Welcome to R&R: Revisit & Reflect, a new episode format here on the podcast. We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload) and lots of that information is about mental health and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us, whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation, creating insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior. 

With these R&R episodes, you’ll reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, continuing with today’s conversation from the archive with the esteemed Drs. John & Julie Gottman. The Gottmans share some of the most groundbreaking findings to ever come out of their Love Lab and discuss with Dr. Alexandra the relationship principle of “Small Things Often.” So, get out your favorite pen and journal and join in this summer reflection. 

You’ll come away from this episode with:

• A deeper understanding of how 'small things often' can create lasting bonds in your intimate partnerships.
• An opportunity to identify and appreciate the positive moments that contribute to your relationship's health.
• A framework for self-reflection with actionable journaling prompts to enhance intimacy.

Journaling Prompts:

1. What messages did you receive growing up, either from your family, your culture, or from media you consumed, about HOW to express love? In what ways were those messages limited, and how might you update them based on what you heard in this clip?
2. What keeps you from making small gestures of love towards your partner / toward your past partner? What keeps you from ACCEPTING bids for connection from partners? Is it discomfort? If so, what specifically feels uncomfortable? Is it fear? If so, what specifically is the fear? Is it a feeling of unworthiness? If so, what do you want to remember about who you are?
3. In the clip, the Gottmans remind us that our PERCEPTION of our partner can play a huge role in the dynamic, and that we might actually be missing positive moments and bids for connection that are already happening. Write down a commitment you want to make this week to help you to keep an eye out for the positive.
4. What’s something you find beautiful about your partner, either inside or out? What would it be like to share this with them, without any agenda, but just because it might light them up?

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Reimagining Love Episode, “How to Love Well: The Little Things that Change Everything with Drs. John & Julie Gottman”

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Welcome to another summer mailbag episode, in which Dr. Alexandra digs into recent listener questions so that we can all grow, together. Two of the questions today follow a general shape of a question that comes across Dr. Alexandra’s desk quite often. Something like: “Everything’s perfect in my relationship…BUT….” There’s some challenge, incompatibility, or roadblock that feels outside of our control—or, something within *US* that’s holding us back from taking things to the next level, even though everything feels so right—and we can’t get unstuck. Dr. Alexandra speaks to two listeners in this spot, as well as answering a unique question from a listener who is wanting to reclaim a special place for herself and her daughter, a place that holds both “pain and potential,” in her words, in the wake of the end of her marriage. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s tips on how she can reclaim her paradise.

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Take the Family of Origin Roles QUIZ 

Previous summer mailbag episodes: Mailbag 1, Mailbag 2

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Sex isn't always easy to talk about, but today, you're going to hear from someone who is bringing the sexy back to sex ed. Dr. Alexandra is joined by Shan Boodram, a sexuality educator and certified sexologist, known for her work on Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle, The Marriage Pact on The Roku Channel, and Ex-Rated on Peacock, as well as her MasterClass, “The Art of Seduction,” which leads folks through the fundamentals of flirting, intimacy, and how to foster deep physical and emotional connections. Shan’s approach to sex education is welcoming and approachable, and she has a reverence for this topic that is oh-so central to our humanity and aliveness. From re-defining the way we draw wisdom from the ancient Kama Sutra text, to even designing jewelry that encourages folks to reclaim their pleasure in the bedroom, Shan & this conversation will inspire you to see your and your partner’s sexuality with fresh eyes. And if you’re looking for practical advice on the art of seduction, you’ll get that in this episode, too (enter Shan’s iconic “sexy eye triangle” tip). There’s so much to glean from this episode, whether you’re looking to spice things up with your partner in the bedroom, move past sexual shame, or just see sex in a new way.

You’ll come away from this episode with:

• A refreshed perspective on the “intimate self” and a reminder of how central our sexuality is to our humanity
• Practical tips for how to use flirting and seduction to connect with others, and even more importantly, with yourself 
• New ideas for how to bring novelty, improved communication, and playfulness into the bedroom

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

“The Art of Seduction on MasterClass: masterclass.com/shan

Käma, Shan's jewelry collaboration with Surmeyi

Shan’s website

LOVERS by shan, Shan’s podcast

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

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Dr. Alexandra sits down with author and speaker Jennifer Pastiloff for a heartfelt conversation centered on vulnerability, new beginnings, and embracing joy through trying times. Jen’s candid sharing of her personal journey reminds us that we're constantly given opportunities to evolve ourselves, heal, and step more deeply into our authenticity. Jen and Dr. Alexandra also discuss navigating the "messy middle" after a breakup or divorce, and how we can begin again in life after facing bumps in the road. Jen's new book, Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life, is out today and explores all of these topics and many more.

You'll come away from this episode with:

• Hope & permission to live a bigger and more beautiful life
• Reminders for how to cultivate emotional safety in your intimate partnerships, which will pave the way for deeper connection
• A deeper understanding of the importance of "I Got You" people—the supportive folks in your circle who reflect your best self back to you—and clues for how to find them
• Empowerment to feel joy and search for beauty even in the most difficult or heartbreaking chapters of your life

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Proof of Life: Let Go, Let Love, and Stop Looking for Permission to Live Your Life by Jennifer Pastiloff

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

Welcome to R&R: Revisit & Reflect, a new episode format here on the podcast. We’re living in a time of information abundance (sometimes information overload) and lots of that information is about mental health and relational health! But there’s a difference between consuming content and integrating it. When we consume, the information might just pass through us, whereas when we integrate, the information weaves its way into our unique story or situation, creating insight and the potential for a shift in mindset, in emotion, in belief, and in behavior. With these R&R episodes, you’ll reflect and journal with Dr. Alexandra to integrate core lessons from the podcast, starting with today’s conversation from the archive with the inimitable relationship expert Esther Perel. They explore relational ambivalence and how to reignite the spark inside your relationship, and within yourself, inspired by a listener’s question. So, get out your favorite pen and journal and join in this summer reflection. 

You’ll come away from this episode with:

• A deeper understanding of the importance of rituals in maintaining connection amidst life's challenges
• A new perspective on the impact of external circumstances on anxiety in your relationships.
• The ability to recognize and respond to your partner's bids for connection.
• A framework for self-reflection with actionable journaling prompts to enhance intimacy.

Journaling Prompts:

1. How do the macro issues of the world shape your love life today? To what degree are you able to give yourself permission for play and pleasure, even as the world feels so hard? What allows you to do that?
2. In the clip, Esther reminds us that if you don’t know how to turn yourself on, there’s nothing your partner can do to turn you on. How are you finding ways to connect to your own aliveness? What are some things you can do this week, just for you, that could reinvigorate your internal spark? This could include engaging with nature, art, food, movement, or play.
3. In this clip, Esther and Dr. Alexandra talk about how for a couple to create an experience together, one partner is the initiator and one is the responder. These roles aren’t fixed, but which role do you do you tend to find yourself in more? What do you like about being in each position, and what’s hard about each of them?

“Your Midyear Refresh” on MasterClass: masterclass.com/yourmidyearrefresh

Couple Therapy Certification Course from PESI: pesi.com/dralexandra

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

The second mailbag episode of the summer is here! Hear Dr. Alexandra’s advice for three listeners from around the world, with three relationship dilemmas: the first is a fellow “Alexandra” who lives in England and is struggling with her blended family. Next, we hear from a listener in Hawaii who is trying to make a difficult decision about their relationship. Finally, Dr. Alexandra answers a question from a listener in the UK who is ready to have a baby…but her boyfriend is not. Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s guidance and submit your own question by following the link below.

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

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If you’re ready to empower yourself to step into your true purpose but are paralyzed by fear, what-ifs, and imposter syndrome, you’ve found the right conversation. Today’s guest is Shannon Watts, the founder of Moms Demand Action, the nation’s largest grassroots group fighting gun violence in the U.S. Like many of us, Shannon was left outraged and broken after hearing news stories about school shootings and seeing the impact of gun violence on communities across the countries. One night, her sadness transformed to rage, and her life was changed after a Facebook post kicked off what would become Moms Demand Action, a movement of Americans fighting for public safety measures that can protect people from gun violence. They work to pass stronger gun laws and work to close the loopholes that jeopardize the safety of families and communities. They know that gun violence is preventable, and they are committed to doing what it takes to keep families safe. Shannon has been named one of TIME’s 100 Most Influential People, a Forbes 50 over 50 Changemaker, and a Glamour Woman of the Year. She’s also someone who went through an extraordinary transformation, and this is the focus of her and Dr. Alexandra’s conversation, and of her new book, Fired Up: How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age. Shannon empowers folks to break free from limits, trust their instincts, and lead with passion to create meaningful change. Shannon and Dr. Alexandra talk about activism and the way it impacts relationships, particularly marriage, and Shannon shares how her own marriage evolved as she went through this incredible unfolding. 

Relevant Links

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Fired Up How to Turn Your Spark into a Flame and Come Alive at Any Age by Shannon Watts

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question

We are all connected to folks with disabilities, whether they’re part of our inner circle, or members of our broader community. Unfortunately, there’s a great deal of stigmatization, misunderstanding, and judgement that crops up around disabled folks and their families. Parents of disabled children are traveling on a different path than other parents, and often need more support, but the people around them don’t always know how to provide it. Therapist Amanda Griffith-Atkins joins Dr. Alexandra on this episode to offer guidance to those parents, as well as the people around them. When Amanda’s son Asher was born, she discovered her life's purpose: to help parents of children with disabilities find their stride. She has become a leading expert in helping parents of kids with special needs navigate their emotions, relationships, and parenting, and her book, How to Handle More Than You Can Handle: Caring for Yourself While Raising a Disabled Child, is out in the world today. Amanda and Dr. Alexandra discuss parenting as well as the experience of partners who are raising a disabled child together and what this journey can bring up for couples. There’s so much goodness in this conversation for everyone, whether this is a new topic for you or one that’s near and dear to your heart.

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

How to Handle More Than You Can Handle: Caring for Yourself While Raising a Disabled Child by Amanda Griffith-Atkins

Got4titude, support and resources for fathers raising children with disabilities

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

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Submit a Listener Question

Throughout the summer, Dr. Alexandra will be answering listener questions through Mailbag Episodes. Today’s questions include a query from a listener in Los Angeles who is struggling with her feelings about a choice the guy she’s seeing has made, and isn’t sure how to proceed after a tricky conversation. Next, you’ll hear from Marina in London, who wants some extra support in the aftermath of infidelity. She’s curious about post-traumatic growth and what might be possible for her. Dr. Alexandra wraps things up with a question from a listener in New York, whose boyfriend of over a decade is ambivalent about the relationship and blowing hot and cold. Should she cut loose or stick it out until he makes up his mind? Listen to hear Dr. Alexandra’s takes on all of these relationship situations.

If you want to submit your own question, click the link below. You may just get yours answered on an upcoming mailbag episode this summer!

"Your Anxiety Toolkit" on MasterClass: www.masterclass.com/youranxietytoolkit

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter

Submit a Listener Question