Deanna Bryant  
 I mean, you feel your pain, obviously. But then you step back and look at it. And kind of, once you feel the emotion, step out of it, evaluate it, and come to terms with it. So it's not controlling you. Would you say that's true? 

Sondra  
Yeah, that's true, you definitely have to let it go. Because when you're in the grips of that physical tension, you have to let it go. Otherwise, everything you do is just going to be some sort of strategy to try and release that tension. Rather than just releasing it, you can just let it move through you. And, the other thing about it, there's a slightly different switch to it is that not only can you not let it control you, you can use it to become more loving, more compassionate. If you really are willing to go underneath what was there. Let me give you an example of one. I don't know if I wrote about it, but when I went to India, my partner that I was in Vietnam with, would get very angry at me, and it was really difficult for me to tolerate that anger. I would do everything I could to have him not be angry at me. I was working harder because we worked together on this nonprofit. And I was just bending myself into a pretzel to do everything he wouldn't be angry at me. If he wasn't angry with me, then he would love me. I had all that stuff going on in my head. And there was some process in India, where I was able to get under that upset. And under that, you know, dislike and hate and anger with it him and see that I had it in myself. And it was not rejecting him in anger, it was like me being upset about anger in general. And when I could see that, it was like, Oh, my gosh, like a huge veil has been lifted off of me. Because then I could see myself with the times when I was angry and what might be underneath that. And the compassion that I could have for others when they're angry, just went through the roof, because now I look at anger, not as something to be avoided, but as something to help work somebody through to see what's under, not in a, you shouldn't be angry. It's just one type of hot potato handling. I'm gonna blame you, I'm gonna yell at you. It's like,  Hey, this is an opportunity. So it's, it's more than just not letting the hurt control you. It's turning that hurt around into being able to nourish you and your journey to see who you really want to be. 


For the complete transcript, you can go to http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/46