Have you ever found yourself caught in a whirlwind of infatuation, unable to discern between love and obsession? In this conversation, Dr. Alexandra and journalist and author Amanda McCracken discuss limerence, a state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings. Drawing from her compelling new book, When Longing Becomes Your Lover, Amanda shares her personal journey through the complexities of limerence, shedding light on how modern dating practices and social media amplify this intense emotional state. Beyond the macro/cultural factors, you will hear about the individual risk factors that can lead to patterns of limerence, such as painful early experiences and certain neuro-wirings/diagnoses, like ADHD and autism. You will also hear about how Amanda approached healing from her limerent patterns and opened herself up to a healthy, reciprocal intimate partnership.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• When Longing Becomes Your Lover: Breaking from Infatuation, Rejection, and Perfectionism to Find Authentic Love: A True Story of Overcoming Limerence by Amanda McCracken https://bookshop.org/p/books/when-longing-becomes-your-lover-breaking-from-infatuation-rejection-and-perfectionism-to-find-authentic-love-a-true-story-of-overcoming-limerence-a/ef0e30a5bd30e10b?aid=116429&ean=9781546008538&listref=2026-most-anticipated-memoirs-and-essay-collections&next=t
• Learn more about Amanda McCracken: https://www.amandajmccracken.com/
• Follow Amanda McCracken on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thelonginglab
• Listen to The Longing Lab Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-longing-lab/id1606581375
• Dr. Tom Bellamy’s Living With Limerence: https://livingwithlimerence.com/about/
• Reimagining Love episode Crushes, First Love, and Heartbreak: Supporting Teens Through Relationship Milestones with Lisa A. Phillips https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/crushes-first-love-and-heartbreak-supporting-teens/id1588419386?i=1000704425459&l=ru

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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Today, we're sharing an episode of ShrinkChicks, a mental health and relationships podcast. Dr. Alexandra recently joined hosts Jennifer Chaiken and Emmalee Bierly for a conversation answering some very thoughtful listener questions such as, “Why is it so hard to break patterns and be in a healthy relationship?” and “How do I stay open to a healthy relationship without waiting for it to fall apart?”. Join our conversation as we explore the intricacies of love, vulnerability, and the importance of self-awareness in fostering healthy connections. 

Enjoy this bonus episode filled with insights and practical advice about healthy relationships and the patterns we carry from our families of origin.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Listen for more ShrinkChicks on their podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/shrinkchicks/id1483261668
• Follow ⁠ShrinkChicks on Instagram⁠: https://www.instagram.com/shrinkchicks/
• Check out ShrinkChicks on YouTube: ⁠https://youtube.com/channel/UCrxuhDqoL4ML3UE8b2J2BBg⁠

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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Dr. Alexandra is joined by renowned guest Dr. Mona Fishbane for a deep-dive into healthy relational habits, conflict resolution, and aging alongside one's partner.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Loving with the Brain in Mind: Neurobiology and Couple Therapy by Mona Fishbane, Ph.D.: https://bookshop.org/books/loving-with-the-brain-in-mind-neurobiology-and-couple-therapy/9780393706536
• Keep Sharp: Build a Better Brain At Any Age by Sanjay Gupta, MD: https://bookshop.org/books/keep-sharp-build-a-better-brain-at-any-age/9781501166730
• The Vulnerability Cycle (Dr. Mona Fishbane's article with Michele Scheinkman, CSW): https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1545-5300.2004.00023.x
• Dr. Fishbane's website: Monafishbane.com

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

These days, Dr. Alexandra talks about discernment when approaching the high volume of content available in the realm of mental wellness, self-help, and relationships, so you can sift through what works for you and what doesn’t. And a guiding principle is that insight alone is not sufficient. Engaging with content that helps you go from just knowing some new things to embodying these lessons contributes to your depth of understanding and potential for healing. Today’s guest found her way into her work through eagerly reading self-help book after self-help book trying to understand herself but determined that the piece she needed for her own healing was the felt, somatic experience of being safe in relationships. And that’s not necessarily a romantic relationship, either - that is any anchoring relationship: friends, family members, mentors, pets. This guest is Jessica Baum, licensed psychotherapist and author of the books Anxiously Attached and more recently, Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships, which is the focus of this conversation. 

You will hear Dr. Alexandra and Jessica Baum discuss:

• the science of how relationships offer us these healing anchors, and how to create experiences of safety in our bodies, both from the outside in, and the inside out. 
• the dynamic nature of attachment styles, or patterns as Jessica calls them, which runs counter to the way many folks speak about them these days.
• The Wheel of Attachment, which brings more nuance to the whole topic of attachment. 
• how to begin this type of somatic work to understand our own dynamic attachment patterns and to engage our right hemisphere of the brain more often to enrich and deepen our connections. 
• healing in romantic relationships, and how that’s not always available to us in every pairing - but healing through doing our own work always is! 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Safe: An Attachment-Informed Guide to Building More Secure Relationships by Jessica Baum https://jessicabaumlmhc.com/safe
• Conscious Relationship Group https://consciousrelationshipgroup.com/
• Jessica Baum on IG @jessicabaumlmhc https://www.instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc/?hl=en

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In our modern world, we have seen a remarkable increase in anxiety and depression in people, particularly among young people, not to mention the loneliness epidemic, burnout, and stress, all of which greatly impact our sense of well-being and our ability to connect with each other. Dr. Alexandra is joined by the award-winning journalist and bestselling author, Jennifer B. Wallace, whose latest book Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose makes the case for why feeling like we matter is essential to our well-being and how prioritizing this need is a remedy to our modern mental health dilemmas. 

In this conversation, you will hear about:

• some of the stories Jennie came across while researching her new book that demonstrate why mattering, well, matters. 
• simple practices that folks have integrated into their daily lives to develop a sense of mattering in themselves, and to convey to others that they matter to them. 
• the aspects of our culture that impact our sense of mattering and how we can respond, counterculturally, with actions that protect our “mattering core”, as Jennie calls it.
• Jennie’s thoughts on flake culture (our normalization of bailing on plans) and how it harms our own sense of mattering, as well as harms those around us. 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer Breheny Wallace: https://bookshop.org/p/books/mattering-the-secret-to-a-life-of-deep-connection-and-purpose-jennifer-breheny-wallace/157a47e2699950cb?ean=9780593850596&next=t
• Jennifer B. Wallace’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferbrehenywallace/?hl=en
• Jennifer B. Wallace’s Newsletter: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/newsletter
• Derek Thompson’s Substack article: https://www.derekthompson.org/p/whose-cup-are-you-filling

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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You may be surprised to hear that billionaires get divorced at roughly the same rate as the general population, which demonstrates that no amount of money protects couples from the tension that can arise when finances are at play. Dr. Alexandra often says that money is a tricky topic because at one level, it is very concrete – dollars and cents, spending and saving. But at another level, the topic of money evokes deep and meaningful questions about our core beliefs, our sense of identity, our desires, and our insecurities. To help us explore all of this, Dr. Alexandra is joined by financial-planning power couple Douglas and Heather Boneparth. 

You will hear them talk about:

• why money continues to be a source of tension for couples, even after couples become objectively successful. 
• “financial infidelity”, the role shame plays with it, and the Boneparths’ case for financial transparency in your relationship. 
• how to get past the tangible, more surface-level topics around money to curiously dig deeper and explore why you and your partner feel the way you do about money (and spoiler alert: that story started being written long long ago!). 
• how to approach prenups.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Money Together: How to find fairness in your relationship and become an unstoppable financial team by Heather and Douglas Boneparth https://bookshop.org/p/books/money-together-how-to-find-fairness-in-your-relationship-and-become-an-unstoppable-financial-team-douglas-boneparth/273465fcc086fc3d
• Subscribe to The Joint Account newsletter: https://www.readthejointaccount.com/
• Learn more about The Boneparths: https://domoneytogether.com/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Alexandra is joined by sobriety influencer, podcast host, and author, Suzanne Warye, and her husband, Russell Warye, to talk about the role alcohol played for them at various stages of their lives and their respective journeys towards sobriety. You’ll hear them talk about the trouble with approaching alcohol with moderation, how shame becomes entwined with alcohol use, and how sobriety clears the landing for self-compassion and worthiness. Throughout, they discuss how their sobriety journeys impacted their relationship, both when Suzanne pursued sobriety first and then years later, when Russell followed suit. 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• The Sober Shift by Suzanne Warye: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-sober-shift-a-modern-day-guide-to-living-an-abundant-sober-life-suzanne-warye/016d6eef4f5d0831?ean=9780063437616&next=t
• Suzanne Warye’s Podcast The Sober Mom Life, When Your Partner Stops Drinking (With My Husband!) https://thesobermomlife.com/2024/07/22/when-your-partner-stops-drinking/
• Suzanne Warye’s Podcast The Sober Mom Life, How Sobriety Affects Your Relationship: https://thesobermomlife.com/2022/08/22/how-sobriety-affects-your-relationship/
• Learn more about Suzanne Warye: https://mykindofsweet.com/about-suzanne/
• Reimagining Love episode, “I Think I’ve Outgrown My Relationship!”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-think-ive-outgrown-my-relationship/id1588419386?i=1000739258061
• Thriving Through the Holiday Chaos on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/holidays

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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This is our 200th episode of Reimagining Love! And to celebrate, Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, to answer your questions. They cover topics such as emotional interdependency versus codependency, infidelity and avoidant attachment, resentment in a marriage, identifying needs in a situationship, and navigating grief and identity formation after divorce.

Thank you so much for submitting your listener questions! Even when they are not selected for these Mailbag-type episodes, they continually inform our content.

We love to hear from you! Submit a Listener Question here:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Watch the In-studio conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/whTJXMovXrM?si=o_tuVN-KLXA-O1sg&t=7

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Thriving Through the Holiday Chaos on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/holidays

For Question 2 (infidelity + avoidant attachment) -

• Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course  - Can I Trust You Again? (rebuilding after betrayal or deceit) https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit
• Reimagining Love episode, When You’re the Affair Partner https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-youre-the-affair-partner/

Reimagining Love Episodes on Attachment:

• Healing Attachment Wounds in Relationships: The Felt Sense of Safety and Presence with Jessica Baum: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/healing-attachment-wounds-in-relationships-the-felt/id1588419386?i=1000746825889
• From the Inside Out: Attachment Theory & Mindful Parenting with Dr. Dan Siegel: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/from-the-inside-out-attachment-theory-mindful-parenting-with-dr-dan-siegel/
• Exploring Attachment: Transform Your Relationship Patterns with Thais Gibson: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/exploring-attachment-transform-your-relationship-patterns/
• Secure Attachments: The Felt Sense of Love with Julie Menanno: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/secure-attachments-the-felt-sense-of-love-with-julie-menanno/

For Question 3 (resentment in marriage) -

• Reimagining Love episode, My 9 Favorite Resentment-Busting Strategies https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/my-9-favorite-resentment-busting-strategies/
• Reimagining Love episode, When Shame Blocks Repair https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-shame-blocks-repair/

For Question 4 (identifying needs in situationship) -

• Reimagining Love episode, Is Your “Situationship” Working? https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/is-your-situationship-working/
• Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course - Intimate Relationships 101: https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/offers/Q7LEbtEX/checkout

For Question 5 (navigating grief and identity formation after divorce) -

• Reimagining Love episode, Guidance for the Newly Single: 5 Strategies for Stability and Healing https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/guidance-for-the-newly-single/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This conversation revolves around the nervous system and its impact on the way that we connect. Dr. Alexandra is joined by Deb Dana, the leading translator of Dr. Stephen Porges’ scientific work on Polyvagal Theory to the public and mental health professionals. As just one example of her huge impact, a term she coined, glimmers, has gone viral on TikTok. 

You’ll hear Deb take us through Polyvagal Theory, explaining the three principles of neuroception, hierarchy of response, and coregulation. You’ll learn about the states our nervous systems go between - how those states feel and the types of thoughts and sensations that go alongside each state. You will learn that our ability to connect with the people around us is dictated by our biology. It’s not cognitive. And it’s certainly not random. 

 Through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, helping our nervous systems and the nervous systems around us feel safe becomes the goal, and you’ll learn how that perspective has shaped Deb Dana’s life and how it can shift how you approach your relationships, as well. And of course, you’ll hear about glimmers, including how to integrate a simple glimmer practice into your routine, in order to further help the nervous system feel safe and primed for connection, curiosity, and creativity.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Read Deb Dana’s “A Beginner’s Guide to Polyvagal Theory”: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/s/Beginners-Guide-Presentations.pdf
• Learn more about Deb Dana and her work: https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/
• Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana: https://bookshop.org/p/books/anchored-how-to-befriend-your-nervous-system-using-polyvagal-theory-deb-dana-lcsw/2dcb315349927ae6

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On Reimagining Love, we've done several solo episodes where Dr. Alexandra takes a seemingly simple and straightforward statement that folks are making about relationships. Then she pulls it apart to try to find more shades of grey, to add more complexity and layering to a phrase that she finds has gotten too simplistic. In today’s episode, we are going to look at what it means when people say they've outgrown their relationship*. First, Dr. Alexandra will talk you through what she thinks people are saying when they say they've outgrown the relationship. Then she is going to look at the internal stuff - what might be going on inside of you that's shaping this feeling that you've outgrown the relationship that you're in. Then she is going to look at the relational stuff - what might be going on in the space between you and your partner that's shaping this feeling that you've outgrown the relationship. And then finally, she will talk about some strategies that you can use to bring clarity to the situation. 

*This episode often uses the language of intimate partnerships but much of it can be applied to other relationships, like friendships, as well.

Other Solo RL Episodes that do a deep dive on a too-simplistic phrase:

• “I Love Them, But I’m Not In Love With Them” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/i-love-them-but-im-not-in-love-with-them/
• “Right person, wrong time” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/right-person-wrong-time/
• “If They Wanted To, They Would.” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/if-they-wanted-to-they-would/

Resources to support the episode:

• Reimagining Love episodes, Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 1 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-1-rerelease/
• Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 2 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-2-rerelease/
• Inviting a Reluctant Partner Into Relationship Work https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/inviting-a-reluctant-partner-into-relationship-work-re-release/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.