Dear Dr. Tracy

What happens when the partner who has spent years asking for connection suddenly stops asking?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy explores the “burned-out pursuer,” a relationship shift that can look deceptively peaceful from the outside. The arguments decrease. The questions stop. One partner is no longer asking for date nights, difficult conversations, affection, sex, or repair. But less conflict does not always mean more security.
Dr. Tracy explains how repeated unsuccessful attempts at connection can eventually lead the pursuing partner to stop expecting comfort, curiosity, initiative, or repair from their partner. They may begin investing more heavily in parenting, friendships, work, fitness, hobbies, or other parts of life, not because they no longer need connection, but because they have stopped expecting to find it inside the relationship.
She also explores what can happen next: the previously withdrawn partner suddenly feels the distance and begins pursuing connection themselves. Rebuilding at that point takes more than urgency or a burst of effort. It requires accountability, consistency, compassion, and the willingness to understand why trust may take time to return.
Because sometimes the quietest moment in a relationship is not the moment everything got better. It is the moment someone stopped believing that knocking on the door would make it open.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

The Relationship Cycle Behind Desire, Rejection, and Sex - In this episode, Dr. Tracy is joined by sex therapist Dr. Lori Watson and emotionally focused therapy trainer George Faller, authors of “Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships”.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

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Can you love your father, believe he was a good dad, and still carry a father wound?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy welcomes Terri Cole back to the podcast to talk about her new book, *The Father Wound*, and the often-overlooked ways our earliest experiences with fathers and father figures can shape worthiness, perfectionism, ambition, people-pleasing, boundaries, and the relationships we choose as adults.
Terri explains why a father wound isn’t about blaming your dad or denying the good in your relationship. It’s about getting honest about the impact of what you experienced, including emotional unavailability, absence, addiction, criticism, high expectations, or simply growing up with the belief that love, approval, or safety had to be earned.
Together, Tracy and Terri explore how these wounds can show up as high-functioning codependency, hyper-independence, self-abandonment, hypervigilance, choosing emotionally unavailable partners, and constantly trying to prove your worth through achievement. They also talk about what begins to change when that wound heals: more self-compassion, healthier boundaries, greater interdependence, and the freedom to stop living as though you are only as worthy as your last accomplishment.
Because healing isn’t about changing the past or confronting your father. It’s about learning to offer yourself the safety, protection, and care you may have spent a lifetime trying to earn from someone else.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get the new book: Father Wound: Break Unhealthy Patterns and Reclaim Your Worth and Power

Get a FREE TICKET to the Virtual Retreat when you pre-order Father Wound.Check out Terri Cole’s Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

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What do you do when the holidays are coming, your in-laws expect to stay in your home, and the last visit ended in a painful family conflict?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg answer a listener question about a mother-in-law who challenged their parenting in front of the children, a husband who finally stepped in and supported his wife in the moment, and the complicated question of what happens next. Is asking the grandparents to stay in a hotel a punishment, or a reasonable boundary while trust is being rebuilt?
Dr. Tracy and Greg explore why “we’ve always done it this way” is not a reason to keep doing something that no longer works, how years of small hurts can leave one partner bracing before every visit, and the important difference between setting a boundary and trying to teach someone a lesson.
They also talk about rebuilding trust through repeated positive experiences, deciding what you can and cannot tolerate, and why the adult child often needs to be the one communicating boundaries to their own parents. Because the goal isn’t to win the old argument. It’s to create conditions where the next visit can actually feel better for everyone.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

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Why can two people love each other deeply and still feel completely out of sync when it comes to communication, desire, and sex?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy is joined by sex therapist Dr. Lori Watson and emotionally focused therapy trainer George Faller, authors of *Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships*. Together, they explore the emotional and sexual cycles couples get caught in, and why what happens outside the bedroom often follows you straight into it.
They talk about pursue-withdraw patterns, responsive and initiating partners, resentment, mental load, rejection, caregiving, and the different ways people reach for connection. You’ll also hear why some people need emotional closeness before desire becomes possible, while others experience sex as one of their primary pathways into emotional connection.
Most importantly, this conversation shifts the focus away from deciding which partner is the problem. When couples can understand both the emotional cycle and the sexual cycle happening between them, they can stop blaming each other and start changing the pattern together.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get the new book: Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships

Find out more about co-author George FallerFind out more about co-author Dr. Laurie WatsonListen to the Brave Love, Great Sex Podcast

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube  

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

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Have you ever avoided saying something because you didn’t want to upset your partner, say it wrong, or turn the moment into a fight?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about avoidance, conflict, control, and the hard conversations couples keep waiting to have. What can feel like “keeping the peace” is often a way of trying to manage discomfort, predict your partner’s reaction, and control the outcome before you take the risk of being honest.
Together, they explore how avoidance shows up in everyday relationship moments, from asking for time away to navigating holiday plans, in-laws, hobbies, sex, and difficult needs. Greg shares what avoidance feels like from the inside, while Dr. Tracy explains why delaying hard conversations can break trust, lower relational power, and create the very reaction you were trying to prevent.
They also talk about differentiation: learning to say what is true for you without trying to control how your partner feels. Because intimacy is not built by waiting for the perfect time. It is built by trusting the relationship enough to risk the real conversation.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube  

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

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Have you ever had a conflict, talked it through, repaired it, and still didn’t feel close afterward?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy shares a recent date-night conflict with Greg that started with one small question: “What do you want for dinner?” But like so many relationship moments, it was not really about dinner. It was about decision fatigue, mental load, expectations, and the deeper feeling of not being seen.
Dr. Tracy explores why repair does not always create instant closeness, even when both partners have taken ownership and talked through what happened. Sometimes your front brain understands that you are okay, but your nervous system has not caught up yet. She explains why shame often shows up in that gap, why self-compassion matters, and how to stop criticizing yourself for needing time.
You’ll also learn three small ways to reconnect after conflict: choose physical touch that feels accessible, share one thing from your day that is not about the fight, and do one small caring action that says, “We’re in this together.”
Because closeness does not always return all at once. Sometimes it comes back through one small, values-aligned step toward each other.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Listen to this episode so you know what not to do when it comes to giving a meaningful apology.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

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Back-to-school season is full of advice about helping kids transition, but what about helping your relationship transition too?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about the September shift: the moment summer ends, routines return, capacity drops, and couples start feeling more reactive, less patient, and less generous with each other. What can look like a relationship problem may actually be a capacity problem, a logistics problem, or an old pattern that stress has made louder.
Together, they explore how back-to-school stress, mental load, activities, lunches, schedules, and fewer margins can land directly on your partnership. They also talk about how to make the invisible visible, sit down as a team, protect small rituals of connection, and ask better questions before resentment takes over.
Because this season is real. Your capacity has changed. And your relationship may need a little more care, curiosity, compassion, collaboration, and connection as you move through it together.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

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What do you do when you’re trying to build more emotional intimacy, but your partner says, “I’m just not a feelings person”?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg answer a listener question from Michael, a husband who has been doing his own personal work around people-pleasing, anxious attachment, intimacy, and emotional connection. He wants to talk more openly with his wife about feelings, needs, and desire, but she often becomes defensive or says she doesn’t see a problem in the relationship.
Dr. Tracy and Greg explore why therapy language can be helpful, but also why it can create distance when one partner starts using new labels or tools before the other partner is ready. They talk about how to stay curious instead of boxing your partner in, why “I’m not a feelings person” may actually mean “Can you see me as I am?”, and how some partners connect more naturally through side-by-side experiences, rituals, humour, shared activities, or being in the moment rather than formal check-ins.
They also look at desire differences, responsive desire, vacation sex, and why the better question may not be “Why don’t you want sex with me?” but “What context makes pleasure and connection more accessible for you?”
Because emotional intimacy does not have to look the same for both partners. The work is learning how to recognize the ways your partner already lets you in, while also staying connected to what matters to you.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube  

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

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What do you do when your partner’s defensiveness is shutting down your desire, but you’re afraid that bringing it up will only make them more reactive?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy answers a listener question about sex, defensiveness, and how to talk about what turns desire off without getting pulled into another negative cycle. She explains why defensiveness is understandable, especially when someone hears feedback as rejection or failure, but also names the truth so many couples miss: defensiveness impacts desire.
Dr. Tracy explores why desire is not an on/off switch and why emotional safety, responsiveness, warmth, and daily interactions all shape whether the body feels open to connection. She also offers language for talking about desire without blaming your partner, including how to frame the conversation around what you both want more of: closeness, play, connection, and a sex life that feels good for both of you.
Because the goal is not to say every hard thing perfectly. It is to stay clear, respectful, and grounded enough to say: this matters to me, and it matters to us.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here. 

🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say. 

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..  

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive?  Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

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With the release of their new joint memoir, I’m Going to Break Your Heart: A Rock N Roll Love Story, and their upcoming fall tour, this conversation with Raine Maida and Chantal Kreviazuk feels especially timely to revisit.
In this intimate conversation, Dr. Tracy sits down with the Canadian musicians and longtime partners to talk about the real work of long-term love: marriage, family, therapy, creativity, conflict, repair, and the choice to keep turning toward each other through the messier seasons of life.
Together, they explore the story behind their documentary I’m Going to Break Your Heart the “burnt chicken” moment that revealed deeper invisible labor dynamics, and how everyday micro-heartbreaks can quietly shape connection over time. They also talk about maximizer / minimizer patterns, men’s resistance to therapy, the power of reframing therapy as coaching, and why interdependence, not perfection, is the foundation of lasting partnership.
You’ll hear how Raine and Chantal use tools like CPR (Catch, Pause, Repair), eye-gazing, and intentional autonomy to stay connected through parenting, touring, hormonal shifts, and the evolving seasons of a decades-long relationship.
If you’ve ever felt alone in the messiness of marriage, this episode is a reminder that even the strongest relationships are built through rupture, repair, honesty, and the willingness to keep choosing each other.

New Book: I’m Going to Break Your Heart: A Rock N Roll Love Story.



I’m Going to Break Your Heart / Break Your Heart Tour

I’m Going to Break Your Heart.
Learn more about Raine Maida and his band Our Lady Peace

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