April 07, 2026

Disrupting the Underfunctioning/Overfunctioning Dynamic (Re-Release)

1 hour 1 minute

Dr. Alexandra explores the common underfunctioning/overfunctioning dynamic in long-term partnerships. She talks about why many couples fall prey to these roles, including cultural messaging and family-of-origin scripts, and she shares strategies for breaking free from this dance so that the relationship can feel more balanced.

Resources worth mentioning from the episode:

Get the companion worksheet for this episode: www.dralexandrasolomon.com/dynamic

The Family Institute at Northwestern University: https://www.family-institute.org/

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter: https://dralexandrasolomon.com/subscribe/

Take Dr. Alexandra's E-Course, Intimate Relationships 101 (use code LOVEPOD for 10% off at checkout) https://courses.dralexandrasolomon.com/intimate-relationships-101

“Overfunctioning and Underfunctioning” by Dr. Will Meek: https://willmeekphd.com/overfunctioning-underfunctioning/

“Women Aren't Nags—We're Just Fed” Up by Gemma Hartley (Harper’s Bazaar, September 2017): https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12063822/emotional-labor-gender-equality/

“I Live With a Woman—We're Not Immune to Emotional Labor: How LGBTQ couples navigate gender roles at home” by Trish Bendix (Harper’s Bazaar, October 2017): https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12779502/emotional-labor-lgbtq-relationships/

Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) by Eve Rodsky: https://bookshop.org/books/fair-play-a-game-changing-solution-for-when-you-have-too-much-to-do-and-more-life-to-live/9780525541943?gclid=CjwKCAjwyryUBhBSEiwAGN5OCMpPV9pDU8oYDF4N2gccTwdOWo4hb8gHLsp3DfY1sTLi7IrxdD83YxoCGiQQAvD_BwE

Continue the conversation with Dr. Alexandra Solomon:

Ask a question! Submit your relationship challenge: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Access Resources, like quizzes and courses: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/resources

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/19970421?ean=9781683736530

Cultivate connection by subscribing to Dr. Alexandra’s Loving Bravely newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/

Learn more on IG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.alexandra.solomon/

Join Esther Perel's annual clinical conference Sessions Live 2026! Learn in person in Brooklyn, New York or virtually on May 15th and 16th. Use code SOLOMON50 for $50 off a virtual ticket or SOLOMON100 for $100 off in-person. Get your tickets at https://sessionslive2026.estherperel.com/

Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/

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By Dr. Alexandra Solomon

4.9

278278 ratings