For anyone wondering why they keep hitting the same wall in their relationship, this session is essential listening. This week, we go back to the beginning to uncover the origin stories of Bethany and Brian’s core wounds—the first major hurts that set their painful cycle in motion and are still alive in their conflict today.

We explore how their survival strategies collide when old pain is triggered. Bethany uses logic and explanation to stay safe from overwhelming emotion, while Brian uses anger as a desperate attempt to be seen and heard. We hear the story of Bethany’s hidden grief over feeling alone and the story of Brian’s broken trust.

This episode reveals that healing doesn't start with tallying wrongs or proving who was right. It begins with building the capacity to finally see the wound in the person across from you. The turning point comes not from winning the fight, but from learning how to speak from the pain instead of the defense.

This week’s prompt: What is your go-to emotional defense when you feel hurt? Do you tend to explain and rationalize, or do you get loud to demand being heard?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

Have you ever gotten caught up in the “50/50” debate in your relationship? This week, we explore the messy, emotional reality that lives underneath the fight for fairness. The session dives into a conflict where Brian feels he’s carrying an unequal share of the load, from household chores to finances, leaving him feeling unseen and unappreciated.

We explore how the argument isn't really about who does what, but about Brian's desperate cry to be seen and valued for his contributions. His hurt comes out as anger and protest, but underneath lies a deep-seated feeling of being unworthy that stems from his childhood and his parents’ divorce.

This episode reveals the powerful shift that occurs when protest gives way to pain. The turning point isn't a logical solution to dividing chores; it's the moment Brian's raw vulnerability finally reaches Bethany, instantly softening her heart. It’s a profound lesson that true connection isn’t born from strategy or proving a point; it’s born from the courageous act of showing our wounds.

This week’s prompt: Think about a time you fought about fairness or "50/50" in your relationship. What was the deeper feeling or unmet need hiding beneath the logistics?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

What is the emotional cost for the partner who is left behind in the silence? This week, we turn to Bethany’s side of the story to understand her experience of being on the receiving end of Brian's threats to leave. We explore the cycle of confusion and anxiety that begins the moment he emotionally withdraws.

We journey into the pain Bethany so often holds inside—the feeling of being punished for a crime she doesn’t understand, triggering her deepest fears of failure and abandonment. For someone who has never been the one to threaten divorce, this dynamic leaves her feeling like the "bad guy," responsible for a rupture she doesn't know how to fix.

This episode reveals the profound shift that happens when pain is shared from a place of pure vulnerability. By giving voice to her sadness and fear, Bethany bypasses Brian's defenses, activating his empathy for the first time and proving that speaking from the heart can build bridges where frustration once built walls.

This week’s prompt: Reflect on a time you felt left in silence by a partner. What story did you tell yourself in that silence, and what was the core fear underneath it?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured in a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

What happens when the fear of being hurt makes leaving feel safer than staying? This week, we dive deep into Brian and Bethany’s journey as Brian shares a distressing dream and a painful childhood memory that reveal the roots of his mistrust and his instinct to detach when he feels trapped.

We explore how Brian’s nervous system drives him to make empty threats to leave, leaving Bethany hurt and confused, while underneath, his fear of abandonment and betrayal runs deep. This session highlights how these reactive moments aren’t attempts to hurt each other, but survival strategies masking vulnerabilities that need healing.

This episode is a powerful reminder that the fears and wounds beneath conflict don’t create new problems—they expose the ones already there. The central challenge becomes clear: can Brian and Bethany learn to turn toward each other’s fear, instead of letting it drive them apart?

This week’s prompt: Reflect on a time when fear made you want to pull away from your partner. What was the deeper need or vulnerability underneath that fear?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

What happens when a real-life crisis puts your relationship’s progress to the ultimate test? This week, a stressful weekend surrounding their daughter’s tonsil surgery sends Bethany and Brian spiraling, revealing how a shared set of facts can tell two completely different stories and leave both partners feeling more alone than ever.

We explore how Bethany’s anxiety about their daughter triggers Brian’s own deep fear of failure, leaving him overwhelmed and unable to show up for her. The pressure becomes so intense that Brian voices a familiar thought: that continuing with a divorce would be easier than facing the pain of their disconnection.

This session is a powerful example of how high-stress situations don’t create new problems, but expose the ones already there. The central challenge becomes clear: can they learn to turn toward each other’s fear, instead of letting it drive them apart?

This week’s prompt: Think about a recent time a need went unspoken in your relationship. What were you afraid might happen if you voiced it?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions / comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this week’s session, we dive deeper into Brian’s inner world as he unpacks the painful feeling of being a “second-class citizen” in his relationship with Bethany. What does it mean to feel unimportant to the person you love and how does that hurt turn into anger?

We explore how Brian’s anger is rooted in a longing for connection, not control, and how his unspoken sadness transforms into name calling as he's trying everything he can in his power trying to be heard.  Meanwhile, we examine how Bethany copes with his anger, often retreating and rationalizing, which only deepens their disconnection.

This episode is about building awareness and learning to catch the hurt before it becomes a fight.

This week’s prompt: Think about a time you felt overlooked or unimportant in your relationship. Where did you notice the feeling come up in your body?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions / comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Attend a course or worshop hosted by Julie: Attachment Theory and Relationship Growth Courses
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In the Season 2 premiere, we meet Bethany and Brian, a couple stuck in a painful cycle of conflict fueled by their attachment styles, Brian's anxious patterns and Bethany's avoidant retreat.  This session lays the groundwork for the season as we explore how they each respond when triggered.

We dive into a recent fight over a Wi-Fi password, which activated Brian's deep-seated trust issues. Then, we explore Bethany's experience of being cast as the "bad guy" and her pattern of rationalizing her actions to avoid Brian's reaction.

The episode culminates in a powerful breakthrough as Brian steps into vulnerability for the first time, describing the feeling as putting on a "corny suit."  Can putting on that suit be the first step toward changing their entire dynamic?

We'd love to hear from you. Send your questions, comments, or your own stories via email or voice note to [email protected]. Your submission might be featured on a future episode. This week's prompt is: How do you want to feel in conflict with your partner?

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Attend a course or worshop hosted by Julie: Attachment Theory and Relationship Growth Courses
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In Season 2 of The Secure Love Podcast, licensed therapist and author Julie Menanno returns with a new couple: Bethany and Brian, separated, on the brink of divorce, and making one final attempt to repair their relationship. 

This season you'll hear name-calling, financial betrayal, post-partum isolation and deep emotional wounds surface in real time. But beneath the hurt, there's a deeper story, one of longing, vulnerability, and a quiet hope that love might still be possible.

Whether or not your relationship looks like theirs, if you’ve ever felt disconnected, stuck in unhealthy patterns, or unsure how to move forward with your partner, you'll see yourself in their story.

Can two people who’ve hurt each other so deeply learn to connect again? Can they find their way back?

Season 2 begins next week. Subscribe now to follow their journey.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Attend a course or worshop hosted by Julie: Attachment Theory and Relationship Growth Courses
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this special live Q&A episode, Melissa, Drew, and Julie reflect on their transformative journey through 20 sessions of couples therapy. Hear why Melissa and Drew chose to take part in this experience, their initial anxieties, and what they gained along the way. They share insights into their progress, areas they’re still working on, and moments that didn’t make it onto the podcast.

Julie also dives deeper into the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), explaining why her approach avoids conflict during sessions and fosters healing and connection instead. With thoughtful audience questions from the community, this episode offers a behind-the-scenes look at the breakthroughs, struggles, and lessons learned.

Join us in celebrating Melissa and Drew’s vulnerability and growth, and stay tuned for Season 2, launching this January.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• Visit Julie's website The Secure Relationship for all information on upcoming workshops and access to resources.
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Julie works with Drew and Melissa in their final therapy session, focusing on Drew's shame and self-acceptance. The session aims to help Drew accept himself even when his anxieties lead to imperfect behavior. Julie explains that self-acceptance—recognizing one's worth despite mistakes—is crucial for breaking the cycle of shame, which can trigger avoidant behavior and emotional withdrawal from Melissa.

Julie starts by helping Drew see the positive intentions behind his need for order, acknowledging that his perfectionism is not all negative. By celebrating this strength, Julie helps Drew open up to confronting the underlying shame. This work is particularly crucial in breaking the couple's negative cycles and building more secure attachment. When Drew can accept himself, even in moments of imperfection, it allows for better emotional connection and co-regulation between him and Melissa, which is the ultimate goal of their 20-session journey.

The session also explores how both Drew and Melissa can reassure each other during moments of imperfection, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance for their emotional growth as a couple and their progress toward a more secure, co-regulated relationship.

Melissa and Drew will join us for a live Q&A session on Monday, December 2, at 2 PM Pacific (5 PM Eastern). Don’t miss this opportunity to learn directly from their experience. Tune in next week to hear their reflections and advice!

Register here: The Secure Love Podcast Q&A With Melissa and Drew

   

As we look forward to Season 2 with Bethany and Brian in January, take a moment to support this podcast by leaving a five-star review on Apple or Spotify. Together, we can spread these tools and help more couples thrive.

Thank you for listening and for joining us on this transformative journey with Melissa and Drew.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• Visit Julie's website The Secure Relationship for all information on upcoming workshops and access to resources.
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime