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You’re not antisocial — you’re someone who had to choose self-protection over belonging. This episode unpacks how complex trauma wires your nervous system to treat closeness like a threat and what it looks like to slowly become someone who can actually let people in.

Anna Runkel is a trauma educator, YouTuber, best known as the Crappy Childhood Fairy and author of the new book Connectability: Heal the Hidden Ways You Isolate, Find Your People, and Feel (At Last) Like You Belong. Once someone who couldn’t read social cues, trusted the wrong people, and assumed everyone would eventually turn on her, she’s now created a life where she trusts her instincts, chooses safe people, and actually enjoys being around others.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️Covert Avoidance in Disguise — How trauma survivors “do the things” (parties, potlucks, group chats, even relationships) while secretly withdrawing, under-giving, or staying on their phones, and why it keeps them feeling unseen and emotionally isolated.

▪️Trauma-Built Beliefs About People — Why complex trauma wires you to assume others are selfish, unsafe, or about to discard you, and how those quiet assumptions silently shape your friendships, dating choices, and sense of belonging.

▪️Attunement After Neglect — How growing up around chaos, denial, or emotional neglect scrambles your ability to read red flags, and what it takes to rebuild intuition, social cues, and nervous system safety with people.

▪️Dating With Attachment Wounds — How CPTSD and anxious or avoidant attachment can make you rush intimacy, chase the wrong partners, or parent your person — and what changes when you slow down, watch for red flags, and let reciprocity lead.

▪️Releasing Mean & Chaotic People — How to recognize when your life is packed with bullies, addicts, and chronically troubled folks, why letting them go can feel unbearably lonely at first, and what opens up when you hold that boundary.

▪️Choosing Sovereignty Over Self-Blame — What it looks like to stop outsourcing your power to therapists, sponsors, or online “cults,” and how reclaiming personal responsibility helps you become someone who can build real, safe, mutual connection.

https://www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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Our Sponsors:
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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

➡️ Join here

💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD

Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

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Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
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You didn’t choose chaos; your nervous system learned to crave it. Learn to read your body, set real boundaries, and stop mistaking calm for danger.

Amy Fiedler is a trauma specialist and coach known for practical, nervous-system-informed boundary work. She grew up around alcoholism and chronic shaming—an environment of denial, gaslighting, and volatility that wired her to over-tolerate. After years of toxic, abusive relationships, she chose herself, did the work, and now helps others do the same by rebuilding self-trust with values-based boundaries.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️The 3–3–3 Boundary Method — How stating a limit up to three times with matched follow-through reveals remorse, accountability, and change—or signals it’s time to reduce access.

▪️From Triangulation to Truth — How to end go-between roles, speak directly, and set limits so sibling and parent dynamics stop running your life.

▪️Triggers as Data, Not Danger — How asking “history or violation?” in the moment turns reactivity into principled action.

▪️Safety Before Strategy — How regulating before you speak lets you set boundaries from values instead of panic.

▪️From Being Chosen to Choosing Yourself — What changes when you map the behaviors you value, decline what you don’t, and align consequences so self-respect outranks scarcity.

▪️Healing in Healthy Love — How co-regulation and repair with safe partners build capacity, even when old triggers surface.

Amy's IG - @amythelifecoach

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

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Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

👉 theshitshow.mn.co

🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD

Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
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Fawning isn’t people-pleasing — it’s self-erasure in the name of survival. This episode dives into the hidden trauma response behind your need to stay small and what it takes to finally come home to yourself.

Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in complex trauma and the author of Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves — and How to Find Our Way Back, a groundbreaking guide to the often-overlooked “fourth F” of trauma. In this conversation, she shares how fawning once defined her relationships, identity, and sense of safety — and how becoming a mother and confronting her own mother’s denial of abuse ultimately exposed what it costs to keep performing peace.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️Fawning as a Hybrid Trauma Response — How it carries both fight-flight energy and freeze-collapse shutdown and becomes the body’s default for managing power, hierarchy, and perceived danger.

▪️When Fawning Means Too Much or Too Little of You — Why some survivors over-function and take up more space while others shrink to survive, and how both patterns stem from the same survival reflex.

▪️How Fawning Shows Up in Parenting — How your child’s emotions can trigger your own suppressed ones and why breaking cycles means tolerating your kid’s feelings and your own discomfort.

▪️Sexual Fawning — How early sexualization and powerlessness can wire the body to equate safety with desirability and what it takes to reclaim agency, pleasure, and self-trust.

▪️When Healing Requires Distance — What it means to stop performing safety with a parent who refuses accountability and how to grieve someone who’s still alive.

▪️Reclaiming the Self Beneath the Survival Strategy — How somatic and parts-based healing help you reconnect with the voice, truth, and body you had to abandon to stay safe.

— — —

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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SPONSORS

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Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD

Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
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You’re not needy. You’re not detached. You’re just wired for survival. This episode reveals how your nervous system learned to love — and what it takes to rewire safety.

Heidi Priebe is a YouTuber, writer, and educator with a master’s degree in attachment theory who’s built a massive following for her honest, body-based approach to healing. She grew up being labeled the “difficult child,” internalizing the belief that something was wrong with her long before anyone recognized the impact of emotional neglect. Her lifelong effort to make sense of that pain led her to study how attachment and the nervous system shape the way we connect, cope, and seek safety.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️How Attachment Lives in the Body — Why anxious and avoidant patterns aren’t personality flaws but survival strategies wired through early experiences of distress and safety.

▪️Emotional Neglect as Conditioning — How inconsistent or rejecting caregiving trains the body to either amplify emotion to be seen or shut it down to stay safe.

▪️Anxious vs. Avoidant Regulation — Why one nervous system ramps up while the other goes numb and how both are rooted in the same need for connection.

▪️Perfectionism as Avoidant Attachment in Disguise — How chronic self-criticism and the drive to “get it right” are often nervous system attempts to earn belonging.

▪️The Window of Tolerance — How to recognize when you’re inside or outside of regulation, and design your environment to stay within it more often.

▪️Healing Attachment Through the Body — Why real recovery requires nervous system work and learning to feel safe in connection, not just think differently about it.

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

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Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD

Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com


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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

👉 theshitshow.mn.co

🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

TikTok → @adultchildpod

YouTube → @adultchildpod

SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD

Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com


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Every argument has an audience you can’t see — the ghosts of the past. This episode unpacks how unhealed trauma sneaks into our relationships and how to finally stop fighting the wrong person.

Dr. Tian Dayton is a clinical psychologist, Senior Fellow at The Meadows, and author of 15 books including The ACoA Trauma Syndrome and Emotional Sobriety. In this conversation, she revisits the moment that changed everything — standing in her living room, locked in a fight with her husband, and realizing they weren’t two adults arguing, but two wounded children replaying their pasts.

✨ What this episode explores:

▪️The Trauma Beneath “Normal” Conflict — How seemingly small arguments can carry the emotional charge of decades-old pain the body never had permission to release.

▪️When Healing Turns Humbling — Why moments of regression often mean your system finally feels safe enough to touch what’s been frozen, not that you’re back at square one.

▪️The Myth of the “Functional” Family — Why growing up around unspoken pain or denial can be just as damaging as overt abuse - and often harder to name.

▪️Intimacy as Exposure Therapy — How relationships become the stage where our deepest attachment wounds are both triggered and given a chance to heal.

▪️The Courage to Feel, Not Fix — Why emotional sobriety isn’t about control or calm, but learning to stay present when every instinct wants to shut down.

▪️Healing as a Group Effort — How true recovery requires co-regulation, witnessing, and community - not just self-awareness or solitary work.

— — —

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

➡️ Join here

💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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SPONSORS

Check out Uncommon Goods: https://uncommongoods.com/adultchild

Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD

Check out Happy Mammoth, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 15% off happymammoth.com.

Check out SiderAL, Use Code ADULTCHILD for 10% off https://pharmanutra-us.com/

Check out Bioma for 15% of your order gobioma.com/adultchild

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Bioma Health and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://gobioma.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/ADULTCHILD
* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://happymammoth.com
* Check out PharmaNutra and use my code ADULTCHILD for a great deal: https://pharmanutra-us.com


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy