We have talked about masculinity and manhood on this show before. Today is the mature version of that conversation, going back to the oldest teachings we have.

In this episode, attachment specialist Adam Lane Smith sits down with His Eminence Metropolitan Jonah, retired primate of the Orthodox Church in America, rector of St. Herman's Church and Abbot of St. Demetrios Monastery, for a conversation about what forms a man. 

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In this episode you will learn:

1- Why so many young men have no working model of a man, and what that costs them

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Metropolitan Jonah was born James Paffhausen in Chicago to a German American Episcopalian family, and was raised in Chicago, Los Angeles, and San Diego. While studying at the University of California, he discovered the Russian Orthodox Church and was received into the faith in 1978 at age 19. After completing his BA in Anthropology at UC Santa Cruz, he attended St. Vladimir's Seminary, earning both a Master of Divinity and a Master of Theology in Dogmatics. He later worked in real estate finance and for the OCA Diocese of the West, and resumed doctoral studies in theology at Berkeley before traveling to Russia in 1993, where he became a novice at Valaam Monastery. Upon returning to the United States, he was ordained a hierodeacon and then a hieromonk in 1994, serving St. Mary Magdalene Mission in Merced, California, and helping to establish several new missions.

ADHD, attachment, trauma, anxiety, and stress can look surprisingly similar. So how do you know what you’re actually dealing with?

Adam Lane Smith sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Steven Storage to unpack what ADHD really looks like, how it affects relationships, what a proper assessment involves, and where medication, sleep, nutrition, movement, and behavioral work fit in.

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In this episode you will learn:

1 - Why overlapping symptoms make self-diagnosis unreliable, and what curiosity is actually good for

Links: 

Dr. Steven Storage is a doctor at the Amen Clinics in California. He is a diplomate of the Medical Board of California for Physicians and Surgeons and a diplomate in both Child/Adolescent and Adult Psychiatry for the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. He graduated from the University of California, Berkeley, magna cum laude with a degree in molecular and cell biology and earned his medical degree from the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine. 

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Trying harder to fix your marriage can leave you exhausted, resentful, and convinced you’re married to a man who doesn’t care. In this episode of I Wish You Knew, Adam Lane Smith sits down with The Surrendered Wife author Laura Doyle to challenge what happens when fear turns into control, why stepping back can give a capable husband room to step forward, and how desire, receptivity, gratitude, and respect can change the dynamic between husband and wife.

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📋 Learn your attachment style - take my free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=socialiwyk&utm_content=9/10

🎥 Watch my main channel on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@UCBO093GsMmnA9tb8lZPhbgg 

In this episode you will learn:

1- Why overperforming in your marriage can leave you feeling like the only responsible adult

You don’t have to carry every responsibility, anticipate every problem, and manage your husband into becoming the partner you want. Sometimes changing the marriage starts with making your desires clear, allowing him the opportunity to respond, receiving what he gives, and noticing what happens when you stop treating control as the only thing keeping your life together.

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Disembodiment rarely announces itself. It can look like fatigue, unexplained aches, trouble concentrating, or difficulty feeling close to the people around you. In this episode of I Wish You Knew, Adam Lane Smith sits down with embodiment expert Mark Walsh to unpack what happens when we stop listening to the body, and how rebuilding that connection can help you feel more present, connected, and human again.

💬 Ready to work with Adam and his team? Apply here: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/27

📋 Learn your attachment style - take Adam’ free quiz: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic/?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/27 

👥 Free Secure Attachment Community - 7k+ members: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/27

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In this episode you will learn:

1- Why the body whispers, then sings, then screams, and what it costs you to keep turning the volume up over it

You don’t need to think your way back into connection. Sometimes the way back to yourself, other people, and the world around you starts with learning to inhabit your own body again.

Mark is an expert in embodied learning, emotional intelligence, and practical psychology. His work focuses on helping individuals and organizations improve their performance and well-being through the mind-body connection. He has a fascinating background, with extensive training in martial arts, mindfulness, and various psychological disciplines. Mark has also taught in over 50 countries, including working with the UN and humanitarian projects in war zones. 

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentadam/

Mark Walsh: 

Adam Lane Smith celebrates three years of the I Wish You Knew podcast by reading your wildest comments, answering your most pressing questions, and sharing what he has learned from three years of conversations with guests from every walk of life.

In this special episode Adam reflects on the shows that surprised him most, the moments that changed his thinking, and what he believes the future of men and women in relationships actually looks like. No guest. No script. Just Adam, your comments, and three years worth of things he wishes you knew.

Looking for more way to learn from Adam?

💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk

👉 ADAM'S YOUTUBE LECTURES: https://www.youtube.com/@AttachmentAdam?sub_confirmation=1

👉 FREE SKILL DEMONSTRATION - Turning Back the Damage: The Live Relationship Repair Session. See what secure communication and real relationship repair look like in action with Colin Safranek and Alyssa Mullen, and register free to watch live on August 26th.

👉 Watch my latest Masterclass replay to learn The Pattern Breaker Method and the secure repair skills that can help rebuild emotional safety, reduce defensiveness, and create meaningful change https://youtube.com/live/uF5WfsiBVyU 

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💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/22iwyk

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: 

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He was CIO at Dell managing a billion and a half dollar budget. And he could not tell if he was valued more than the piece of furniture he was sitting in. Most people are living with that same feeling without knowing what it is.

Adam Lane Smith sits down with John R. Miles, author of The Mattering Effect, to break down why the question “do I even matter?” is driving a global crisis and what it takes to build a life where your presence is felt rather than performed.

What you will learn in this video:

1- Why loneliness burnout and depression are not separate problems but symptoms of the same root cause 

👉 FREE SKILL DEMONSTRATION - Turning Back the Damage: The Live Relationship Repair Session. See what secure communication and real relationship repair look like in action with Colin Safranek and Alyssa Mullen, and register free to watch live on August 26th.

👉 Watch the replay to learn The Pattern Breaker Method and the secure repair skills that can help rebuild emotional safety, reduce defensiveness, and create meaningful change https://youtube.com/live/uF5WfsiBVyU 

💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/20

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: 

📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/20

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John R Miles Socials:  

Most women use therapy as a metric for whether a man is ready for marriage. Most couples therapists are operating from a framework that was never designed with men in mind. And one licensed professional clinical counselor has seen enough that he is leaving the field entirely.

Adam Lane Smith sits down with Jeff Saint James, licensed professional clinical counselor and men's issues specialist, to break down what modern therapy is getting wrong about men, why couples therapy is failing husbands at an alarming rate, and what women need to understand about the men they love that nobody in the mental health field is telling them.

What you will learn in this video:

If you love a man and want to understand what is actually happening inside him, this is the conversation that will change how you see him.

Jeff St. James is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), relationship strategist, and host of the Ask a Brotha podcast. Combining clinical expertise with candid cultural commentary, he helps people build emotionally safe, accountable relationships while tackling modern dating, emotional safety, and family dynamics.

👉 Reserve your spot for this FREE masterclass and learn the conversation and secure repair skills that help you lead change, even when your partner has given up. https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/masterclass-signup?utm_source=youtube.com&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13

👉 Jeff St. James is a licensed clinical counselor in the process of leaving the therapy field because it keeps allying against the men it was supposed to help. If you want to understand what healthy masculine leadership actually looks like, the FREE Secure Circle is where that conversation keeps going. Join free: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13

👉 Too much couples therapy puts the man in the villain seat before the work even begins. Secure Circle Plus takes a different approach: coaches hold both partners accountable while teaching the attachment skills that rebuild connection through courses, practicums, and direct Q&A. Upgrade: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13

💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/13

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: 

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You are genuinely loved. Your partner is loyal. And you still cannot breathe out and relax all the way. That is not a character flaw. It is a biochemical problem. And it has a biochemical answer.

Adam Lane Smith sits down with Dr. Sue Carter, the world's leading expert on oxytocin and vasopressin bonding, to break down exactly why some people cannot feel safe even when they are safe, what chronic fear does to the body over a lifetime, and what the science of love hormones actually tells us about how human beings bond, heal, and survive.

What you will learn in this video:

1- Why you can be genuinely loved on paper and still be physically unable to feel that safety and what is actually happening in the body when that occurs

If you have ever wondered why safety feels impossible to feel even when it surrounds you, this conversation will give you the science behind what is happening and what can actually change it.

👉 Join my Free Attachment Community - The Secure Circle. You get exclusive lives, videos, access to my team, and more! https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6

👉 Ready for more? Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for the complete attachment program, including courses, live masterclasses, coach-led practicums, workshops, Q&As, a private community, and session archive. Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6

💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=8/6

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: 

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Adam Lane Smith sits down with Dr. Aaron Kheriaty, psychiatrist, medical ethicist, and author of Making the Cut, to break down what modern psychiatry is getting catastrophically wrong, why the chemical imbalance model is not just incomplete but actively harmful, and what actually heals people when medications and therapy alone are not enough.

What you will learn in this video:

1- Why reducing mental illness to a chemical imbalance in the brain has produced a generation of people who believe they will never get better

If you have ever been handed a prescription and sent home and felt like something essential was being missed, this conversation will show you exactly what that something was.

👉  Start building secure attachment in the FREE Secure Circle. Get access to the community, foundational resources, support from others on the same journey, and weekly insights. Join today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-free?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30

👉  Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for weekly masterclasses, skill demonstrations, and guided exercises that move you from learning into doing, plus my best courses, coach Q&As, and a private community. Join Secure Circle Plus today:  Join Secure Circle Plus today: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/secure-circle-plus?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30

💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/30

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: 

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Aaron Kheriaty, MD, is a physician specializing in psychiatry and author of five books, including most recently, Making the Cut: How to Heal Modern Medicine (2025). He is a Fellow & Director of the Program in Bioethics, Technology, and Human Flourishing at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He also serves in consulting and advisory roles at the Brownstone Institute, the Zephyr Institute, the Paul Ramsey Institute, and the Simone Weil Center for Political Philosophy. 

https://x.com/AaronKheriatyMD 

He built one of the most controversial dating sites in the world. He told every woman upfront on day one that he did not believe in marriage. And then he met Dana. And everything changed.

Adam Lane Smith sits down with Brandon Wade, founder of Seeking.com, and his partner Dana to break down what it actually takes to win an avoidant man's heart.

What you will learn in this video:

1- Why Brandon spent years believing love was a concept invented by poor people and what changed his mind

If you have ever wondered whether an avoidant man can actually change, this conversation is your answer.

👉 Join my Free Attachment Community - The Secure Circle. You get exclusive lives, videos, access to my team, and more! http://links.adamlanesmith.com/free-secure-circle 

👉 Ready for more? Upgrade to Secure Circle Plus for the complete attachment program, including courses, live masterclasses, coach-led practicums, workshops, Q&As, a private community, and session archive. Join today: http://links.adamlanesmith.com/plus-secure-circle 

💬 Ready to transform your attachment? Work directly with me & my team: https://bundle.adamlanesmith.com/private-coaching/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/23

📋 FREE ATTACHMENT QUIZ - Find out your attachment style in under 5 minutes: 

📬 NEWSLETTER Get weekly insights on attachment patterns: https://adamlanesmith.com/newsletter-signup/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_content=7/23