How Not To Suck At Divorce

How Not To Suck At Divorce

By Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport

Action steps that save you money. Humor that saves your sanity. Honesty that helps you heal.
How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clear answers, smart strategy and su... more
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Best of How Not To Suck At Divorce

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  1. Number 1: Divorce Myths That Could Be Costing You Thousands

    🎧 Divorce Crash Course (DCC)Thinking about divorce or already in it? Before you make a decision that could cost you thousands, get the information you wish someone had given you from the very beginning. Get the Divorce Crash Course (DCC) today. Typically priced at $150, available now for just $50, thanks to our angel underwriters Our Family Wizard and Soberlink. Whether you're considering divorce, in the middle of one, or trying to rebuild afterward, this course can save you time, money, and unnecessary heartbreak.Episode DescriptionThere are a LOT of divorce myths out there. And believing the wrong one isn't just annoying—it can give you completely unrealistic expectations and potentially cost you a whole lot of money. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill are busting some of the biggest divorce myths they hear over and over again. Should you be concerned if your divorce attorney is friendly with your ex's attorney? (Spoiler: probably the opposite.) Are you actually going to end up in a dramatic divorce trial where a judge finally hears your story and tells you that you were right? Do you need a divorce coach because someone on Instagram told you that you do? And should your attorney be responding to every email immediately? Andrea and Morgan also tackle one of the biggest misconceptions about hiring a divorce attorney: that a "simple divorce" means you don't need to think carefully about the level of attorney—and level of service—you hire. Morgan explains why having attorneys who can work well together can actually reduce posturing, speed up negotiations and potentially save clients money. She also shares that in her own practice, she estimates 5% or fewer of her cases actually reach a full trial—and why settlement is generally preferable when it's possible. This episode is about separating what divorce looks like on TV, Instagram and in your imagination from what actually happens—and helping you make smarter decisions with your time, money and legal strategy.Divorce Myths We're BustingMYTH #1: Your attorney shouldn't be friendly with opposing counsel. Actually, a good professional relationship between attorneys can make negotiations more efficient and reduce unnecessary fighting—and unnecessary legal fees. MYTH #2: Your divorce is probably going to trial. A hearing isn't the same thing as a full-blown trial. Morgan estimates that 5% or fewer of her own cases reach a full trial, in part because trial is expensive and ultimately puts major decisions about your life into the hands of a judge. MYTH #3: You need a divorce coach. Not necessarily. Morgan's advice is to involve your attorney before adding a coach to your divorce team and to make sure anyone you hire has appropriate credentials and a clearly defined role. Andrea and Morgan also distinguish this from a collaborative divorce where coaching may already be part of the process. MYTH #4: Your divorce attorney should always respond immediately. Your situation may feel like an emergency—and emotionally, it absolutely may be—but law firms have to triage truly urgent situations. Morgan explains what she considers reasonable communication expectations and why this is something you should ask about before hiring an attorney. MYTH #5: A "simple divorce" doesn't require a great attorney. Andrea and Morgan explain why you should hire based not only on the conflict in your case, but also on the level of communication and service you need. And that includes evaluating the entire firm—not just the attorney sitting across from you during the consultation.In This Episode You'll LearnWhy your attorney having lunch with opposing counsel can actually be a GOOD thingHow attorney relationships can affect your legal billWhy most divorces don't end in a full-blown trialWhy going before a judge probably won't give you the vindication you're imaginingWhen a divorce coach can help—and when another voice could complicate your legal strategyWhat you can reasonably expect when communicating with your divorce attorneyThe questions to ask about response times before hiring a law firmWhy the staff and client experience matter when choosing an attorneyWhy "simple divorce" doesn't necessarily mean you should choose the cheapest lawyer Key TakeawaysYour divorce attorney being friendly with opposing counsel does not mean they're "in cahoots." In many cases, trust and professional respect between attorneys can mean less posturing, faster negotiations and fewer billable hours. Don't build your entire emotional strategy around finally getting your day in court. As Morgan explains, even clients who technically "win" at trial can walk away feeling like they've lost after the financial and emotional cost of getting there. And when you're interviewing divorce attorneys, ask very specific questions about communication: What's your normal response time? Who will I hear from if you're unavailable? What should I expect from your staff? If an attorney can't clearly answer those questions during the consultation, Andrea says to pay attention—that may tell you something about what the client experience will look like later.Resources MentionedDivorce Crash CourseOurFamilyWizardSoberlinkHow Not to Suck at Divorce Private CommunityDivorce Guided Meditations — coming soon! Subscribe, Rate & ReviewIf How Not to Suck at Divorce is helping you get through your divorce a little smarter, calmer and more prepared, please subscribe and leave us a review. It helps more people find the show—and allows us to keep bringing you honest conversations about what divorce is actually like. www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck And remember: divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Some days you're taking it day by day. Other days it's hour by hour. But it will end. You've got this. And we've got you.SEO Keywordsdivorce myths, divorce attorney advice, divorce lawyer, divorce trial, divorce coach, choosing a divorce attorney, divorce lawyer communication, divorce settlement, divorce mediation, divorce legal fees, divorce mistakes, family law attorney, divorce advice, divorce podcast, how to choose a divorce lawyer, how much does divorce cost Mentioned in this episode: Our Family Wizard How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family. Our Family Wizard

    30min
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  2. Number 2: Divorce Mediation: Why Preparation Matters More than You Think (Mini Episode)

    Divorce Mediation: Why Preparation Matters More than you Think Most people approach divorce mediation with one thought: "I have to do this." But what if that's the wrong mindset? Make you check out the $50 Divorce Crash Course. In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport explains why mediation can actually be one of the most valuable opportunities you'll have during your divorce—and how proper preparation can save you time, money, stress, and frustration. Too many people walk into mediation without a clear strategy, without understanding what they want, and without discussing realistic outcomes with their attorney. The result? Missed opportunities, wasted time, and unnecessary conflict. Andrea breaks down exactly how to prepare for mediation, what questions to ask your attorney, and why mediation should be viewed as an opportunity to move closer to your goals—not just another frustrating step in the divorce process. This episode is sponsored by Worthy: the smarter way to sell your jewelry. Get started by heading to Worthy.com/divorcepod and lock in an extra $100 when your item sells for more than $1,500. In This Episode, We Discuss:Why mediation is often misunderstood during divorceThe biggest mistake people make before mediationWhy preparation is critical to successful mediationHow to identify what you actually want from the processCreating a mediation strategy with your attorneyUnderstanding realistic outcomes before you walk into the roomHow to anticipate what your spouse may ask forWhy mediation can provide valuable information—even if no agreement is reachedThe importance of choosing the right mediatorHow mindset impacts divorce outcomes Key Takeaways✔️ Mediation gives you more control than having a judge decide for you ✔️ Showing up unprepared can cost you valuable opportunities ✔️ You should clearly define your goals before mediation begins ✔️ Work with your attorney to develop a negotiation strategy ✔️ Ask your attorney for best-case, worst-case, and most likely outcomes ✔️ Even unsuccessful mediation can provide valuable information ✔️ Mindset matters—view mediation as an opportunity, not a punishment ✔️ The more prepared you are, the better positioned you'll be to advocate for yourself and your childrenQuestions to Ask Your Attorney Before MediationIs what I want realistic?What steps will help us get there?What do you think the other side is likely to ask for?What is the best-case scenario?What is the worst-case scenario?What is the most likely outcome?What concessions or "sweeteners" might help move negotiations forward?What should I expect during the mediation process? About the HostsAndrea Rappaport is a comedian, marketer, divorce survivor, and co-host of How Not to Suck at Divorce. Through humor, honesty, and practical advice, Andrea helps people navigate divorce with more confidence and less fear. Morgan L. Stogsdill is Head of Family Law at Beermann LLP and brings legal insight and real-world family law experience to every episode.Divorce Crash CourseThinking about divorce? Currently going through one? Our Divorce Crash Course walks you through the biggest mistakes people make during divorce, how to save money on attorney fees, what to expect during the process, and how to protect yourself legally and financially. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink. 👉 https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseResources👉 Our Family Wizard: https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20 👉 Soberlink: https://www.soberlink.com/dccConnect With UsWebsite: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hownottosuckatdivorce Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hownottosuckatdivorce Keywords: divorce mediation, divorce mediation tips, how to prepare for mediation, divorce attorney advice, divorce settlement, mediation preparation, family law mediation, custody mediation, divorce strategy, divorce negotiation, divorce podcast, family law, mediation process, divorce support #DivorceMediation #FamilyLaw #DivorceTips #CustodyMediation #DivorceStrategy #DivorcePodcast #HowNotToSuckAtDivorce #DivorceSupport #MediationPreparation #DivorceHelp Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorce Follow Andrea: @theandrearappaport Follow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicago Mentioned in this episode: Smarter Way to Sell Your Jewelry After my divorce was finalized, I sold my old engagement ring to a jeweler — and honestly, I was stunned by how little I got for it compared to what it originally cost. If I could do it all over again — which is kind of the theme of this podcast — I would have sold it through Worthy. Worthy is a modern, smarter way to sell your jewelry online. Their process is incredibly easy: they cover shipping and insurance, professionally clean and photograph your jewelry, and have it graded by experts to help maximize its value. What makes Worthy different is that they create a competitive auction environment where buyers bid against each other for your piece — meaning they are motivated to help you get the highest price possible. It’s completely risk-free and honestly something I wish I had known about sooner. Get started today by heading to worthy.com/divorcepod and lock in an extra $100 when your jewelry sells for more than $1,500.

    13min
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  3. Number 3: Divorce Anxiety: How to Stop Treating Everything Like an Emergency...at 2am

    Divorce Keeping You Up at Night? How to Stop the 2 A.M. Spiral DIVORCE CRASH COURSE: Divorce is expensive. Making avoidable mistakes makes it even more expensive. Our Divorce Crash Course gives you the information we wish every person had before and during divorce—from choosing an attorney and understanding your finances to custody, parenting agreements and the mistakes that can cost you thousands. Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink. [GET THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE HERE] NEW: GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS: When your brain won't shut up about your divorce, we made something specifically for that. Our Guided Divorce Meditations are short, on-demand meditations for the moments divorce hits hardest—including when you can't sleep, you're worried about money or your kids, you're spiraling about your marriage, or you're struggling with a custody transition. [GET THE GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS HERE] If divorce is keeping you awake at night, you're definitely not alone. You go to bed exhausted, but the second everything gets quiet, your brain decides it's time to solve your entire divorce. What if my ex is hiding money? What if something happens with the kids? What does that email from my attorney mean? What if this goes to trial? Did I remember to send that document? Should I respond to that text? What if I can't afford this? Suddenly it's 2:34 a.m., you're wide awake, and you're trying to solve problems that probably cannot be solved from your bed. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill are talking about divorce anxiety, insomnia and what to do when you can't stop thinking about your divorce at night. And we're giving you an actual strategy. Morgan explains how to separate the things that genuinely require action from the things that feel urgent because your anxious brain is filling in the blanks. Andrea shares why losing sleep during divorce can make an already difficult situation worse—and potentially affect the decisions you're making the next day. The goal isn't to pretend everything is fine. It's learning to recognize what needs your action—and what needs your inaction.In This Episode You'll LearnWhy divorce anxiety can feel so much worse at nightWhat to do when you wake up worrying about your divorceThe pen-and-paper strategy Morgan recommends for getting worries out of your headHow to determine whether something actually requires actionWhy you should think twice before emailing your divorce attorney late at nightHow to create a running list of questions for your attorneyWhy you should draft—but NOT send—emotional late-night emailsHow late-night texts and emails from your ex can destroy your sleepWhy setting communication boundaries with your co-parent mattersHow to use OurFamilyWizard notification settings more strategicallyWhy sometimes doing absolutely nothing is the smartest action you can takeWhat to tell yourself when your brain refuses to shut downWhy resting can be enough when you can't force yourself to fall asleepHow changing your environment may help break the cycle when you're lying awake spiraling The 2 A.M. Divorce Brain DumpIf you wake up in the middle of the night and your brain is racing, Morgan recommends keeping a pen and paper next to your bed. Write down everything that's occupying your brain—not just the divorce stuff. Then go through the list and ask yourself: Can I actually take action on this tonight? Or: Do I have any control over the outcome of this tonight? If the answer is no, cross it out for tonight. If the answer is yes, decide whether it truly requires action immediately or whether you can make a plan to handle it tomorrow. Most things can wait until morning. And if it's something you want to discuss with your divorce attorney, write it down or put the email in your drafts. Do not hit send at 2 a.m. Your rested morning brain may have a very different—and considerably shorter—email to send.Stop Letting Your Ex Into Your BedroomNot literally. We have an entirely different podcast episode for that problem. We're talking about your phone. If your ex tends to send inflammatory texts, emails or co-parenting messages late at night, you do not have to allow those notifications to dictate when your nervous system goes into overdrive. Morgan recommends setting boundaries around when you receive and read messages. Andrea also points out that if you're using OurFamilyWizard, you can choose when you receive your daily notifications. Your ex's 10:30 p.m. message does not automatically become your 10:31 p.m. emergency. And it goes both ways. Don't send your ex angry late-night messages either. Aside from destroying everyone's sleep, creating a documented pattern of bad communication is probably not something you want your attorneys—or potentially a judge—reading later.What Needs Action—and What Needs Inaction?We often divide our problems into two categories: Things I can control. Things I can't control. Andrea offers a different way to think about it during divorce: What needs my action? And: What needs my inaction? Sometimes inaction is an active decision. You can recognize that something is scary, painful or uncertain without trying to solve it tonight. You aren't pretending the problem doesn't exist. You're deciding: Not now. Tomorrow, you can reopen the box. Tonight, your job is to rest.When Your Brain Still Won't Shut UpSometimes you've written everything down. You've made tomorrow's list. You've silenced your notifications. You've decided what can wait. And your brain is still going. That's exactly why we created our Guided Divorce Meditations. Earlier this week, we released one of the meditations completely free on the podcast: For When You Can't Sleep. It's about 10 minutes long, and Andrea walks you through putting those thoughts and fears somewhere safe for the night—not throwing them away, not pretending they don't matter, but giving yourself permission to stop carrying them until morning. The complete Guided Divorce Meditation library is $20 and includes meditations created specifically for different moments of divorce when you need help quieting the noise. [GET THE GUIDED DIVORCE MEDITATIONS HERE]Resources MentionedDivorce Crash Course Guided Divorce Meditations OurFamilyWizard SoberlinkSubscribe, Rate & ReviewIf How Not to Suck at Divorce is helping you get through your divorce a little smarter, calmer and more prepared, please subscribe and leave us a review. It helps more people find the show and allows us to keep creating resources that actually help you through this process. Rate the podcast: www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck And remember: you are going to get through this. One step at a time. One day at a time. And sometimes, one hour at a time. You've got this. And we've got you.SEO Keywordsdivorce anxiety, can't sleep during divorce, divorce insomnia, divorce keeping me awake, how to sleep during divorce, anxiety during divorce, divorce stress, divorce anxiety at night, divorce meditation, guided divorce meditation, meditation for divorce anxiety, divorce sleep meditation, how to stop thinking about divorce, divorce overthinking, divorce attorney advice, communicating with ex during divorce, co-parenting communication, divorce lawyer communication, high conflict divorce, divorce mental health, coping with divorce, divorce podcast, How Not to Suck at Divorce

    27min
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  4. Number 4: Divorce Stories That Will Make You Feel Better About Your Own Divorce

    🧘 DIVORCE MEDITATIONS Divorce can make your nervous system feel like it’s running a marathon with no finish line. Our Divorce Meditations are here when you need to calm your brain, stop the spiral, and give yourself a few minutes to breathe. 👉 Listen to the Divorce Meditations here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/guides/p/divorce-guided-meditations 💥 THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE If you’re going through divorce and terrified of making an expensive mistake, start here. The Divorce Crash Course gives you the information we wish every person had before making major decisions in divorce — including how to save money on attorneys, understand your finances, navigate custody and parenting agreements, and avoid mistakes that can cost you thousands. Typically priced at 150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink. 👉 Get the Divorce Crash Course here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course Think you’re sucking at divorce? Good news: there are people who have sucked at it significantly harder. In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea brings you some of the strangest, funniest and most unbelievable divorce stories we’ve ever heard — involving a donated kidney, ex-in-laws buried in a backyard, a six-pound catfish named Pinky, and one extremely smart ex-wife who made sure a future Nobel Prize was covered in her divorce settlement. Yes. All of that happens in one episode. But underneath the ridiculous divorce stories is something we actually want you to remember: Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. You cannot spend every hour of every day thinking about your divorce, answering emails, talking to your attorney, worrying about your kids, analyzing your ex, making decisions and trying to predict what happens next. Your brain needs a break. Sometimes that means taking a walk. Sometimes it means binge-watching something completely stupid. And sometimes it means listening to stories about someone arguing over a giant catfish during their divorce so you can remember that maybe — just maybe — you're doing better than you think. In this episode:One man who reportedly wanted compensation for a kidney he donated to his wifeThe divorce dispute involving urns and headstones in the backyardThe tragic tale of Pinky, the six-pound divorce catfishThe incredibly savvy divorce settlement that gave an ex-wife half of a future Nobel PrizeWhy you don't have to make every divorce decision immediatelyWhy taking mental breaks during divorce is not selfishHow to pace yourself during a long or high-conflict divorceWhy laughter can actually be part of getting through thisAnd why your goal isn't to get through divorce the fastest — it's to get through it as healthy and whole as possible YOUR REMINDER TODAY:You are allowed to take a day off from divorce. You are allowed to laugh. You are allowed to watch garbage television. You are allowed to stop thinking about your ex for five freaking minutes. And you do not need to win an award for being the fastest person ever to get divorced. When you think you cannot do this, remember: You already are doing it. Your win is getting to the other side — and giving yourself the opportunity to build the healthiest, happiest next chapter of your life. We are so freaking proud of you. You've got this. And we've got you. ⭐ FOLLOW HOW NOT TO SUCK AT DIVORCE If this episode gave you a laugh when you desperately needed one, please follow the show and leave us a rating and review! www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuck And go back through the How Not to Suck at Divorce library — we have episodes covering divorce finances, custody, co-parenting, attorneys, mediation, high-conflict divorce, emotional recovery and pretty much every WTF moment that can happen along the way.SEO KEYWORDSdivorce stories, funny divorce stories, divorce humor, getting through divorce, divorce emotional support, divorce burnout, surviving divorce, high conflict divorce, divorce stress, divorce self care, weird divorce cases, crazy divorce stories, divorce settlement, divorce finances, divorce advice for women, divorce advice, coping with divorce, life after divorce, divorce podcast, How Not to Suck at Divorce

    15min
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  5. Number 5: 7 Divorce Mistakes That Make Your Case More Expensive

    Divorce Crash Course If you want more help understanding the divorce process, avoiding expensive mistakes, and knowing what to expect before you make major decisions, check out the Divorce Crash Course. Guided Divorce Meditations For the moments when you’re about to send the email, respond to your ex, or completely lose your shit, our guided meditations are designed to help you calm your nervous system before you make the situation more expensive.Your divorce lawyer may be expensive — but sometimes the thing making your divorce even more expensive is… you. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and Morgan break down the habits that can make a divorce case harder, longer, and more expensive, even when you think you’re being helpful. From trying to run your own legal strategy to rewriting documents with AI, over-emailing your attorney, negotiating with your ex without being prepared, and withholding important information, this episode is basically a loving intervention from your divorce lawyer. Morgan explains why clients sometimes accidentally create more legal work by trying to save money. One major example? Redlining legal documents or using AI to rewrite agreements without understanding whether those changes would actually work in court. That often means your attorney has to undo the work, start over, and spend even more billable time fixing it. Andrea and Morgan also talk about the emotional reason people do this in the first place: divorce is terrifying. When your children, finances, home, and future are involved, it can feel impossible to hand over control to another person. But that fear can push you into micromanaging your lawyer, chasing answers that don’t exist yet, or relying too heavily on AI for legal strategy. You’ll also learn a smarter way to communicate with your attorney, including when to pick up the phone instead of sending a novel-length email, how to comment on a legal document without trying to rewrite it yourself, and the exact kind of question to ask when you’re waiting on opposing counsel and starting to panic. The episode also tackles one of the biggest traps in high-conflict divorce: negotiating directly with your ex when there is a history of control, pressure, or manipulation. Morgan explains when direct negotiation can actually save money — and when it can backfire badly if you go into the conversation without knowing your legal boundaries. And finally: do not hide things from your lawyer. Whether it’s a fight, missing money, an agreement you made directly with your ex, or something you’re embarrassed to admit, your attorney cannot protect you from information they do not have. Morgan explains why withholding key facts can seriously damage your case — and in some situations can even lead an attorney to withdraw from representing you. What You’ll LearnWhy trying to be your own divorce lawyer can cost you more moneyWhen AI can help during divorce — and when it absolutely should notWhy you should not use ChatGPT or Claude as your legal strategistHow to communicate with your divorce attorney without racking up unnecessary feesWhen to call your lawyer instead of sending a long emailHow to review legal documents without rewriting them yourselfWhat to do when opposing counsel is not respondingHow to negotiate with your ex without getting pressured into a bad dealWhy you need to tell your divorce lawyer the whole truthHow fear and anxiety can quietly make your divorce more expensive A Better Way to Follow Up With Your Divorce LawyerIf you’re waiting for a response from opposing counsel, Andrea and Morgan suggest asking something like: “It’s been X amount of time since we heard from opposing counsel. What is a realistic timeframe for a response, and if we don’t hear back by then, what would our next step be?” That gives you information, a timeline, and a plan — without sending your lawyer four emails in one week asking whether they’ve heard anything yet. Divorce, AI, and Your Legal StrategyAI can be incredibly useful for organizing information, brainstorming questions, calming yourself down, or helping you prepare for a conversation. But AI does not know your judge. It does not know your local court. It does not understand the history of your case the way your attorney does. And it may confidently give you an answer that sounds brilliant and is completely wrong for your situation. Use the robot. Just don’t let the robot run your divorce.ResourcesDivorce Crash Course If you want more help understanding the divorce process, avoiding expensive mistakes, and knowing what to expect before you make major decisions, check out the Divorce Crash Course. Guided Divorce Meditations For the moments when you’re about to send the email, respond to your ex, or completely lose your shit, our guided meditations are designed to help you calm your nervous system before you make the situation more expensive. Our Family Wizard Our Family Wizard is the most respected coparenting app and we seriously want you to consider it. and We are the only podcast that can save you 20% off your first year. Private Community Join our free private community for support from people who actually understand what this process feels like. Mentioned in this episode: Our Family Wizard How Not to Suck at Divorce is proud to be the only podcast that can offer you 20% off your first year of the essentials package. Visit Our Family Wizard to ask your attorney is OFW is right for your family. Our Family Wizard

    30min
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