This is our 200th episode of Reimagining Love! And to celebrate, Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, to answer your questions. They cover topics such as emotional interdependency versus codependency, infidelity and avoidant attachment, resentment in a marriage, identifying needs in a situationship, and navigating grief and identity formation after divorce.

Thank you so much for submitting your listener questions! Even when they are not selected for these Mailbag-type episodes, they continually inform our content.

We love to hear from you! Submit a Listener Question here:

https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Watch the In-studio conversation on YouTube: https://youtu.be/whTJXMovXrM?si=o_tuVN-KLXA-O1sg&t=7

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Thriving Through the Holiday Chaos on MasterClass: http://masterclass.com/holidays

For Question 2 (infidelity + avoidant attachment) -

• Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course  - Can I Trust You Again? (rebuilding after betrayal or deceit) https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/can-i-trust-you-again-rebuilding-after-betrayal-or-deceit
• Reimagining Love episode, When You’re the Affair Partner https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-youre-the-affair-partner/

Reimagining Love Episodes on Attachment:

• Jessica Baum (releasing in February 2026)
• From the Inside Out: Attachment Theory & Mindful Parenting with Dr. Dan Siegel: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/from-the-inside-out-attachment-theory-mindful-parenting-with-dr-dan-siegel/
• Exploring Attachment: Transform Your Relationship Patterns with Thais Gibson: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/exploring-attachment-transform-your-relationship-patterns/
• Secure Attachments: The Felt Sense of Love with Julie Menanno: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/secure-attachments-the-felt-sense-of-love-with-julie-menanno/

For Question 3 (resentment in marriage) -

• Reimagining Love episode, My 9 Favorite Resentment-Busting Strategies https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/my-9-favorite-resentment-busting-strategies/
• Reimagining Love episode, When Shame Blocks Repair https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/when-shame-blocks-repair/

For Question 4 (identifying needs in situationship) -

• Reimagining Love episode, Is Your “Situationship” Working? https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/is-your-situationship-working/
• Dr. Alexandra’s E-Course - Intimate Relationships 101: https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/offers/Q7LEbtEX/checkout

For Question 5 (navigating grief and identity formation after divorce) -

• Reimagining Love episode, Guidance for the Newly Single: 5 Strategies for Stability and Healing https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/guidance-for-the-newly-single/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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This conversation revolves around the nervous system and its impact on the way that we connect. Dr. Alexandra is joined by Deb Dana, the leading translator of Dr. Stephen Porges’ scientific work on Polyvagal Theory to the public and mental health professionals. As just one example of her huge impact, a term she coined, glimmers, has gone viral on TikTok. 

You’ll hear Deb take us through Polyvagal Theory, explaining the three principles of neuroception, hierarchy of response, and coregulation. You’ll learn about the states our nervous systems go between - how those states feel and the types of thoughts and sensations that go alongside each state. You will learn that our ability to connect with the people around us is dictated by our biology. It’s not cognitive. And it’s certainly not random. 

 Through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, helping our nervous systems and the nervous systems around us feel safe becomes the goal, and you’ll learn how that perspective has shaped Deb Dana’s life and how it can shift how you approach your relationships, as well. And of course, you’ll hear about glimmers, including how to integrate a simple glimmer practice into your routine, in order to further help the nervous system feel safe and primed for connection, curiosity, and creativity.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Read Deb Dana’s “A Beginner’s Guide to Polyvagal Theory”: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Beginners-Guide-Presentations-1.pdf
• Learn more about Deb Dana and her work: https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/
• Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana: https://bookshop.org/p/books/anchored-how-to-befriend-your-nervous-system-using-polyvagal-theory-deb-dana-lcsw/2dcb315349927ae6

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

On Reimagining Love, we've done several solo episodes where Dr. Alexandra takes a seemingly simple and straightforward statement that folks are making about relationships. Then she pulls it apart to try to find more shades of grey, to add more complexity and layering to a phrase that she finds has gotten too simplistic. In today’s episode, we are going to look at what it means when people say they've outgrown their relationship*. First, Dr. Alexandra will talk you through what she thinks people are saying when they say they've outgrown the relationship. Then she is going to look at the internal stuff - what might be going on inside of you that's shaping this feeling that you've outgrown the relationship that you're in. Then she is going to look at the relational stuff - what might be going on in the space between you and your partner that's shaping this feeling that you've outgrown the relationship. And then finally, she will talk about some strategies that you can use to bring clarity to the situation. 

*This episode often uses the language of intimate partnerships but much of it can be applied to other relationships, like friendships, as well.

Other Solo RL Episodes that do a deep dive on a too-simplistic phrase:

• “I Love Them, But I’m Not In Love With Them” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/i-love-them-but-im-not-in-love-with-them/
• “Right person, wrong time” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/right-person-wrong-time/
• “If They Wanted To, They Would.” https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/if-they-wanted-to-they-would/

Resources to support the episode:

• Reimagining Love episodes, Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 1 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-1-rerelease/
• Relational Ambivalence: Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part 2 https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/relational-ambivalence-should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-part-2-rerelease/
• Inviting a Reluctant Partner Into Relationship Work https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/inviting-a-reluctant-partner-into-relationship-work-re-release/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn from Dr. Alexandra (E-courses: Intimate Relationships 101 or Can I Trust You Again?): https://dralexandrasolomon.com/learn-from-alexandra/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This episode is brought to you by Activations. Head to activations.com/love for an exclusive offer.

One critical component of any relationship equation is You. When you embody your best self - the self with the most clarity, motivation, aliveness - you bring your most important self to your relationships.

Dr. Alexandra sits down with Mimi Bouchard, an entrepreneur and author, who reveals her transformative journey to her best self across the important pillars of her life: financial, mental, physical, spiritual, and social.

As a result of her work, she created the Activations app to help others embody the person they want to be. Listen in to learn how to bounce back when you slip away from your relationship goals. (Which is inevitable because we are not perfect - but perfection is not the goal!) We can show up in our lives with more confidence and clarity, whether that’s for a first date, an important meeting, a therapy session, a difficult conversation, your wedding day, or a weekday walk in the park. 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Mimi Bouchard’s book, Activate Your Future Self: https://bookshop.org/p/books/activate-your-future-self-the-secret-to-effortlessly-becoming-the-happiest-healthiest-and-wealthiest-you-mimi-bouchard/06a64f6f35e11628
• Learn more about Mimi Bouchard: https://mimibouchard.com/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this conversation, Dr. Alexandra totally nerds-out with Dr. Allison Daminger about the division of work in couples, particularly in an often overlooked domain: the mental space. In her research, Daminger found that even when couples approximate parity around “time use”, there are still huge gaps in what she calls “mind use” or cognitive labor… even for modern couples who believe in what she calls the Myth of Mutuality, an equal partnership where both partners evenly share the load.

You will hear about the gendered disparities in cognitive labor in the home in a gentle, blame-free way. When it comes to gender roles in family life, we tend to overestimate the effects of individual differences and underestimate the effects of bigger social forces. So if the load is feeling unequal in your partnership, Daminger wants you to move away from guilt and blame and toward strategies that move you closer to your ideals. 

In this episode, you’ll hear about:

• What constitutes cognitive labor and why women tend to carry the lion’s share.
   
• Experiences from couples in Allison’s research who successfully created shared systems for cognitive labor, and the approaches and conditions that made that possible.
   
• The narratives couples use to justify how they divide labor, especially when trying to avoid recreating gendered patterns (while often recreating them anyway).
   
• How to spot cognitive labor disparities in your own home and use that awareness to divide responsibilities more fairly based on skill rather than “personality” (i.e., gendered expectations).
   
• The pressure that broader societal structures place on individual households, and how reframing the issue can support calls for systemic change.
   
• How to start small and make meaningful shifts toward parity in cognitive labor.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Dr. Allison Daminger’s book, What’s On Her Mind - The Mental Workload of Family Life: https://bookshop.org/p/books/what-s-on-her-mind-the-mental-workload-of-family-life-allison-daminger/585e2aa7eac0a0ea
• Learn more about Dr. Allison Daminger and sign up for her newsletter The Daminger Dispatch: https://www.allisondaminger.com/

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, for this special two-part conversation about loving across potentially dealbreaking differences. Inspired by the Netflix show, Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody, Dr. Alexandra and Todd reflect on navigating a faith difference, with Dr. Alexandra ultimately converting to Judaism in preparation for their marriage. They discuss the larger question: how can a couple go about navigating ANY potentially dealbreaking difference? 

In this second part of their studio conversation, Dr. Alexandra and Todd talk about scorekeeping, with gender roles, attachment styles and general disposition/worldview in mind, best practices for the “winner” and “loser” in a change/sacrifice scenario, how to approach making sacrifices to stave off resentment…and then the REAL juicy stuff: does Todd hate that Dr. Alexandra is now a Swiftie like him? Plus, hear her hot take on shelving conversations for later.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Reimagining Love Episode, Nobody Wants This: How to Love Across Potentially Dealbreaking Differences (Part 1) with My Husband, Todd https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/nobody-wants-this-how-to-love-across-potentially-dealbreaking-differences-with-my-husband-todd/
• Watch the FULL IN-STUDIO CONVERSATION on YouTube: https://youtu.be/4R40kazeU4Q?t=9
• Reimagining Love Episode, Love Stories: Toddcast https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/love-stories-toddcast/
• Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass:  http://masterclass.com/backtoschool

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Alexandra is in-studio with her husband, Todd, for this special two-part conversation about loving across potentially dealbreaking differences. Inspired by the Netflix show, Nobody Wants This, starring Kristen Bell and Adam Brody, Dr. Alexandra and Todd reflect on navigating a faith difference, with Dr. Alexandra ultimately converting to Judaism in preparation for their marriage. They discuss the larger question: how can a couple go about navigating ANY potentially dealbreaking difference? 

You’ll hear their reflections on Dr. Alexandra’s decision to convert to Judaism, as they discuss the implications of being the 'sacrificing partner' versus the one being 'sacrificed for’. You will also hear how attachment differences and family of origin dynamics impacted their relationship and what they’ve learned from it all over the years. 

You’ll come away from this episode with:

• A deeper understanding of how interfaith dynamics can enrich or challenge relationships.
• Insights into the importance of communication in overcoming differences.
• Practical advice on navigating family of origin roles and attachment styles to enhance relationship intimacy.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Reimagining Love Episode, Love Stories: Toddcast https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/love-stories-toddcast/
• Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass:  http://masterclass.com/backtoschool

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Dr. Alexandra’s conversation with Dr. Kristin Neff is all about self-compassion, an essential tool for your emotional well-being toolkit (and that’s scientifically proven!). Dr. Kristen Neff, a trailblazer in the field of self-compassion research, introduces the three foundational pillars of self-compassion, illustrating how integrating all three of these elements empowers individuals to confront their inner critic and cultivate healthier connections.   

The discussion delves into the biological and family of origin influences that shape our self-criticism, while also addressing the grief that may surface when embarking on a self-compassion journey.  You will also learn about Fierce Self-Compassion, and how we can lean into this action-oriented facet to be ambitious and to fulfill our life’s purpose.

You’ll come away from this episode with:

• A deeper understanding of the three pillars of self-compassion and their impact on relationships. 
• Insights into how practising self-compassion can cultivate self-love, foster connection, enhance intimacy, and reduce anxiety, shame, and isolation
• A new perspective on some common myths of self-compassion, such as:

1. Are self-compassion and self-esteem the same thing? 
2. Is “self-compassion” just “self-pity” rebranded? 
3. Does practising self-compassion encourage people to not take personal accountability?
4. Does embracing self-compassion mean we can’t be ambitious or want to come in first place?

• Strategies for integrating self-compassion into your routine, with a simple starting point that Dr. Kristin Neff herself practices daily

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Learn more about Dr. Kristin Neff and Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/
• Join the Self-Compassion Community: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-community/
• Fierce Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://bookshop.org/p/books/fierce-self-compassion-how-to-harness-kindness-to-speak-up-claim-your-power-and-thrive-dr-kristin-neff/76d3f59a98e08da8?ean=9780062991065&next=t
• Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff: https://bookshop.org/p/books/self-compassion-the-proven-power-of-being-kind-to-yourself-dr-kristin-neff/a22f80fa1a9efa3b?ean=9780061733529&next=t
• Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass:  http://masterclass.com/backtoschool

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

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“The cost of that is courage, to live for love, in truth. It takes a lot of guts and the rewards are indescribable.”

Dr. Alexandra sits down with bestselling author and coach Dr. Martha Beck to explore what it means to live “for love, in truth”, a mantra that can redefine the way we experience love and relationships. In a world filled with societal pressures and expectations, Martha shares her wisdom on how embracing authenticity can unlock profound joy and lead to fulfilling connections. Martha reflects on her unconventional journey through relationships, and the life-changing lessons learned from a spiritual experience she had while under anesthesia and from being shunned by her community in her young adulthood. Together, Dr. Alexandra and Dr. Martha Beck tackle a listener's poignant question about experiencing doubt in her relationship that’s full of “emotional complexities and longing”, leading her to question if her needs are being met.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What Martha Beck means by her mantra, “For love, in truth,” and how to recognize when you’re living out of alignment with your truth.
• How to hold love and truth through moments of doubt and loss, and how to embrace doubt and loss as necessary aspects of growth.
• How to come back to peace when life feels overwhelming.
• How to balance compassion for your partner with holding your own truth, telling your own story, and tending to your personal needs. 

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Learn more about Martha Beck: https://marthabeck.com/
• Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity and Finding Your Life’s Purpose by Martha Beck: https://bookshop.org/p/books/beyond-anxiety-curiosity-creativity-and-finding-your-life-s-purpose-martha-beck/6741d02da06f0869
• Martha Beck and Rowan Mangan’s Wilder Community: https://wildercommunity.com/
• Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass:  http://masterclass.com/backtoschool

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this two-part series, Dr. Alexandra will be taking you through how to take care of yourself and your relationship when your partner is struggling. Perhaps your partner is struggling with a job loss, a health diagnosis, a mental health challenge, the loss of a loved one, family drama, co-parenting with an ex, or something else entirely. Whatever it is, the theme is that there is some scenario that is taking up more of your partner’s bandwidth than usual, leaving less bandwidth for you and your relationship.

In this second part, Dr. Alexandra is going to take you through five internal strategies to cope with the situation at hand – strategies designed to help you tend to and take care of yourself. Then she will take you through nine relational strategies that will help you and your partner maintain or restore your relationship even as your partner struggles. 

You’ll come away with this conversation with:

• A toolkit of five internal strategies to support your own emotional health while caring for your partner.
• Nine actionable relational strategies to enhance communication and understanding in your relationship.
• Insights on the significance of self-care for the non-struggling partner and how it contributes to relationship health.
• Food-for-thought on resentment, grieving, high-functioning co-dependency, celebrating small victories, and rebuilding after a dark period (and so much more!)

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

• Terri Cole’s Too Much: https://bookshop.org/p/books/too-much-a-guide-to-breaking-the-cycle-of-high-functioning-codependency-terri-cole-msw-lcsw/077213db5957f23e?ean=9781649631862&next=t&
• Reimagining Love episode, High-Functioning Codependency: From Managing to Loving with Terri Cole https://dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/high-functioning-codependency-from-managing-to-loving-with-terri-cole/
• Reimagining Love episode, Why Self-Compassion is an Essential Practice with Dr. Kristin Neff https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/why-self-compassion-is-an-essential-practice-with/id1588419386?i=1000733838918
• Managing Back to School Stress on MasterClass:  http://masterclass.com/backtoschool

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

• Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274
• Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530
• Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/
• Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.