Few topics are more relevant to our day-to-day lives than work. For many of us, our jobs are more than just occupations—they’re where we achieve goals, make meaning, experience successes and failures, and cultivate our self-esteem. So, when work and love collide, we find ourselves at a rich intersection of emotions, expectations, and needs. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra uncovers why fighting with your partner about work is never just that, and shares tools you can use to cultivate intimacy and ambition simultaneously. You’ll learn about what Dr. Alexandra calls “the Work-Love Matrix,” understand the connections between your experience in the workplace and your experience growing up in your Family-of-Origin, and hear a five-step practice you can use today to have more supportive conversations about work with your partner.

Further Listening: Is Work Stress Taking a Toll on Your Relationship? (Reimagining Love)

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When two partners have a major difference between them, it can kick up a lot of dust in a relationship. One of the most common is what Dr. Alexandra calls “The Effort Mismatch”: while one partner tends to scan the relationship for problems and is always on the lookout for growth opportunities (The Change Partner), the other partner holds steady, generally accepting the relationship for what it is today (The Acceptance Partner). The good news is, when both partners understand and value their differences, this contrast between them can be a huge asset to their relationship. However, most couples with an Effort Mismatch struggle to reckon with this discrepancy, digging their heels into their side of the dynamic or wishing their partner would magically change. In this episode, Dr. Alexandra explores the internal and relational experience of each of these two types of partners, shares tailored reminders and guidance for each of them, and explains how this difference can actually be extremely complementary, even as it poses challenges for a couple.

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Today, we're sharing an episode of LinkedIn's Everyday Better podcast! Dr. Alexandra recently joined host Leah Smart for a conversation about relationships and work. Learn more below and enjoy this bonus episode!

The research is clear: how satisfied you feel at work impacts the quality of your relationships at home, and the quality of your relationships at home impacts the way you show up at work. 

That’s why Dr. Alexandra Solomon wants you to think more deeply about the work-related arguments you have with your partner. Whether you and your partner disagree about how much money you each should make, how many hours you should work, or whether a career is for finding meaning or having financial security, this is fraught terrain, rife with opportunities for conflict.

In this conversation, Alexandra explains why, as a couple’s therapist, she has turned her focus towards the intersection between work and relationships. We explore how to be more relationally self-aware at work and what to do when work stress comes home with you.

Later, Leah and Alexandra are joined by a special guest: Leah’s husband, Tim. Together, they examine what happens when people with different orientations towards ambition become partners.

Links:

Everyday Better on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

Follow Leah Smart on LinkedIn

LinkedIn’s award-winning podcast Everyday Better with Leah Smart isn’t just another self-help podcast; it’s a life compass for listeners. Whether you’re contemplating a career change or searching for your purpose in life, Everyday Better host Leah Smart is here for you.

As an educator in self-improvement and positive psychology, Leah brings transformational conversations and actionable insights for improving your well-being.

Each Tuesday, Leah sits down with expert guests who use science and story to share strategies for how we can flourish individually, in relationship to others and to the world around us. Episodes cover everything from tips for improving your sleep routine and reducing stress to insights into how to reexamine your relationship with work.

You can find new episodes of Everyday Better wherever you listen to podcasts and on YouTube.

You likely know today’s guest, Diego Perez, by his pen name: Yung Pueblo. He has an online audience of over 4 million people and is a New York Times bestselling author, whose books have been translated into over 25 languages. Diego’s work focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and cultivating self-awareness, and his meditation practice is central to all that he shares with the world. He and Dr. Alexandra discuss all of that in this conversation, as they dig into the lessons and reflections he’s woven together in his new book, How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion. They dive into what it means to argue and disagree peacefully with a partner, the power of meditation, and why it’s important to work with the universe, not against it. Diego also opens up about his own love story with his wife, Sarah. They wrap things up by exploring a question together from a listener in Chicago who is feeling doubts in her relationship and isn’t sure about the way forward. 

How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung Pueblo

Diego’s Instagram @yung_pueblo

Diego’s website

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Are you stressed? According to physician and stress expert Dr. Aditi Nerurkar’s research, the answer is most likely “YES.” Whether it’s due to pressure at work, the unrelenting deluge of news, care responsibilities, or relationship challenges (or all of the above!), it’s understandable that most of us feel overwhelmed. But when old coping strategies aren’t working anymore and life feels unmanageable, it takes a toll on our brains, bodies and longevity. 

Dr. Aditi joins Dr. Alexandra on today’s episode for a transformative conversation, centered on her bestselling book “The Five Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body For Less Stress and More Resilience.” Dr. Aditi is a Harvard stress expert, medical doctor, and researcher who is committed to offering actionable, practical, and science-backed approaches to reimagining your relationship with everyday stress and burnout. They discuss the solutions she shares in her book, which will empower you to develop the right kind of resilience, the kind that will allow you to move through challenges with patience and stability. And Dr. Aditi also shares her three second brain reset, “Stop, Breathe, Be” for listeners to try out.

Relevant Links:

The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience by Dr. Aditi Nerurkar

Dr. Aditi’s website

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Many of us have cultivated confidence in our careers, our family life, and our friendships, but when it comes to dating, we feel lost at sea. This was the case for acclaimed TV and live events producer Lindsay Jill Roth, who found herself asking what she knew were the wrong questions in dating (What does he want me to say? How can I make this person like me?). So, she set out to create a tool for herself that she's now sharing with the world. In her new book, Romances & Practicalities, Lindsay offers a roadmap for how to understand your wants and needs better and truly communicate and connect with the person you’re dating, through 250 research-backed questions spread across twelve categories—from money to children to chores to sex. These questions help folks develop deeper intimacy and open up about what they’re looking for in an intimate partnership. In her conversation with Dr. Alexandra, you’ll hear about Lindsay's budding romance with her now husband, the couples she spoke with who have used this system, and the wisdom and practical guidance she’s garnered from the clinical experts she interviewed for the book—including Dr. Alexandra! Lindsay urges listeners to view expansive and thoughtful dialog as something sexy, not just vital, as they get to know someone that they think might be their person. Lindsay and Dr. Alexandra also address a thoughtful listener question at the end of the episode, about dating across socio-economic class.

Romances & Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours!) in 250 Questions by Lindsay Jill Roth

Lindsay’s website

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Conversations about sex are so important, but approaching the topic with a partner can feel overwhelming. When we come up against sexual challenges in our relationships, it can be easy to fall into patterns of blame and shame. Listening to this episode is a great first step as you find your voice and reclaim your power in your sex life. You’ll hear from psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri, who joins Dr. Alexandra for a conversation all about sexuality and her new book, What Happened to My Sex Life? They explore the importance of creating shared agreements and visions with your partner when it comes to sex, how to navigate retroactive jealousy, and the role safety plays in our sexual connections. They also respond to a listener question about how someone’s sexual history can impact their current relationship dynamic.

Dr. Kate’s book: What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist's Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure

Dr. Kate’s Instagram: @drkatebalestrieri

Dr. Kate’s website: Modern Intimacy

Get Naked with Dr. Kate (podcast)

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Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). We’re exploring how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked below, along with the FREE Family of Origin Roles workbook, Reclaiming You.

We’re taking a look at “The Rebel” role in today’s episode. Some family systems are well-equipped to handle disagreement, debate, and resistance. But when a family is under pressure in any way, a child who questions or challenges the system is going to be seen as a threat. While the Rebel may cling to their strong opinions and double down on their critical stance, feelings of fear, isolation, and anxiety may occur and continue into adulthood, especially around conformity and authority. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Rebel can break free from old stories that their only path to safety was to push back and choose the path of opposition. 

Relevant links:

Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You

Reimagining Love episode: “People-Pleasing vs. Brutal Honesty: When & How to Share Feedback with Your Partner”

Reimagining Love episode: “When Having ‘No Filter’ Hurts a Relationship”

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz

Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article

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Submit a Listener Question

Today’s episode is part of a solo series on Reimagining Love about Family of Origin Roles (a.k.a. FOO roles). We’re exploring how the roles we were cast into as children and held within our family systems shape how we show up in our relationships today. Whether you were the one who held the family together, the rebel who pushed back against household norms, or the “easy” kid who flew under the radar, we all inhabited a position in the community of our family and absorbed certain messages about love, connection, and worthiness as a result. Check out the introductory episode of the series if you missed it! All previous role-specific episodes are also linked below.

We’re taking a look at “The Parentified Child” role in today’s episode. The child cast into this role likely heard that they were “so mature,” “wise beyond their years,” or were praised for their comforting presence when they were growing up. The problem? Kids shouldn’t have to provide emotional support to the adults in their family. Unfortunately for the Parentified Child, this felt like the surest route to safety and love, perhaps due to a chaotic environment, overwhelmed parents, or conflict in the family system. As an adult, the Parentified Child carries with them a certain set of beliefs and tendencies that they picked up as a kid in this role. Does this sound like you, or someone you love? Listen to the episode to learn more about this role and how The Parentified Child can free themselves from always taking on others’ needs and create more egalitarian relationships that feel safe and nourishing.

Relevant links:

Get the FREE Family of Origin Roles Workbook: Reclaiming You

Reimagining Love episode with Dr. Hillary McBride: Getting Present: Tuning Into Your Body with Dr. Hillary McBride

Reimagining Love series: “I Love My Partner, But Their Family is Toxic”: Part 1, Part 2

Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls' Childhood (Rebecca Epstein, Jamilia J. Blake, Thalia González, from the Center on Poverty and Inequality, Georgetown Law)

Past episodes of the Family of Origin Roles Series: Introductory Episode, The Perfect One (From Performance to Presence), The Easy One (From Accommodation to Authenticity), The Struggling One (From Scapegoat to Self-Advocate), The Peacemaker (From Referee to Realist)

Take the Family of Origin Roles Quiz

Dr. Alexandra’s Psychotherapy Networker Article

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On today’s episode, we’re diving deep into the topic of attachment with guest Thais Gibson, an author, counselor, and the co-founder of The Personal Development School. While the discourse around attachment so often focuses on identifying what’s “wrong” with us, in this conversation, Dr. Alexandra and Thais explore how understanding and investigating our attachment style can create fertile ground for us to change the way we show up in relationships and break frustrating patterns. Our attachment style is not our destiny, and when we begin to understand the roots of this subconscious programming, we have the opportunity to reprogram ourselves for better and more fulfilling relationships. This episode will give you the tools and insights to start down that path and think more expansively about attachment.

Thais’s Instagram, The Personal Development School

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