Invincible Life - It's time to live the life you deserve

Self-confidence is one of the most valuable personal assets you should develop and nurture throughout your life.

It’s a fuel that will enable your personal pursuits, accelerate your professional growth, and improve your relationships.

So many elements impact self-confidence from childhood to adulthood. I’ve discussed these before in my draft book chapter.

Key points from the chapter

* Confident people enjoy more success in life.

* Feeling confident isn’t the same as flipping on a light switch.

* There are many layers of confidence, with your sense of self at the core and the ways you express your confidence to others at the outer layer.

* Confidence isn’t a fixed trait, which means you can develop and build it.

* Self-esteem is your perception of your worth, which begins in childhood.

* Self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to achieve your goals, which is the component of confidence you can influence the most.

* You can use some simple strategies and techniques to feel more confident in the moment.

* Self-confidence is such a valuable asset that you must nurture it and fiercely protect it.

In this episode, I want to focus on competence, capability, and optionality. Scroll up and click play to listen since I don’t include everything in the text below.

Being competent

When you feel competent, you know you have what it takes to get things done without someone else diving in to save you. Last week, I discussed the risk of helicopter parenting and how it damages a child’s sense of competence.

When you are competent, you have the knowledge, judgment, skill, or strength to perform specific tasks and achieve certain goals. Of course, it’s impossible to feel 100% competent performing every conceivable task or pursuing any goal.

However, you should have a basic competence for what you will encounter and do in your personal and professional life.

* Competence at work.

* Competent in life.

* Competent in the world.

Feeling capable

Capability and competence are related, as they both refer to being able to do something, but I see them as distinct.

Competence means you can already do it. You have the necessary skills, knowledge, and experience. For example, my friend is a competent mechanic and can already work on my truck to repair it if something goes wrong.

Capability may mean you can do something, but it also can mean you are capable of doing something in the future but need to acquire the skills, knowledge, and experience to do it well. For example, I am capable of learning what I need to know to repair my truck if something goes wrong. I’m not competent yet, but I’m capable of becoming so.

In your lifetime, you will only be competent at a fraction of the activities that billions of other humans do every day. You will encounter many, many more situations where you will need to feel capable of dealing with them, learn, adapt, or do what you need to do to get through it.

* Mentally capable of observing, recognizing, learning, and adapting.

* Emotionally capable of dealing with situations and recovering.

* Physically capable of taking care of myself and doing what needs to be done (e.g., I’ve talked about my journey to recover my health and fitness before).

Having options

Optionality means that you have other things you can try if your attempt to predict the future fails. We make decisions and move forward all the time in our lives. For example:

* Choosing a school.

* Choosing a college degree.

* Choosing an employer and job.

* Choosing a life partner.

* Choosing a place to live.

Some choices may narrow your options, make it hard to change later, and shake your confidence when things go wrong. Other choices may provide you with more options, making it easier to pivot later. That knowledge makes you feel more confident in your daily actions.

Many years ago, I wrote about the importance of having backup plans. They provide optionality if your Plan A goes sideways. For example:

* Being quickly prepared to find another job if you lose your current one.

* Having several customers and clients so your business survives if you lose one.

* Knowing you are a complete person within yourself if a partner leaves you.

Note: I'm not talking about having potential partners floating on the side as you navigate your primary relationship. What I mean is you never let your entire identity and sense of worth rest in another person’s hands. You are complete on your own. Having a partner combines two complete people into something new and powerful.

Listen to the full podcast to hear my expanded discussion of all these topics and thoughts.

By the way, I’m hosting a Job Search workshop on April 1st!

➡️ “Find a Better Job Using 3 Essential Job Search Strategies”

The price for the workshop goes up next week. So, if you're interested in joining us, grab a ticket now.

​⏰ This is the last time I will host my Invincible Job Search workshop this year. I won't offer it again until 2025! So, join us now or wait until then.

​Note: I record video of myself and the presentation, which I share with all the attendees after the workshop. So, if the time doesn’t work for you to join us live, you will have the homework document and the video material to use later, just like a course.

I’m Larry Cornett, a Freedom Coach who can work with you to optimize your career, business, and life. My mission is to help you take complete control of your work and life so you can become a more “Invincible You.” I live in Northern California near Lake Tahoe with my wife and our Great Dane.

Where was this advice when I was a kid? I had to learn the hard way for most of it. 🤣

The other day, I was thinking about the life advice I wanted to share with my children as they enter their 20s. So, I sat down and captured a few simple lessons I think have made a big difference in my life and career.

Here are 20 simple things I think will make you happier, healthier, and more successful.

* Invest in your health

* Spend time in nature

* Always be learning

* See the wonder around you

* Find tiny moments of joy daily

* Always be adapting for the future

* Be a scarce commodity

* Help others often

* Become a great communicator

* Become a great connector

* Build a powerful network

* Make peace with saying no

* Be bold and seize opportunities

* Remember that bad times pass

* Remember that good times don’t last

* Be grateful every day

* Keep going when others give up

* Love and be loved

* Travel the world

* Be a creator

More on each of these below…

1. Invest in your health

I'm sorry, but no amount of money will truly help you fully recover your natural health later in life. So, one of the best investments you can make in your life is to be active daily and eat healthier starting as soon as possible.

I've been working out almost every day for the past 16 years. I started eating healthier about 15 years ago.

My biggest regret is that I didn't start sooner. Life is so much better in almost every way when you’re healthier and feel better.

* I no longer feel tired in the afternoons.

* I sleep better at night.

* I feel stronger and more capable (e.g., lifting heavy weights is great for you).

* I lost a ton of weight.

* I look better, and people tell me I look younger, too.

* We can do almost anything (e.g., hike in the mountains for 6 hours straight, ski all day, move heavy things around).

2. Spend time in nature

I’ve talked about the power of green exercise before. Research has found that the combination of physical activity and time in nature improves both health and mental well-being.

3. Always be learning

It’s too easy to get stuck in your ways as you grow older. And, sadly, if you don’t keep your mind active, you’ll probably experience cognitive decline.

* Keep reading

* Keep learning

* Have strong opinions held loosely

* Be open to new ideas

Heck, I’m even considering going back to college to take some new courses. At this point in my life, I’m even more excited about learning new things.

4. See the wonder around you

Never lose your childlike wonder.

Do you remember when you were young? Do you remember how excited you were to see and experience new things?

Get that back! Take time to notice things around you every day. We overlook so much when we’re busy with work and life.

I remember talking with some friends who live in Denver. They said they didn’t even notice the snowcapped mountains anymore. How sad is that? And it’s avoidable. Be in the moment and pay attention to the world around you.

5. Find tiny moments of joy daily

People sometimes make fun of the recommendation to be more mindful during your day. But, I find joy in being in the moment and pushing the stressful hamster wheel of thoughts aside in my brain while I’m busy doing daily tasks.

It may sound silly, but I wake up every morning feeling excited about making coffee and taking that first sip. I created a ritual decades ago of grinding fresh coffee beans, bringing the water up to the perfect temperature, and making the pour-over in my Chemex.

Could I save time using an automatic coffeemaker? Sure. Would it be easier to use coffee that is already ground? Yep, I guess so.

But I don’t.

I like that 20-min process and being in the moment. The sights, sounds, and scents bring me joy. That first sip of amazing coffee is a delight every single day, even after all these decades of doing it. And I try to bring this to other experiences, too (e.g., lifting weights, cleaning things, making meals).

Life isn’t just about the big moments like birthdays, holidays, and going on vacation. Celebrate the small moments of tiny joy every day.

6. Always be adapting for the future

I know it isn’t easy to keep up with all the changes in the world. It’s also easy to feel overwhelmed by unfamiliar things and get that warm sense of nostalgia for the past. I feel that kick in every once in a while, too.

However, it will be exceedingly difficult to stay relevant and successful in your career and life if you stagnate. The future is coming, whether or not we like it. You can either adapt and be a part of it or be left behind.

7. Be a scarce commodity

Don’t let yourself become a commodity. If you’re just like everyone else and you do work just like everyone else does, you won’t stand out, and you’ll be easy to replace.

Commoditized things get automated and offshored. I’ve watched that happen over the past 30 years.

Focus on what makes you unique and valuable, then double down on those things. Don’t be too available. Don’t be too affordable. There is only one of you, and you are amazing! Act like it.

8. Help others often

“People want to get happier, but often don’t know the best path to do that,” she says. “Generally, we find that it is more effective to get out of our own heads, and orient ourselves to others.”— Jennifer Aaker

I didn’t fully understand how helping others makes you feel happier and more fulfilled until I became a coach over seven years ago. For most of my life, I didn’t get the concept. I sure do now!

I’ve made it my personal mission to help good people escape bad situations. It’s so wonderful to see people regain their confidence and get back on a good path. So, if you want to live a happier, more fulfilling life, seek ways to help others.

9. Become a great communicator

One of the best investments I made in my life was to become comfortable with public speaking. I’ve talked about this a lot!

My career took off, and my confidence in social situations soared once I overcame my fear of public speaking. Becoming a great communicator will serve you well in every aspect of life; work, relationships, daily interactions, etc.

10. Become a great connector

I take joy in introducing good people to good people. I network frequently for my businesses, so I stay connected with folks all over the world. In most cases, I know someone who knows someone — at least in the tech industry. Working at IBM, Apple, eBay, and Yahoo helped a lot with that.

When you become known for knowing people, folks will reach out to you more often. Opportunities will come your way, as well. And it sure does help to have a great network if you want to become a great connector.

11. Build a powerful network

Being a great connector also helps you maintain a fresh and powerful network. I often share that every single one of my jobs in my tech career came about because of my network. I had inside champions who wanted me to work in those companies.

The current job market is pretty bleak, but the people who have strong networks are still receiving opportunities. Instead of “spraying and praying” by blasting their resumes to hundreds of companies, they simply reach out and talk with their trusted network.

12. Make peace with saying no

I spent much of the early years of my career saying, “Yes.” To some degree, you do need to do that to advance your career. If you are good at getting things done and making things happen, you get promoted a lot.

However, at some point, you learn how limited your time and resources are. Not every yes is worth the cost. I found that out. And there is always a price to pay (e.g., time, energy, your health, your peace of mind, missing other opportunities).

Here are some things you should say no to:

13. Be bold and seize opportunities

The most successful people I know weren’t afraid to chase big opportunities. If you always stay in your comfort zone, you won’t grow, and you won’t be as successful as you could be.

I’ve frequently seen less talented people who have more confidence become more successful than much more talented people who were too afraid to try.

14. Remember that bad times pass

Bad times often feel like they will last forever. When you’re down, you start to wonder if you’ll ever recover. Maybe this is the failure that is the beginning of the end.

Dark moments are like that. They cloud your judgment and deceive your mind.

However, the reality is that bad times won’t last forever.

15. Remember that good times don’t last

On the flip side, life can’t be sunshine, unicorns, and puppies forever. Good times don’t last, either. There is no such thing as an “eternal high.”

The funny thing is, that’s okay. The good feels good precisely because it doesn’t last forever and you also experience the bad. The comparison is what makes it obvious that something is a good moment.

16. Be grateful every day

I’ve been working on this for years. I need to remember to be thankful for what I have. I’m getting much better about it.

Even when things aren’t going well (e.g., I’m struggling with my work), I can stop and remember to be grateful for everything that is pretty amazing.

* My wonderful wife of 33 years.

* My 3 amazing children.

* I have my health.

17. Keep going when others give up

Daniel Goleman would call this “Grit,” and he believes that it is one of the biggest predictors of your success. Angela Lee Duckworth also gave a fascinating TED talk on the subject; Grit: the power of passion and perseverance.

Persistence isn’t a magical superpower that only a few are allowed to have. Anyone can do this! Anyone can set their sights on something, be persistent, and keep grinding to make it happen.

It is hard work and requires serious commitment, which is why most people tap out. However, you don’t have to be like them. Keep going!

18. Love and be loved

I know it sounds sappy, but love matters more than almost anything else in this world. I’m so lucky to have found my wife and someone who loves me as much as I love her. We’ve been together for 33 years now!

I know this as a parent. My love for my children is more powerful and important than anything else. I would die for them in a heartbeat.

Nothing will improve your life more than loving well and being loved back.

19. Travel the world

Travel broadens the mind. I’ve been lucky enough to travel a lot, thanks to my past career. I even briefly lived in Shanghai, China.

It changes you.

It improves you.

It boosts your compassion.

I’ll never understand people who don’t want to see the world. I’ve even met people who had been born and raised and never left NYC. Not once! They said, “Why would I go anywhere else? New York has everything.”

Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that. If I hadn’t traveled, I never would have had the surreal experience of watching the sunset over the caldera in Santorini.

20. Be a creator

Finally, I fear that we are becoming nothing but consumers. The internet flowing through all of our devices makes it easy to consume 24x7.

More Netflix, Hulu, Prime, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, etc. etc. etc.!

However, there is incredible power and joy in the act of creation. So, if you want to live a more amazing life, put your phone down and start creating something:

* Write a story or poem.

* Take beautiful photographs.

* Start sketching and painting.

* Play with clay.

* Try a new recipe.

* Learn to play a musical instrument.

* Start a podcast.

* Sing, sing, sing.

* Build a business!

I create more now than I consume, and it has completely changed my life.

⏳ My workshop registration closes in less than 5 days!

I'm hosting a workshop on how to build a solopreneur business on Feb 26th.

"Build a Lifestyle Business to Escape Your 9-5 Job"

I'll record the workshop and share the video with you later. So, if the time doesn't work for you, you'll have the workbook exercises and video to use, just like a course.

Note: I won’t offer this specific workshop again for 6 months! So, if you’re interested, learn more about it and get your ticket today.

Hi, I’m Larry Cornett, a success coach who can work with you to optimize your career, life, or business. My mission is to help you take complete control of your life so you can become a more “Invincible You.” I currently live in Northern California near Lake Tahoe with my wife and Great Dane.

Getting older isn’t all bad.

I’ve already encountered many of the expected positive aspects of aging.

* I’m calmer and less stressed.

* I don’t experience anger as often.

* I’m happier.

* I feel more comfortable in my skin.

* I feel more confident.

* Wisdom starts kicking in.

* A big one: I’m still alive! 🤣

But I’ve discovered that aging has another cool benefit:

I no longer put up with unpleasant people in my life.

I used to care a lot about what other people thought about me and wanted folks to like me. I wanted to make people happy. I didn’t want to make waves or create conflict, so I absorbed the stress from many interactions and relationships at work and in my personal life.

However, as the years have gone by, I’ve increasingly stopped putting up with people who are a net negative in my life. My inner circle has shrunk to only include those whose company I enjoy. Being self-employed certainly has helped. Moving out of the city and into the country was good, too. But I’ve also made a conscious effort to stop engaging with most of humanity.

Some people have called me a misanthrope. Am I? I’m not sure. I think I just no longer have patience for unpleasant people having an unpleasant impact on the precious little time I have left in this world.

“I’m at that stage in life where I stay out of discussions. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right—have fun.” — Keanu Reeves

There are 10 kinds of people you should remove from your life if you can. We tolerate most of this behavior for too long. If you can be brave enough to eliminate your relationships with these folks, you’ll be surprised by how much more delightful your days become.

* One-uppers

* Yum-yuckers

* Energy-drainers

* Never-reciprocators

* Chronic-complainers

* Always-blamers

* Never-enoughers

* Boundary-steppers

* Never-forgivers

* Bad-influencers

Life is too short, my friend. You don’t have unlimited energy to accomplish what you want in life while being drained by interactions with these people.

Of course, if you’re encountering this type of behavior in a valuable relationship (e.g., family member, close friend) or a relationship you can’t escape right now (e.g., boss, coworker), try to address the issues and improve things. I know you can’t always walk away from someone as easily as blocking a negative person on social media. Even so, you may need to minimize your time around them.

1. One-uppers

Do you have a friend who always tries to one-up everything you do? I used to have a few friends like this. Some of my more distant family members were guilty of this, too.

No matter what story I shared or accomplishment I achieved, they would react the same way:

“Oh yeah? That’s nothing! Let me tell you about what I experienced last week.”

They couldn’t seem to help themselves. They always had to top my story or crush my accomplishments. They just had to show everyone how much more exciting, interesting, and great they were vs. anyone else.

It grows old, and it never feels good. If someone is always trying to one-up your life, it’s time to reconsider their presence in it. I stopped spending time around these folks, and the sense of relief was tangible.

2. Yum-yuckers

This behavior is so strange to me. It has happened in my real life, but it happens more often on social media. I’ll post something like a photo of a meal I enjoyed, and someone inevitably leaves a negative comment.

“Ewww. I hate sushi.”

What the heck?! Why would you say something like that on a post someone shared? What’s the point?

It’s happened so often in my life:

* Someone told me they didn’t like my new shirt.

* A coworker made fun of my car.

* Someone often says something negative about the food photos I post.

* A stranger commented that my favorite movie was stupid.

* A follower mocked my choice of a favorite author.

I used to put up with this. Sometimes I would defend myself. Now? Now, I just block people and move on.

You don’t like what I post? Here, I’ll make it easy for you. You’re blocked. Now you no longer have to see the stupid stuff I post! Win-win.

3. Energy-drainers

Have you ever noticed how you feel tired after interacting with some people? They’re always down and negative, so they bring you down, too. Or you spend so much time and energy trying to lift their spirits that you are weary after each interaction.

Of course, this happens to all of us from time to time. And it sure is nice when a good friend can make you feel better.

However, some people are always negative and pull you down into their spiral of despair.

* They hate their boss but will do nothing about it.

* They hate their job but will never quit.

* Stuff is always going wrong, but they’ll never take your advice.

Unless you’re a licensed therapist that this person has hired, this relationship dynamic isn’t really fair to you. I’ve minimized my time with people like this, and it’s definitely made my life better.

4. Never-reciprocators

In my younger years, I had some friends who were really good at asking for favors but never reciprocating. For example, I remember helping one friend move at least three times that I can remember, but this person never seemed to be available when I needed help with a move. I finally stopped being their free moving service.

You probably have a few people in your life like this:

* You’re the one who makes all the effort to keep the friendship going.

* Someone who never seems to return the favor of buying lunch.

* You help them when they’re in a bind, but they’re never available to help you.

* That one friend who borrows money but never pays you back.

* The family member you travel to visit but never makes a trip to visit you.

A healthy relationship has some give and take from both sides. If you’re in a one-sided friendship, is that person really your friend?

5. Chronic-complainers

These folks always have something to complain about. They never seem happy with anything in life, and they always feel like the victim in situations. No one has it as hard as they do!

Mostly, these people are seeking sympathy and validation. I don’t know if you’ve experienced this, but offering advice or trying to help doesn’t work. That can actually backfire. I’ve had someone come back and complain that my advice didn’t help.

Unfortunately, this victim mentality can be part of someone’s personality, and they never seem to change. Minimize your time around them, or they will wear you down.

6. Always-blamers

I know someone who always blames their current employer for their terrible work experiences. The problem is, they’ve been doing this for decades and with every single new employer.

"If you run into an aholeinthemorning,youranintoanahole. If you run into aholesallday,you′retheahole."— Raylan Givens, Justified

Some people just want to blame anyone else and anything else for their problems. They refuse to take any personal responsibility. Of course, that means they are doomed to live a powerless life. But perhaps they’d rather have that than take any ownership?

Nothing makes me more weary than someone who refuses to take ownership of issues but would rather blame everyone else. It’s always someone else’s fault. And, sooner or later, they will blame you, too.

Move on. These people are tiresome.

7. Never-enoughers

I’ve worked for some managers who were never satisfied. No matter how hard you worked or how well things turned out, it was never enough. They wanted more, more, more!

I know some people have experienced this with their parents, and that makes me so sad. They’d get an A on a test, and the parent asked, “Why not an A+?” They’d place second in an event, and the parent was upset that they didn’t take first.

There’s nothing wrong with some encouragement to become the best you can be. We all need a push now and then. But it sure is hard to be around someone who never celebrates your wins because they want you to do even better next time.

This also happens with people who feel like you never do enough for them.

* You can never spend enough time with them.

* You can never show enough love.

* You can never buy enough gifts.

* You can never give them enough praise.

* You can never show enough gratitude.

These folks are a bottomless pit of neediness. At some point, you just give up because you know they’ll never be satisfied. You’ll never be good enough. You’ll never do enough.

That’s no way to live.

8. Boundary-steppers

I wasn’t great at setting boundaries during my corporate career. I’d work late nights and weekends. I’d miss important family events because I had a hard time telling my boss, “No.”

However, I recovered my personal life and developed boundaries when I started my own business. I quickly discovered that I had to with an early client. They started texting me late at night and over the weekend, expecting quick responses and getting upset when I wasn’t always available. So, I started adding clear boundaries (and additional boundaries), client by client and month by month.

I still encounter people who try to step past my boundaries to get what they want. But I no longer tolerate it. If someone doesn’t respect my boundaries, they can move on. I don’t need clients like that. I don’t want friends like that, either.

When people don’t respect your boundaries, it means they don’t respect you. Do you really want someone like that in your life?

9. Never-forgivers

“To err is human, to forgive, divine.”— Alexander Pope

It’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who can never forgive you for your mistakes. Or, they claim to forgive you but use every opportunity to remind you about it. That’s always fun… 🙄

If you’ve ever spent time with someone like this, you know how bad it feels. You end up carrying the burden of your mistakes forever. And, being human, you will make mistakes. Lots of mistakes.

Life is too short to spend time around people who will never let you apologize and move on.

10. Bad-influencers

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”— Jim Rohn

I was just talking about this with my friend Nate Davis during his interview for my Invincible Solopreneurs podcast. Making a new inner circle of friends was an essential part of building a more successful life.

The people who will have the most influence on your life are the ones you spend the most time with. Choose wisely! Does your inner circle lift you up and encourage you to become your best self? Or does your inner circle hold you back and drag you into negative habits (e.g., drinking too much every weekend)?

If someone is a bad influence on you, you need to minimize (or eliminate) your time with them. Or, maybe you can flip things around and become a positive influence that helps them improve their life!

A New Year’s Resolution

So, there you have it. The ten types of people who can make your life unpleasant if you let them linger and have more of an influence over your wellbeing than they should.

It will be a tough resolution to keep, but minimizing or eliminating your time around people like this will improve your quality of life. It certainly has made me feel happier and emotionally healthier!

Feel free to share this post with a friend or loved one who needs to hear this advice.

I’m Larry Cornett, a Personal Coach who can work with you to optimize your career, life, or business. My mission is to help you take complete control of your life so you can become a more “Invincible You.” I currently live in Northern California near Lake Tahoe with my wife and Great Dane.

Try this tip today

Identify one thing you’re not doing because you’re waiting for someone else’s permission.

“I can’t do that.”

“I don’t want to get into trouble.“

“I need to make sure it’s ok.“

“Let me ask for permission first.“

And there it is. The one behavior that rule followers, people pleasers, and all-around “good kids” can’t seem to stop doing.

* Asking for permission *

I should know. That used to be me.

As a first-born child and overachiever, I grew up being a rule follower. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be praised by my parents, teachers, and coaches.

I was the good kid who did what he was supposed to do, for a really long time. I got good grades and never got into trouble until we moved away to a new town and a school where I had the opportunity to reinvent myself and start over.

I became more of a risk taker and a rule breaker. And it helped! I had more success in life and with my personal relationships.

However, old habits die hard. As I moved ahead in my academic life in graduate school and my professional career in Silicon Valley, I slowly but surely fell back into a habit of wanting to make my professors happy and my managers satisfied with my performance.

I became that people-pleasing “good kid” again. Yes, following rules and performing well can help you succeed to a certain extent. My career wasn’t bad. I did pretty well.

But, you do hit a ceiling. You’ll never reach the highest levels of success if you’re the person who waits for permission. Also, being a rule follower and people pleaser doesn’t make for the most exciting and enjoyable life.

The greatest triumphs await those who take the greatest risks. Life becomes a helluva lot more fun and rewarding when you stop waiting around for permission to live it the way you want.

“Audaces fortuna iuvat. Fortune favors the bold.” ― Virgil

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What sets successful people apart

It’s easy to think that highly successful people have some hidden advantage that sets them apart from the rest of us. In fact, Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers (my affiliate link) provides several examples of wildly successful people who had non-obvious advantages. They weren’t just smart, talented, and driven, although that helped.

I’m going to ignore both the obvious and hidden advantages that people like Bill Gates, Sheryl Sandberg, Marissa Mayer, and Elon Musk had that propelled their career success. I’m not so crazy about most of the folks, anyway.

The number one behavior that the most successful people exhibit is easily accessible to you, me, and absolutely everyone:

➡️ They don’t ask for permission.

By “successful people” I don’t mean those who get featured on the front page of Time, Forbes, Rolling Stone, or Sports Illustrated. You know how I feel about that. I mean, the everyday people who are living well and living life on their own terms.

That is something we all should aspire to achieve.

Some of the successful people I know have had outstanding success in their careers working for a company. A few have founded their own companies. And some are entrepreneurs spending their days as they wish.

As I’ve watched all of their careers blossom over the past decades, I noticed they don’t ask for permission to pursue what they want out of their career and life.

I know dozens of these people. You’d think that I might know hundreds after spending over two decades in the tech industry in Silicon Valley. After all, isn’t that the birthplace of disruptive innovation?

But, I don’t. Most of us fall victim to following the rules and assuming that we must wait for permission to pursue bigger goals.

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”— Henry David Thoreau

Rules, filters, barriers, and guards

Barriers are in place to make the status quo easier to maintain. People like routine. They like the familiar. They don’t like change, stress, and unnecessary work. A gatekeeper’s default answer is “No” because it makes their lives easier.

Therein lies the inherent weakness of the “ask for permission” model: You will often hear “No.”

You will especially be told no if you are seeking a stretch goal, or if you don’t fit the perfect image of what an easy “Yes” is for them. That’s why most recruiters overlook exceptional talent that doesn’t match their simple checkbox list.

Success in your life and career requires that you sometimes bend or even break the rules. It wasn’t always easy for me to do this.

* I was your typical first-born child.

* I always felt older than my age, which made me believe I should be more responsible.

* I wanted to please my parents, teachers, and coaches.

* I was a straight-A student, took part in science fairs and spelling bees, put my head down and did what I was told in the military, and cranked on college and graduate school to get those degrees that I thought were so important.

However, I was in for a few surprise discoveries throughout my life, especially during my education. I also found out that playing by the rules may help you “meet expectations” in your job, but you must break a few rules to slip past the usual barricades if you want your career to skyrocket.

I broke a rule

I don’t know how to type. Let me clarify: I never took a formal typing class. I’m self-taught.

This may sound funny to you younger folks, but remember, we didn’t grow up with computers. Heck, most of us didn’t even have a typewriter at home. My first exposure to a QWERTY keyboard was an Apple IIe in a BASIC programming class in high school.

I wasn’t supposed to be there. The rule was that you took a typing class for a semester, and only later could you take the BASIC class. I jumped the queue.

I remember hiding it from the teacher when she occasionally walked around the computer room. But she mostly sat in her other classroom, getting caught up on her work.

However, one day she caught me “programming.” I would write my code by hand on paper with spaces between the numbered lines (in increments of 10) to insert code and make changes. I would “run” the code in my head, reading through it on paper to make sure the logic worked, erasing bugs, and rewriting.

She caught me and was furious.

“What are you doing?! You can’t type?!?!?!”

I explained why, and she almost kicked me out of the class. But, she let me stay if I could keep up with the homework and tests. In a short time, I actually ended up being the best programmer in class, and she never mentioned it again.

Unbeknownst to me, this planted the seeds for my foray into the world of tech much later in my life. If I had asked for permission to join the BASIC class, the gatekeeper would have denied me.

I slipped past a barrier

I never had formal design training, yet I became a designer with a career at IBM, Apple, eBay, Yahoo, and several startups. Not only did I not have design training, I only took a couple of art classes in high school, and an art history course in college.

So, I taught myself.

I’ve always been artistic, sketching and drawing from a very young age. But it was only in graduate school that I started designing software interfaces for my own needs. I was using HyperCard for my psychology research, and I even taught a course in HyperCard and HyperTalk to professors and other graduate students. I voraciously read Danny Goodman’s HyperCard book (my affiliate link) from cover to cover (thank you, Danny). I educated myself.

I’m sure it was my degree, prototyping skills, and network that got me in the doors at IBM and Apple. But, I had to devour every book I could on software design, read all the Apple Technical Library books, learn fast, and prove myself.

The one thing that I didn’t do was ask for permission to be a designer.

I dodged a gatekeeper

I have a Ph.D. in Psychology, but I don’t have an MBA. So, how did I become the VP of Consumer Products for Yahoo Search without any formal experience as a product manager?

I had dabbled in product management while I was working at eBay. I was working on a big project as the lead designer with a product manager (PM) running it. It was a complex product, but the project was going well.

Until the PM got called for jury duty.

Everyone was booked solid, so the PM’s manager asked if I could just run the project to get it launched. I said “Yes,” and finished writing the PRD, worked with engineering, and launched the product successfully.

It probably helped that I had hands-on product experience and I’m the kind of weird hybrid designer who gets product management, analytics, statistics, and dabbled in some engineering. I could talk the talk (and somewhat walk the walk).

But, I didn’t wait for someone to ask me to be the Head of Product for Yahoo! Search. I didn’t let my lack of an MBA or PM title hold me back. 

I saw an opportunity and went for it before I had someone’s permission. I basically said “Yes” and then figured out how I was going to do the job.

Achieving greater success

I look back on my life, and I see a pattern of why some of it worked out well.

* I set my sights on a goal.

* I identified the gaps in my knowledge and skills.

* I worked hard to teach myself what I needed to know.

* I quickly seized an opportunity when it presented itself.

* I said “Yes” first, and then figured things out later.

* I didn’t ask for permission to be who and what I wanted to become.

Did this strategy succeed 100% of the time? No, of course not. I’ve had my fair share of failures, overreaching, and setbacks. But, if you never even go for it, your odds of success are 0%.

I meet many people who are waiting before they can pursue a dream goal. They say that they need a specialized degree, a specific certification, or permission from their professor, parent, boss, or another authority figure.

No, you don’t.

Some of the best developers, designers, and product managers I’ve hired for my teams over the years have been self-taught. I didn’t care about their degrees or certifications. They showed they were smart, ambitious, and could do great work.

History is replete with autodidacts who didn’t need anyone’s approval or certification to pursue their calling. Note: I’m not sharing these famous people to tell you to emulate them and follow their paths. They are simply recognizable examples of successful people who didn’t let traditional barriers stand in their way.

* The world-famous author Ray Bradbury never went to college.

* Suzanne Valadon was a self-taught artist.

* David Bowie taught himself to play many musical instruments.

* Jane Jacobs wrote books about city planning, economics, and sociology with only a high school degree.

* Frank Lloyd Wright did not have a degree in architecture.

* Vera Wang took a huge risk leaving a great job and launched her business when she was 40 years old.

* Buckminster Fuller was expelled from Harvard twice.

* Toni Morrison didn’t wait for someone’s permission to tell her she could be a writer.

* Richard Branson was dyslexic and dropped out of high school.

If you want something, find a way to get it.

* Find a different path that isn’t blocked by their rules and regulations.

* Come in through the side door or back door.

* Walk past the locks and bolts and guards they’ve put on the front door.

* Leverage all of your unfair advantages.

So, the one change you need to make to achieve things others never will?

Stop waiting for permission!

Share this with a friend who needs to break a few rules and stop asking for permission to pursue the life they want.

Larry Cornett received his Ph.D. in Psychology from Rice University. He spent decades in the Silicon Valley tech industry as a designer, Design leader, Product executive, and startup founder. He eventually left the corporate world to start a coaching practice and now lives in Northern California near Lake Tahoe with his wife and children, and a gigantic Great Dane. He does his best to share advice to help others create their own invincible lives. You can find him on Twitter @cornett.