The Angry Therapist Podcast

Ever feel like your mind is telling you you're fine, but your body is saying something completely different?

You're overwhelmed, constantly on edge, or struggling to slow down. And no matter how many times you tell yourself to relax, you just can't seem to switch off.

In today's re-release, I'm revisiting a conversation about how to calm your nervous system, manage stress, and find your way back to feeling grounded.

Because sometimes, it's not about changing what's happening around you. It's about learning how to respond to what's happening inside you.

In this episode:

If you've been feeling stressed, anxious, or like you're constantly running on empty, this episode is worth revisiting.

What if the first step to feeling better isn't doing more, but learning how to slow down?

Originally released June 17, 2022.

I have a four-day immersion designed to shake loose the old operating system you've been living from and help you build a new one - one rooted in flow, connection, joy, and nervous system regulation.November 9-13 | Costa Rica

THIS ISN'T A VACATION.

IT'S A RESET.

Perfect for beginners

If you feel the pull. Stay with it. Don't miss out on the next retreat.

The next retreat will be from November 9-13

https://surfsexandpancakes.com/

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ CONNECT WITH ME:

📘 My upcoming book: Breaking Confidentiality
Pre-order here: https://breakingconfidentiality.com/#/john/pre-order

📘 Love Hard On Purpose
Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.
https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

My book publishing company: Soulprint
https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress: Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You
https://breakingconfidentiality.com/

Follow me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it feel like to return to the country where you were born after 50 years? I'm back in South Korea for the first time since leaving as a child, and the experience has brought up memories, emotions, and parts of my identity I haven't connected with in decades.

From exploring Seoul and Busan to rediscovering the food and culture I once felt embarrassed about growing up, I reflect on what it means to reconnect with your roots, see your childhood through a different lens, and experience a place that's both familiar and completely new.

I talk about:

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

I have a four-day immersion designed to shake loose the old operating system you've been living from and help you build a new one - one rooted in flow, connection, joy, and nervous system regulation.

https://breakingconfidentiality.com/#/john/pre-order

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the hardest chapters of your life are actually setting you up for something you can't see yet?

I've been through divorce, lost my home, started over in my fifties, and questioned who I was more times than I can count.

And now, looking back, I'm beginning to connect the dots.

In this episode, I'm taking you on a walk through Costa Rica to talk about the stories we tell ourselves, how we make sense of our past, and why changing our perspective can change our lives.

We get into:

I'm not saying everything happens for a reason or that changing your mindset magically fixes everything.

But what if you're not stuck? What if you're just in the middle of a chapter that hasn't made sense yet?

Your story is the most powerful thing you'll ever own.

And maybe your hardest chapter isn't the ending.

🌴 November 9–13 | Costa Rica Retreat31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way

THIS ISN'T A VACATION. IT'S A RESET.

Sometimes the next chapter of your story begins with stepping away from the life you've been living.

My four-day Costa Rica immersion is designed to help you shake loose the old operating system you've been living from and build something new — rooted in flow, connection, joy, and nervous system regulation.

A chance to reconnect with yourself, let go of old patterns, and explore what's next.

Perfect for beginners.

If you feel the pull, stay with it.

November 9–13 | Costa Rica

https://surfsexandpancakes.com/

Changing your story starts with making different choices.

If you're tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we'll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership.

Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:

https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My upcoming book, Breaking Confidentiality: Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You.

An honest, unfiltered look behind the therapy room door, revealing the human side of being a therapist and the things we rarely talk about.

Pre-order here:

https://www.kobo.com/us/es/ebook/breaking-confidentiality-sh-t-your-therapist-would-never-tell-you

My book publishing company, Soulprint:

https://www.soulprintmedia.co

If you're ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:

https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

Find out more:

https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At 53, I've realized that some of life's biggest lessons aren't about getting ahead. They're about learning when to take the leap, when to let go, how to love without losing yourself, and how to stop waiting for some future version of your life before you start living.

In this episode, I share 12 life lessons that have shaped the way I think about relationships, personal growth, success, and happiness.

I talk about why being single isn't a waiting room, how our childhood experiences can influence what we mistake for intuition, and why becoming a better version of yourself sometimes means reconnecting with the person you used to be.

I also explore the importance of traveling, finding meaning in everyday experiences, allowing things to end without calling them failures, and resisting the pressure to turn every passion into something profitable.

Ultimately, these lessons are about creating a life that feels honest and meaningful, rather than spending years chasing someone else's definition of success.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why confidence comes after taking action, not before
• Making the most of singlehood instead of waiting for a relationship
• The difference between healthy compromise and self-abandonment
• How childhood patterns influence attraction and intuition
• Reconnecting with your younger self and rediscovering curiosity
• How traveling changes your perspective
• Recognizing endings as experiences rather than failures
• Finding joy in ordinary Tuesdays
• Allowing hobbies to exist without financial expectations
• Questioning the life blueprints you've inherited
• Why belonging shouldn't require betraying your truth
• Choosing a life that feels alive rather than one that just looks impressive

If you enjoyed this episode, subscribe for more conversations about relationships, healing, personal growth, and building a more intentional life.

Leave a comment sharing which of these 12 lessons resonated with you most, and share this episode with someone who's ready to start living more intentionally.

NOVEMBER 9–13 | COSTA RICA

THIS ISN'T A VACATION. IT'S A RESET.

A four-day immersion designed to shake loose the old operating system you've been living from and help you build a new one — one rooted in flow, connection, joy, and nervous system regulation.

Perfect for beginners.

If you feel the pull, stay with it. Don't miss out on the next retreat.

The next retreat will be from November 9–13.

https://surfsexandpancakes.com/

31 DAYS TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership.

Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:

https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ CONNECT WITH ME

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

My book publishing company, Soulprint:

https://www.soulprintmedia.co

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:

https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

Find out more:

https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Resentment rarely comes from one big moment. More often, it builds through the small things we don't talk about: the dishes, the forgotten gestures, the mental load, and the feeling that you're the only one making an effort.

I talk about how these everyday frustrations become evidence of deeper hurt, why unresolved conflict makes resentment grow, and how to repair the damage before years of disappointment turn into distance.

I talk about:

• How small moments of hurt build into long-term resentment

• The invisible mental load of maintaining a relationship

• Why the dishes are rarely just about the dishes

• How the stories we tell ourselves amplify frustration

• Asking for what you need before it becomes a demand

• Why conflict is inevitable but repair is essential

• Creating a safe space for difficult conversations

• Using empathy, self-awareness, and accountability to repair emotional wounds

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:

https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

My book publishing company, Soulprint:

https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:

https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:

https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:

https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

Follow me on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

Find out more:

https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does genuine love actually look like? It may have less to do with how someone makes you feel and more to do with whether you can truly see them, allow them to be themselves, and continue meeting them as both of you change.

I also explore what happens when fear of losing someone keeps us from fully enjoying the relationship we have today, how relationships teach us who we are becoming, and the difference between healthy compromise and losing yourself. I also look at what can exist underneath betrayal and affairs, including the desire to reconnect with a version of yourself that feels lost.

I talk about:

• What genuine love looks like beyond attraction and chemistry

• Loving someone without abandoning yourself

• Why we have to keep meeting our partners as they change

• The fear of losing someone and how it can steal the present

• Why the small, ordinary moments in a relationship matter

• Asking what a relationship is teaching you to become

• The difference between compromise and self-abandonment

• How relationships can teach us to expand or shrink ourselves

• What can be underneath affairs and betrayal

• The different emotional realities of the betrayed partner, the person who cheated, and the affair partner

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We were handed a blueprint for what a “good life” is supposed to look like: fall in love, get married, buy the house, have kids, build a career, and stay together.

But what happens when you achieve the life you were supposed to want and realize it doesn’t actually feel like yours?

I talk about breaking away from inherited ideas of happiness, questioning the lives we’re maintaining simply because we’ve already spent years building them, and creating something more honest and customized.

I also answer questions about open relationships, getting over self-doubt after leaving a good person, and why a relationship can be meaningful without lasting forever.

I talk about:

• The blueprint we inherit for what a “good life” is supposed to look like
• Getting everything you were supposed to want and still feeling unhappy
• The difference between a good life and a life that actually feels like yours
• Redefining marriage, family, success, wealth, and commitment
• Breaking patterns and questioning what you’re maintaining simply because you’ve already built it
• Whether open relationships can work and what needs to be addressed before opening one
• Why changing relationship structures doesn’t automatically fix existing problems
• Getting over self-doubt after breaking up with a good person
• Why someone can be a good person and still not be your person anymore
• Letting relationships be meaningful without needing them to last forever

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

My book publishing company, Soulprint:https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

Find out more:https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Being in love and loving someone aren’t always the same thing.

Being in love can be about chemistry, longing, fantasy, desire, and the way someone makes you feel. But loving someone asks something harder: can you keep seeing who they actually are as they change? Can you stay curious about the person they’re becoming instead of holding them to the version you first fell for?

In this episode, I talk about why intensity alone isn’t enough to build a life with someone, why long-term relationships can go through seasons where the love feels different, and why falling out of love doesn’t automatically mean the relationship is over.

I also get into what happens after betrayal when you’re still watching an ex’s life and waiting for them to suffer, fail, or finally understand what they did to you. At some point, healing means taking your attention back and putting it somewhere they no longer get to participate in.

And I answer one of the questions I hear most: how do you know whether your marriage is going through a hard season or whether the relationship is actually ending?

In this episode, I talk about:

• The difference between being in love and loving someone
• Why intensity and chemistry aren’t enough
• Loving someone as they grow and change
• Why we sometimes miss who we were in a relationship more than the person
• Three questions to ask when looking back on a past relationship
• Why falling in and out of love can be part of a long-term relationship
• How to stop making an ex’s life evidence for your own
• Why healing can require teaching your attention a new address
• The difference between a hard season and a relationship that may be ending
• Why movement, ownership, and changed behavior matter more than promises

Sometimes love isn’t about getting back to who you used to be together. Sometimes it’s about deciding whether you still want to know and choose the people you’re becoming.

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:
https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.
https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

My book publishing company, Soulprint:
https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*
https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here:
https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:
https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

Follow me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

Find out more:
https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when one person is willing to grow and the other isn’t, why growth should be an invitation rather than an ultimatum, and why sometimes the most important thing your partner needs from you isn’t perfection — it’s your willingness to lean in.

In this episode, I sit down with Bryan Reeves to talk about what changes in the second half of life and why the rules that got us here may not be the same ones that carry us forward.

We also get into men’s loneliness, why so many men wait until life or a relationship falls apart before asking for support, and how the need to be the hero can keep us isolated.

We also talk about becoming fathers later in life, how pregnancy can expose old wounds and patterns in a relationship, and why presence may matter more than getting everything right.

In this episode, we talk about:

Thanks for listening. If something in this conversation makes you think of someone, send it their way.

Connect with Bryan Reeves:

Website: https://bryanreeves.com/

Book — Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her): https://bryanreeves.com/book

Love With Integrity Online Community: https://www.skool.com/lovewithintegrity

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership. Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:
https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ Connect with me:

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.
https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

📚 My book publishing company, Soulprint:
https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📖 Read my book in progress, Sht Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack:*
https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist

Ready for deeper work? Check out my Secure Self course:
https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.:
https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

📱 Follow me on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/

🌐 Find out more:
https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the life you spent years trying to build isn’t the life you want anymore?

For most of my life, I was trying to arrive somewhere - make more money, build the audience, get another book deal, buy the house, become somebody. There was always another number to hit, another door to get through, another version of myself I thought would finally let me exhale.

But lately, something has shifted.

In this episode, I talk about giving yourself permission to disappoint the person you used to be. Not because that version of you was wrong, but because you’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to outgrow the goals, identities, and plans that once made perfect sense.

I get into the difference between constantly becoming someone and actually experiencing your life, why ambition can be useful without being allowed to drive, and how easy it is to postpone happiness by attaching it to the next achievement, relationship, body, house, promotion, or milestone.

Maybe the question isn’t, “Where is all of this going?”

Maybe it’s, “Where can I go while I’m still here?”

I also answer an Ask Angry question about knowing when it may be time to leave a marriage - and why waiting for absolute certainty can keep us stuck much longer than we realize.

In this episode, I talk about:

Thanks for listening. If something in this episode hits you, pass it along to someone who might need it.

If you’re tired of knowing what you need to change but still repeating the same patterns, 31 Days to Get Out of Your Own Way is for you.

For 31 days, we’ll work on closing the gap between insight and action through structure, accountability, and ownership.

Less analyzing yourself. More making different choices and actually changing your life.

Learn more and join here:
https://nas.com/therapist-membership-qa-space/challenges/31-days-to-get-out-of-your-own-way

🎙️ CONNECT WITH ME

📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose
Toss the blueprints. Build something honest.
https://www.harpercollins.com/products/love-hard-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=44339801227298

📚 My book publishing company, Soulprint
https://www.soulprintmedia.co

📘 Read my book in progress, Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You, on Substack
https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist

🧠 Ready for deeper work? Check out the Secure Self course
https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/

📘 Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose.
https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898

📱 Follow me on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/?hl=en

🌐 Find out more
https://www.theangrytherapist.com/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices