Talking points: relationships

So many men fall into a very specific (and usually confusing) trap. They're asked to "be more vulnerable", they go way too far with it, and it ends up pushing the partner into the mother/caregiver/therapist role way too often.

I've talked about this before, but let's go deeper. Here's how to interpret what's actually being asked of you.

(00:00:00) - What a woman does NOT mean, and one of the paradoxes of dating

(00:07:48) - What does she want, really?

(00:09:01) - What can’t be filled by romance—and what it actually takes

(00:12:14) - Don’t project spiritual meaning onto sexual instinct

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: masculinity, culture

Much like open pit mining, our culture has ravaged certain aspects of maturity and masculinity—and it's getting harder to remember what used to be the core components. Here are the most important principles I think most of us have forgotten to implement in our lives.

I'd also love to get your thoughts on this. DM me on Instagram or if you're listening to this on Spotify, drop a comment!

(00:00:00) - Learn to love and embrace the unknown

(00:04:45) - Embrace discomfort

(00:08:10) - Take responsibility and ownership almost to a degree that feels uncomfortable

(00:10:04) - Build a brotherhood and honor your people

(00:12:19) - Have dominion over your impulses

(00:16:04) - Become emotionally sovereign

(00:18:52) - Honor the feminine without resentment. Or pedestaling

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

I was asked recently what I'd say to men who've been thinking about giving up. Who are at the end of their rope. Not an easy topic, and I don't have a magic bullet or tactical steps for you this time.

But I do have a gentle reminder.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and choice

(00:07:42) - On suffering and gauging what you can truly change

(00:15:31) - The risk of convincing

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: parents, anger, unavailability

My guest this week came to work on how can't see any path other than "it's all on me", as well as a feeling of emotional distance from his father. But why? What's hidden in the shadow that connects the two?

This is an excellent episode to get a feel for the work in action—and how we so easily bury certain parts of ourselves and others in the unconscious.

(00:00:00) - Intro, what my guest is struggling with, and his family situation

(00:10:30) - How my guest’s teenage self felt in the moment

(00:19:16) - What’s really going on

(00:27:01) - What my guest has realized

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: mindset, nervous system

There's good, there's great, and then there's real mastery. I've had the privilege of working and talking with many extraordinary men. Masters of their craft. There's something that all of them do well—and it's what separates the great from the exceptional. Listen in.

(00:00:00) - Intro

(00:05:51) - What separates good from great, and great from exceptional

(00:10:35) - The best part, and the crucial part

(00:14:25) - The importance of slowness

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: trauma

This week, I sit down with Tim Fletcher to explore the deep and often misunderstood world of complex trauma. We unpack how subtle childhood experiences like emotional neglect or identity suppression can shape our nervous systems, relationships, and sense of self for decades.

Tim breaks down the science and psychology behind trauma and its complexity, and offers insights into how healing actually happens. If you've ever struggled with anxiety, emotional reactivity, or feeling disconnected, this one is for you.

(00:00:00) – Introduction to Tim Fletcher and What Is Complex Trauma?

(00:06:20) – Subtle Forms of Childhood Trauma

(00:12:00) – Simple vs. Complex Trauma

(00:19:20) – Adult Symptoms of Complex Trauma

(00:28:10) – How Trauma Shapes the Brain

(00:37:50) – Recovery and Co-regulation

(00:54:00) – Presence, Addiction, and Connection

Tim Fletcher started helping people as a pastor over 30 years ago. When he experienced some significant personal trauma, he transitioned into the addiction treatment sector. Over the last 15 years through countless hours of counselling sessions, training in the various treatment programs and building on the research of Gabor Mate, he started to correlate the connection between Complex Trauma and life problems. Tim was guided by statistics that over 90% of people with addiction challenges suffer from Complex Trauma. Tim is becoming widely-known across the globe and is sought after for counselling, teaching, training, and seminars. Thousands tune in each week to watch his Friday Night Videos.

Connect with Tim

-Website: https://www.timfletcher.ca/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timfletcherco/

-YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TimFletcher

Talking points: anxiety, attention, mindset

What if the jitters aren't just from the extra coffee this morning? What if you're taking in too much info, courtesy of the never-ending scroll? There's something underneath it all, team, and building resiliency against that can be an absolute game changer. Here's how.

(00:00:00) - What’s underneath all anxiety, and what it does

(00:03:01) - Why this is relevant to men

(00:06:38) - The Cheesecake Factory Effect

(00:09:15) - So what do you do, and what real freedom involves

(00:15:33) - Do it scared, and do it to completion (with a caveat)

(00:19:43) - Find the joy in the process, NOT the outcome

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: relationship, attachment, culture

I love Stan because he's able to cut through so much of the modern BS around relationships, and get straight to practical, tactical perspectives and advice. We covered a TON of ground here, from the importance of social contracts and mutual protection, to the need for shared vision and purpose in creating equitable and collaborative relationships.

This is definitely a convo that will spark some discussion, so listen in, team.

(00:00:00) - Intro and the nature of secure functioning

(00:05:52) - Human Nature and Relationship Dynamics

(00:10:01) - Impact of Technology on Relationships

(00:23:35) - Creating Secure Functioning Relationships

(00:35:06) - Predictability and Prevention in Relationships

(00:36:51) - The Importance of Quick Repair

(00:43:02) - Mutual Protection and Solidarity

(00:47:20) - Compatibility and Relationship Agreements

(00:51:59) - The Role of Attachment in Relationships

(01:00:42) - Final Thoughts and Practical Advice

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a renowned expert in human behaviour and couple relationships, known for developing the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He is a global speaker and teacher on secure-functioning relationships, with his insights reaching over 1.7 million viewers through his TEDx talk. Stan has authored six bestselling books, translated into multiple languages, and has published numerous academic articles.

In 2010, Stan co-founded the PACT Institute with his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, to train therapists in integrating psychobiological approaches into their practices. His work has earned him the Educator of the Year award from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists CA in 2014.

Stan leads couples in creating healthy attachments through his clinical practice in Calabasas, California, and Wired For Love Couple Retreats. He has held academic positions at UCLA and serves on the boards of Lifespan Learning Institute and Relationships First. A former president of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ventura County chapter, Stan is trained in various psychotherapeutic techniques, including Adult Attachment, Facial Action Coding System, and Vipassana meditation.

Connect with Dr. Tatkin

-Website: https://www.thepactinstitute.com/

-Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/

-Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstitute

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: relationships, infidelity

Not the happiest of talking points today, team, but it's always worth discussing. There's no universal reason for it, but from my own experience and years of working with men, I've seen some common themes. Here's a quick breakdown of the top reasons, plus the underlying motivation for almost every man that's knocked on my door.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and the underlying motivation for a majority of men

(00:03:40) - Reasons that fall into this category

(00:10:53) - One of the main drivers for my own infidelity, and how attachment styles can play into it

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram

Talking points: mental health, masculinity, culture

When Movember reaches out, you answer the call. I'm grateful to have interviewed Professor John Oliffe on a recent report co-authored by him—and spearheaded by the Movember Institute for Men's Health. Some of the stats they've released left me a little surprised; like 2 in 5 men in Canada die prematurely, and from largely preventable casues. Listen to this one, team.

(00:00:00) - Intro, and the premature mortality of men

(00:10:29) - On co-constructed masculinity, and how modern complexity affects how we perceive manhood

(00:16:26) - On “protest masculinity”, and what’s causing men to die early?

(00:22:34) - Depression, suicide, and getting upstream of the risk factors

(00:32:120) - Why hiding what you’re going through so common, and why some men dismiss the healthcare system

(00:40:06) - What Dr. Oliffe would say to the man reluctant to see a therapist

(00:44:49) - The changes and diversity of modern masculinity

Dr. John Oliffe is a Professor and Tier 1 Canada Research Chair in Men’s Health Promotion at the School of Nursing, University of British Columbia. Founder and lead investigator of UBC’s Men’s Health Research program, his work focuses on masculinities as it influences men’s health behaviours and illness management, and its impact on partners, families, and overall life quality. Findings drawn from his research offer guidance to clinicians and researchers to advance men’s health promotion in the areas of psychosocial prostate cancer care, smoking cessation and male suicide prevention.

For those of you in Vancouver, check out the formal launch of John and Movember's work here: https://nursing.ubc.ca/community/events/2025/launch-real-face-of-mens-health-report

Connect with Dr. Oliffe

-Website: www.menshealthresearch.ubc.ca

-LinkedIn: http://ca.linkedin.com/in/johnoliffe

***

Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth

Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/

Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment

Check out some other free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship

Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance. 

Enjoy the podcast? Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they’re looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify

For more, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram