In this episode, Drew and Melissa share the challenges they faced during a 10-hour road trip to a family beach vacation with their three kids. Surrounded by 30 family members, they found themselves under constant scrutiny. While trying to ensure their kids had a good time, they also struggled with unsolicited comments that made them question their parenting skills.   Melissa felt the sting of disconnection when Drew chose to escape the stressful situation by spending time with less challenging family members. This left her feeling unsupported, leading her to question her worth and effectiveness as a parent. The couple grappled with why they cared so much about the opinions of others and how they could have better navigated the situation.

Julie offers insightful feedback, emphasizing that their struggle in this case isn't about their parenting but rather how they respond to challenges together. She highlights the importance of coming together as a team, even briefly, to get on the same page in difficult moments. The episode underscores the value of choosing connection over avoidance and the power of being present with your partner, especially when facing external pressures.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode, Drew, the avoidant partner in his relationship with Melissa, begins to confront his deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and shame. Drew's inner critic, which has driven him to seek perfection and self-improvement, also caused emotional pain and isolation. As he starts to unravel these complex feelings, he struggles to articulate them but makes significant progress in acknowledging their impact on his life and relationship.

Julie’s guidance helps Drew understand that these negative beliefs don’t define him and encourages him to be vulnerable, even if it’s not perfectly expressed. This shift is crucial for Drew, who has often avoided confronting these emotions. Melissa’s empathetic response underscores the importance of mutual support and understanding in a relationship. Their interaction highlights a move from old patterns of avoidance and self-criticism to a more connected and secure relationship.

Have you ever faced challenges with vulnerability in your relationship, especially as an avoidant partner? How might addressing these deep-seated feelings impact your connection with others? This episode offers insights into transforming avoidance into meaningful emotional engagement.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this week’s episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Melissa and Drew face the ongoing challenge of truly understanding each other’s emotional states. Although the couple has acknowledged they've made tremendous progress, they still have their moments of disconnect. While Drew claims he’s happy, Melissa senses something off in his body language and expressions, stirring doubts rooted in past misunderstandings.

Ever felt like you and your partner were just not on the same page despite reassurances? Melissa’s struggle with trusting Drew’s assurances highlights a deep-seated fear of disconnect that many couples may find familiar.

The scene unfolds on a typical evening: Drew is ready to relax, scrolling through scores on his phone, while Melissa seeks a meaningful check-in. This disconnect spirals into a minor flare-up, resolved on the surface but leaving underlying issues untouched. Melissa fears pushing Drew away by expressing her needs, while Drew feels inadequate, unable to validate her and constantly fearing the loss of his bond with Melissa despite his efforts. Although uncommunicated, they both share the same fear of losing each other.

Julie steps in to help them articulate and validate their needs. But can they bridge the gap between fear and reassurance in their relationship? 

How do you handle emotional discrepancies with your partner? Join Melissa and Drew as they navigate the complexities of connection and fear, seeking a path to deeper understanding and validation.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this week's episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Melissa and Drew recount a transformative moment from their Fourth of July weekend. Picture this: amidst the typical holiday stress, a disagreement escalates in front of their kids. Instead of spiraling further, they pause and ask each other, "Hey, can we try this again?" It's a simple question, but one that marks a significant milestone in their journey. 

This episode not only celebrates Melissa and Drew's progress but also takes a deeper dive into Drew's role as the avoidant partner. Why focus on Drew? Because avoidant partners often struggle longer with processing and communicating their emotions. Julie probes with questions like, "How long have you walked around trying to get everything right?" and "How are you supposed to help Melissa with her anxiety when you’ve never had help with yours?"

Drew shares a powerful realization: "I’ve never had help in that arena…" This acknowledgment opens up discussions about the challenges of growing up with parents who, despite their best efforts, weren't always emotionally available. Drew traces the roots of his anxiety back to having to regulate his emotions alone from a young age.

Julie guides Drew through understanding the pain beneath the pressure he feels, introducing him to a new kind of difficulty: touching the pain underneath all that pressure. For Melissa, understanding the reasons behind Drew’s avoidant nature brings a huge sense of relief and a pathway to true co-regulation.

As they navigate these revelations, how does it change their dynamics? Could understanding and addressing these deep-seated issues be the key to breaking their negative cycles for good? How do you handle the uncovering of deep-seated personal struggles in your relationships?

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

This week's episode of The Secure Love Podcast opens with Drew reflecting on the early years of their marriage. His reflection leads to a heartfelt apology to Melissa for not showing up the way she needed, eliciting both an emotional reaction and a tremendous sense of relief for her. This moment of understanding and Drew's willingness to own his part in their past disconnect highlights his growth, yet Julie points out that this is still within the bounds of their 'negative cycle'. Drew's efforts, though well-intentioned, stem from a partial grasp of the underlying issues, including his unprocessed grief, fears about loss, and struggles with vulnerability.

Julie guides the couple through understanding how Drew's past experiences of loss and his inability to seek help have shaped his responses to Melissa's needs. In this episode, we also hear from Julie's longtime colleague, George Faller, who provides insight into what Drew has been experiencing. Although Drew apologized to Melissa for not being emotionally available in those early years, George highlights that Drew hasn't had much experience sharing his emotions, which also means he doesn't have much experience having his own emotions validated.

Make no doubt about it, Drew's apology and acknowledgment is huge for their relationship. However, as the avoidant partner, what will it take for Drew to truly connect with his deepest fears and embrace vulnerability.  

As the episode unfolds, Julie challenges Drew to genuinely connect with his deeper fears and insecurities. This pivot in therapy aims to equip Drew with the tools to support Melissa more effectively, acknowledging that truly supportive relationships require both partners to engage deeply with their own vulnerabilities.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In today's episode of the Secure Love Podcast, we dive into Part 1 of a compelling two-part series exploring deep-rooted challenges in Melissa and Drew's relationship. Reflecting on last week's chaos when Drew returned to a patio strewn with toys, Melissa revisits her feelings of frustration. She was ready to support Drew, but his withdrawn demeanor left her feeling helpless and disconnected.

This moment of disconnect isn't isolated—it harks back to a critical time in their relationship when their son was hospitalized in the ICU, a situation fraught with stress and uncertainty. During this intense period, Drew had just started a new job, adding another layer of strain. Melissa feels they've never fully recovered from this emotional distance that began then.

In this episode, Julie works with Melissa to identify and dissect these cycles of disconnect and triggering events that trace back to their past. It's a deep dive into the origins of their attachment clashes, revealing how past traumas continue to influence their present interactions.

Next week, in Part 2, we'll be joined by guest therapist George Faller, one of Julie's long-standing colleagues, who will provide further analysis from Drew's perspective.

Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle with your partner that seems to echo past conflicts? How do you navigate the complex interplay of past and present in your relationships? Join us as we explore these questions, offering insights and reflections that might just resonate with your own experiences. Tune in to unravel the roots of Melissa and Drew's challenges and find keys to fostering a deeper connection.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this week's episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Melissa and Drew dive into a common household challenge that many parents face: the chaos that greets them at the end of a long workday. Drew comes home from a demanding day at work, only to find his kids throwing toys across the patio and being a bit more rowdy than he anticipated. In these situations, Drew wishes he could ease into his evening, but is frustrated by the commotion, leading him to irritation and a tendency to shut down.

Melissa shares her side, explaining how in tune she is with her emotions and how challenging it is when she can't understand what's going on with Drew. Despite being empathetic to his long day, she also feels like, "well I’ve had a long day too.”

Julie guides them to understand that both their feelings are valid, but timing and mutual support are key. They discuss the importance of holding space for each other, even when both are hurting. It’s about finding a balance and sometimes literally just going one person at a time and working together as a team through the everyday chaos.

How do you handle these stressful moments in your relationship? Do you find it challenging to support each other when both of you are exhausted?

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• Visit Julie's website The Secure Relationship for all information on upcoming workshops and access to resources.
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

This week on the Secure Love Podcast, Melissa and Drew share their breakthroughs and real-life applications of their therapy work with Julie Menanno. They've been learning to identify and break their negative cycles, but as always, the journey is full of ups and downs.

Imagine this: one of their twin boys slams his brother's hand in the door, leading to a frantic trip to the hospital. While Drew is at a work event, Melissa is left to handle the chaos alone. When she reaches out to Drew for help, they find themselves in a classic anxious-avoidant clash.

Melissa, feeling the urgency of the moment, needs immediate emotional validation. For her, addressing the issue right away is crucial, as waiting can make her feel like her emotions are being dismissed. On the other hand, Drew prefers to process things and discuss them later when emotions have cooled down. Can you see how this disconnect creates tension?

In these situations, Melissa often feels like a failure as a mom and wife. She battles dark thoughts, wondering if Drew and the kids might be better off without her. It's a heartbreaking struggle many can relate to.

Join us as we explore how Melissa and Drew navigate these intense moments, using the tools they've learned in therapy. How do they manage to connect despite their differing styles? And what can we learn from their journey to help in our own relationships? This episode is a powerful reminder that progress is possible, even when the road is tough.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• Visit Julie's website The Secure Relationship for all information on upcoming workshops and access to resources.
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode of the Secure Love Podcast, Melissa and Drew find themselves caught in a familiar struggle at a baseball game with their kids. Drew checks out, feeling overwhelmed, leaving Melissa to handle the kids alone. Sound familiar?

Julie helps the couple dive into the heart of their issues. Melissa opens up about the crushing weight of feeling like a failure and the panic of being left to manage everything alone, even when Drew is right there. Meanwhile, Drew's avoidant behavior, driven by his fear of shame and failure, only pushes Melissa further into anxiety and desperation.

Can you relate to Melissa's urgent texts, pleading for connection? Or maybe you see yourself in Drew, needing to retreat when things get too intense? Julie guides them through these tough moments, helping them understand the deeper fears driving their actions and how they can start supporting each other better.

Tune in to see how Melissa and Drew continue to break their negative cycle, and discover practical insights that might just help you and your partner navigate similar struggles. This episode is all about understanding each other’s needs and finding new ways to connect, even when things get tough.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• Visit Julie's website The Secure Relationship for all information on upcoming workshops and access to resources.
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In the first episode of The Secure Love Podcast, we meet Melissa and Drew, a couple navigating the complexities of their relationship. Melissa opens up about her experience of anger and shutdown when she feels disconnected from Drew during stressful times. As she describes her attempts to avoid confrontation and the eventual buildup of frustration, Drew shares his own sense of helplessness and shutdown in response to her anger.

Join us as Melissa and Drew delve into the vulnerable place of anger and its role in their longing for emotional connection. Julie's main goal for this first session is to help Melissa and Drew understand and break their negative cycle. Through their candid conversation, they begin to understand each other's experiences and find relief in expressing their feelings. This episode offers insights into how anger can be a desperate attempt for connection and how shutting down is a way to regulate pain. Discover how putting words to feelings can pave the way for reconnection and a deeper understanding in relationships.

Stay connected with us:

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• Visit Julie's website The Secure Relationship for all information on upcoming workshops and access to resources.
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime