Listener fave Dr. Randy Heller is back with us today to discuss one of the most common questions we get: Is it my marriage that's making me miserable? Dr. Heller shares what people should do if they're feeling depressed, stressed and overwhelmed and an easy exercise to do to determine if it's the marriage that is the root of the problem. We also talk about how to start to feel better, regardless of the decision we make in our marriage. You can find Dr. Randy Heller here: thefamilynetwk@aol.com 646-717-6718  mycollaborativeteam.com   No matter what you decide, you got this and we got you. We love hearing from you so don't be shy. Slide into our dms: @theandrearappaport @divorceattorneychicago  

30. Is It My Marriage That's Making Me Miserable? with Dr. Randy Heller

The only divorce podcast that's one part family law attorney and one part recovering comedian.  We are dedicated to bringing you action steps, empathy, and a healthy side of snark. 

Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport bring you divorce content that's resourceful, entertaining, packed with ACTION STEPS from EXPERTS, and most importantly, help listeners feel less alone.

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Listen to this episode BEFORE you go into mediation.  It IS possible to have a positive outcome from mediation, even if you feel like your soon to be ex spouse agree on NOTHING. And before we get into the nitty gritty: Do you have our Divorce Crash Course? It literally holds your hand through ALL major divorce decisions! Get it here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course  Here are 3 EXPERT tips, (from a mediator herself- Joy Rosenthal-https://www.joyrosenthal.com/), to help you reframe your mind before entering mediation: 1) You don't have to RESPECT your soon to be ex, but you still need to have some DIGNITY for them. In other words, treat them like a human who also has wants and needs (even if their wants and needs are questionable and they're acting like a total tool) 2)Start to think of the problem as something that's outside of you and your soon to be ex. Meaning, the issue is "who gets the kids this Christmas?" or "who gets the lake house?" or "who's going to get the collection of ketchup bottles?" (yes, that was an actual issue for one of Morgan's cases). The issue is not about YOU, and it's not about you soon to be ex, it's simply a "problem" that needs to be "solved". 3)Think about why you want what you say you want. This one is kinda about checking ego, and also just gaining some perspective on the situation.  It's important to keep in mind that everyone loses something in a divorce. You're not gonna come of this thing with EVERYTHING you want, it just doesn't work like that.  In fact, the old divorce joke goes, "if both parties are unhappy and feel they got cheated, then the attorneys did their job" I (Andrea) HATE that joke and it makes me want to scream, but that's the way it goes! And remember, mediation, divorce- all of this mess-is just going to be ONE event that happened in your life. It's not your life, you have a lot more life to live when this is all behind you.  Our Family Wizard is here to help you though your coparenting journey. Learn more about them here: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

112. Mediation Prep That Will be Crucial to Your Case

Summer’s almost here folks, and you know what that means...camps, vacations..and your divorce, oh my! Not to mention: the DREADED parenting agreements. One of Andrea’s least favorite topics but something we HAVE to talk about. We talk about the significance of communication and flexibility in establishing summer parenting schedules, and the legal implications of these changes. We also dive into the complexities of co-parenting during summer, including summer camps, child support, and travel logistics.  In this episode you’ll learn:  *The challenges of balancing work and children's needs during the summer, especially for working and single parents *Suggestions for getting help with childcare during the summer *The importance of creativity and flexibility *Examples of creative modifications to summer parenting schedules and the importance of communication between parents *Practical approaches to managing summer activities, like summer camps, co-parenting logistics, and managing expectation *Strategies for initiating conversations with co-parents about travel plans and managing summer camp choices. And friend that barely scratches this surface in this jam packed mini episode! Don't forget to check out the DCC, honey, you need this! : https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course And, go sign up for Our Family Wizard's free newsletter! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck And finally, join our private community! http://www.facebook.com/thehownottosuckatdivorcecommunity  

111. What to Consider About the Summer (Divorce Tips!)

Alright, here's one of Andrea's least favorite topics...but probably the most important: the parenting agreement. Below are the show notes for a special re air episode, all about the parenitng agreement.    Remember, our Divorce Crash Course holds your hand through ALL of the important decisions you make during your divorce process. Grab you DCC, right here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course for only $97, you can save up to THOUSANDS and avoid making MAJOR mistakes. The cost of our crash course includes 5 short videos, which are wildly informative and entertaining (if we do say so ourselves) AND includes a printable guidebook, that has mental health break exercises built in! ***********   We're getting into some real, REAL stuff in this episode. This is one of the biggest concerns our listeners have so we wanted to dedicate an entire episode to how to put your kids first in your parenting agreement. Today, we have therapist Dr. Malissa Tigges with us to talk about how to create a parenting agreement that prioritizes the welfare of your kids. Dr. Tigges is a licensed clinical and forensics psychologist with over 10 years of experience working as a psychotherapist and an evaluator. She helps people make the best decisions possible when developing their parenting agreements.   Dr. Tigges, Morgan and Andrea answer: What do divorcing couples need to understand when putting together their parenting agreement? How to design the parenting agreement so it's appropriate at each age of the children. The biggest mistake divorcing couples make when creating their parenting agreement. What is the main difference of a parenting plan that involves a younger child vs. a teenager? Can you modify a parenting agreement? Who should you consult with to ensure your parenting agreement is the best for your child? Should you open the parenting agreement email after having a few drinks? What is co-parenting therapy and is it necessary? What do you do when your rights are being violated during the divorce process when you're drafting the parenting agreement?   What's the best schedule for co-parenting? 50/50? Week on, week off? Every other weekend? The answer may upset you, but it's important to understand.   Is there wiggle room in a parenting agreement if there's a special trip or long weekend planned?   Dr. Tigges also shares her absolute "must-dos".   Here is where you can connect with Dr. Tigges: @drmalissatigges on instagram, tiktok and facebook   Dr. Tigges is licensed in Florida but if you're not in Florida, your state may allow you to do telehealth with Dr. Tigges so if you need guidance, reach out!   Also- Our Family Wizard is here to help make your coparenting journey a whole lot easier. To learn more about them and to get access to an article that we cowrote, visit them at: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck

110: The Parenting Agreement (Biggest Divorce Mistakes) With Dr Malissa Tigges - special re air

Today’s episode is about something we get asked about A LOT - recording your ex. The truth of the matter is there are some major things you MUST think about before hitting that record button, and yes, EVEN if your attorney suggests it. However, there is a time & a place for capturing what you need to help your divorce proceeding.  We answer:      What legally admissible means and how it applies to you     When we would recommend you recording your ex   What does it mean in your state? Is it legal? And what does it mean?   When would it be appropriate to record and when would it not be?   And, why we LOVE Ring doorbells (not sponsored...yet..hit us up, Ring!) This episode is not only insightful but a resource for you that you may need at some point & we want to equip you with the information you need. And remember, Our Family Wizard is here to help you with your coparenting journey. To learn more about Our Family Wizard, please go check them out, you'll also get access to a special (and funny) article we co wrote with them!! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck Do you have the Divorce Crash Course??? It's going to help you- BIG TIME. https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course   You've got this, friends, and we've got you!

109. Can You Record Your Ex?? (Divorce Questions)

Friend, let’s be real, we know that you're tired of pretending that everything is okay. We know that your gut is telling you that your marriage is not going to work. So, now what??? If you have EVER wondered: "What do I do if I think I want a divorce?" - this episode is for you.  If you're considering divorce but don't know where to begin, this episode is for you.  If you're just miserable in your marriage, but feel stuck, this episode is for you.  Don't forget: The DCC is here to help you save up to THOUSANDS on your divorce AND help you avoid making MAJOR mistakes. Get The Divorce Crash Course HERE! Join our private community: Here! And remember, Our Family Wizard is here to help you make coparenting easier. Believe us, you want to check them out: http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck This podcast was designed to give you information, entertainment and empathy as you embark on the divorce process.  We know that divorce is hard. We know that it's a long and draining process. We also know that life is so much better on the other side.  Don't give up. Everyone deserves to be happy.  You've got this and we've got you.    

30. Is It My Marriage That's Making Me Miserable? with Dr. Randy Heller

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