In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla unpack the second pillar of a secure relationship: individuation—the idea that what it’s like to be me is different than what it’s like to be you. 

They explore how differences in processing, upbringing, values, and sensory experiences can turn from “cute quirks” into major points of conflict when partners feel right/wrong instead of just different. You’ll hear real-life examples, role plays, and practical questions you can take back to your own relationship to build more curiosity, compassion, and realistic expectations of each other.

Main Talking Points: • External vs. internal processors • Individuation and attachment • Everyday differences in conflict • Sensory and value clashes • Curiosity over being “right” • Conversation prompts for couples

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Check out Relationship Academy! ⁠

⁠Cozy Earth⁠⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠⁠Beducate⁠⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

⁠⁠AG1 - ⁠⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠⁠Simple Practice⁠⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠⁠Skylight⁠⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a⁠ review in iTunes⁠? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026⁠

Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.

⁠HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026⁠

Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10

⁠Get $100 off Spark My Relationship⁠

14 hours of relationship content

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Window of Tolerance helps explain why one partner often wants to keep talking while the other shuts down, speeds up, or feels totally overwhelmed. 

In this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren unpack how nervous systems have different thresholds, what it looks like to be inside vs. outside your window, and why both partners are usually dysregulated in conflict—just in opposite ways. You’ll learn how to notice your own cues, call a break before things boil over, and use this language to create more safety, empathy, and connection in day-to-day life together.

Main Talking Points: • What “window” means • Different dysregulation styles • Signs you’re in-window • Using body-based cues • Taking breaks wisely • Expanding your window

Check out Relationship Academy!

Cozy Earth⁠ -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

⁠Beducate⁠ - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

⁠AG1 - ⁠AG1 has become my go to every morning.

⁠Simple Practice⁠ - If you're in mental health and not using simple practice then what are you doing???

⁠Spark My Relationship Course:⁠ Get $100 off our online course. Visit⁠ SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock⁠ for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

⁠Skylight⁠⁠ - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Couples Values Construction for 2026

Here you can find some more instruction on how to construct your values as a couple as well as the values list.

HOLD ME TIGHT - Workshop Jan 31 and Feb 1, 2026

Join Cayla Bozovich, LPC, EFCT for a jam packed and fun weekend of learning about how to take your relationship back to a 10

Get $100 off Spark My Relationship

14 hours of relationship content

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla explore why we latch onto birthdays and the New Year as chances to “start fresh,” and why traditional resolutions so often fall flat. They share personal stories about resolutions that worked and didn’t, and offer a more flexible approach rooted in values, season-of-life awareness, and gentle recalibration instead of all-or-nothing goals. You’ll hear practical ideas for setting individual and shared relationship intentions—like choosing a word for the year, doing a values audit, and imagining the “photo slideshow” you want to look back on next December.

Main Talking Points: • Milestones as reset • Why resolutions fail • Values over goals • Couples intention talks • Season-of-life reality • Gentle self-compassion

Give Me Discounts!

Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365.

Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off

Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, we break down the pursuer–withdrawer dynamic and why partners so often misunderstand each other during conflict. We explore how our nervous systems, personal histories, and internal stories shape the meaning we make of our partner’s behavior. By slowing down and getting curious, couples can interrupt the cycle and create more connection instead of escalating disconnection.

Main Talking Points • Pursuer vs. withdrawer • Meaning-making stories • Nervous system responses • Projection in conflict • Windows of tolerance • Curiosity over certainty

Check Out Relationship Academy

Give Me Discounts!

Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365.

Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off

Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS

Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN

This episode explores the subtle but important difference between caring for someone and caretaking for them — and why crossing that line can create resentment, burnout, or dependency in relationships. The hosts break down how good intentions can accidentally enable unhealthy patterns, block growth, or strip someone of their autonomy. They also share practical examples, scripts, and mindset shifts to help you support the people you love without taking over their life or their discomfort.

Caring vs. caretaking

Enabling patterns

Emotional discomfort

Interdependence balance

Healthy boundaries

Comfort scripts

Give Me Discounts!

Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365.

Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off

Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

Main Talking Points
If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS

Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN

This episode explores why affairs happen even among people who genuinely value their relationships and never imagined crossing that line. The hosts break down the emotional, psychological, and relational dynamics that make secrecy, novelty, and unmet needs so compelling. They also examine how betrayal impacts identity, trust, and a couple’s shared narrative — and what healing realistically requires.

MAIN TALKING POINTS

Secrecy & allure

Emotional rupture

Unmet needs

Fantasy vs. reality

Identity confusion

Rebuilding trust

Give Me Discounts!

Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365.

Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off

Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS

*We just answered a bunch of questions from listeners and want to answer more*

Free through the end of the year! Get access to courses and live coaching with the hosts. ⁠⁠CLICK HERE TO JOIN

Main Talking Points:

Today we dissect a conflict that Colter and Cayla get into. Spoiler alert, it took us a couple of conversations to get back onto the same page. 

We thought that this episode could be a good example of how we can disagree, rupture, and eventually repair and reconnect.

Give Me Discounts!

Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365.

Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off

Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY IS NOW ACCEPTING MEMBERS

*We just answered a bunch of questions from listeners and want to answer more*

In this episode, Colter, Lauren, and Cayla open up about how the holidays can bring up grief, loneliness, or stress instead of joy. They share personal stories of loss, family expectations, and the emotional weight that often comes with “the most wonderful time of the year.” Together, they explore ways to honor what’s hard, set healthy boundaries, and find comfort and connection in the midst of it all.

Main Talking Points:

Give Me Discounts!

Cozy Earth -  Black Friday has come early! Right now, you can stack my code “IDO” on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won’t last, so start your holiday shopping today!

Beducate - Use code relationship69 for 65% off the annual pass.

Skylight - Use code “IDO” for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. 

Function - 160+ Lab Tests for $365.

Amazfit - Use Code “IDO” to get 10% off

Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners!

If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices