How Not To Suck At Divorce

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You’ve thought about divorce. Maybe you’ve Googled it, threatened it, or whispered it to your best friend. But how do you know if you’re ready for a divorce—or exhausted and desperate for something to change?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill and comedian and divorced mom Andrea Rappaport break down what to do before filing for divorce. From recognizing patterns in your marriage to understanding your finances and getting answers about child custody, this conversation gives you practical steps to take while you’re still deciding.

There’s no quiz, magic number, or checklist that can decide whether you should end your marriage. But you can get clearer about what’s happening, gather information, and build a support team before making your next move.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Wanting to leave your marriage versus wanting your marriage to change.
• Writing down recurring problems—and positive moments—to see the bigger picture.
• How a therapist can support you through the decision-making process.
• What to understand about income, debt, household expenses, and housing before divorce.
• Why fear about custody and parenting time can lead to decisions you later regret.
• Morgan’s “Chad and Brenda” example: why hiding the children’s passports is a moment to pause and call your attorney.
• Why a divorce attorney consultation doesn’t commit you to filing.
• Comparing attorneys before paying a retainer.
• Turning to professionals for guidance and friends and family for support.

Get your free pre-divorce checklist

Need somewhere to start? Our printable checklist helps you organize your thoughts, review your financial picture, and prepare questions for an attorney—even if you haven’t decided to leave.

Get the free checklist on our website

Resources and support

How to Hire an Attorney Guide

Prepare for consultations and make a more informed decision about who represents you.

Guided Divorce Meditations

Give yourself a moment to breathe when divorce anxiety and overwhelm take over.

Join our free private Facebook community

Connect with other people navigating separation, divorce, and co-parenting.

Explore our podcast playlists

Find episodes organized around the divorce questions you need answered.

OurFamilyWizard: Get 20% off

Explore tools for organizing co-parenting communication, schedules, and shared expenses.

If this episode helped you, share it with someone who’s quietly asking the same questions—and leave us a rating and review so more people can find the show.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

This episode provides general information and does not replace advice from an attorney about your circumstances.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

Your divorce can be moving slowly while you’re making real progress.

Did you open the email you’ve been avoiding? Gather the financial paperwork? Pause before responding to a message that made you furious? Those small wins deserve credit—even if your divorce is nowhere near finished.

In this solo mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport talks about recognizing progress during divorce without waiting for the final signature. From managing divorce overwhelm to rebuilding confidence and giving your children undivided attention, Andrea shares the everyday accomplishments that are easy to overlook when you’re focused on getting through the process.

We also talk about recovering from mistakes, letting a difficult morning be just a difficult morning, and celebrating something you did well before immediately raising the bar. You don’t need to turn every accomplishment into another expectation.

If you feel stuck, exhausted, or like you’re not doing enough, this episode offers a simple way to notice what you’re handling—and give yourself a little recognition along the way.

In this episode:

• Why finalizing your divorce shouldn’t be your only measure of progress.
• Practical wins, from organizing documents to asking your attorney an uncomfortable question.
• Emotional wins, including pausing before responding and recognizing a mistake.
• Parenting during divorce and making room for meaningful moments with your kids.
• Giving yourself credit without demanding more from yourself tomorrow.
• Why one bad moment doesn’t have to define the entire day.
• Keeping a record of your progress to revisit when you’re feeling discouraged.
• Sharing your accomplishments and letting yourself accept encouragement.

Your action steps

Start a “Things That Didn’t Suck” note.

Use your phone’s notes app to keep a running list of things you’re proud of. Include the paperwork, the hard conversations, the moments of patience, and the times you were kind to yourself.

Tell someone about a win.

You can say, “This might sound small, but it was hard for me, and I did it.” Give yourself permission to receive support and recognition.

Celebrate before raising the bar.

Take a moment to acknowledge what you accomplished. A small win doesn’t need to become a bigger assignment.

Leave room for hard days.

You don’t have to add something to your list every day. Return to it when you can, and use it as a reminder of the progress you’ve already made.

Resources and support

Join our private Facebook community

Share your small wins, connect with people navigating divorce and coparenting, and find encouragement along the way.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

Take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup when divorce feels overwhelming.

Divorce Crash Course

Prepare for your next steps with our private podcast and guidebook. Available now for $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

OurFamilyWizard — 20% off your first year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses.

Explore our divorce podcast playlists

Find episodes organized around the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and send this episode to someone who needs a reminder that their effort counts.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You don’t have to wait until it’s over to recognize how far you’ve come.

You have got this. And we’ve got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the divorce process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

You’ve been out of the workforce raising your family. Now you’re getting divorced, you’re worried about money, and everyone has an opinion about when you should get a job.

Will going back to work affect your spousal support? What if childcare costs more than you’d earn? And who pays for the training, résumé help, and work clothes you need before your first paycheck?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill welcome Alan Feigenbaum, a matrimonial and family law partner at Blank Rome in New York City, to discuss returning to work during divorce.

Alan and Morgan explain how they evaluate work history, earning potential, caregiving responsibilities, and financial needs. They challenge the blanket advice that staying unemployed will protect your support—and discuss why accepting a job deserves a closer look than simply asking whether your support payment could decrease.

We also get into the overlooked costs of reentering the workforce, what to bring your attorney before accepting an offer, and how imputed income, vocational evaluations, and job-search records can enter the conversation. Alan shares his experience representing stay-at-home dads, including the different reactions he has encountered in court.

Expect practical next steps, a few unpopular opinions, and a very questionable conversation about what happens when a gnat lands in your coffee.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Returning to work during divorce after years as a stay-at-home parent.
• How employment income may affect alimony or spousal support.
• Why your former salary may not reflect your current earning potential.
• Evaluating childcare costs, your children’s needs, and part-time options.
• Budgeting for certifications, education, résumé services, interview coaching, work clothes, and networking.
• Reviewing a job offer’s salary, bonuses, benefits, and stock options with your attorney.
• What imputed income means and why a court may examine someone’s ability to earn.
• Job-search diaries and vocational experts.
• Stay-at-home moms, stay-at-home dads, and the stereotypes that can surface during divorce.
• Rebuilding financial independence and an identity beyond the divorce process.

Three action steps to take from this episode

1. Learn what your options actually are.

Explore realistic jobs, pay ranges, schedules, and any training you would need. You can gather information without committing to a particular path.

2. Bring your attorney an itemized budget.

List the costs associated with returning to work and gather estimates to support them. Give your lawyer specifics to evaluate rather than one unexplained total.

3. Ask your lawyer to run the numbers.

Discuss how different income scenarios could affect support and your overall finances. If you have an offer, share the full compensation package—not just the salary.

Episode timestamps

00:00 — Getting divorced and realizing you may need a job.

01:37 — The gnat-in-the-coffee debate.

03:24 — Community updates: Who is Brenda’s new boyfriend?

05:17 — Meet family-law attorney Alan Feigenbaum.

05:47 — “I’ve been home with the kids. Do I have to go back to work?”

07:36 — Why an old salary doesn’t guarantee today’s earning potential.

09:06 — Will getting a job affect spousal support?

12:39 — What if you haven’t made efforts to return to work?

14:45 — Training, credentials, and the costs of getting started.

17:25 — Build an itemized return-to-work budget.

18:49 — Childcare costs and part-time work: a case example.

24:27 — Challenging assumptions about stay-at-home parents.

26:26 — A client weighs a job offer against support concerns.

28:31 — What your lawyer needs to know about a job offer.

29:36 — Stay-at-home dads and courtroom expectations.

31:28 — Imputed income, job-search diaries, and vocational experts.

33:18 — Rapid-fire questions: overlooked expenses and common mistakes.

38:16 — Action steps for evaluating your return to work.

41:25 — Using AI without letting it send you into a spiral.

42:08 — Feeling overwhelmed and hopeful at the same time.

About our guest

Alan Feigenbaum is a partner in the matrimonial and family law practice at Blank Rome in New York City. He helps clients navigate complex financial and custody disputes, with attention to their long-term financial and family needs. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and a regular contributor to the New York Law Journal.

Learn more about Alan and his work at Blank Rome.

Resources and support

Join our private Facebook community

Connect with other people navigating divorce and coparenting, share experiences, and join the conversation.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

Take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup when divorce feels overwhelming.

Divorce Crash Course

Our private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for the process. Available now for $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

OurFamilyWizard — 20% off your first year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses.

Explore our divorce podcast playlists

Find episodes organized around the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone worried about returning to work during divorce.

This episode provides general information, not legal advice. Employment and support decisions depend on your circumstances and the law in your jurisdiction. Discuss your options with your own attorney.

You have got this. And we’ve got you.

Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. This private podcast and guidebook help you understand the divorce process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

Can life actually get better after divorce? When you’re exhausted, worried about your kids, and trying to figure out how to support yourself, that can feel impossible to imagine.

In this solo mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares three unexpected ways divorce changed her life: greater confidence, a deeper relationship with her children, and the discovery that she could build a business and earn more than she once thought possible.

Andrea talks honestly about early coparenting mistakes, the memories her boys still cherish from “mommy’s apartment,” and how facing intimidating situations helped her learn to speak up in business and relationships. She also shares a fourth, deeply personal change: realizing she deserved to be loved.

This is one woman’s experience rebuilding after divorce—not a promise that the process will be easy or that everyone’s journey will look the same. If you’re wondering whether you’ll ever recognize yourself again, this conversation offers perspective, encouragement, and a reminder that the hardest chapter doesn’t have to be the last one.

In this episode:

• How navigating divorce helped Andrea become more confident and advocate for herself.
• Why disagreements feel different after surviving something she once thought she couldn’t handle.
• How acknowledging parenting mistakes opened the door to more honest conversations with her children.
• The kitchen dance parties and small moments her boys remember from life after separation.
• What Andrea discovered about her earning potential and ability to build a business.
• Rebuilding self-worth and recognizing that she deserved a healthier relationship.
• Finding support and moments of humor while recovering from divorce.

Need support through divorce? Start here.

Join our private Facebook community

Connect with other people navigating divorce and coparenting. Ask questions, share your experiences, and find support from people who understand.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

Give yourself a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup when divorce anxiety or overwhelm takes over.

Divorce Crash Course

Prepare for what comes next with our private podcast and guidebook. Available now for $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

OurFamilyWizard — 20% off your first year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses.

Explore our divorce podcast playlists

Find conversations about the issues you’re facing before, during, and after divorce.

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce, leave a rating or review, and share this episode with someone who needs a little hope about life after divorce. Visit our website for more resources and links to our social channels.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Some days you’re moving forward. Some days you’re just keeping your head above water. You deserve support through both.

You have got this. And we, my friends, have got you.

Thinking about divorce? Get prepared with our Divorce Crash Course. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. Get the private podcast and guidebook to help you understand the process, ask better questions, and avoid expensive mistakes.

You’ve done the therapy. You’ve hired a lawyer. You finally say, “I want a divorce.” Suddenly, the spouse who has spent months telling you they’re unhappy wants to stay together, try counseling, or live as roommates until the kids turn 18.

Are you allowed to still feel done when they’ve decided they’re not?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian and marketing professional Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill answer a listener’s question about a spouse who reverses course on divorce—and leaves them feeling guilty, confused, and stuck in limbo.

We discuss how to separate emotional pressure from decisions about your divorce case, what to tell your attorney when your spouse suddenly wants to reconcile, and why promises to change deserve a closer look. Sometimes a wake-up call leads to real effort. Sometimes it buys more time. The question is what’s happening in your marriage—and what you want to do next.

We also explore discernment counseling, setting boundaries around repeated arguments, and the pressure to “stay together for the kids.” Turning 18 doesn’t make children immune to the effects of divorce, and choosing your next step deserves guidance specific to your family.

And because this is our show, we finish with an imaginary Starbucks partnership, emergency divorce support delivered by helicopter, and a DM that absolutely should have stayed in drafts.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What happens when you want a divorce and your spouse suddenly wants to stay married.
• How a spouse’s reversal can leave you questioning a decision you worked hard to make.
• What to discuss with your lawyer before pausing or withdrawing divorce proceedings.
• How discernment counseling differs from couples therapy.
• Looking at actions alongside promises when considering reconciliation.
• Setting boundaries when your spouse keeps debating your reasons for leaving.
• Using brief, informative, friendly, and firm communication.
• Why “wait until the kids are 18” deserves more than an automatic yes.
• Getting individual support while deciding whether to stay or go.

Episode timestamps

00:00 — You want a divorce. Suddenly, your spouse doesn’t.

01:18 — The listener’s story: “Let’s stay roommates until the kids are grown.”

02:39 — Emotional whiplash, manipulation, and feeling stuck.

05:19 — Should you keep explaining why you want to leave?

09:44 — What to tell your attorney when your spouse reverses course.

11:01 — Discernment counseling versus couples therapy.

12:19 — A genuine wake-up call—or more time to prepare?

16:21 — Stop putting your marriage on trial every night.

17:25 — Setting boundaries and keeping conflict away from the kids.

18:52 — Should you stay married until your children turn 18?

23:34 — Andrea’s experience leaving with young children.

25:59 — Planning next steps while you’re still under the same roof.

28:58 — The weekend DM we were not prepared for.

32:15 — Getting support before you move forward.

Resources to help you take the next step

Divorce Crash Course

Our private podcast and guidebook help you prepare for divorce and make more informed decisions. $50, typically $150, thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Guided Meditations for Divorce

When your thoughts won’t slow down, take a moment to pause, breathe, and regroup before your next difficult conversation.

OurFamilyWizard: 20% Off Your First Year

Explore tools for organizing coparenting communication, schedules, and expenses. Use our link for 20% off your first year.

Divorce Podcast Playlists

Find episodes grouped by the issues you’re navigating, so you can get to the conversations you need.

Join our private community

Visit How Not to Suck at Divorce for information about our private Facebook community and additional resources.

If this episode helped you feel less alone, follow the show, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs it. Have a question you’d like us to cover? Send it our way. Please keep your shirt on.

This episode provides general information, not legal or mental-health advice. Consult your own attorney and licensed mental-health professional about your circumstances.

You have got this. And we’ve got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

Our Family Wizard

Get the Divorce Crash Course for $50

Get practical divorce guidance with our private podcast and companion guidebook. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Your spouse is stalling. Your lawyer isn’t calling back. And you’re worried those angry texts might come back to haunt you. What now?

In this listener Q&A episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport answer questions from our private community about divorce delays, coparenting communication, attorney responsiveness, and telling children about divorce after infidelity.

We discuss what to do when your spouse won’t move forward—whether you’re still deciding how to leave or already navigating the divorce process. Morgan explains how attorney-guided discovery, court deadlines, and trial scheduling may help move a stalled case forward, along with the risks you need to understand before taking that step.

We also address a question many listeners quietly worry about: What if I sent the angry texts before I knew better? Taking responsibility and showing consistent improvement can matter. It doesn’t erase past behavior, but it gives you a path toward better communication.

Then we tackle the frustration of waiting weeks for your divorce lawyer to respond, when to discuss expectations, and when a second opinion may be worth considering. Finally, we talk about infidelity, protecting children from adult conflict, and getting support for difficult questions about why the marriage is ending.

Plus: meet Victoria, our newest fictional character, and hear why Morgan’s influencer-inspired hair rollers were almost grounds for divorce.

In this episode:

• What to do when your spouse is delaying divorce.
• How legal deadlines may help move negotiations forward.
• Why scheduling a trial doesn’t guarantee a settlement—or mean a trial is inevitable.
• How to address past angry texts and improve coparenting communication.
• What to ask when your divorce attorney takes weeks to respond.
• When to consider a second legal opinion.
• Why children shouldn’t become the audience for your pain over an affair.
• Where to find support for age-appropriate divorce conversations.

Episode timestamps

01:25 — My spouse is stalling. How do I regain some control?

03:26 — What if we’ve already filed for divorce?

08:45 — Can my past angry texts hurt my divorce case?

15:28 — OurFamilyWizard: 20% off your first year.

15:55 — My lawyer takes weeks to respond. Should I get a second opinion?

21:45 — Introducing Victoria.

23:30 — Should I tell the kids we’re divorcing because of infidelity?

29:30 — Hair rollers, Amazon dupes, and the burnt-orange joggers.

Save 20% on your first year of OurFamilyWizard

Explore tools to help organize coparenting communication and discuss whether OurFamilyWizard is right for your family with your attorney.

https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20

Need a moment to calm your mind?

Our divorce guided meditations offer a place to pause when the waiting, conflict, and uncertainty feel overwhelming.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations

Find episodes for what you’re dealing with

Explore our topic playlists, including episodes about infidelity, and visit our website for guides and divorce resources.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/podcast-playlists

Keep the conversation going

Join our private Facebook community through our website to ask questions and connect with other people navigating divorce.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com

Follow How Not to Suck at Divorce and leave a rating or review to help more people find the show.

This episode provides general information, not legal advice. Legal options and outcomes depend on your circumstances and jurisdiction. Consult your own attorney about your situation.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You’ve got this—and we’ve got you.

Going through divorce? Get the Divorce Crash Course before you make an expensive mistake.

Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and communication templates to help you get organized. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

Your co-parent did something that pissed you off. Does your attorney need to hear about it?

The kids come home in clothes that stopped fitting three years ago. Your ex introduces a new partner without following the parenting agreement. Someone buys concert tickets on your parenting night—and tells your child before asking you. Meanwhile, you’re finding out about school issues after everybody else.

When you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce or custody dispute, it can be hard to tell the difference between an irritating interaction and a concern that deserves professional attention. Ignoring everything doesn’t feel right. Paying your attorney to address every problem gets expensive. So how do you decide?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport welcomes back Atlanta family law attorney, former judge, and guardian ad litem Dan Bloom to work through real co-parenting scenarios. Dan keeps returning to one question: How is this affecting your child?

Andrea and Dan explore why context matters, how to recognize patterns, and how to raise concerns with your attorney or guardian ad litem without turning every email into a custody battle. They also discuss why asking children to keep secrets between households changes the conversation—and how to respond when your child shares something uncomfortable.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to assess co-parenting conflict by its effect on your child.
• When clothing disputes become more than an argument about missing outfits.
• What to consider when an ex introduces a new partner outside the parenting agreement.
• How to support a child who has been told to keep a secret from you.
• How to handle activities scheduled during your parenting time.
• Why repeated exclusion from teacher emails and school information deserves attention.
• How to document concerns without spending every day reliving them.
• Why Dan generally recommends checking with your attorney before raising an issue with a GAL.
• How to ask for help in a way that focuses on your child and a workable solution.

What matters to your child may be different from what bothers you.

A missing shirt may not affect your child’s day. A missing comfort item that helps them sleep might. An inaccurate comment to a friend may be frustrating; misleading a teacher about the other parent’s involvement can have different consequences. Dan explains why the details matter more than assigning every incident the same level of urgency.

The conversation also tackles the emotional trap of trying to get your ex to admit you’re right. You may never receive that apology or satisfying final email. The more useful goal is protecting your child from the conflict, recognizing concerns that need attention, and choosing a response that serves your family.

Connect with Dan Bloom

Dan consults on high-conflict custody matters in Georgia and throughout the country. If you need help thinking through difficult co-parenting situations or preparing to communicate with a GAL, reach out to ask whether his consulting services are a fit.

Learn more about Dan Bloom

Contact Dan’s firm

Keep co-parenting communication in one place with OurFamilyWizard.

Andrea discusses how OurFamilyWizard can help keep messages organized and available for later review. The episode also covers using its tone tools to reconsider a message before frustration takes over the conversation.

Explore OurFamilyWizard

Before you send the angry message, give yourself a few minutes.

Our Guided Divorce Meditations include 11 short meditations created for difficult divorce moments, including worry about your kids, parenting exchanges, loneliness, and frustration with the process. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need support before deciding what to do next.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations

Subscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating a difficult co-parenting relationship, and leave us a review.

You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

Going through divorce? Start with the Divorce Crash Course.

Before you agree to a parenting schedule, make sure you understand what you’re agreeing to. Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and email templates to help you communicate more efficiently. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

“We’ll alternate holidays.” Great. What does that actually mean?

Who gets Halloween? Does Thanksgiving parenting time include enough days to travel to see family? What happens when your child’s birthday falls on your ex’s day—and the two-hour visit you negotiated makes everyone miserable?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill tackle holiday parenting schedules, co-parenting conflict, and the emotional reality of spending holidays without your kids. Both hosts arrive tired and cranky, which means the advice is practical, the opinions are strong, and nobody is pretending this is easy.

Andrea shares the holiday travel detail she missed in her own parenting agreement, along with what she learned from her first Thanksgiving away from her children. Morgan explains why family traditions, realistic exchange times, and your children’s changing needs deserve attention before you finalize a holiday schedule. They also discuss the potential benefits—and complications—of including an option to review parenting arrangements through mediation.

The conversation gets into the details that can make holidays harder than they need to be: splitting trick-or-treating between households, calling in the middle of a family celebration, and making children feel responsible for a parent’s loneliness. You’re allowed to miss your kids. The challenge is finding support for those feelings while giving your children room to enjoy their time with their other parent.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What to consider before agreeing to alternate holidays after divorce.
• Why out-of-state family visits may require more than one day of parenting time.
• How to identify the traditions that matter most to each household.
• Why a parenting schedule for toddlers may need a fresh look as children grow.
• The benefits and risks of future mediation or schedule-review provisions.
• Halloween, birthdays, and the pressure of switching households during a celebration.
• How to plan a brief, reassuring holiday check-in without grilling your kids.
• Creating something to look forward to together—even when you don’t have the actual holiday.

You don’t need an expensive trip or elaborate celebration to make meaningful memories. A movie night, favorite snacks, or your own Thanksgiving on Saturday can give you and your kids something to anticipate. The calendar date doesn’t have to carry the entire relationship.

Missing your kids? Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations.

The hours before an exchange—or the quiet after your kids leave—can be some of the hardest. Our 11 short guided divorce meditations were created for moments like missing your children, feeling lonely, worrying about the future, and struggling to sleep. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need a little support getting through the next few minutes.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations

Keep holiday planning organized with OurFamilyWizard.

When holiday plans involve travel requests, schedule changes, and messages with your co-parent, having a shared place to communicate can help you keep track of the details. Learn more about OurFamilyWizard, a supporter of How Not to Suck at Divorce and an angel underwriter of our Divorce Crash Course. And remember, we are the only podcast that can save you 20% on your first year.

Explore OurFamilyWizard

Subscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating their first holiday season after separation, and leave us a review. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

Smarter Way to Sell Your Jewelry

After my divorce was finalized, I sold my old engagement ring to a jeweler — and honestly, I was stunned by how little I got for it compared to what it originally cost.

🎧 Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations

If your nervous system is completely fried, your thoughts are racing, or you feel like your ex has way too much control over your emotional state, start here. Our guided divorce meditations were created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety feels overwhelming.

💥 Get the Divorce Crash Course

If you’re at the beginning of divorce — or you feel completely lost in the process — the Divorce Crash Course gives you the tools, information, checklists and guidance we wish everyone had from day one.

Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

Our Family Wizard

The co parenting app designed to help you during and after your divorce. Celebrities use it- you should too. And we are the only podcast that can get you 20% off your first year. Click the link above.

One of the most brutal parts of divorce is the feeling that someone else suddenly has control over your life.

Your spouse may seem to control the money. The schedule. The kids. The pace of the divorce. Your emotional state. Maybe even whether you have a good day or a completely disastrous one.

But feeling powerless and actually being powerless are not the same thing.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea sits down with former family law attorney and OurFamilyWizard Legal Liaison Nikol Sotos to talk about how to take your power back during divorce — especially when you’re dealing with a controlling or high-conflict ex.

Nikol explains that one of the biggest mistakes people make when they feel overwhelmed is giving away control without even realizing it — sometimes to their ex, and sometimes even to their own attorney. Your lawyer can advise you, protect you and help you make strategic decisions, but this is still your life.

And taking your power back does not mean becoming more aggressive.

It often means doing less.

If your ex sends an inflammatory message designed to make you explode, the most powerful response may be no response at all — at least not immediately.

Andrea and Nikol talk about moving away from emotional reactions and toward strategic communication. Instead of firing back when your ex sends something infuriating, pause. Let your nervous system settle. Respond only to what actually requires a response.

Sometimes that response is simply:

“Thanks for the text.”

Or:

“Got it.”

Or nothing.

Because when someone is hoping to provoke you, refusing to give them the reaction they expect can change the entire dynamic.

Another unpopular opinion from Andrea: documenting is not just for ugly divorces.

Even an amicable divorce can change quickly.

A new partner enters the picture. Someone changes their position. A parenting disagreement escalates. Suddenly a conversation you thought everyone remembered very differently becomes important.

Nikol recommends creating a paper trail regardless of the current conflict level.

Create a separate email account for your divorce. Keep documents organized. Change passwords your spouse may know. Protect your privacy and your digital information.

And please — do not announce to your ex that you are documenting them.

Just document.

Inside the Divorce Crash Course, we also give you a timeline tool to help organize important events and information during your case.

Creating boundaries during divorce can feel strange, particularly if your lives were completely intertwined for years.

Changing passwords.

Opening your own account.

Creating a separate email.

Deciding when you are available to respond.

Those actions can feel dramatic when you have never needed those boundaries before.

But boundaries are about controlling your own environment, not controlling your ex.

That distinction matters.

Taking your power back does not mean dominating the other person. It means managing what happens inside your own life, your home, your mind and your emotional world.

Taking back control does not always start with a huge legal decision.

Sometimes it starts absurdly small.

Walk a different route.

Order something different at Starbucks.

Change one part of your morning routine.

Do something that reminds your brain:

I still make choices.

Nikol explains that these small changes can interrupt the feeling that every part of your life is happening to you.

No, switching from half-and-half to almond milk will not change the outcome of your divorce.

But rebuilding your sense of agency in small areas can help you regulate your emotions — which can make it easier to make smarter decisions in the areas that really do matter.

You do not need to immediately answer every message.

You do not need to abandon dinner with your friends because your ex sent 17 texts.

Unless there is an actual emergency involving your children or another urgent situation, you are allowed to take time before responding.

Nikol shares the story of a woman in a long, high-conflict divorce who began feeling dramatically more in control when she finally realized she did not have to react to everything her ex threw at her.

That shift — from reacting to strategizing — is where power starts to return.

• Why divorce can make even confident people feel powerless
• How fear and uncertainty affect your decision-making
• Why you shouldn’t hand your entire life over to your attorney
• How to stop reacting to inflammatory texts from your ex
• Why silence can sometimes be incredibly powerful
• How to communicate with a controlling or high-conflict ex
• Why documentation matters even in an amicable divorce
• Why you should create a separate email account for your divorce
• Changing passwords and creating digital boundaries
• The difference between setting boundaries and trying to control someone
• How small daily changes can rebuild your sense of control
• Why your ex’s urgency does not automatically become your emergency
• How OurFamilyWizard’s ToneMeter can help keep communication neutral
• How to think more strategically and less emotionally during divorce

Divorce can make you feel like your life is completely out of your hands.

It isn’t.

You may not be able to control what your ex does, what they say, how quickly the process moves or every decision made in your case.

But you can control your responses, your boundaries, your documentation, your communication and the choices you make next.

And sometimes that is exactly how you begin getting your power back.

Divorce comes with a lot of advice. Andrea has some opinions about that advice.

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In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea shares 10 of her most unpopular divorce opinions—the ones that might make your lawyer raise an eyebrow, your mother clutch her pearls, or your group chat light up.

Some of them are practical: you and your spouse should have separate attorneys, even if the divorce is amicable. Some are emotional: losing friends during divorce can be completely normal, and therapy should be treated as an essential part of the process, not an afterthought. And some might be a little more controversial—like the idea that dating during divorce is not automatically a terrible decision, as long as you talk to your attorney first and understand how complicated it can become.

Andrea also tackles one of the hardest parts of co-parenting during divorce: what to do when your ex is behaving badly in front of the kids. Pretending unhealthy behavior is normal can be confusing for children, but criticizing the other parent can pull them directly into the conflict. The goal is to address the behavior without making your child responsible for the adult problem.

And then there’s the survival stuff nobody talks about enough.

Maybe you need to talk to your doctor about medication if your anxiety, sleep, appetite, or ability to function are falling apart. Maybe you desperately need a hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with your divorce. Maybe buying the sweater, getting your nails done, ordering takeout, or replacing your sheets is exactly the small reminder you need that your entire life has not been put on hold.

And yes, Andrea is also making the case for watching more television—especially at night, when divorce anxiety has a way of turning you into a private investigator rereading texts, emails, locations, and Venmo transactions. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is turn off your divorce brain and binge something deeply unserious instead.

Finally, Andrea takes on the marital home. Keeping the house after divorce can feel deeply important, especially when children are involved. But if keeping it leaves you financially stretched, unable to rebuild savings, or constantly afraid of the next major expense, it may not actually be protecting you or your kids. A house is not the only place where you can create safety, stability, and family.

This episode is not a list of rules. It’s permission to question some of the divorce advice we hear over and over again—and to remember that your life does not have to stop while your divorce is happening.

Because divorce is part of your life. It does not get to become your whole life.

• Why Andrea believes divorcing spouses should have separate attorneys
• Why losing—and making—friends during divorce can be completely normal
• Why therapy may be one of the most important forms of divorce support
• How to address unhealthy behavior from an ex without putting kids in the middle
• The pros, cons, and complications of dating during divorce
• Why it may be worth talking to your doctor about mental-health support
• Why hobbies, television, and small treats can actually help you cope
• Why keeping the marital home is not always the best financial or emotional decision

1.You and your spouse should not share an attorney.

Even in an amicable divorce, each person should have independent legal advice and someone protecting their individual interests.

2.You may lose friends during divorce — and make new ones.

Divorce changes relationships. Some friendships fade, others deepen, and some may exist only for this particular season of your life.

3.You need a therapist during divorce.

Divorce can trigger anxiety, grief, anger, childhood trauma, and other issues that go far beyond the legal process.

4.If your ex is behaving badly, you can address that behavior with your kids.

The key is talking about unhealthy behavior without criticizing the other parent or pulling your child into the conflict.

5.Dating during divorce is not automatically a bad idea.

Talk to your attorney first, understand the potential complications, and know that dating can be either a welcome distraction or a giant additional headache.

6.You may need medication during divorce.

If anxiety, depression, sleep problems, or stress are interfering with your ability to function, talk to your doctor and therapist rather than ignoring your mental health.

7.You need a hobby during divorce.

Having something in your life that has nothing to do with your case can be incredibly helpful for your mental health.

8.You should still treat yourself.

Within reason, your entire life does not need to stop because you are getting divorced.

9.Watching more TV during divorce may actually help.

Especially at night, distraction can keep you from spiraling, rereading texts, checking accounts, or obsessing over your case.

10.Keeping the marital home is not always the right decision.

If keeping the house leaves you financially strained, walking away from it may ultimately create more stability for you and your children.

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