Adult Child

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Your childhood decided who people are before they ever opened their mouths. Sometimes that means missing the person who is hurting you. Sometimes it means creating the harm you were braced for.

There are two different ways your trauma keeps you from seeing a relationship for what it actually is. Betrayal blindness is not seeing the ways people are treating you like shit. Attachment blindness is not being able to see the people you're in relationships with accurately in the first place. Today we're diving into both.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ Betrayal Blindness — Why your mind, body and nervous system will keep you from seeing that someone you depend on is hurting you, and what they are protecting you from.

▪️ What Actually Counts as a Parent Betraying You — Why it isn't just the obvious abuse, and the one thing that makes all of it betrayal no matter what it looked like.

▪️ Seeing the Incident But Not the Pattern — The more common version for adult children, where you clock every individual hurt but never let them add up to a conclusion about the relationship.

▪️ The Shame That Holds the Blindness in Place — Why being treated badly doesn't register as wrong when part of you believes you deserve it, and what has to come first.

▪️ Attachment Blindness — How the attachment system you built to survive your family becomes the lens you see every relationship through, and why it looks for what it expects instead of what is actually there.

▪️ 3 Ways You See Harm That Isn't There — How transference, black and white thinking and emotional reasoning each turn a feeling into a conclusion about somebody.

▪️ The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy — How the way you see someone shapes how you treat them, how that shapes the way they respond, and why you take their response as proof you were right all along.

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

👉 theshitshow.mn.co

🥩 Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a $35 off: https://www.omahasteaks.com

🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin

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An apology is the parent telling you they feel bad. An amends is the parent telling you exactly what they did and what it cost you.

Dr. Ken Adams and Leilani Sinclair are certified sex addiction therapists and the co-authors of the upcoming book Unburdening Adult Children of Sex Addicts, out January 7th. Ken is also the author of Silently Seduced, the book that put covert incest and parent-child enmeshment on the map.

Their new workbook walks a family healing from sex addiction through the process of both parents taking accountability for the impact they had on their child. This is a conversation about what a parent would actually have to do to unburden you, and why an apology is not the same thing as an amends.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ Apology vs. Amends — Why saying sorry and taking accountability are two different acts, and what the second one requires that the first one doesn't.

▪️ Impact Statements — Why putting the specifics of how you were affected on paper does something for you that talking about it doesn't, even if nobody ever hears

▪️ When Accountability Never Comes — Why the healing looks different when the accountability isn't coming, and what it means to give yourself the thing your parent won't.

▪️ The Emotional Caretaker of the Betrayed Parent — What it does to a kid to be recruited as the confidant for the parent who was hurt, and why that role is the hardest one to put down.

▪️ Why Siblings Don't Come Out of It the Same — How the roles you each played and what you each knew leave you with different versions of the same childhood.

▪️ Finding Out in Adulthood — What it does to somebody when the truth about a parent surfaces at forty, and why that's its own trauma rather than a delayed version of everyone else's.

A Light in the Dark Workshop for Adult Children of Sexually Addicted Parents (ACSAs)

Contact Leilani - [email protected]

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🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:

▪️ Ep 163 | Breaking The Shame: Adult Children of Sex Addicts w/ Dr. Kenneth Adams

▪️Ep 243 | The Caregiving Trap: When the Parent You're Estranged From Becomes Your Responsibility w/ Katherine St. Claire

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

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Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin

--

An apology is the parent telling you they feel bad. An amends is the parent telling you exactly what they did and what it cost you.

Dr. Ken Adams and Leilani Sinclair are certified sex addiction therapists and the co-authors of the upcoming book Unburdening Adult Children of Sex Addicts, out January 7th. Ken is also the author of Silently Seduced, the book that put covert incest and parent-child enmeshment on the map.

Their new workbook walks a family healing from sex addiction through the process of both parents taking accountability for the impact they had on their child. This is a conversation about what a parent would actually have to do to unburden you, and why an apology is not the same thing as an amends.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ Apology vs. Amends — Why saying sorry and taking accountability are two different acts, and what the second one requires that the first one doesn't.

▪️ Impact Statements — Why putting the specifics of how you were affected on paper does something for you that talking about it doesn't, even if nobody ever hears

▪️ When Accountability Never Comes — Why the healing looks different when the accountability isn't coming, and what it means to give yourself the thing your parent won't.

▪️ The Emotional Caretaker of the Betrayed Parent — What it does to a kid to be recruited as the confidant for the parent who was hurt, and why that role is the hardest one to put down.

▪️ Why Siblings Don't Come Out of It the Same — How the roles you each played and what you each knew leave you with different versions of the same childhood.

▪️ Finding Out in Adulthood — What it does to somebody when the truth about a parent surfaces at forty, and why that's its own trauma rather than a delayed version of everyone else's.

A Light in the Dark Workshop for Adult Children of Sexually Addicted Parents (ACSAs)

Contact Leilani - [email protected]

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🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:

▪️ Ep 101 | The Neuroscience of Toxic Shame w/ Robyn Gobbel

▪️ Ep 137 | Healing The Inner Child Through Parts Work w/ Michelle Chalfant

▪️ Ep 215 | Repeat or Recover w/ Dr. Tian Dayton: The Cost of Relational Trauma

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin

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Sometimes the hardest part of healing isn't sitting in the pain. It's letting yourself actually feel something good.

Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald is a research professor and life coach who specializes in the psychology and philosophy of trauma, and the author of The Joy Reset: Six Ways Trauma Steals Happiness. She grew up the inconvenient truth teller in a home ruled by her mother's fear, and lost both parents within a year of each other in her mid-twenties, which sent her into years of panic she had to learn to survive from the ground up. This is a conversation about why we push good feelings away, and how to let them in without pretending the hard stuff isn't there.

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Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.com

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. Get in on this sh*t 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin

--

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

👉 theshitshow.mn.co

🥩 Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a $35 off: https://www.omahasteaks.com

🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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YouTube → @adultchildpod

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin

-

Your body will not hand you a memory until it is convinced you can survive it.

Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia is a licensed clinical psychologist and trauma survivor who believes healing happens when we listen to the wisdom of the body. In her last appearance on the podcast, she was early in a process she couldn't yet name when repressed memories were just starting to surface. Today she shares what came after: a year of memories that arrived with no images and no narrative, only her body moving through them.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ Why Repressed Memories Surface When They Do — Why your system waits for a home, a partner, distance from the family, and then decides it's time, and why that timing isn't random.

▪️ Trusting Yourself Without Believing Everything —Why self-trust isn't believing everything that surfaces, it's staying with it long enough to find out what it is.

▪️ What Sensory Motor Therapy Actually Looks Like — How somatic work completes the fight or flight response that got frozen at the time, and why it takes weeks of building up to a movement that sounds simple.

▪️ The Cost of Staying in the Hope — Why the part of you that keeps trying to get through to someone is the part doing you the most harm, and what you have to turn toward when you stop.

▪️ Therapist Self-Disclosure and Relational Trauma — Why a clinician who shares nothing can't give you what relational trauma requires.

🎧 If this episode resonated, you might also love:

▪️ Ep 182 | The Fear of Being Seen: Integrative Trauma Therapy w/ Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia

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Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.com

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

👉 theshitshow.mn.co

🥩 Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a $35 off: https://www.omahasteaks.com

🗞️ SIGN UP FOR SHITSHOW NATION

Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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💁‍♀️ SUPPORT THE POD

☕ Buy Me a Coffee – help Andrea (and her cats) eat

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💬 CONNECT WITH ANDREA

Instagram → @adultchildpod

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✨SAFE WITHIN: A 7-week live somatic journey to get out of your head and into your body. Starts Wed. Oct 7th. Early bird pricing through 9/17 👉 adultchildpodcast.com/safewithin

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All the healing work in the world won't make someone else willing to do their own.

Dr. Angelica Shiels is a clinical psychologist a licensed clinical psychologist who works with couples and families using Emotionally Focused Therapy, the creator of the app Attuned - Relationships and the host of Attuned with Dr. Angelica & Coach Amanda. In today's conversation she walks through the dynamics she sees when two people's childhood wounds meet in a relationship, and what actually has to happen for either of them to change.

✨ What this episode explores

▪️ When Only One of You Is Doing the Work — The two kinds of harm to screen for before you keep trying, and why staying in couples therapy too long with an unwilling partner damages the person who's willing.

▪️ The Parentified & Golden Child Pairing — The most common match in relationships, why it works beautifully until the parentified partner finally asks for something, and the exact moment it comes apart.

▪️ The 4 States People Can't Tolerate — Defectiveness, powerlessness, uncertainty and wrongness, which one sits underneath the other three, and what it means when you only react to one of them.

▪️ High Conflict Couples Doesn't Need Better Communication — Why teaching skills to a dysregulated couple fails, what has to be in place before any technique works, and why titration matters more than depth.

▪️ Fawning That Looks Like Willingness — How to tell the difference between a partner who is actually in it and one who is agreeing with everything while privately still judging you.

Check out Omaha Steaks and use my code BEEF for a great deal: https://www.omahasteaks.com

-----------------------

⚓JOIN THE SHITSHOW — The Adult Child Healing Community

6 weekly Zoom support groups · Discussion boards · Peer connection

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Get the newsletter for community updates, healing insights & early access to workshops.

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