growth | Dr. Amy Silver
• Oxford Guide to Behavioural Experiments in Cognitive Therapy | Bennett-Levy, Westbrook
• Exposure Therapy: Flooded vs Graded Approach
• The Amygdala and Threat Detection

Timestamps:

(00:00) - Mastering Fear: A Personal Journey

(05:51) - The Role of Self-Compassion

(17:49) - Deliberate Action and Choice Points

(21:10) - Changing the Environment for Better Outcomes

(29:37) - Understanding Team Dynamics and Patterns

(42:34) - The Power of Choice in Everyday Life

You can find Dr. Amy Silver at:

Website: https://www.dramysilver.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amysilverbrave

Check out my services and offerings https://www.digbyscott.com/

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