We’ve seen the term “main character energy” all over social media. It’s the idea of stepping into your life with boldness, treating your daily existence like a cinematic masterpiece, and romanticizing even the smallest moments. The concept encourages people to walk into a room like they own it, wear what makes them feel amazing, and approach life with a strong sense of self-worth.

At first glance, that sounds like a great thing. But let’s pause and consider an alternative. What if main character energy isn’t always about authentic confidence?What if, for some, it’s actually a defense mechanism—a sign of unresolved trauma?

Stick with me as we explore the psychology behind this phenomenon and how to channel authentic self-worth instead of coping through performance. For a deeper dive, check out the latest episode of Mental Health Bites (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).

The Psychology of Main Character Energy and Trauma

When you grow up in an environment where love feels conditional—or where you have to constantly read the emotions of those around you to feel safe—you may develop hypervigilance, a state where your nervous system is always on high alert.

In childhood, this often looks like becoming “the perfect kid,” overachieving, or adopting a charismatic, exaggerated personality to gain approval.

In adulthood, this can morph into behaviors like curating your entire identity for external validation, performing confidence instead of genuinely feeling it, or even using humor, fashion, or an outspoken personality as an emotional shield.

Psychologists have studied how childhood trauma impacts self-perception, and one major finding is that people who experience inconsistent validation early in life tend to develop a strong focus on how they’re perceived by others.

Research has shown that individuals with a history of childhood emotional neglect are more likely to develop a heightened self-consciousness—constantly monitoring how they are perceived and adjusting their behavior to fit social expectations. Additionally, people with unresolved trauma often experience chronic self-surveillance, constantly evaluating whether they are doing enough to be seen, appreciated, or valued.

This perfectly mirrors the curated, cinematic way main character energy is often portrayed online.

When we’re hypervigilant, we unconsciously try to control our environment by crafting a persona that ensures we are always seen, admired, and appreciated. It can feel like the safest way to exist. But deep down, this type of “confidence” is exhausting—because it’s built on performance, not inner security.

When Is Main Character Energy Healthy—and When Is It a Mask?

Here’s the big takeaway: Main character energy isn’t inherently bad. It can be fun, playful, and a great way to embrace life with enthusiasm.

But the key is knowing why you’re doing it.

Ask yourself:

* Am I expressing confidence, or am I crafting an image to be accepted?

* Do I feel exhausted when I’m not “on” for others?

* Am I prioritizing internal self-worth or external approval?

If main character energy helps you feel empowered in a genuine way—amazing. But if it feels like a constant effort to be perfect in the eyes of others, it may be time to explore what’s really driving that need.

How to Build Genuine Confidence

If you suspect your main character energy is more about performance than true self-assurance, here are three actionable steps to start building confidence from the inside out:

1. Practice Uncurated Living for a Day

Challenge yourself to spend a full day without performing—no filtering your words, no overthinking how you’re perceived, no adjusting your personality to fit in.

Instead, focus on simply being. Notice how it feels. Is there anxiety? Discomfort? If so, that’s okay—that’s just your nervous system adjusting to a more natural state.

Example:If you usually plan your outfits for social media-worthy moments, wear what feels natural instead.If you’re always the entertainer in social settings, try sitting back and observing. Just notice how it feels.

2. Daily Affirmation for Intrinsic Self-Worth

Every morning, ask yourself:“If no one was watching, what would I still love about myself today?”

This helps you tap into intrinsic self-worth, rather than relying on external validation.

Example:Instead of thinking, “I look great in this outfit,” shift your focus inward to:“I love my sense of humor, my resilience, or my kindness.”

3. Slow Down Your Responses

People who are stuck in hypervigilance often respond quickly, trying to anticipate what others want. Practice pausing before reacting.

Try this:Pause before you speak or react. Give yourself the space to respond in a way that feels authentic to you, not just what’s expected.

Example:Instead of immediately jumping in to say something witty or impressive in a conversation, take a moment to check in with how you actually feel before responding.

Putting It All Together

The goal of these practices is to help you feel at peace in your own presence, without the need to perform.

Try them out. Journal about what comes up. Reflect on whether your confidence feels like performance—or presence.

And if this resonated, share it with all the characters in your life who might need a breather and a chance to look inward.

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* I’m so excited to share that the New Rules of Attachment Paperback was just released on February 11!

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About me:

Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.

Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.

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