How Not To Suck At Divorce

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Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and communication templates to help you get organized. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

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Your co-parent did something that pissed you off. Does your attorney need to hear about it?

The kids come home in clothes that stopped fitting three years ago. Your ex introduces a new partner without following the parenting agreement. Someone buys concert tickets on your parenting night—and tells your child before asking you. Meanwhile, you’re finding out about school issues after everybody else.

When you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce or custody dispute, it can be hard to tell the difference between an irritating interaction and a concern that deserves professional attention. Ignoring everything doesn’t feel right. Paying your attorney to address every problem gets expensive. So how do you decide?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport welcomes back Atlanta family law attorney, former judge, and guardian ad litem Dan Bloom to work through real co-parenting scenarios. Dan keeps returning to one question: How is this affecting your child?

Andrea and Dan explore why context matters, how to recognize patterns, and how to raise concerns with your attorney or guardian ad litem without turning every email into a custody battle. They also discuss why asking children to keep secrets between households changes the conversation—and how to respond when your child shares something uncomfortable.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to assess co-parenting conflict by its effect on your child.
• When clothing disputes become more than an argument about missing outfits.
• What to consider when an ex introduces a new partner outside the parenting agreement.
• How to support a child who has been told to keep a secret from you.
• How to handle activities scheduled during your parenting time.
• Why repeated exclusion from teacher emails and school information deserves attention.
• How to document concerns without spending every day reliving them.
• Why Dan generally recommends checking with your attorney before raising an issue with a GAL.
• How to ask for help in a way that focuses on your child and a workable solution.

What matters to your child may be different from what bothers you.

A missing shirt may not affect your child’s day. A missing comfort item that helps them sleep might. An inaccurate comment to a friend may be frustrating; misleading a teacher about the other parent’s involvement can have different consequences. Dan explains why the details matter more than assigning every incident the same level of urgency.

The conversation also tackles the emotional trap of trying to get your ex to admit you’re right. You may never receive that apology or satisfying final email. The more useful goal is protecting your child from the conflict, recognizing concerns that need attention, and choosing a response that serves your family.

Connect with Dan Bloom

Dan consults on high-conflict custody matters in Georgia and throughout the country. If you need help thinking through difficult co-parenting situations or preparing to communicate with a GAL, reach out to ask whether his consulting services are a fit.

Learn more about Dan Bloom

Contact Dan’s firm

Keep co-parenting communication in one place with OurFamilyWizard.

Andrea discusses how OurFamilyWizard can help keep messages organized and available for later review. The episode also covers using its tone tools to reconsider a message before frustration takes over the conversation.

Explore OurFamilyWizard

Before you send the angry message, give yourself a few minutes.

Our Guided Divorce Meditations include 11 short meditations created for difficult divorce moments, including worry about your kids, parenting exchanges, loneliness, and frustration with the process. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need support before deciding what to do next.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations

Subscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating a difficult co-parenting relationship, and leave us a review.

You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

Going through divorce? Start with the Divorce Crash Course.

Before you agree to a parenting schedule, make sure you understand what you’re agreeing to. Our Divorce Crash Course includes a private podcast and printable workbook with parenting agreement guidance, questions to ask your attorney, and email templates to help you communicate more efficiently. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

Get the Divorce Crash Course

“We’ll alternate holidays.” Great. What does that actually mean?

Who gets Halloween? Does Thanksgiving parenting time include enough days to travel to see family? What happens when your child’s birthday falls on your ex’s day—and the two-hour visit you negotiated makes everyone miserable?

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill tackle holiday parenting schedules, co-parenting conflict, and the emotional reality of spending holidays without your kids. Both hosts arrive tired and cranky, which means the advice is practical, the opinions are strong, and nobody is pretending this is easy.

Andrea shares the holiday travel detail she missed in her own parenting agreement, along with what she learned from her first Thanksgiving away from her children. Morgan explains why family traditions, realistic exchange times, and your children’s changing needs deserve attention before you finalize a holiday schedule. They also discuss the potential benefits—and complications—of including an option to review parenting arrangements through mediation.

The conversation gets into the details that can make holidays harder than they need to be: splitting trick-or-treating between households, calling in the middle of a family celebration, and making children feel responsible for a parent’s loneliness. You’re allowed to miss your kids. The challenge is finding support for those feelings while giving your children room to enjoy their time with their other parent.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What to consider before agreeing to alternate holidays after divorce.
• Why out-of-state family visits may require more than one day of parenting time.
• How to identify the traditions that matter most to each household.
• Why a parenting schedule for toddlers may need a fresh look as children grow.
• The benefits and risks of future mediation or schedule-review provisions.
• Halloween, birthdays, and the pressure of switching households during a celebration.
• How to plan a brief, reassuring holiday check-in without grilling your kids.
• Creating something to look forward to together—even when you don’t have the actual holiday.

You don’t need an expensive trip or elaborate celebration to make meaningful memories. A movie night, favorite snacks, or your own Thanksgiving on Saturday can give you and your kids something to anticipate. The calendar date doesn’t have to carry the entire relationship.

Missing your kids? Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations.

The hours before an exchange—or the quiet after your kids leave—can be some of the hardest. Our 11 short guided divorce meditations were created for moments like missing your children, feeling lonely, worrying about the future, and struggling to sleep. Listen privately through your favorite podcast app when you need a little support getting through the next few minutes.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations

Keep holiday planning organized with OurFamilyWizard.

When holiday plans involve travel requests, schedule changes, and messages with your co-parent, having a shared place to communicate can help you keep track of the details. Learn more about OurFamilyWizard, a supporter of How Not to Suck at Divorce and an angel underwriter of our Divorce Crash Course. And remember, we are the only podcast that can save you 20% on your first year.

Explore OurFamilyWizard

Subscribe to How Not to Suck at Divorce, share this episode with someone navigating their first holiday season after separation, and leave us a review. You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.

Mentioned in this episode:

Smarter Way to Sell Your Jewelry

After my divorce was finalized, I sold my old engagement ring to a jeweler — and honestly, I was stunned by how little I got for it compared to what it originally cost.

🎧 Start with our Guided Divorce Meditations

If your nervous system is completely fried, your thoughts are racing, or you feel like your ex has way too much control over your emotional state, start here. Our guided divorce meditations were created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety feels overwhelming.

💥 Get the Divorce Crash Course

If you’re at the beginning of divorce — or you feel completely lost in the process — the Divorce Crash Course gives you the tools, information, checklists and guidance we wish everyone had from day one.

Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

Our Family Wizard

The co parenting app designed to help you during and after your divorce. Celebrities use it- you should too. And we are the only podcast that can get you 20% off your first year. Click the link above.

One of the most brutal parts of divorce is the feeling that someone else suddenly has control over your life.

Your spouse may seem to control the money. The schedule. The kids. The pace of the divorce. Your emotional state. Maybe even whether you have a good day or a completely disastrous one.

But feeling powerless and actually being powerless are not the same thing.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea sits down with former family law attorney and OurFamilyWizard Legal Liaison Nikol Sotos to talk about how to take your power back during divorce — especially when you’re dealing with a controlling or high-conflict ex.

Nikol explains that one of the biggest mistakes people make when they feel overwhelmed is giving away control without even realizing it — sometimes to their ex, and sometimes even to their own attorney. Your lawyer can advise you, protect you and help you make strategic decisions, but this is still your life.

And taking your power back does not mean becoming more aggressive.

It often means doing less.

If your ex sends an inflammatory message designed to make you explode, the most powerful response may be no response at all — at least not immediately.

Andrea and Nikol talk about moving away from emotional reactions and toward strategic communication. Instead of firing back when your ex sends something infuriating, pause. Let your nervous system settle. Respond only to what actually requires a response.

Sometimes that response is simply:

“Thanks for the text.”

Or:

“Got it.”

Or nothing.

Because when someone is hoping to provoke you, refusing to give them the reaction they expect can change the entire dynamic.

Another unpopular opinion from Andrea: documenting is not just for ugly divorces.

Even an amicable divorce can change quickly.

A new partner enters the picture. Someone changes their position. A parenting disagreement escalates. Suddenly a conversation you thought everyone remembered very differently becomes important.

Nikol recommends creating a paper trail regardless of the current conflict level.

Create a separate email account for your divorce. Keep documents organized. Change passwords your spouse may know. Protect your privacy and your digital information.

And please — do not announce to your ex that you are documenting them.

Just document.

Inside the Divorce Crash Course, we also give you a timeline tool to help organize important events and information during your case.

Creating boundaries during divorce can feel strange, particularly if your lives were completely intertwined for years.

Changing passwords.

Opening your own account.

Creating a separate email.

Deciding when you are available to respond.

Those actions can feel dramatic when you have never needed those boundaries before.

But boundaries are about controlling your own environment, not controlling your ex.

That distinction matters.

Taking your power back does not mean dominating the other person. It means managing what happens inside your own life, your home, your mind and your emotional world.

Taking back control does not always start with a huge legal decision.

Sometimes it starts absurdly small.

Walk a different route.

Order something different at Starbucks.

Change one part of your morning routine.

Do something that reminds your brain:

I still make choices.

Nikol explains that these small changes can interrupt the feeling that every part of your life is happening to you.

No, switching from half-and-half to almond milk will not change the outcome of your divorce.

But rebuilding your sense of agency in small areas can help you regulate your emotions — which can make it easier to make smarter decisions in the areas that really do matter.

You do not need to immediately answer every message.

You do not need to abandon dinner with your friends because your ex sent 17 texts.

Unless there is an actual emergency involving your children or another urgent situation, you are allowed to take time before responding.

Nikol shares the story of a woman in a long, high-conflict divorce who began feeling dramatically more in control when she finally realized she did not have to react to everything her ex threw at her.

That shift — from reacting to strategizing — is where power starts to return.

• Why divorce can make even confident people feel powerless
• How fear and uncertainty affect your decision-making
• Why you shouldn’t hand your entire life over to your attorney
• How to stop reacting to inflammatory texts from your ex
• Why silence can sometimes be incredibly powerful
• How to communicate with a controlling or high-conflict ex
• Why documentation matters even in an amicable divorce
• Why you should create a separate email account for your divorce
• Changing passwords and creating digital boundaries
• The difference between setting boundaries and trying to control someone
• How small daily changes can rebuild your sense of control
• Why your ex’s urgency does not automatically become your emergency
• How OurFamilyWizard’s ToneMeter can help keep communication neutral
• How to think more strategically and less emotionally during divorce

Divorce can make you feel like your life is completely out of your hands.

It isn’t.

You may not be able to control what your ex does, what they say, how quickly the process moves or every decision made in your case.

But you can control your responses, your boundaries, your documentation, your communication and the choices you make next.

And sometimes that is exactly how you begin getting your power back.

Divorce comes with a lot of advice. Andrea has some opinions about that advice.

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In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea shares 10 of her most unpopular divorce opinions—the ones that might make your lawyer raise an eyebrow, your mother clutch her pearls, or your group chat light up.

Some of them are practical: you and your spouse should have separate attorneys, even if the divorce is amicable. Some are emotional: losing friends during divorce can be completely normal, and therapy should be treated as an essential part of the process, not an afterthought. And some might be a little more controversial—like the idea that dating during divorce is not automatically a terrible decision, as long as you talk to your attorney first and understand how complicated it can become.

Andrea also tackles one of the hardest parts of co-parenting during divorce: what to do when your ex is behaving badly in front of the kids. Pretending unhealthy behavior is normal can be confusing for children, but criticizing the other parent can pull them directly into the conflict. The goal is to address the behavior without making your child responsible for the adult problem.

And then there’s the survival stuff nobody talks about enough.

Maybe you need to talk to your doctor about medication if your anxiety, sleep, appetite, or ability to function are falling apart. Maybe you desperately need a hobby that has absolutely nothing to do with your divorce. Maybe buying the sweater, getting your nails done, ordering takeout, or replacing your sheets is exactly the small reminder you need that your entire life has not been put on hold.

And yes, Andrea is also making the case for watching more television—especially at night, when divorce anxiety has a way of turning you into a private investigator rereading texts, emails, locations, and Venmo transactions. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is turn off your divorce brain and binge something deeply unserious instead.

Finally, Andrea takes on the marital home. Keeping the house after divorce can feel deeply important, especially when children are involved. But if keeping it leaves you financially stretched, unable to rebuild savings, or constantly afraid of the next major expense, it may not actually be protecting you or your kids. A house is not the only place where you can create safety, stability, and family.

This episode is not a list of rules. It’s permission to question some of the divorce advice we hear over and over again—and to remember that your life does not have to stop while your divorce is happening.

Because divorce is part of your life. It does not get to become your whole life.

• Why Andrea believes divorcing spouses should have separate attorneys
• Why losing—and making—friends during divorce can be completely normal
• Why therapy may be one of the most important forms of divorce support
• How to address unhealthy behavior from an ex without putting kids in the middle
• The pros, cons, and complications of dating during divorce
• Why it may be worth talking to your doctor about mental-health support
• Why hobbies, television, and small treats can actually help you cope
• Why keeping the marital home is not always the best financial or emotional decision

1.You and your spouse should not share an attorney.

Even in an amicable divorce, each person should have independent legal advice and someone protecting their individual interests.

2.You may lose friends during divorce — and make new ones.

Divorce changes relationships. Some friendships fade, others deepen, and some may exist only for this particular season of your life.

3.You need a therapist during divorce.

Divorce can trigger anxiety, grief, anger, childhood trauma, and other issues that go far beyond the legal process.

4.If your ex is behaving badly, you can address that behavior with your kids.

The key is talking about unhealthy behavior without criticizing the other parent or pulling your child into the conflict.

5.Dating during divorce is not automatically a bad idea.

Talk to your attorney first, understand the potential complications, and know that dating can be either a welcome distraction or a giant additional headache.

6.You may need medication during divorce.

If anxiety, depression, sleep problems, or stress are interfering with your ability to function, talk to your doctor and therapist rather than ignoring your mental health.

7.You need a hobby during divorce.

Having something in your life that has nothing to do with your case can be incredibly helpful for your mental health.

8.You should still treat yourself.

Within reason, your entire life does not need to stop because you are getting divorced.

9.Watching more TV during divorce may actually help.

Especially at night, distraction can keep you from spiraling, rereading texts, checking accounts, or obsessing over your case.

10.Keeping the marital home is not always the right decision.

If keeping the house leaves you financially strained, walking away from it may ultimately create more stability for you and your children.

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Divorce Crash Course

If you want more help understanding the divorce process, avoiding expensive mistakes, and knowing what to expect before you make major decisions, check out the Divorce Crash Course.

Guided Divorce Meditations

For the moments when you’re about to send the email, respond to your ex, or completely lose your shit, our guided meditations are designed to help you calm your nervous system before you make the situation more expensive.Your divorce lawyer may be expensive — but sometimes the thing making your divorce even more expensive is… you.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and Morgan break down the habits that can make a divorce case harder, longer, and more expensive, even when you think you’re being helpful. From trying to run your own legal strategy to rewriting documents with AI, over-emailing your attorney, negotiating with your ex without being prepared, and withholding important information, this episode is basically a loving intervention from your divorce lawyer.

Morgan explains why clients sometimes accidentally create more legal work by trying to save money. One major example? Redlining legal documents or using AI to rewrite agreements without understanding whether those changes would actually work in court. That often means your attorney has to undo the work, start over, and spend even more billable time fixing it.

Andrea and Morgan also talk about the emotional reason people do this in the first place: divorce is terrifying. When your children, finances, home, and future are involved, it can feel impossible to hand over control to another person. But that fear can push you into micromanaging your lawyer, chasing answers that don’t exist yet, or relying too heavily on AI for legal strategy.

You’ll also learn a smarter way to communicate with your attorney, including when to pick up the phone instead of sending a novel-length email, how to comment on a legal document without trying to rewrite it yourself, and the exact kind of question to ask when you’re waiting on opposing counsel and starting to panic.

The episode also tackles one of the biggest traps in high-conflict divorce: negotiating directly with your ex when there is a history of control, pressure, or manipulation. Morgan explains when direct negotiation can actually save money — and when it can backfire badly if you go into the conversation without knowing your legal boundaries.

And finally: do not hide things from your lawyer.

Whether it’s a fight, missing money, an agreement you made directly with your ex, or something you’re embarrassed to admit, your attorney cannot protect you from information they do not have. Morgan explains why withholding key facts can seriously damage your case — and in some situations can even lead an attorney to withdraw from representing you.

• Why trying to be your own divorce lawyer can cost you more money
• When AI can help during divorce — and when it absolutely should not
• Why you should not use ChatGPT or Claude as your legal strategist
• How to communicate with your divorce attorney without racking up unnecessary fees
• When to call your lawyer instead of sending a long email
• How to review legal documents without rewriting them yourself
• What to do when opposing counsel is not responding
• How to negotiate with your ex without getting pressured into a bad deal
• Why you need to tell your divorce lawyer the whole truth
• How fear and anxiety can quietly make your divorce more expensive

If you’re waiting for a response from opposing counsel, Andrea and Morgan suggest asking something like:

“It’s been X amount of time since we heard from opposing counsel. What is a realistic timeframe for a response, and if we don’t hear back by then, what would our next step be?”

That gives you information, a timeline, and a plan — without sending your lawyer four emails in one week asking whether they’ve heard anything yet.

AI can be incredibly useful for organizing information, brainstorming questions, calming yourself down, or helping you prepare for a conversation.

But AI does not know your judge.

It does not know your local court.

It does not understand the history of your case the way your attorney does.

And it may confidently give you an answer that sounds brilliant and is completely wrong for your situation.

Use the robot. Just don’t let the robot run your divorce.

Divorce Crash Course

If you want more help understanding the divorce process, avoiding expensive mistakes, and knowing what to expect before you make major decisions, check out the Divorce Crash Course.

Guided Divorce Meditations

For the moments when you’re about to send the email, respond to your ex, or completely lose your shit, our guided meditations are designed to help you calm your nervous system before you make the situation more expensive.

Our Family Wizard

Our Family Wizard is the most respected coparenting app and we seriously want you to consider it. and We are the only podcast that can save you 20% off your first year.

Private Community

Join our free private community for support from people who actually understand what this process feels like.

Mentioned in this episode:

Our Family Wizard

How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family.

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Going through a high-conflict divorce can make it feel impossible to imagine a life where your phone isn’t constantly lighting up, your nervous system isn’t on high alert, and every day doesn’t bring another crisis. But this episode is proof that there can be an after.

Get the Guided Divorce Meditations to help you through these moments when you feel like you are going to lose your sh$t.

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea shares the real-life story of a man who spent nine years navigating a brutal high-conflict divorce involving emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, court battles, documentation, and children caught in the middle. Today, his kids are thriving, he has rebuilt his life, and he is in a healthy new marriage.

More importantly, he shared what actually helped him survive.

Andrea breaks down the lessons from his story, including why you have to stop trying to make irrational behavior make sense, how to document your divorce without allowing it to consume your life, and why preparing for conflict is often more useful than desperately trying to prevent it.

They’re also powerful reminders for parents. Your children are watching how you move through difficult situations—not whether you “win” every argument. The way you regulate yourself, build a support system, set boundaries, and respond to chaos teaches them how to survive hard things, too.

And perhaps the biggest lesson: do not wait until your divorce is over to start rebuilding your life.

Create new routines. Make new traditions with your kids. Reconnect with people you love. Find something that belongs only to you. Divorce may be a marathon—but even marathons end.

For people dealing with an extremely difficult former spouse, traditional co-parenting may not always be realistic. Andrea also discusses parallel parenting, business-like communication, boundaries, and reducing opportunities for conflict when cooperative co-parenting simply isn’t possible.

If you are in the stage of divorce where you genuinely cannot picture your life feeling normal again, this episode is for you.

You don't have to believe everything will suddenly become perfect.

You just have to believe that this part will not last forever.

• How to stop wasting energy trying to understand a high-conflict ex
• Why you should document everything without living inside the documentation
• How to prepare for a high-conflict “avalanche”
• What your kids learn from watching you navigate divorce
• Why therapy and personal growth can matter more than a courtroom victory
• How to start rebuilding your life before your divorce is officially over
• When parallel parenting may work better than traditional co-parenting
• How boundaries and structured communication can reduce divorce conflict
• Why examining your own patterns can change what happens after divorce

Divorce Crash Course

If you’re overwhelmed by the divorce process and afraid of making expensive mistakes, our Divorce Crash Course was created to help you understand what’s coming and make smarter decisions along the way.

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

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Andrea also discusses how structured co-parenting communication can help reduce the feeling that you are constantly being bombarded by your ex, particularly in high-conflict situations.

We are the only podcast that can save you 20% on Our Family Wizard.

www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20

And if this episode helped you, follow How Not to Suck at Divorce so the next episode finds you automatically.

If you’re stuck in a divorce fight that is making you anxious, angry, or completely unable to think clearly, start here.

Our Guided Divorce Meditations are designed for the moments when you need to regulate your nervous system before you respond, negotiate, argue, or make another expensive decision.

Going through divorce and wondering what you should fight for, what you should let go, and how to avoid making expensive mistakes?

Our Divorce Crash Course is a private podcast and guidebook designed to help you understand the divorce process, make smarter decisions, and avoid costly emotional mistakes.

Typically priced at $150, it’s available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

People spend thousands of dollars fighting over some truly ridiculous things in divorce.

A wooden spoon. A blender. A sixth-grade yearbook. Beanie Babies. Airline miles. Even a tanning bed.

And as funny as those stories sound, there is a very real reason they matter.

Because most of the time, the thing you are fighting over is not actually the thing you are fighting over.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill are joined by attorneys Sarah Jacobs and Jamie Berger of Jacobs Berger for a conversation about the emotional and financial cost of digging in during divorce.

One client spent hours in court fighting over a wooden spoon named Willy Woo. Another divorce came down to a battle over a blender. And one case required attorneys to spend days sorting through tubs of Beanie Babies because neither side could let them go.

The stories are absurd.

The behavior behind them is not.

When you are going through divorce, emotion can completely distort value.

An object may be worth $100, but suddenly it represents your marriage, your history, your independence, your power, or your need to finally “win.”

That is where people start spending far more in attorney fees than the thing they are fighting over is actually worth.

In the episode, Andrea points out that the fight over one wooden spoon likely cost thousands of dollars in legal fees alone.

And that is exactly why divorce strategy matters.

Before you dig in, you have to ask yourself:

What is this actually worth?

Not emotionally.

Financially.

Sometimes the fight is not about property at all.

Morgan explains that many of these so-called “squirrel issues” ultimately come down to control. When someone feels like they have lost control of their life, their finances, their family, or the divorce process itself, they may try to regain that feeling of control by pushing the other person’s buttons.

Sarah adds that fear can drive the same behavior: fear of change, fear of being alone, fear of losing the life you knew, and fear of what comes next.

That means the blender may not be about the blender.

The yearbook may not be about the yearbook.

And the airline miles may not be about the airline miles.

Sometimes the fight itself has become a way to stay connected to the relationship, hold onto control, or avoid confronting the much bigger reality that the marriage is ending.

One of the strongest lines in this episode comes from Jamie:

Principle has a price tag.

If you are fighting over something purely because you believe you are right, you need to understand what that principle is going to cost you.

That cost may be financial.

It may also be emotional.

You can absolutely decide that something matters enough to fight for. But that decision should be intentional—not reactive.

Jamie recommends being honest with yourself and with your attorney about what truly matters to you and why.

Morgan’s advice is simple: do the math.

Take the emotion out of the issue for a moment and write down the actual numbers.

What is the item worth?

What would it cost to replace?

How many hours will your attorney spend fighting over it?

How much will those hours cost?

What are you potentially giving up in order to get it?

Sometimes seeing those numbers on paper is enough to change your perspective.

That does not mean divorce is emotionless.

It means your decisions should not be controlled by those emotions.

Sarah offers another test:

If you are determined to fight for something, explain why it matters in a way that would actually sound reasonable to a judge.

Sell the argument.

Explain the value.

Explain what you are willing to give up in exchange.

If you cannot make the case convincingly to your own attorney, you may want to reconsider whether this is really the hill you want to die on.

And that matters beyond the object itself.

Being unreasonable about a relatively small issue can affect how your position is perceived when the court is dealing with things that matter much more—support, custody, property division, or settlement.

This may be the most useful perspective shift in the entire episode.

Five years from now, are you going to care who got the blender?

Are you really going to remember the airline miles?

Will winning the fight over a piece of furniture have made your post-divorce life meaningfully better?

Probably not.

Andrea shares her own experience of losing a baby blanket she had slept with since birth—something she once believed she could never live without. A decade later, she is still standing.

That is not to minimize the emotional meaning of possessions.

It is to remind you that you are capable of letting go.

Before you spend another dollar arguing over something in your divorce, do three things.

First, ask yourself why this matters so much.

Second, do the math and compare the value of the item to the cost of fighting for it.

Third, if you still want it, make the case. Explain why it matters, what it is worth, and what you are willing to give up to get it.

If you cannot answer those questions clearly, it may not be worth the fight.

Because getting divorced is already expensive enough.

You do not need to make it more expensive just to prove a point.

Andrea, Morgan, Sarah, and Jamie discuss ridiculous divorce fights, how emotional attachment can drive up legal fees, why control and fear fuel unnecessary conflict, when possessions really are worth negotiating over, how mediation can help rein in a case, and how to make smarter financial decisions during divorce.

They also tackle one critical question:

Is this thing actually valuable—or are you just trying to win?

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Try our Guided Divorce Meditations, created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety, anger and overwhelm are taking over.

Use them before responding to a triggering text, before a difficult conversation, before court, before mediation—or anytime you need help getting out of your head and back into control.

Going through divorce and have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing next? Start with our Divorce Crash Course—a private podcast and guidebook designed to help you understand the divorce process, avoid expensive mistakes, and feel a whole lot less lost.

Typically priced at $150, it’s available now for just $50, thanks to our angel underwriters OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.

High-conflict people—and especially manipulative, narcissistic exes—can have an incredible ability to get inside your head. One text, one email, one strange interaction at school pickup can completely derail your nervous system if you let it.

And during divorce, that matters.

Because when you are already emotionally exhausted, stressed, angry and running on fumes, that is exactly when you are most likely to make a bad decision. You fire off the text. You respond to the email. You call your attorney while completely dysregulated. You snap at your kids. You take the bait.

In this mini episode, Andrea talks about what happens when a high-conflict ex triggers you and why your first job is not to win, explain, defend or react. Your first job is to recognize that you are triggered and give yourself a grown-up timeout.

And that is where STFU comes in.

No, not that STFU.

This one stands for:

S — Stop

Recognize what is happening before you react.

T — Take Space

Get out of the immediate situation long enough to regulate yourself.

F — Find Your Goal

Ask yourself what you actually want to accomplish in that moment.

U — Utilize a Resource

Call a friend. Talk to your therapist. Go for a walk. Fold laundry. Clean the kitchen. Listen to music. Or use one of our Guided Divorce Meditations to help calm your nervous system and move through the anxiety, anger and overwhelm before you do something you regret.

Andrea also talks about splitting, a manipulation tactic often seen in high-conflict dynamics. Splitting can push you away from the very people who are trying to support you—your friends, family, therapist, attorney or partner. And when you are already worn down by divorce, it becomes even easier to start taking your stress out on those people.

That is exactly why emotional regulation matters so much during a high-conflict divorce.

The goal is not to never get triggered. You will.

The goal is to catch yourself before that trigger starts making decisions for you.

And if you are in one of those moments where your brain is spinning, your heart is racing and you feel like you are about to absolutely lose it, this is also exactly what our Guided Divorce Meditations were created for. They are short, practical tools you can use when divorce anxiety, anger or panic is taking over and you need help getting yourself back to baseline.

Because sometimes the best thing you can do for your case, your kids and your own sanity is simple:

Stop. Take space. Find your goal. Utilize a resource.

Divorce is a marathon. Protect your energy. Protect your judgment. Protect the relationships that matter to you.

And when a high-conflict ex tries to pull you into the chaos?

Do not take the bait.

Andrea talks about dealing with a high-conflict or narcissistic ex, recognizing emotional manipulation during divorce, avoiding reactive communication, managing divorce triggers, understanding splitting, using the STFU method to regulate yourself, and knowing when to step away before making a costly mistake.

Try our Guided Divorce Meditations, created specifically for the moments when divorce anxiety, anger and overwhelm are taking over.

Use them before responding to a triggering text, before a difficult conversation, before court, before mediation—or anytime you need help getting out of your head and back into control.

Subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss an episode, and leave us a review if the show is helping you.

www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck

You can do this. You are doing this. And you are going to get through your divorce.

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Divorce and Emotional Endurance: 3 Ways to Survive a High-Conflict Divorce

Guided Divorce Meditations for When You’re About to Lose Your Sh$t

For the moments when you can’t sleep, when you miss your kids, when you’re worried about money, or just need to get through the next ten minutes.

👉 GET THE GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS HERE

Going through a divorce? Start with the Divorce Crash Course.

We created the Divorce Crash Course to help you understand the divorce process, communicate smarter with your attorney, avoid expensive mistakes, and make better decisions when your brain is completely overwhelmed.

Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

👉 GET THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE HERE

If you're going through a high-conflict divorce, you already know that the exhaustion isn't just coming from court dates and legal bills.

It's the texts.

The emails.

The accusations.

The schedule changes.

The constant wondering what your ex is going to do next.

And eventually, your nervous system starts living like there's an emergency around every corner.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill talk about something that doesn't get nearly enough attention during divorce: emotional endurance.

Because when you're dealing with a difficult, unpredictable, or high-conflict spouse, you cannot control everything they throw at you.

But you can get better at protecting your energy, responding strategically, and recovering when something knocks you sideways.

We're breaking down three practical ways to emotionally survive a high-conflict divorce without letting it take over your entire life.

One of the biggest mistakes people make during divorce?

Making everybody in their life part of their divorce.

Your friends.

Your sister.

Your neighbor.

The moms at school.

The guy at the dry cleaner.

When you're scared and overwhelmed, it is completely natural to want to tell everyone what is happening. You're looking for reassurance, advice, validation—or sometimes you just need the insanity to come out of your mouth.

But every new person you involve comes with another opinion.

And more opinions can mean more anxiety, more confusion, and more second-guessing.

Instead, build a very small divorce team.

That might include:

• Your divorce attorney for legal strategy
• A therapist for emotional processing
• One trusted friend who can listen when you need to lose your mind for five minutes
• Other professionals your attorney recommends based on your case

Everybody else?

They can still be part of your life.

They just don't need to be part of your divorce strategy.

And sometimes the healthiest thing you can say when a friend asks about your divorce is:

"It's a complete shit show. Anyway, where did you get that purse?"

Your brain desperately needs conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with divorce.

This one is HARD.

When somebody behaves irrationally, unfairly, or cruelly during divorce, your brain keeps waiting for the moment when they finally become reasonable.

You think:

Surely they'll realize this is hurting the kids.

Surely they'll see how ridiculous this is.

Surely we can agree on this one thing.

Maybe.

But if you're divorcing a genuinely high-conflict person, waiting for fairness can drain every ounce of emotional endurance you have.

As Morgan explains in this episode, "fair" is not necessarily the legal standard—and your definition of fair probably isn't your spouse's definition of fair anyway.

So stop making fairness the goal.

Instead, focus on:

Strategy.

What does your attorney recommend?

Enforceability.

Can the agreement actually be enforced?

Closure.

What gets this divorce finished so you can move forward with your life?

You may also experience something incredibly confusing with a high-conflict spouse: the roller coaster.

One day they're reasonable.

You think:

Holy shit. Maybe we're finally turning a corner.

And 24 hours later?

They're completely off the rails again.

That doesn't mean you did something wrong.

It means you need to stop using their behavior as the barometer for whether your divorce is going well.

Take the reasonable moments when they come.

Use them strategically.

But don't build your emotional stability around whether your ex is having a good day.

If you are co-parenting through even a moderately high-conflict divorce, organization and documentation matter.

That's why we repeatedly recommend Our Family Wizard.

A co-parenting app can help move communication out of chaotic text threads, keep calendars and expenses organized, and create a clearer record of communication.

And listeners of How Not to Suck at Divorce can receive a significant discount on the first year of the Essentials package.

👉 LEARN MORE ABOUT OUR FAMILY WIZARD

Ask your divorce attorney whether using a co-parenting app proactively makes sense in your case.

Something awful happens during your divorce.

You receive an email from your attorney.

Your ex sends a text.

A financial issue appears.

A parenting dispute erupts.

Your heart starts racing.

You're furious.

You're scared.

And then you do what most of us do:

You immediately go back to your life.

You jump onto a work call.

You pick up the kids.

You respond to another email.

You start making dinner.

But emotionally, you're still standing inside the explosion that just happened.

That's why we want you to create what we call a recovery window.

Give yourself approximately 20 minutes before responding or making another important decision.

During those 20 minutes:

Take a walk.

Sit somewhere quiet.

Go sit in your car.

Cry.

Take a shower.

Listen to music.

Drink cold water.

Try a grounding exercise.

Listen to one of our guided divorce meditations.

But here's the most important part:

Do not respond yet.

Don't email your attorney.

Don't text your spouse.

Don't fire off a message because you're furious.

Don't start reading five more divorce emails while you're already activated.

Recover first.

Then decide what actually deserves a response.

We are not telling you to stop feeling.

You are going to get triggered during divorce.

You are going to have terrible days.

You are going to receive messages that make your stomach drop.

And you may occasionally want to throw your phone directly into Lake Michigan.

You're human.

Emotional endurance means becoming more intentional about:

Who gets your energy.

What expectations you let go of.

How quickly you react.

How you recover after something rattles you.

The goal isn't to become immune to your divorce.

The goal is to stop allowing one awful text at 9:07 a.m. to hijack the next twelve hours of your life.

We say this constantly because you need to hear it constantly:

Divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint.

Some days you'll manage it day by day.

Other days?

Hour by hour.

That's okay.

You don't get a ribbon for getting divorced faster.

There is no trophy waiting at the courthouse for the person who endured the most abuse without taking a break.

Pace yourself.

Protect your energy.

Use the right people.

Use the right tools.

Stop waiting for an unreasonable person to suddenly become reasonable.

And when something knocks you down, give your brain time to recover before deciding what happens next.

You may feel like you're going to battle this person forever.

You won't.

The other side may feel impossible to see right now, but it is there.

And on the days when you think:

I cannot do this.

Remember:

You already are.

You've got this, my friends.

And we've got you.

🎧 Guided Divorce Meditations: Need help calming your nervous system after a difficult divorce moment? Grab our guided divorce meditations here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations

💥 Divorce Crash Course: Learn what you need to know before expensive divorce mistakes happen. https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

📱 Our Family Wizard: Make co-parenting communication and organization easier. www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20

In this episode:

High-conflict divorce, emotional endurance during divorce, how to deal with a difficult ex, co-parenting with a high-conflict ex, divorce stress, divorce anxiety, divorce emotional regulation, communicating with your divorce attorney, divorce boundaries, co-parenting apps, Our Family Wizard, divorce recovery, surviving a difficult divorce, divorce advice for women and men, and how to protect your mental health during divorce.

🧘 DIVORCE MEDITATIONS

Divorce can make your nervous system feel like it’s running a marathon with no finish line. Our Divorce Meditations are here when you need to calm your brain, stop the spiral, and give yourself a few minutes to breathe.

👉 Listen to the Divorce Meditations here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations

💥 THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE

If you’re going through divorce and terrified of making an expensive mistake, start here.

The Divorce Crash Course gives you the information we wish every person had before making major decisions in divorce — including how to save money on attorneys, understand your finances, navigate custody and parenting agreements, and avoid mistakes that can cost you thousands.

Typically priced at 150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.

👉 Get the Divorce Crash Course here:

https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course

Think you’re sucking at divorce?

Good news: there are people who have sucked at it significantly harder.

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea brings you some of the strangest, funniest and most unbelievable divorce stories we’ve ever heard — involving a donated kidney, ex-in-laws buried in a backyard, a six-pound catfish named Pinky, and one extremely smart ex-wife who made sure a future Nobel Prize was covered in her divorce settlement.

Yes. All of that happens in one episode.

But underneath the ridiculous divorce stories is something we actually want you to remember:

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint.

You cannot spend every hour of every day thinking about your divorce, answering emails, talking to your attorney, worrying about your kids, analyzing your ex, making decisions and trying to predict what happens next.

Your brain needs a break.

Sometimes that means taking a walk. Sometimes it means binge-watching something completely stupid. And sometimes it means listening to stories about someone arguing over a giant catfish during their divorce so you can remember that maybe — just maybe — you're doing better than you think.

In this episode:

• One man who reportedly wanted compensation for a kidney he donated to his wife
• The divorce dispute involving urns and headstones in the backyard
• The tragic tale of Pinky, the six-pound divorce catfish
• The incredibly savvy divorce settlement that gave an ex-wife half of a future Nobel Prize
• Why you don't have to make every divorce decision immediately
• Why taking mental breaks during divorce is not selfish
• How to pace yourself during a long or high-conflict divorce
• Why laughter can actually be part of getting through this
• And why your goal isn't to get through divorce the fastest — it's to get through it as healthy and whole as possible

You are allowed to take a day off from divorce.

You are allowed to laugh.

You are allowed to watch garbage television.

You are allowed to stop thinking about your ex for five freaking minutes.

And you do not need to win an award for being the fastest person ever to get divorced.

When you think you cannot do this, remember:

You already are doing it.

Your win is getting to the other side — and giving yourself the opportunity to build the healthiest, happiest next chapter of your life.

We are so freaking proud of you.

You've got this. And we've got you.

⭐ FOLLOW HOW NOT TO SUCK AT DIVORCE

If this episode gave you a laugh when you desperately needed one, please follow the show and leave us a rating and review!

www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck

And go back through the How Not to Suck at Divorce library — we have episodes covering divorce finances, custody, co-parenting, attorneys, mediation, high-conflict divorce, emotional recovery and pretty much every WTF moment that can happen along the way.

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