Hi Friends,

On Sunday I’ll be going camping for ten days, and my intention is to put my phone away the entire time. I’m not sure I’ve gone ten days without my cell phone since I’ve had one. I don’t think I’ve even gone two full days without it. I almost can’t imagine it, and yet I’m incredibly excited to break the tether, at least while I’m in the woods. Like most of you, I’d guess, I’m addicted to my cell. I give myself a lot of grace about the addiction, rather than shaming myself relentlessly for it, and at the same time would like to be in a much healthier relationship with my phone, and social media, and Netflix, et al.

We all want to be in healthier relationship with any number of things in our lives. What I’ve learned is I don’t have to wait until I get there to be kind to myself. And I certainly don’t have to beat myself up until I’m making what I consider to be healthier choices. Much more important to me than my relationship with my phone is my relationship with myself. No matter how many hours I spend scrolling through Instagram, I can choose to love myself. No matter how many episodes I binge on Netflix, I can choose to be compassionate with myself. Addicted or not, I can offer myself grace.

That’s it, the game-changer, understanding we can offer ourselves compassion, and grace, and love, no matter what. We can decide it’s not dependent on our actions or achievements but on our willingness and commitment to become and remain our own best friend. I don’t allow my mind to berate myself the way I used to. The moment I’m aware that’s what it’s doing, I change the subject. I think it’s important to feel what I’m feeling, but not nearly as important to think what I’m thinking, especially when what I’m thinking is self-abusive and cruel. How is there any benefit to letting my mind run wild in self-loathing? It’s not helpful, and it’s not healing. So I do my best to return to love, or think about something else entirely.

Here’s something I wrote a few months back:

Jacob and I recorded a new episode of Hey Jacob, Hi Scott yesterday, and he spoke about these times as apocalyptic, that we are literally living through an apocalypse, which was at one point defined as an “unveiling.” I agree. A lot is being revealed, about the forces in power and about ourselves, and much of it is painful to witness, own and internalize. It can feel overwhelming, devastating, paralyzing.

A part of me wants to go on a tirade about the overturning of Roe v Wade, or the latest series of mass shootings, or our collective propensity for hypocrisy, or any number of injustices created and upheld by our unconscious, patriarchal foundation. I’m not going to do that here, at least not right now.

I’d rather ask a question: How do you want to show up in our world, no matter how others are showing up? I ask myself this a lot.

Whether I see the world as flourishing or crumbling, whether I see the choices of others as inspiring or horrific, I keep coming back to the same answer, the same conviction: align with Spirit, with love, as much as you are able, in your thoughts, words and actions, and trust that in this alignment what you have to offer is always in the best interest of yourself, everyone else, and the planet too. I believe this with my whole heart, and though it can be difficult to root myself in this belief when the planet is burning, I’m certain there’s no better time to do so than with a world on fire.

We feel powerless when we believe things are beyond our control. To be clear, there are myriad things beyond our control. Most things, in fact. What is not beyond our control, however, is how we are choosing to show up, with ourselves and with others.

How committed are you to living by the example you want to see in our world?

If more compassion is a desire, then be more compassionate. If more kindness is your prayer, then be relentlessly kind. If you hope to be forgiven, start by forgiving others. Lead with your example. We are not powerless when we act in love. To the contrary, we are powerful beyond measure in love, but we have to be willing to act as its messengers.

We’re all out here praying for things to change, but what are we doing to create change within ourselves?

Here’s something else I wrote a few months ago:

I’m a big believer in the power of thought, but thoughts alone are not going to create the change we wish to see, in ourselves or in our world. Thinking about meditation is not the same as meditating. Thinking about talking a walk is not the same as walking. At some point, action is necessary.

And please don’t underestimate the power of actions that reflect self-love. If ever there were a time to commit to loving ourselves, this is it. Love, even when directed at self, always transcends self. Always serves all. That’s the only possibility with love. It’s our great healer.

I want to take a moment to honor you, however and wherever you are in your life. If you’re reading this newsletter, there’s a solid chance you’re a believer in love and doing the tough work of growth and healing. I commend you, and thank you.

I’ll end with this…

Yes, I see you, and I love what I see. Keep shining your light, beautiful one.

Big and Bigger Love,

Scott

Bigger Love with Scott Stabile is a reader-supported publication. If you’re loving it, please consider becoming a paid subscriber. Thanks!

For those of you in Santa Fe, NM, my dear friend Ruthie Lindsey and I are holding a workshop together called Loving Yourself Whole, on Sunday July 24th, at BODY of Santa Fe. It’s going to be a beautiful morning of guided breathwork, meditation, movement and discussion. Go HERE for details.

Online Breath & Belonging is on hold until sometime in August, at which point we’ll return to our Tuesday night sessions.

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