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In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the question of "How long to keep pursuing a connection with someone who's great and ticks all my boxes — except that I'm not physically attracted to them?"

I share some thoughts on why this can happen — particularly if your attraction template has historically gravitated towards inconsistent and unpredictable connections — and how long you should wait and see before calling it.

Register for my upcoming free workshop on Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviours

In this new series on attachment and conflict, we're exploring the deeper layers that make relational conflict so challenging, and how we can shift those patterns. This first instalment is all about the anxious attachment experience of conflict: how we can swing between conflict-avoidance and conflict-pursuit, and how our efforts at safeguarding the connection can backfire.

Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss the rest of the series!

Links

• Free resources for anxious attachment: stephanierigg.com/free-resources
• Subscribe to my Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/
• Subscribe to my Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmxC4jls4uolRKhFWV_RIoA/

If you've been "doing the work" for a while now, it's likely you have a firm grip on why you are the way you are. But many of us find ourselves stuck at the "knowledge and awareness" stage, struggling to put our insights into practice in a way that translates into lasting change.

In this episode, I'm sharing thoughts on how to bridge that gap so that you don't find yourself on a never-ending hamster wheel of information-gathering that keeps you from experiencing relationships differently.

Links

• Free training on healing anxious attachment: http://stephanierigg.com/haa-webinar-opt-in

• Free resources: http://stephanierigg.com/free-resources
• Attachment quiz: http://stephanierigg.com/quiz
• Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/

This week's episode is the much-requested Part 3 of my deep dive on fearful avoidant attachment — and today, we're talking about what it takes to heal. We cover shame, self-compassion, accountability, self-sabotage, nervous system regulation, and more.

And while far from being exhaustive, my hope is that today's episode will offer a roadmap to support you on your path to healing if you struggle with fearful avoidant patterns.

Subscribe to my Substack⁠

Register for my free workshop on Understanding Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviours: http://stephanierigg.com/protest-workshop-opt-in

Subscribe to my Substack, Notes to Self

I've recently launched on Substack, and today's episode is a read-out of a recent article I wrote there titled The One Thing You Should Never Do in Relationships.

If you enjoy this episode, I'd be so grateful if you could head on over to Substack and subscribe to my page there for more long-form articles about attachment, love and relationships: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/

"How do I stop obsessively ruminating about the person who rejected me?" is one of the most frequently asked questions I receive — and in today's episode, we're talking all about why it's so easy to fall into the trap of fixating on someone who didn't choose you.

Whether it's the situationship that never became anything more, the person who ghosted you or left you without warning, or something in between, the experience of obsessing over someone is familiar to many of us. But as we'll talk about, it's often less about them, and more about what we make it mean about ourselves.

Links

Subscribe to my Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/

Free break-up training: http://stephanierigg.com/hl-webinar-opt-in

Free training for anxious attachment: http://stephanierigg.com/haa-webinar-opt-in

In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering a listener's question about feeling like she's fallen behind in life after going through a break-up in her mid-30s, particularly as most of her friends are partnered and having kids. I talk about the very real experience of the "biological clock" factor, and how to acknowledge the disappointments and unexpected turns while also embracing the season you're in.

Links

Subscribe to my Substack: https://stephanierigg.substack.com/

Free resources for anxious attachment: stephanierigg.com/free-resources

Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephanie__rigg

Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmxC4jls4uolRKhFWV_RIoA/

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

How do our attachment patterns influence our relationship to — and experience of — sex and intimacy? That's what we're exploring in today's podcast deep dive.

We'll cover how each attachment style relates to sex, common sensitivities and pain points, and what the sexual relationship looks like over the life cycle of the relationship. We'll also touch on common sexual struggles in anxious-avoidant dynamics specifically.

Links

• Free training on anxious attachment
• Free resources for attachment healing

Subscribe to my YouTube channel

Is it possible to become anxiously attached as a result of dating someone with avoidant patterns? That's the listener question I'm answering in today's Ask Steph episode. We'll talk about how our patterns can arise in response to someone else's, while also acknowledging fundamental differences in how people with secure vs. insecure attachment styles tend to respond to dysfunctional behaviour.

Links

• Free training for anxious attachment
• Follow me on Instagram
• Take my attachment styles quiz

Subscribe to my YouTube Channel

Does your partner get defensive easily, even when you feel like you weren't being attacking or critical? If so, today's episode is for you. Being on the receiving end of someone's chronic defensiveness can be extremely frustrating and disheartening, and it can feel like a real block to connection.

But the way we typically respond — by making someone wrong for their defensiveness — can entrench the very pattern we're hoping to shift.

Links

• Free workshop on anxious-avoidant relationship dynamics
• Understanding Your Avoidant Partner course
• Secure Together couples course