Unf*ck Your Relationships

Today’s episode is inspired by a question a client recently put forward…

And the answer is not going to be easy for most of you to hear.

This client said that she always gives people the benefit of the doubt, trying to offer the most generous assumptions when it comes to their behavior…but when it comes to her partner, she immediately thinks—and says—the worst about his behavior. Why does that happen?

This is extremely common in relationships, particularly longer-term relationships. You’ve not only moved out of the honeymoon phase—when everything they do is the most adorable shit you’ve ever seen—but you’ve been with them long enough to build a level of safety and trust.

Why are you more critical of your partner than anyone else?

Because you think you can say whatever you fucking want and get away with it.

Don’t think that’s true? Hit that play button. I’ll show you what I mean.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

I have a complicated relationship with vulnerability.

When I first started this work, I couldn’t even say the f*cking WORD. And even though I’ve gotten so much better about it…it’s still terrifying.

I don’t want people to see me as less than perfect. I don’t want them to see me struggle. Because what if they see I’m not perfect, that I don’t have it all together, and I lose my credibility? What if they don’t want to work with me anymore?

But I choose to be vulnerable anyway. Even on one of the scariest platforms to be publicly vulnerable: social media.

Social media is a GIFT. I wouldn’t have the business I have if not for social media. But I also can’t help wondering what kind of damage it’s doing to us to have perfection shoved in our faces at every turn…and how we can take the good without getting caught up in the comparison game.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

When you’re fighting to win the argument, not to reconnect with your partner…everyone loses.

We all looove winning an argument…at first. It feels f*cking great to get the last word. The high of nailing that last comeback is addicting…

And so, so fleeting.

It feels good in the moment to “win”...but the thing is, you haven’t actually “won.” In fact, odds are good that both your partner AND you have lost something through this conflict.

If you’re struggling with unresolved conflict in your relationship—as in, there’s an issue or an argument that just keeps coming back up between you and your partner, and you guys just keep going around and around and around on the fucking conflict carousel…

You need to decide whether you’re willing to compromise, or if you need to get off the fucking ride. 

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

Access my FREE masterclass, CLINGY TO CONFIDENT, a masterclass made for my anxiously attached babes: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/clingy-to-confident/

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

I am on the edge of my fucking seat today about getting to introduce you to my newest guest: one of my OG clients from all the way back in Connected Woman circa 2020, Steph Normoyle!

Steph Normoyle is a somatic practitioner and the founder of Club Soma, a wellness space for women seeking true embodied transformation—without the bullshit. As a somatic practitioner, she helps women connect with their bodies, rediscover their desires, and express themselves with boldness and integrity. 

But back in 2020, Steph couldn’t even get connected to HER body, let alone help other women connect to themselves…and her transformation since is absolutely fucking beautiful.

You have to hear Steph’s story…and hear about the work she’s been doing since.

WORK WITH STEPH:

Join Steph’s free workshop, SOMA & SIP: https://www.clubsoma.com.au/soma-sip

Join Steph’s group program, A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE:  https://www.clubsoma.com.au/group-program

CONNECT WITH STEPH:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_clubsoma/ 

Website: https://www.clubsoma.com.au

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

People have some intense fucking beliefs surrounding anxious attachment…

“Anxious attachers are unstable.”

“Anxious attachers are just way too fucking emotional.”

“My anxious attachment means I’ll never have a relationship—I don’t deserve it.”

No, no, and fuuuucking no.

Anxious attachment causes some wild behaviour…but none of it makes you unworthy of love. And like all behaviours, we can find ways to clock them, own them, and clean them up.

Let’s go over seven myths about anxious attachment…and whether it’s possible to heal your attachment style.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Here’s a question for you:

Are you a controlling partner?

If your gut reaction was “FUCK no! I’m not controlling at all!” or “Not a chance, my partner’s the controlling one!” or some other fucking enraged denial…

Let me change the question.

Have you ever cancelled plans with your friends to meet up with the guy you’ve been on a couple dates with?

Have you ever apologized first in a fight…even if you’re not at fault?

Have you ever dropped everything in order to be there for your partner, regardless of your own needs?

Then I had to burst your fucking bubble, babe, but yeah…you’re a controlling partner.

You’re just getting away with it by using the sneakiest bitch in the controlling behavior pile: covert controlling.

Never heard of it? I’m about to change that.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

I’m going to be honest…

People love to joke about something being healing to their inner child. But if you’re not ACTUALLY doing the work to heal your inner child, well…

Bad news. She’s actually going to f*ck up your love life for the foreseeable future.

I’m not saying this to put you down—it’s just the truth. If your inner child is acting up, it’s going to ruin your ability to have a secure, stable relationship…and a lot of other important things, too.

You wouldn’t let your six-year-old self behind the wheel of your car. Don’t let her drive your love life, either.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

It’s no secret that shadow work is the most popular girl in school when it comes to the personal development world.

It’s trendy. It’s everywhere. Everyone’s talking about it, including me…

But before you get into shadow work, you have to spend some time with her less sexy sister. 

Everyone, say hello to ego work…and say goodbye to your aversion to vulnerability. Because without vulnerability, you actually can’t form fulfilling, deep, intimate relationships with others…romantic or platonic.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY - THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

What do getting attacked by a bear and your partner not answering your text have in common?

Absolutely f*cking nothing…but according to your dysregulated nervous system? It can’t spot the differences between those two pictures.

When you’re living with a dysregulated nervous system, everything is a threat. And when everything is a threat, you’re always living in one of four modes: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

None of which will allow for a healthy, connected relationship.

Your nervous system is fucking cooking your body and brain, babe. And until you learn to regulate that shit, it’s going to keep on blocking you from the love you want so badly.

So how do you know when your nervous system is dysregulated…and how do you start getting it to chill tf out? Let’s go over it together.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

We talk all the time about why you need to do the work…but what happens AFTER you do the work?

One of my long-time clients, Ashley LaButte, is here to share her story. From realizing something needed to change, to committing herself to actually DOING THE WORK, to finally manifesting something she’s been working for years to manifest…her story truly displays how f*cking beautiful your life can get when you actually commit to doing the thing.

You can’t just throw money or intention at something and expect it to work. You have to show up for yourself…or nothing’s ever going to change for the better.

If you’re just fine with your life the way it is now, then I want you to ask yourself this…

Are you really fine with life being “fine?”

Does “fine” feel like all you’re meant for?

I think I know the answer. But if I can’t convince you…maybe Ashley can.

WORK WITH ASHLEY:

Website: ashleylabutte.com

CONNECT WITH ASHLEY:

Join SNAIL MAIL SISTERHOOD: snailmailsisterhood.com 

Listen to POWER UP YOURSELF: https://open.spotify.com/show/6GrGUbBJll3Y3Q0JXImh29 

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow-work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience 

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com