Is My Child Okay? Mental Health and Suicide Prevention

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, it's natural to worry about your child’s well-being. With all the challenges children face today—like school stress, peer pressure, and social media—knowing when something is not okay with their mental health can be tough. This resource will help you recognize signs of trouble, understand when to worry, and learn how to prevent suicide by having open conversations and knowing what to do in difficult situations.

How to Tell If Your Child Is Okay

It’s normal for children to have mood swings or be upset at times, especially as they grow and change. However, there are some signs that may indicate a bigger issue, like anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. Children and teens go through different stages of emotional and behavioral development, so mental health issues can show up differently depending on their age. Here's what to watch for in each stage:

Ages 5–10

In this age group, children are just beginning to develop social skills, build friendships, and manage their emotions. It’s normal for younger children to have occasional outbursts, but watch for:

• Excessive clinginess or fear: It’s normal for children to want comfort from their parents, but extreme or prolonged separation anxiety can signal deeper distress. This might show up as constantly needing to be close, prolonged difficulty at drop-off, distress even with a brief separation, or difficulty sleeping alone. 
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• Frequent temper tantrums: While tantrums are common in younger children, having them regularly at this age—especially if they’re intense or long-lasting—could indicate emotional struggles.
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• Withdrawing from play: If your child loses interest in playing with friends, engaging in hobbies, or participating in fun activities they used to enjoy, it might be a sign of anxiety or depression.
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• Physical complaints without a clear cause: Frequent headaches, stomachaches, or other physical issues that don’t seem to have a medical explanation could be a child’s way of expressing emotional pain.
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• Trouble concentrating or completing tasks: Difficulty focusing on schoolwork, constant daydreaming, or falling behind in academic performance could point to attention issues or emotional distress.

If you notice any of these behaviors lasting for more than a few weeks, having a conversation with your child or a healthcare provider may be helpful.

Ages 11–14

Children/teens ages 11-14 experience many emotional ups and downs as they navigate puberty, peer pressure, and school changes. But some signs can suggest more serious mental health concerns, such as:

• Significant mood swings: Hormones can cause irritability, but extreme or constant mood swings that disrupt daily life might signal anxiety or depression.
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• Social isolation: If your child/teen starts withdrawing from friends or avoids social activities, this could be a red flag, especially if they previously enjoyed these interactions.
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• Changes in school performance: A sudden drop in grades, difficulty focusing, or a lack of interest in school could mean your child/teen is struggling emotionally.
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• Risky or defiant behavior: This could include sneaking out, breaking rules, or engaging in unsafe activities. While pushing boundaries is normal at this age, extreme defiance may be a sign of distress.
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• Body image issues or eating changes: Early teens may develop unhealthy views of their bodies, leading to disordered eating or fixation on weight or appearance. Sudden changes in appetite or weight are important to address.

If these behaviors are persistent or becoming more severe, don’t hesitate to check in with your child/teen and consider seeking guidance from a counselor or healthcare provider.

Ages 15–19

Teens are striving for independence and may seem more withdrawn or secretive as they develop their own identities. However, some behaviors could be signals of mental health struggles:

• Extreme irritability or anger: While it’s normal for teens to experience frustration, frequent explosive anger or irritability can indicate underlying issues, such as anxiety, depression, or even substance use.
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• Constant fatigue or changes in sleep: Sleeping too much or too little, staying up all night, or being tired all the time are common signs of mental health struggles like depression or anxiety.
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• Frequent self-criticism or low self-esteem: Teens who constantly put themselves down or seem overly self-critical may be dealing with deeper emotional pain.
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• Substance use: Experimenting with drugs or alcohol can be a sign that a teen is trying to cope with overwhelming emotions or mental health issues.
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• Withdrawing from family and friends: While some independence is normal, complete isolation from loved ones or a loss of interest in social activities can be a warning sign.
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• Engaging in risky behaviors: This might include dangerous driving, unsafe sexual behavior, or other impulsive actions. These behaviors can be a sign that your teen is struggling emotionally or feeling hopeless.

These behaviors don’t always mean something serious is going on, but if they last for weeks or seem to be getting worse, it might be time to step in and talk to your teen and consider seeking guidance from a counselor or healthcare provider.

When Should You Worry?

Some warning signs are more serious and can indicate that your child or teen is at risk of self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Watch for:

• talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
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• making statements like "I wish I were dead" or "Everyone would be better off without me."
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• engaging in risky or reckless behavior, like driving dangerously or experimenting with drugs
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• suddenly giving away personal belongings
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• withdrawing from family and friends completely
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• extreme changes in mood, including sudden calmness after being very upset (which can sometimes happen when someone has decided to end their life)

If you notice any of these signs, taking them seriously is important. Don’t wait—reach out for help. This might include reaching out to other adults in the child’s life, teachers, friends, family, or consulting with your healthcare provider. 

How to Talk to Your Child About Suicide

Asking your child or teen if they are feeling suicidal or thinking about hurting themselves might feel uncomfortable, but it’s one of the most important things you can do. Studies show that talking about suicide does not put the idea in someone’s head—it can actually help prevent it.

Here are some steps to start the conversation:

1. Choose the right time and place: Pick a quiet, private time to talk, away from distractions. Let your child know that you want to have an important conversation.
2. Be calm and direct: You might say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been really sad lately, and I’m worried about you. Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
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4. Listen without judgment: If your child opens up, stay calm. Don’t react with anger or shock. Let them share how they’re feeling and listen carefully. Your goal is to understand, not to immediately offer solutions.
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6. Offer support: Let your child know you are there for them, no matter what. You could say, “I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m here to help, and we’ll get through this together.”
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8. Seek professional help: If your child talks about wanting to harm themselves, it’s essential to get help right away. Reach out to a mental health professional or call a suicide prevention hotline. If your child takes any specific action to harm themselves, like taking a large quantity of medications, an immediate trip to the ER is appropriate. 

What Are the Warning Signs of Suicide?

Some warning signs that a child might be considering suicide include:

• talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
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• looking for ways to do so, like searching online or trying to access weapons or pills
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• talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or in unbearable pain
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• feeling like they are a burden to others
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• withdrawing from friends and family
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• acting anxious, agitated, or reckless
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• sleeping too little or too much
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• displaying extreme mood swings

If your child shows these signs, take immediate action. Contact a therapist or counselor, visit a hospital, or call a suicide prevention hotline.

How Can You Help Your Child?

Prevention starts with being there for your child. Here are some strategies that can help:

1. Encourage open communication: Let your child know it’s okay to talk about their feelings. Avoid being dismissive or making light of their concerns. Ask how they’re doing regularly and listen closely to their answers.
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3. Keep your home safe: If you’re worried about your child harming themselves, make sure to limit their access to dangerous items, such as medications, sharp objects, or firearms.
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5. Teach them coping skills: Help your child manage stress and difficult emotions by teaching them healthy coping strategies, such as journaling, exercising, talking to someone, or practicing mindfulness.
6. Encourage healthy habits: Regular exercise, healthy eating, and sleep can significantly impact mental health. Encourage your child to stay active, eat well, and get enough rest.
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8. Get professional support: Don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional if you are concerned. Therapists, counselors, and doctors can offer guidance and provide your child with tools to manage their feelings.

Understanding Self-Harm: What It Means and What to Do

Self-harm, such as cutting, burning, or scratching the skin, is a behavior some children and teens use to cope with overwhelming emotions. While self-harm doesn’t necessarily mean your child is suicidal, it is a serious issue that shouldn’t be ignored. For many parents, discovering that their child is engaging in self-harm can feel terrifying, but understanding why it happens and how to respond can make a huge difference.

Why Do Children and Teens Self-Harm?

Self-harm is often a way for children and teens to manage emotions they find hard to express. Some common reasons include:

• Emotional release: Self-harm can provide temporary relief from intense emotions like sadness, anger, or anxiety. It may be a way to release the emotional pressure they’re feeling.
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• Feeling in control: For some children, hurting themselves is a way to feel more in control of their emotions or environment, especially when other parts of life feel chaotic.
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• Numbing emotional pain: Physical pain from self-harm can sometimes feel easier to deal with than emotional pain.
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• A cry for help: While self-harm isn’t always a sign of suicidal thoughts, it is often a way to signal that they are struggling emotionally and don’t know how to ask for help.
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• Disconnection or numbness: Some children and teens feel emotionally "numb" and turn to self-harm as a way to feel something, even if it’s physical pain.

It’s important to remember that self-harm is rarely about wanting to die—it’s more about trying to cope. However, it’s still dangerous and can lead to serious injury, and in some cases, it can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts later.

What to Do If Your Child Is Self-Harming

If you discover your child self-harming, handling the situation with care and compassion is crucial. Here are some steps to take:

1. Stay calm: It’s natural to feel shocked or upset but try not to react with anger or panic. Staying calm will help your child feel safe and more willing to talk about what they’re going through.
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3. Open the conversation: Gently approach the topic by saying something like, “I’ve noticed some marks on your skin, and I’m really concerned. Can we talk about what’s going on?” Let them know you’re there to help, not to judge.
4. Listen without judgment: Your child may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their behavior. It’s important to listen and offer support rather than immediate solutions. Try to understand why they are self-harming and what emotions they’re trying to manage.
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6. Get professional help: Self-harm is a sign that your child needs additional support. Reach out to a mental health professional, such as a counselor or therapist, who can help your child learn healthier ways to cope with their emotions.
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8. Remove potential tools for self-harm: If your child is cutting, for example, try to limit their access to sharp objects. This won’t stop the underlying issue, but it can reduce the risk of injury while they get help.
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10. Encourage healthy coping mechanisms: Help your child find safer ways to manage difficult emotions. This might include journaling, drawing, exercising, or using stress-relief tools like squeezing a stress ball.

How to Support Your Child

It’s essential to reassure your child that you’re there for them, no matter what. Let them know it’s okay to struggle, and you’ll help them find healthier coping methods. Self-harm can be challenging to overcome, but with support and professional guidance, many children and teens can learn better ways of dealing with their feelings.

Remember, your response as a parent or someone in a parenting role can play a huge part in your child’s healing process. Stay patient, keep the communication lines open, and ensure they know they aren’t alone.

How to Help Your Child Cope in Healthier Ways

Part of addressing self-harm is helping your child find better strategies to cope with their emotions. Some alternatives include:

• Creative outlets: Encourage activities like drawing, journaling, or music, which can help them express their feelings in non-harmful ways.
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• Physical activity: Exercise, such as running, dancing, or even hitting a pillow, can provide an emotional release and help reduce stress.
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• Relaxation techniques: Teach your child mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation to help them calm their mind when feeling overwhelmed.
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• Talking to someone: Encourage them to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor when they’re feeling down.

Self-Harm and Suicide

While self-harm is not always linked to suicidal thoughts, it’s important to take the behavior seriously. Some children who self-harm may also be experiencing suicidal ideation, or they may eventually turn to more dangerous actions if their emotional pain continues to build. If you’re worried that your child is thinking about suicide, don’t hesitate to ask them directly, just as you would with any other mental health concern.

Conclusion

Self-harm is a cry for help, not attention, and it signals that your child is dealing with emotional pain they can’t handle alone. By approaching the situation with empathy, having open conversations, and seeking professional support, you can help your child move away from self-harming behaviors and towards healthier coping strategies. 

Your child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health. By paying attention to warning signs, keeping communication open, and taking action when necessary, you can help protect them from harm. Remember, it’s always better to talk openly about these issues than to avoid them. If you’re ever unsure, trust your instincts and seek help early. Your support can make a world of difference in your child’s life.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2024). Is My Child Okay? Mental Health and Suicide Prevention. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

© 2024 Center for Health and Safety Culture at Montana State UniversityThis content does not necessarily reflect the views or policies of the Tools for Your Child’s Success communities, financial supporters, contributors, SAMHSA, or the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.