Dear Dr. Tracy

By Cloud10Health & Fitness Mental Health Education Self-Improvement

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Dear Dr. Tracy episodes

August 06 Don’t Define Your Relationship by Your Hardest Days
Major life transitions can make even strong couples feel disconnected, reactive, and unlike themselves.
In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg record from their new office after moving homes and reflect on what this season taught them about stress, partnership, and staying connected through change. From buying, selling, staging, packing, moving, and settling in, they talk about how stress can amplify old stories, trigger protective patterns, and make your partner look like the problem when really, the transition itself is putting pressure on both of you.
Dr. Tracy and Greg explore why it helps to assume positive intent, ask “What’s best for us?” instead of “Who’s right?”, and remember that different does not always mean wrong. They also talk about the importance of emotional check-ins, small rituals, involving kids in transition, and planning for the aftermath, because the stress does not magically end on moving day.
Whether you are moving, welcoming a baby, navigating a health change, starting something new, or coming out of a major life shift, this episode is a reminder not to define your relationship by who you both are on the hardest days.

🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
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37 min
July 30 When Your Partner Avoids Conflict and Leaves You Alone
What do you do when your partner keeps bidding for connection at the worst possible times, or in ways that feel irritating, inconvenient, or hard to receive?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy answers a listener question that starts with annoying bids for connection, but quickly reveals something deeper: emotional safety. Because sometimes the issue is not the bid itself. It is the history underneath it. Your partner may be reaching for closeness, but if your vulnerability has been dismissed, exposed, used against you, or left unprotected in family conflict, that bid can feel less like connection and more like a request to open up where it has not felt safe.
Dr. Tracy explores the difference between connection and emotional safety, why avoidance is not neutral, and how passivity in conflict can leave one partner carrying the emotional weight alone. She also shares what repair can look like when trust has been damaged: naming the pattern, asking for consistent follow-through, and creating a structure for returning to hard conversations instead of making promises just to end discomfort.
Because your partner’s bid may be an attempt to connect, and you are not required to offer vulnerability where vulnerability has repeatedly been mishandled.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
33 min
July 26 How to Stop Chasing Accountability From Your Mother-in-Law
One of the hardest parts of mother-in-law conflict is that the thing you want most, accountability, can become the very thing keeping you stuck.
In this short episode, Dr. Tracy talks to the daughter-in-law who has tried to explain, repair, clarify, and get her mother-in-law to finally understand the hurt she caused. It makes sense to want accountability, ownership, and responsibility. But when someone repeatedly shows that they do not have the capacity or willingness to offer it, continuing to chase that acknowledgment can leave your peace in someone else’s hands.
Dr. Tracy explores the shift from “How do I get her to understand me?” to “Knowing what I know now, how do I want to show up?” Because acceptance is not approval, and it is not pretending the hurt did not happen. It is seeing reality clearly enough to make grounded decisions about your boundaries, your access, your family gatherings, your partner’s support, and the relationship you want to have with yourself.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
13 min
July 23 Why You Sound Critical When You Really Want Connection
Why does someone who longs for closeness often come across as critical, demanding, or angry?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy looks at the other side of the defensiveness cycle: the partner who brings things up, reaches for connection, pushes for repair, and then gets labelled as “too angry,” “too much,” “controlling,” or “a nag.” But underneath that criticism is often something much more tender: a protest against disconnection.
Dr. Tracy explores why criticism can become a nervous system strategy, especially when someone has learned that if they do not push, nothing changes. She explains how the pursuit for connection can turn into over-explaining, piling on examples, sending more texts, or trying to force reassurance in the moment, and why that often pushes a withdrawing or defensive partner even further away.
This conversation is not about blaming the partner who pursues. It is about understanding the cycle, naming the deeper longing underneath the anger, and learning to ask: "Can I stay connected to myself while I wait for my partner?"

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
37 min
July 16 Why the Mental Load Feels So Unfair
The mental load isn’t just about who does more chores. It’s about the invisible planning, tracking, noticing, anticipating, and remembering that keeps a family and relationship running.
In this episode, Dr. Tracy shares real moments from her marriage with Greg, from tracking naps with a newborn to wiping kitchen counters while 1,000 tabs open in her brain, and explores why the mental load can create so much resentment in long-term relationships.
She breaks down why “just tell me how to help” often keeps one partner in the manager role, how the over-functioner / under-functioner dynamic impacts desire and intimacy, and why the deeper feeling underneath resentment is often fear: *Am I going to be alone in this forever?*
Dr. Tracy also offers an important distinction between a perception problem and a values problem, and explains why many partners don’t refuse to carry the mental load, they simply don’t yet see it. From there, she shares practical ways couples can make the invisible visible, transfer whole domains instead of tiny tasks, and start approaching the mental load as a team instead of opponents.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
35 min
July 12 Why You Over-Explain When You Feel Misunderstood
Do you ever feel like being misunderstood doesn’t just hurt, it sends your whole nervous system into shutdown?
In this short episode, Dr. Tracy reflects on a powerful insight about highly sensitive people and highly sensitive children: sometimes the hardest part isn’t being perceived, it’s being perceived wrongly. She explores why the fear of being misunderstood can lead to over-explaining, rereading texts, defending your intentions, or trying desperately to prove that you meant well.
Dr. Tracy also names the deeper work underneath it all: learning to remind yourself that being misunderstood may be uncomfortable, but it is not always dangerous. Instead of abandoning yourself to control someone else’s perception of you, what might change if you comforted the part of you that is afraid of being misread?

🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
10 min
July 09 The Invisible Distance You Are Creating Together
Have you ever tried to tell your partner something and realized they were only half-listening because they were on their phone?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg talk about phubbing, the habit of snubbing someone with your phone, and how it quietly disrupts connection in romantic relationships. It might not look like a big fight. It might just look like sitting side by side in bed, scrolling, missing each other’s bids for connection one tiny moment at a time.
They explore why phones are so hard to put down, how they create silent distance between partners, and why even a phone sitting face up on the table can pull attention away from the person in front of you.
Dr. Tracy and Greg also share practical ways to interrupt the pattern, including building small connection rituals, catching one bid for connection each day, and asking directly for the attention you need without turning it into criticism.
Because the goal isn’t to become perfect with your phone.
It’s to notice when the screen is becoming easier than the relationship, and choose one small moment of turning toward each other again.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Learn to turn towards your partner instead of the phone. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
33 min
July 02 Why You Overthink After Setting a Boundary
You said the hard thing. You set the boundary, sent the text, spoke up in the meeting, or finally named what had gone unspoken. So why can’t you stop replaying it afterward?
Dr. Tracy explores why courage does not always come with immediate relief. Even when you know you acted thoughtfully and in line with your values, your nervous system may still be on high alert, searching for a way to make the discomfort go away.
She shares why guilt, uncertainty, and the need to be understood can pull us into over-explaining, justifying, and sending one more message. Then, she offers a grounding practice for the spiral: notice what your mind is trying to make happen, remember that the job is already done, and return to the anchor: **the message has already been sent.**
Speaking up is one part of the work. Learning to stay with the discomfort afterward is the next.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
23 min
June 28 Are You an Internalizer or an Externalizer?
Why do some people shut down when they're hurt while others immediately criticize, blame, or demand a response?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy introduces two common ways people respond to emotional pain: internalizing and externalizing.
When something difficult happens in a relationship, some people turn inward, questioning themselves, minimizing their needs, or carrying the hurt alone. Others turn outward, focusing on what their partner did wrong and expressing their pain through criticism, frustration, or blame.
The challenge is that neither approach helps us communicate the deeper feelings underneath.
Dr. Tracy explores how these patterns show up in relationships, why they often create disconnection, and how understanding your default response can help you communicate more effectively with your partner.
This episode is a powerful follow-up to last week's conversation about defensiveness and offers another lens for understanding the negative cycles that keep couples stuck.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
11 min
June 25 What to Say When Your Partner Gets Defensive
If you've ever walked away from a conversation feeling like your concerns got completely lost in your partner's defensiveness, this episode is for you.
Dr. Tracy shares a real-life conversation she recently had with Greg and breaks down exactly what happened when a difficult discussion could have spiraled into their old negative cycle, but didn't.
Instead of focusing on how to change a defensive partner, this episode explores what you can do when defensiveness shows up, how to stay grounded in your experience, and how to keep the conversation focused on impact rather than intention.
In This Episode:
•Why defensiveness isn't always manipulation or gaslighting
•How couples accidentally lose the original issue
•The difference between impact and intent
•Why repair requires taking turns
•What assertiveness sounds like in real conversations
•The exact phrases Dr. Tracy used with Greg
•How to stop getting pulled into the cycle
You'll also learn why boundaries don't have to shut conversations down and how delaying a conversation can sometimes protect connection rather than damage it.
If you're tired of conversations that leave you feeling unseen, unheard, or stuck defending your own experience, this episode offers a practical roadmap for navigating defensiveness without losing yourself in the process.

📎 MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you.
Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.
One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
🔗 WANT TO GO DEEPER?
Free Resource: Challenge Your Assumptions and Perceptions
Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.
Read the book: ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠
Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..
Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.
Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY
Subscribe to You Tube
Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
26 min

About Dear Dr. Tracy

From the publisher's feed

Welcome to Dear Dr. Tracy, the podcast that helps you navigate the everyday challenges of relationships, marriage, and parenting with expert advice and real, relatable conversations. Hosted by…