Help Me Be Me

This is for relationships that can be best described as dry kindling: dealing, politely, but no warmth or closeness. Maybe you feel your partner is critical, that you are invisible, and when fights occur, they go to DEFCON level 1 instantly, and nothing gets resolved, the loop only resets. So in the day to day, there’s little connection between you. If this sounds familiar, I want you to imagine you and your partner are in a glass display. Like a window at a store. Close to 90% of all communication is non-verbal, so if you are noticing there is no love and affection being expressed on a non-verbal level, this is one place to start. More on this in the episode plus tools for stepping back from the hurt. A little change can go a long way in allowing the love that still lives to come forth.

Big caveat: this episode is for those in “safe” relationships, not abusive ones. If you are in an abusive relationship here is one resource to get help: National Domestic Violence Hotline.  

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MeUndies

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This is for anyone who has done self-work and is reentering a family situation where you know you have triggers. It’s so you can stay above the loops that tend to get us feeling angry, hurt or defensive – feeling like a child once again. If you’ve been healthier outside of a particular family dynamic, it can feel like you are getting pulled back into a stew of old feelings– even when everyone in the group has the best intentions and is doing their best to be loving. Projection is a massive piece of what triggers really upsetting family dynamics. We try and validate what’s inside by engaging those outside of us to affirm it.

The end of the year is also when a lot of “stuff” comes up: it’s a milestone because of the seasonal change, the holidays, revisiting old places and relationships. It can mean there’s a bit of taking stock: looking backward, looking forward. But also – a flooding of old feelings. This episode has tools for staying loving and neutral –doing no harm to yourself and others. My hope is that when you listen to this you will be able to come from love and also not take another person’s pain personally. When you know this ahead of time you can stay outside a trigger loop and come from love.

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Nature’s Blend

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“I’m ugly” “I should be better by now” “I’m a terrible mother” “My relevance is over” “I’m old”… Everybody has these thoughts. They are average. What matters is whether or not you engage with the thoughts and follow their tangent. You can quite literally start thinking ANYTHING repeatedly and you will start to see it as true. There is no such thing as true or not true, only what you experience through your own lens. The way the brain works is via comparison. It’s a threat-calculator – a unique and special one trained on our experiences. But it is not “us” in the bigger sense. “We” are the silent watcher, the presence within that witnesses these thoughts. The moment they occur there’s a choice to be made – you can follow the feeling and invest in the script, like you’re an actor in a play, or you can look at them – step back, and resume a state of non-attachment.

This is an episode all about escaping from thought prison. Have you seen around thoughts yet? This is the goal in this episode. Find this podcast on YouTube here.

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Nature’s Blend

For a limited time, enjoy up to 54% OFF Nature’s Blend and get a free bag of Cod Crispies, their bestselling wild-caught cod skin treats. Go to drmartypets.com/HELPMEBEME. Every order is backed by a 90-day money-back promise.

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LMNT

Get your free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase at DrinkLMNT.com/HelpMeBeMe Also try the new LMNT Sparkling — a bold, 16-ounce can of sparkling electrolyte water.

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A lot of people fall in love with a person they see another person COULD be and not who they currently are. I was this way for a long time and yet I couldn’t see the pattern in my choices. Often we become so attached to a person after seeing their awesome potential and we hold on, despite bad behavior, for that person to reappear. We over-function to help them get somewhere new, thinking we are helping and changing something when we are not.

Often that means living through months or years of bad treatment when the other person is not capable of being kind, loving, receptive, or present with us. Maybe they are in their own world and we are left confused as to why our requests are so unreasonable. You might start to feel like you are crazy, like you are being too demanding, or that is what they make you feel.

It really doesn’t matter what they are really doing or thinking – you may be fixated on that. The most important info is that they are unavailable, not capable, not consistent and you have to accept that at face value. This is what I want to focus on in this episode. How you can move forward knowing this info and how you can avoid this situation in the future. This will hopefully demystify what is happening and why it is happening. And hopefully giving you a path forward in a loop you may be trapped in.

Support this week’s sponsors!

Nature’s Blend

Go to drmartypets.com/helpmebeme for up to 54% OFF Nature’s Blend and get a free bag of Cod Crispies, their bestselling wild-caught cod skin treats.

Hiya

Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/HELPMEBME

This deal is not available on their regular website. Get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults!

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This is for breaking out of cycles caused by vulnerability and anxiety – whether that’s your own mind or a common interaction with a loved one. What I am talking about are moments when you take another person’s feelings, personally. When we get triggered by their emotional response, we get defensive which creates distance and or hurt. That sequence is what I am creating an intervention around with this episode. This is also about reseating yourself in what I would call neutrality and openness: restoring faith in what is possible for you especially in the face of negative thoughts about yourself and your life. It’s really about redirection after you have what I would call an old record that gets put on the record player that is your mind. What we tend to do is that old dance of pain that takes us to this next emotion, and this next belief, and this next one. Like being in a haunted waltz with a zombie who won’t let go.

So if you have a predictable set of hopeless conversations with a spouse – OR you have a predictable rut of a thought process, yourself – this is for you. This is about wading through the mud of your engrained physical response, because with attention– there is change on the other side. Sending love!

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Chewy Right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/podhelpmebeme Minimum purchase required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details.

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Guilt is like a gut punch that doesn’t stop. The loss of meaning is like a thick layer of glass in front of your eyes. It’s like a constant reminder that you are not who you aspire to be. Something is not aligned in who you are. There’s also the kind of guilt you feel when you know rationally that you should not feel guilty – like you are betraying a part of yourself that is real and cannot sever an old allegiance.

In this episode, I am going to try and open up some air around the source of your guilt. I cover different kinds of guilt – the kind that results from shame over something you did and also the kind that “doesn’t belong to you” (as with severing unhealthy family relationships). My goal with this episode is for you to be able to see it as an external object–or a symptom, and not identify with it, in the hopes that you can move through it despite the intensity of the pain. My goal for you is to create change in your life and to find meaning. The path back to light and joy or at the very least progress– is with change: growth, context, understanding. If you are in the loop of guilt, step back. There is something yet to untangle. Move toward growth and evolution.

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Thesis Take the free, 3-minute quiz to find out what your brain needs. Head to takethesis.com and use code HELPMEBEME to save $60 on your first subscription order when you sign up for Thesis.

TrueNutrition For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off your entire order when you use code HELPMEBEME at checkout at Truenutrition.com

Hiya We've worked out a special deal with Hiya for their best-selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/helpmebeme

Greenlight Sign up for Greenlight today and get your first month free when you go to GREENLIGHT.com/helpmebeme

Gabb Right now Gabb is offering HUGE discounts on phones and watches to new customers. The best part? There's no contract required! Just go to GABB.com/HELPMEBEME to get started. Terms and conditions apply.

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This is about growing your soul by doing the real work that will advance you. Seeing the muscle that needs work. I’m inviting you to choose to work on a coping mechanism that hurts you. To see around it – separate it from your person, and take apart its inner workings.

I think a lot of people keep themselves small or keep themselves occupied in things like relationships as a means to stave of feelings of pain. The pain results from an original wound that feels so vague and powerful that we stop to look at it. If you have a loop in your life, you might think it’s just “you.” You may have accepted it. But that is because you’re still in it and blinded by it. In order to change, we have to step back and start to work on it in very specific ways. This episode has tools for fostering that. So that we can follow our purest dreams, not the loop of what’s in front of us.

To donate to the amazing charity I mentioned and save some lives of foster kids, visit TheTeenProject.com xo!

Support this week’s sponsors! Hiya We've worked out a special deal with Hiya for their best-selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/helpmebeme and get your kids the full-body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults.

Chewy Chewy has everything you need to keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/podhelpmebeme Minimum purchase required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site for complete details.

MudWtr.com/HelpMeBeMe For a limited time, our listeners get up to 43% off your entire order, Free Shipping and a Free Rechargeable Frother when you use our exclusive link. Head to mudwtr.com/HELPMEBEME and grab your starter kit!

BetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe Rediscover your curiosity with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe today to get 10% off your first month.

TrueNutrition.com For a limited time, our listeners get 15% off your entire order when you use code HELPMEBEME at checkout. Take the guesswork out of nutrition with True Nutrition.

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Have you lost a bit of shine and joy? This is a path back to gratitude and hope. This is an energy tuning episode all about restoring limitlessness and optimism on a mindset level but it also relates to being a good person, friend and parent. It’s about being conscious and responsible with your energy and tuning it to support openness and rationality. Never forget: Energy is a chain reaction: what we put out changes others, and also changes what comes our way. Think of yourself like a tuning fork. You resonate with the world around you in whatever way you are filtering your thinking. Let’s be careful and conscious about that – starting right now!

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GreenLight

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How do you move through life? Is it with a sense of “time unfolds for me” or is it more “Hurry! I need to catch up!” Let’s curate more joy in the world around ourselves and change our perspective toward “life is happening for me, there is enough, no need to hurry.” Another name for this episode was 'a thousand points of light' because we can affect our sum with small tweaks and additions. When we draw boundaries around our time and step back from mentally being two places at once, our entire experience of life changes.

This episode was inspired by my vacation. It’s for enhancing calmness and beauty. My most important observation: how you relate to time has a creative effect on your life and how you experience its sum. Without being half-working on my phone or intensely guided by efficiency, my day has grown years longer.

When we are “in a rush” for a long time– scheduling everything down to the minute and seeing how much we can accomplish in a day, it is a life designed at the cost of yourself. The casualty is your own depth of enjoyment of ALL moments, not just the ones spent multitasking. And that is because your MO really wires everything about your life experience.

Support this week’s sponsors!

Chewy

Chewy has everything you need to

keep your pet happy and healthy. And right now you can save $20 on your first

order and get free shipping by going to Chewy.com/podhelpmebeme Minimum purchase

required. New customers only. Terms and conditions apply. See site

for complete details

Greenlight

Sign up for Greenlight today and

get your first month free when you go to GREENLIGHT.com/helpmebeme

Better

Help

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today to get 10% off your first month.

Gabb

Right now Gabb is offering HUGE

discounts on phones and watches to new customers. The best part? There's no

contract required! Just go to GABB.com/HELPMEBEME to get started. Terms and conditions apply.

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The inner committee is what I am focusing on in this episode. By that I mean the cast of characters in your mind that voice fears, judgements, criticisms, rules for what you can and will do, and generally limit your beliefs about your life. I sometimes refer to our mind as a stage on which actors perform scenes. “You” – the holistic, reflective self, are not your thoughts but rather a wiser presence. I sometimes refer to this as “the silent watcher” or “inner child.” That awareness takes in all this happening in your body and experiences the blips of energy created by your thoughts. One important note I want to call out – “You” might want something different for your life than your thoughts promote to you. And this episode is about being capable of guiding your life despite the chatter of the mind. Taking steps to move forward, despite them. 

The inner committee can be incredibly powerful and fear-inducing. We react to them, which can hinder a lot of change, including positive change. This is about revoking their ability to control you and instead being guided by something deeper – an inner knowing. Who is this for? Anyone who feels they are holding themselves back with rumination, ambivalence, or self-limiting beliefs. Don’t give up – never give up, the story is not over yet! To donate to my friend and the foster kids head to TheTeenProject.com xo!

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Gabb This is the absolute best time to check them out, because right now, Gabb is offering $25 off any device to new customers—with no contract required! That’s $25 off any Gabb smartphone or smart watch. Just go to Gabb.com/HelpMeBeMe—that’s where you’ll get the best deal!

AirDoctor AirDoctor comes with a 30-day breathe easy money back guarantee so if you don’t love it, just send it back for a refund, minus shipping. Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code HELPMEBEME you’ll receive UP TO $300 off air purifiers! Exclusive to podcast customers, you will also receive a free 3 year warranty on any unit, which is an additional $84 value! Lock this special offer by going to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code HELPMEBEME

EarthBreeze Right now, my listeners can receive forty percent off Earth Breeze just by going to EarthBreeze.com/HelpMeBeMe ! Cut out single-use plastic in your laundry room and claim forty percent off your subscription!

And that amazing video about dog health and American dog food w Cesar Millan…Go to foodforpups.com/HelpMeBeMe and watch Cesar Millan’s video to find out 2 potential red flags of most modern American dog foods.

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