In this raw, unfiltered reflection, John shares the real story behind going rogue as a therapist — from coffee-shop sessions to walk-and-talks, to breaking every rule therapy school ever taught him.

He explores the lifelong pattern of exchanging truth for membership, the fear of being seen, and the moment one client validated everything he was terrified to try.

This episode dives into authenticity, boundaries, regret, responsibility, and what it really means to help people while staying human yourself.

Key Themes & Takeaways:

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In today’s Q&A, we get into the real questions people ask when they’re standing at the edge of a relationship crossroads. When you’re torn between fear and intuition… when the attraction feels off… when you’re trying to communicate your way through a situationship… when you’re healing but also craving connection… when you don’t know if you’re choosing someone, settling for someone, or staying because it feels safer than leaving.

These are the moments where the truth gets loud — if you’re willing to listen.

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Full Video Course HERE

All modules, worksheets, and bonus sessions. This video compiles key moments from the second core module from our relationship course - "How to Fight Without Fighting"

You'll learn:

This episode is about the messy, human, honest side of relationships — and the courage it takes to repair in a way that actually heals.

🔗 Resources & Links

👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy HERE

👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this raw, unfiltered conversation, John & Vanessa reveal the emotional, financial, and spiritual journey of entering — and surviving — the mental health world. From burnout and red tape to awakening and purpose, this episode exposes the hidden side of the therapist pipeline and why so many helpers feel lost, exhausted, or misled.

They share:

If you’re curious about becoming a therapist, coach, or spaceholder — or you’ve been through the fire yourself — this episode will hit home.

🔗 Resources & Links

👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy HERE

👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

🎓 Full video course: HERE

All modules, worksheets, and bonus sessions. This video compiles key moments from two core modules from our relationship course:

Module 1 — The 12 Principles: a practical framework for secure-functioning relationships. These aren’t rules to follow perfectly -  they’re principles that guide how you show up when things get hard. The real, messy, human version of healthy love where two people choose growth over perfection.

Module 2 — How to Fight Without Fighting: conflict isn’t the enemy; how we handle it is. You’ll learn tools that don’t require perfection, just presence — the kind that create safety instead of defensiveness so disagreements become connection-builders, not breakup fuel.

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At 52, John realizes how often we trade our truth for “membership” - relationships, status, the idea of success - and quietly disappear. From a house fire to shaving his head, he reframes love, loss, and identity, arguing that real growth demands new lenses, not old fantasies.

What You’ll Learn:

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up ⁠HERE⁠

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rapid-fire answers to your biggest honesty hurdles: settling vs.

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up ⁠HERE⁠

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this part 3 of our Attachment series, therapist Rebecca Prolman joins John Kim to unpack how childhood misattunement wires shame, why anger isn’t the enemy, and how “emotional completion” helps you reclaim the parts you exiled to survive. They explore corrective relationships (why real safety can feel scary), co-regulation for kids, and practical steps to move from fawning to sovereignty.

Key topics & takeaways:

Methods mentioned: NARM — Neuro-Affective Relational Model (Dr. Laurence Heller ).

Resources (as mentioned by Rebecca):

🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman

Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

John Kim and Rebecca Prolman unpack how childhood attachment wounds and the shame-based adaptations they create - shape adult relationships. They trace core capacities (connection, attunement, trust, autonomy, love/sexuality) and show how co-regulation and healthy boundaries restore intimacy and desire.

Resources mentioned:

🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman

Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In Part 1 of this 3-episode series, John Kim and licensed therapist Rebecca Prolman break down attachment trauma in clear, human terms. They unpack emotional neglect, nervous-system dysregulation, the NARM approach (NeuroAffective Relational Model), and why so many of us carry shame that isn’t ours. You’ll learn the core dilemma children face (“stay connected to myself or stay safe in the bond?”), how that shapes adult relationships, and why agency + self-compassion are non-negotiables for healing.

What you’ll learn:

🔗 Follow Rebecca Prolman

Instagram | TikTok | YouTube → @rebeccaprolman

Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE

📘 Read John’s new book in progress

Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack HERE

Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices