Pam and Erin get real about “invisible contracts”—the unconscious promises we made (often as kids or in intense moments) to keep ourselves safe… that now keep us small. From “I’ll never need anyone” to “If I’m chosen, I’m worthy,” they unpack how these agreements live in the body, show up in relationships, and how to renegotiate them with awareness, compassion, and new action. Expect nervous-system wisdom, shadow work with a light touch, and a whole lot of relatable stories (plus some sweaty “terror barrier” moments).

• What “invisible contracts” are and how they get written in childhood/body

• Common contracts: hyper-independence, control, people-pleasing, playing small, being “the strong one,” “the entertainer,” the caretaker

• The nervous system piece: why insight alone isn’t enough (somatic reactions, cellular memory)

• Bob Proctor’s “terror barrier” and breaking patterns through new action

• Acknowledge → Accept → Declare → Do (one aligned action)

• Reframing old memories (inner child / re-parenting)

• “Blame well” (crediting our caregivers for the strengths their flaws grew in us)

• Writing new contracts that fit who you are now

• Pam’s old contract: “I’ll take care of everything.” The cost: exhaustion, resentment, never receiving support.

• Erin’s tender edge: the “I’m not chosen” story and how it pulls her toward victim mode until she lovingly re-claims the mic.

• What role did you take on that no one explicitly asked you to (entertainer, fixer, caretaker, achiever, peacekeeper)?

• What are you afraid would happen if you stopped performing that role?

• When you’re triggered, what age does the feeling belong to? What did that younger you really need?

• Write a new contract in plain language: “It’s safe for me to receive support.” “My worth isn’t tied to achievement.” “Being fully myself is a gift.”

Work with Pam (1:1 coaching, groups): pamrader.com

Grit & Grace Retreat — April 17–20, 2026 • Cariboo, BC (Spring Lake Ranch) https://gritandgraceretreats.com
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• Share this episode with someone rewriting their story. Tag us with your new contract!

• 00:41 Welcome & why “invisible contracts”

• 02:30 Common contracts we inherit or write as kids

• 06:20 “I choose you”: Erin on healing the “unchosen” story

• 08:55 Pam’s “I’ll take care of everything” contract & the cost

• 10:40 Conscious vs. subconscious; why the body runs the show

• 12:50 Hitting the terror barrier (and what to do)

• 17:20 The 4-step pathway: Acknowledge → Accept → Declare → Do

• 18:55 Pair action with a calming emotion to lock in change

• 21:15 Finding the basement scrolls (metaphor) & updating clauses

• 24:10 Re-parenting & reframing old memories

• 30:25 Roles we adopt: entertainer, caretaker, leader, fixer

• 36:10 New-path metaphor: machete work > well-worn trail

• 39:00 Triggers as teachers; shadow work with compassion

• 40:20 New contracts we’re claiming now + retreat invite

• 42:35 Teaser: Cowboy joins next episode on masculine/feminine

1. Invisible Contracts: The Promises We Forgot We Made

2. Renegotiating Your Life: Rewrite the Unseen Agreements

3. Triggers, Terror Barriers & New Deals with Yourself

4. From “I’ll Do It All” to “I Receive”: Updating Old Roles

5. The Basement Scrolls: Finding and Rewriting Unconscious Contracts

6. Chosen By Me: Healing the Old “Pick Me” Story

7. Awareness, Acceptance, Declaration, Action

8. Your Nervous System Isn’t the Enemy (It Just Needs New Data)

9. The Entertainer, The Fixer, The Strong One—Retiring Old Parts

10. Triggers as Treasure: Shadow Work with Grit & Grace

11. From Well-Worn Paths to New Trails (Bring a Machete)

12. Blame Well, Love Better: Re-Parenting the Past

13. When Insight Isn’t Enough: Body-Led Change

14. The Cost of Being “The Strong One” (and How to Stop Paying)

15. Your New Contract Starts Today