Is it really Love? Spiritual Way of the Six Loves

In this episode, we begin one of several in a series on what is marital and family love? These first few will focus on what is marital love. We begin by recalling Peter and Cheryl, the couple we looked at in the episodes about romantic love. Peter and Cheryl have worked through there problems, and now they desire to stay together indefinitely. Are they ready for marriage? I suggest a definition of marital love to help answer the question Peter and Cheryl are facing about should they get married. In my definition I suggest that companionship is the heart of marital love.

How can a couple reach the point of being ready for marriage? This is the question we will take up in the next episode.

To see Craig's book The Six Faces of Love and his music go to .www craigowen.net

     In this episode we look at joyful faith and how it impacts the experience of community love.  Joyful faith is focused more on the future and our efforts to become better people.  The joy in joyful faith comes from the belief that God gives us the strength and guidance to become more than we are at our worst.  In contrast, fearful faith focuses on our sinfulness, imperfections and failures.  The key values of joyful faith are forgiveness and reconciliation, the two values I have used in my definition of community love.  In comparison, fearful faith has the key values of anger, judgment, and exclusiveness.  Jane's rejection of her life long friend Laura shows that Jane is acting out of fearful faith.  Perhaps Jane would have kept her friendship with Laura if Jane had experienced joyful faith instead of fearful faith.

     In the next episode we will begin several installments on what are marriage and family love.

This series is based on my book The Six Faces of Lovewhich can be viewed at

craigowen.net

     In this episode, we look at fearful faith and how it can have a negative impact upon community love.  Fearful faith usually has an image of God as being angry and judgmental of sinful humans.  Unless we believe the right things, we are all condemned to eternal punishment.  While this kind of faith is quite common, it creates problems for the experience of community love.  Anger and judgmentalness may become the primary values of community love as practiced by a group that believes in fearful faith.  Jane's rejection of her lifelong friend Laura shows that Jane has fearful faith.  Anger and judgmentalness are directed at Laura by Jane, which may be the key values in Jane's religious community. 

     In the next episode we will look at joyful faith, which can provide a more positive experience of community love.

This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be viewed at craigowen.net

     In the last epsiode, we examined Jane's mistaken belief that she could only be friends with people who shared her religious beliefs.  In this episode, we will look at another, but related, mistaken belief.  Jane believes that she should be friends with everyone within her religious community.

     Many religious people assume since everyone in their religious community shares the same beliefs, then they can all be friends with one another.  This reflects confusion between fellowship and friendship, which are not the same.  Assuming that everyone within a religous community can be friends becomes dangerous when friendship is forced upon people within a group.  When intimacy is forced upon people, they will develop feelings of anger and resentment.  While people may stifle their feelings of anger and resentment, they will still come out in destructive ways, both within the group and in attitudes towards nonbelievers outside of the group.

     In the next episode we will look at the root of Jane's confusion, the kind of faith she is experiencing.  The kind of faith one experiences will greatly impact the quality of the community love one shares with others.

This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be viewed at craigowen.net

     Last time we explored the differences between forgiveness and reconciliation.  Now we can begin to look at how Jane has gone wrong in her understanding of community.  Jane has the mistaken, and dangerous, belief that she can only be friends with people who have the same religious beliefs as her.  When Laura would not see things her way, Jane rejected her as an unworthy friend.  Such an exclusive attitude can be very destructive of relationships between family and friends.  At the extreme it can lead to violence and loss of life.  Based on Jane's behavior towards Laura, it is clear that Jane's religious community does not focus upon the values of forgiveness and reconciliation.

     Like many people of faith Jane confuses friendships and community love.  We will take a closer look at this mistaken belief of Jane's next time.

 This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be viewed at craigowen.net

      Last time we explored a proposed definition of community love.  Forgiveness and reconciliation are key values in community.  In this episode we explore how forgiveness and reconciliation are different.  Many people think they are the same but they are not.  We consider the story of a father and son who have not spoken much to each other for years.  The relationship between them went badly after the son refused to go along with what the father wanted the son to study in college.  Attempting to overcome his own resenment and anger at the father, the son tries to repair their relationship.  Can the son forgive his father?  Can they be reconiled?  Here we will see a clear illustration of how these releated ideas are distinct. 

     In the next episode we will return to the story of Jane and Laura.  Jane has wrongly rejected her lifelong friendship with Laura because of religious differences.  We will see how Jane has gone wrong in her understanding of community love and friendship.

     This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be viewed at craigowen.net

     In the last episode, we looked at the story of Jane and Laura.  Jane had recently experienced a religious conversion and had joined a Christian group.  Because Laura did not share her specific beliefs, Jane rejected their lifelong friendship. Before we can learn how Jane has gone wrong in her understanding of community love,  we must first define what it is.  I offer my suggested definition of community love and unpack its meaning. 

     Two of the key values upon which community love focuses are forgiveness and reconciliation.  Jane's behavior does not reflect these values.  Instead, Janes seems to show anger and even desperation more than anything.  Many people believe that forgiveness and reconciliation sre the same, but they are actually quite different.  In the next episode we will explore forgiveness and reconciliation and how Jane has missed understanding them.

This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be viewed at craigowen.net

     Jane and Laura had been close friends since childhood.  All of that changed when Jane had a religious conversion experience.  Jane ended their longtime friendship because Laura was "not a believer."  Laura was devastated.  How could a religion supposedly about love lead someone to reject a lifetime friendship?  Laura was determined to have nothing to do with organized religion in the future.

     Jane's behavior toward Laura betrays great confusion about several different loves: spiritual love, friendship and community love.  When one belongs to a particular religious community, should you only have friends who believe as you do?  Should you be expected to be friends with everyone in your particular religious community?  How do spiritual love and community love relate to each other?  These and other questions are universal, having implications for what ever faith community you belong to, Christian, Muslim, Jew or otherwise.  

    In the next episode, we will begin to unravel Jane's confusion by looking at a suggested definition of community love.

This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be found at craigowen.net

     At last, we have reached the point of discusssing how to decrease the intensity of jealousy.  We will briefly touch on subjects covered in the previous episodes on spiritual love.  The intensity of jealousy can be gradually reduced through a meditational practice called Contemplative Prayer.  Over the weeks and months of practice, the false self is unraveled one piece at a time.  As we grow in understanding of humility and compassion, we are able to step back from our feeling jealousy.  Jealousy never completely disappears, but we are no longer obsessed or dominated by it.  This kind of existence is much more peaceful for us, and for those we love.

     Next time, we will begin on the subject of community love, an important form of love that helps facilitate the growth and practice of spiritual love.

This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be viewed at craigowen.net

    In the last episode we ran across an old friend that we looked at back in the episodes on spiritual love- the false self.  The false self is one of the major reasons jealousy can be so intense.  The false self leads us to believe that the essence of our identity is basically the things we own or groups to which we belong.  We especially make the mistake of identifying the "I-ness  of me" with our closest relationships.   No wonder we go bonkers when we feel jealousy about a loved one. 

     Now that we have identified why jealousy can  be so intense, what can be done to reduce the intensity of jealousy?  This will be our topic for next time.

This podcast series is based on my book The Six Faces of Love which can be viewed at craigowen.net