In this episode of The Crux, we tackle the question many couples face: “Is it me or her?” Often asked after years of conflict and disconnection, this question points to deeper relational patterns like the avoider–chaser dynamic.

We explore a three-step process for resetting relationships:

1. Reset Yourself — Prioritize self-care, sleep, nutrition, and emotional well-being.
2. Support Your Partner — Once grounded, help create a shared environment of healing.
3. Seek Quality Therapy — Invest in structured couples work, ideally with approaches like PACT, to repair and rebuild connection.

Along the way, we discuss how past trauma, unresolved hurts, and cultural conditioning affect intimacy—and how love can be reignited with commitment and care.

If you’ve wondered whether your relationship can recover, this episode offers both guidance and hope.

00:00:00 - Introduction to Relationship Questions

Exploring the common question: "Is it me or her?" and the context of relationship struggles.

00:01:44 - Understanding Well-Being Issues

Discussing the importance of individual well-being in relationships and the impact of physical health on emotional connection.

00:03:36 - Resetting Your Own Physiology

The necessity of personal responsibility and self-care as a foundation for relationship improvement.

00:08:38 - Assessing Your Partner's Well-Being

The importance of ensuring both partners are resourced and healthy before diving into relationship work.

00:09:12 - Engaging in Couples Therapy

Recommendations for finding effective couples therapy and the value of investing in quality support.

00:10:34 - The Cost of Therapy vs. Divorce

Highlighting the financial implications of therapy compared to the costs associated with divorce.

00:12:34 - Reigniting the Relationship Fire

Discussing the need to rekindle the emotional connection that initially brought partners together.

00:15:10 - Addressing Resentment and Hurt

Understanding how past wounds affect current relationship dynamics and the importance of healing.

00:18:04 - The Process of Repair

Outlining the steps necessary for repairing a relationship and the importance of expert guidance.

00:24:22 - Recap of the Three-Step Process

Summarizing the steps for resetting a relationship: individual reset, partner support, and couples work.

00:26:09 - Conclusion and Encouragement

Encouraging listeners to embrace the challenging yet rewarding journey of relationship improvement.