Episode 3: In today's episode, George discusses the concept of divorce planning. If you have the time to begin thinking through specific issues, you'll be much better prepared. Obviously, depending upon the circumstances, this isn't always possible. However, this discussion might highlight a few issues you should consider. George is a family law attorney primarily practicing in Jefferson County and the surrounding counties.
What's Your Scenario?
Generally, there are 3 scenarios leading up to a divorce petition: 1) You're getting ready to file, 2) Your spouse has already filed, or 3) Both of you realize it's not working out. The issues involved would still be the same.
George often asks about the catalyst for the decision. Has the couple exhausted the other options such as counseling or therapy? These are personal decisions, because in Kentucky it only takes one person to file for a divorce.
He advises that you should consider the emotional impact of the decision. How is it going to impact you and/or your spouse? There's balance to the decision. Then, there's the consideration of how it's going to affect others including your children and extended family members.
When Is It Time for a Lawyer?
It depends on a couple of factors. If you know this is where it's going, it's better to engage an attorney as early as possible in the process. If you were surprised by your spouse's decision, they probably already have an attorney and you should move quickly to retain counsel. You're going to need someone to advocate on your behalf and to guide you through the process, itself.
Can We Have the Same Lawyer?
In George's opinion, this doesn't usually work. Normally, the attorney would only represent one party. The other party may decide not to hire an attorney, but that's not very common. Divorce is an adversarial process, so George has a duty to represent his client.
Even if the divorce is uncontested, George would still only represent one person.
Ideally, the couple would agree on as many of the details as possible, but those informal agreements don't always remain intact, as the divorce process moves forward. Unfortunately, individuals may not fully understand their legal rights or legal responsibilities while making those agreements.
It's true that having a framework is a good idea, but you should expect your attorney to guide you through the divorce process.
What Do We Do about the Kids?
This is a common question George hears during the divorce planning stage. He usually responds, "You handle them delicately." It's important to effectively manage what the information the kids get, what they see, what they hear, etc. The information or answers to questions should be age-appropriate. Take into account the relationship dynamic each child has with his/her siblings and each of the parents.
As best as possible, you should shield them from the reality of what's happening. George advises that while you do have a responsibility to be honest with your child/children, you should strive to be age-appropriate in your conversations with them. They are caught in the middle, but they don't have to know every detail. There are adult matters and kid matters. Be judicious in an effort to protect them.
Dealing with Finances
You need to begin thinking about the financial impact. Begin with food and shelter. While you were together, there may have been two incomes. Going forward, you have only your income. How are you going to make that work? What might you need to make it work if the incomes are significantly different?
The value of engaging in divorce planning with your attorney is that he/she can help you to set realistic expectations, based on the law. You need to begin working through the issues, because in all reality, you may not get everything you want. There's a balance that needs to be struck.
George explains it's important to look at your assets and liabilities from a macro-level. Is real estate involved? How much money is in the bank accounts? Are there retirement accounts? What debts do you and your spouse currently have? Do specific assets or liabilities belong to entirely to one individual (i.e. non-marital)?
Now consider child support. How much will most-likely be paid and by whom? Will there be maintenance ("alimony") paid and by whom?
You need to begin gathering financial documentation. Are you the person in the marriage who handles the checkbook? It may be easier for you to get an accurate read on the current bills and balances. Do you know where the accounts are and do you have the passwords required to access them? At some point, you're going to need this information for all of your assets and liabilities. You're going to have some level of rights and responsibilities based on the financial information.
You may also want to gain access to the financial and investment accounts to protect yourself, should those funds suddenly disappear. The same would apply to an influx of credit card debt or cash expenditures.
Once you have a firm understanding of all of these factors, you can begin thinking about how it may play out during the divorce, and beyond. For instance, if children are involved, where are they going to live? Who's going to take them to/from school or extracurricular activities? How are you going to handle summertime? In Episode 4, George will focus on child custody and parenting time.
Documenting the Information
Once you have access, you'll need to document the information. Consider making copies or taking photos. George advises that you need to be mindful of how you interact with your spouse. Once both of you are aware of the impending divorce proceedings, things usually change.
When you begin talking about moving on or moving forward, expect that the dynamic in the household is going to change. The communication pattern is going to change. It may be easier to rely on texts or emails. For this reason, George recommends that you be careful what you put in writing. At the same time, you may need to document certain discussions in writing.
It's a good idea to document financial transactions and important dates. It's important to know your familial, financial history.
Remember to Take Care of Yourself
As an attorney with over 15 years of experience in family law and divorce, George understands the stress and emotional toll a divorce will place on someone. For this reason, taking care of yourself is very important. Seek help when you need it.
Begin to look for emotional support from friends, groups, family members and therapy.
Prepare to Move Forward
You need to remember to prepare for life after your divorce. What's it going to look like with your parental responsibilities, financial obligations and other issues. It's going to be different.
You and possible your child/children may not live in the same home, as you do now. There will be changes in the day-to-day activities and environment. Understand that you should prepare yourself for adjustments that may have to be made.
If you're a stay-at-home spouse, you may need to consider getting a job or beginning a career. Do you have a second vehicle or will you need to figure out transportation? Evaluate your financial situation to decide if you should rent or if you'll be able to buy another house. Will you need your own health insurance policy? Begin working on your budget.
In closing, George returns to the scenarios. If you're considering filing for divorce, begin the process of divorce planning so you can begin thinking through important issues. If your spouse has already filed for divorce, you may need to move more quickly.
Remember that you'll need to find ways to balance expectations, needs, emotions and many other factors, during and after your divorce. Rely on your attorney for perspective and to handle the legal issues. The entire process will eventually get resolved. It may take time, but you can and will get through it, especially if you have a plan.
Is It Time to Contact George?
If you answered yes, the best way is to reach out to him on his cell phone at (502) 640-9797. You can call and/or text him. He'll be happy to speak with you. You might want to listen to Episode 2 of the podcast to learn more about family law in general.
We hope you enjoyed today's episode. The information provided is not meant to be legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not establish an attorney-client relationship. However, if it is time for a lawyer, George is ready to listen. He'd appreciated it of you'd consider sharing this episode on your social media.
Going forward, we'll launch a new episode every other week. You can connect with George on the firm's Facebook page, on the website, as well as on Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts and other platforms.
Lamb & Lamb, PSC is located at 4310 Robards Lane, in Louisville. The office phone number is (502) 451-6881.
